Chapter 9: Silver Screen
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---D-Day+69, Daroine 13th---

"They really did it!  You maniacs!  You blew it up!"

Confused harem is confused.

“Jon-kun?” "Darling?" "Master?" “Husband?” "Jon?" 

For the record, I would like to state that it's hot.  Really hot.  And humid.  Like pea soup humid.  You know.  Where you’re constantly sweating and your clothes stick to you.  Just not comfortable.

And the farther down we go?  The worse it gets.

Maybe the folks who live here get used to it.  Not like they have much choice.  And the adventurers who work in these dungeons?  Maybe they bring fans.  Like those little clip on ones.

Lots and lots of fans.

I don't have a fan.  But I do have a butler.  And a Frankie.  Thanks to not-sebastian’s mysterious [Butler Magic] we are kept well supplied with cool refreshing drinks.  And thanks to Frankie’s, my cult’s ex-princess ex-oracle high priestess, [Wind Magic].  A cooling breeze is constantly circling us.

Doesn’t take care of everything but it really helps.

We’ve been hauling ass thru this dungeon, "The Fallen Labyrinth of Qrephine."  Looking for a clue about who tried to kidnap my son with a summoning ritual that accidentally grabbed me instead.  Well, the Demon King said there’s one here.  But he could be lying.

Though if Frankie’s right?  Stealing my son was actually a trick to get Tourin to gather the resources and begin the spell.  I was the real target all along.

Why?  Don’t know.  Probably some save, or end, the world shit.  If the trope fits...

But?  We’ve been here for like four or five days already and only have three days left.  Classes start next week and most of my harem is really looking forward to it.  So better not be late.

For my wives?

Red, my knocked up knight, and Frankie want to show me off.  I am technically a Viscount plus card carrying Gold-ranked Swordmage-class adventurer after all.  Well, necromancer too but swordmage is a lot rarer so sounds more impressive.

Blue wants to show herself off.  This daughter of the ducal house Chastel was mana-less and had contracted leprosy.  In the process of curing that disease I somehow gave her oodles of mana.  So she got an exception and is getting a Stormgarde Academy do-over to learn magic.

For my concubines?  Yeah I call them wives but they are “legally” considered “concubines.”  What’s the difference?  Something to do with rights and inheritance.  You’d have to ask them.  Too many “if this then that” to remember.

Lili, my noble blooded milf secretary turned into a widow by dragons.  Seeing her daughter, Clari, attend the second most prestigious school in Tourin is a dream come true.  They could never have afforded it back when she was that remote village lord’s wife.

Oda and Sim, two Stormgard teachers turned into sex slaves by a fellow teacher’s [Charm Magic].  They are on a quest to prove they can be “good” teachers again.  The mind nurturing instead of dick devouring kind.  Need to prove it to themselves as much as everyone else.

And for my “Plus 1” Hitomi?  This japanese high school girl and shinobi otaku super spy member of the Aquecian Heroes desperately wants to get her school life back.  Her fellow oriental summonees may not have been big school-life fans.  But she was.

Stormgarde Academy’s weird fantasy-modern mix.  Caused by them trying to fulfill another japanese heroine’s dreams.  Though posthumously.  Is a gift from heaven for my JK mistress.

So...  Yeah, really can’t afford to fuck around.  Even though I spent an entire day doing just that.  Sigh.  Okay.  First?  Get to the bottom.  Second?  Find the MacGuffin.  Third?  Get out.  Simple.

Except there just happens to be a whole dungeon full of nasties and beasties who really don’t want us getting to the bottom.  Yep.  Not so simple.

Again though.  Thank god for necromancy and my ocean of mana.  Instead of the classic “expedition” style dungeoneering?  Where dozens of adventurers and porters slowly work their way deep into the earth?  My dungeon delving strategy could be called, “full scale invasion.”

Started out with over a thousand undead.  But with so many eager recruits?  Who even bring their own weapons to the interviews?  Well, Barton Industries has gone on a hiring spree.  Have about five thousand new employees doing their best to make Operation MacGuffin a success.

Inspiring stuff.

Honestly I’m not sure what the count is up to now.  Regularly cruise the front lines and toss a [Rise] here and there.  Making new undead and bringing back the re-dead.  My generals and captains have been very good at gathering and sorting the new hires.

Meaning, for me and the girls, it’s been a pretty relaxing trip.  Shit, we just broke through to floor forty of a dungeon that only has forty-one floors.  Guess it will be smooth sailing from here, right?

Did anyone else just notice that flag?  Nah, probably nothing.

Two flags?

So why am I on my knees screaming?  Well, you see, there’s a head on the ground in front of me.  And a hand.  Well, more like a hand and wrist.  With the hand gripped around a handle.  A big handle.  Well, all of them are big actually.  And stone.

I’ve seen lots of crazy, would not expect to see miles underground, shit on this trip.  And right now?  We are in a big cavern that’s lined with statues.  Humongous statues.  All fairly damaged too.

In front of me is the head of one of these big ass statues.  Fallen to the ground.  With the wrist, hand, and handle next to it.  Looking vaguely Statue of Liberty-esque.

So familiar, in fact, that I just couldn’t stop myself from doing a Charlton.  No, not the dance.

Unfortunately my harem is not as hip as I am, poor girls, so they don’t get the pop culture reference.  Wait, my plus one should!

“Hey Hitomi!  You know this scene, right?”

She looks at me, confused.  Must just need her memory jogged a little.

“You know. The monkey movie!  Where the chimps have guns?”

Yep, can see she remembers it now.  That’s my reliable JK gir-

“The one with that sexy guy who was in the spider movie?”



“Yeah, he was the green guy in the spider movie.  Wow, he was so hot.  Bought a poster of him that day.”

Wait.  What’s that dreamy look about?  Is she drooling?

“No no no no, not that crappy reboot.  I’m talking about the real monkey movie!”

She looks confused again.  Come on japanese high school girl.  You got this.

Hooray!  There’s the “oh” look!

“You mean the one with the rapper!  My mom saw him in concert once.  Fufu.  She had such a crush.  Marky got muscles she used to say.”

Hey.  D-don’t nod your head like that.  And stop drooling!

“N-no, honey.  The real movie.  You know, with Charlton Heston?”

The poor girl who somehow doesn’t yet appreciate the giants of the silver screen.  Tilts her head to the side and looks at me like I’ve grown a second head.

“Charlton Hest-?  Uh, Jon-kun?  How old are you?”


That glass cracking is the sound, I imagine, my heart is making right now.  Just because I like some relatively not new movies doesn’t mean I’m old.  Nor does being told that (sniff) by a hot JK girl (sob) hurt.  Like, at all.


I mean, yeah, I’m old.  So what?  Old people can be cool too, you know.  What matters is how young you feel.  Right?  Yep.  I’m young at heart!  Though the women I knew back then, mistakenly, referred to it as “immature.”

Guess my suddenly crippled pride showed up on my face too because Hitomi’s expression changed to a doting motherly one.

“Oh, Jon-kun...”  Swoops in and gives me a super needed hug.  “It's okay if my big strong man likes movies from when every starlette had turns on the casting couch.”

Her arms wrap around my head.  Easy for her since I am still kneeling.  Her boobs may not be big?  But they still feel nice on my face.

“Really?”  Sniff.  “You’re not just saying that?”

Love how tender her ass feels in my hands.  Tight and springy.  My heart needs these squeezes for, uh, healing reasons.  Yeah, that’s it.

“Of cour- ahn.”  Start nibbling on her nipples.  “J-Jon-ku- ung.  H-how can I con-convince y-you?”

Don’t need scooby to solve that mystery toots.  Guess I’ll just have to remind her how good a classic monkey like me can be.  Feed her my banana.  Ladies need plenty of potassium to stay healthy don’t you know.

With a good firm grip on her ass I stand up.  Picking her up with me.  Hmm…  Tents aren’t setup so I guess this will have to be a carriage orgy.  Well, sometimes you gotta make sacrifices.

Yes, I’m that selfless.

Take a gander at the harem to see if they are ready.  Some are clearly aroused.  Others embarrassed.  Even Foxy’s eyes, the beastkin Adventurers Guild spy, are glazed over and she’s panting.

Funnily enough the only one not horny and or shy?  Is Mila.  My muscular one armed beastkin sword maiden just looks confused.  Well, she’s still new.  Isn’t used to harem life yet.

Start mentally planning out my attack.  Going to alternate the living and undead girls again.  Switching back and forth between hot and cold spices things up a bit.  Maybe I should have my vampire mistress Val make some more vamp chicks.  Are there any other hottie types of the non living persuasion?

Will have to ask Frankie about that.

Hitomi’s come back to her senses enough to realize what’s happening, and what I’m rubbing, out where everyone can see.  How bright red her face, and puffed out her cheeks, gets is so adorably cute.   Her tiny fists again protest my bullying.  But only a little bit.

Let’s make some babies-


Whoa.  That was fast.

“Papa!” “Papa!” “Papa!”

Oh, yeah, those aren’t my babies.  The beastkin rugrats my Shadow Paladin, Emelina, brought back with Mila are running at me full tilt.  Mila’s sister, Otti, is of course with them.

I don’t know why but despite the maids’ best efforts?  Or maybe because of.  Those sneaky so and so’s.  The hairy munchkins have started calling me “papa.”


Geesh.  The ankle biters aren’t even mine and they’re cock blocking.  Hmm…  May have to ship them off.  Do they have boarding schools on this planet?  Oh, yeah, where the fuck are they going to stay when we get back?

They sure as shit ain’t staying in the Grand Suite.  Are there any kids living in Lions Keep?

“Papa!  Come see!  So pretty!”

Otti is the self-proclaimed and uncontested leader of the brat pack, so she takes the initiative to get my attention.

“Papa!  Please?”

Don’t give me those puppy dog eyes, little girl.  Papa’s trying to get some here.

Hitomi, who is still being carried by me.  Leans over and whispers in my ear.

“Go ahead, Jon-kun.  Show your lovers again how fine a father you will be.”  But?  “We are all so proud of you.”



“Okay.  Lead the way Otti.  Show papa what you’ve found.”

As I’m dragged away by the too eager younglings.  And followed by a now giggling harem.  I give a farewell look at the carriage that was about to be my happy humpland jamboree.


Barton, Alote (female, human, tourinese)

  • Wife of Jon Barton
    • 3rd Wife
    • Blacksky Coil Ring
  • Formerly Chastel, Alote
  • 5'5", 22 years
    • rectangle body, oval face, medium close set breasts, small square butt
    • blue eyes, long curly blond hair, ringlets, fair skin
  • Lady of Lianlaf
    • Title-less
  • Former Viscountess of Chastel
  • Magic
    • Air (bsc), Water (bsc), Light (bsc)
  • Student
    • Stormgarde Academy
    • 1st Year
  • Lover
    • Edelys Barton
  • Cured Illness
    • Leprosy
  • “Ali,” “Blue”

Barton, Edelys (female, human, tourinese)

  • Wife of Jon Barton
    • 1st Wife
    • Blacksky Coil Ring
  • Pregnant
    • Father, Jon Barton
    • 2 months
  • Formerly Gilend, Edelys
  • 6'2", 22 years
    • rectangular body, rectangle face, large athletic breasts, small square butt
    • hazel eyes, short curly red hair, fair skin.
  • Viscountess of Lianlaf
    • Lions Keep
  • Former Baroness of Gilend
  • Magic
    • Fire (int)
  • Melee
    • Long Sword (adv)
    • Lance (adv)
  • Knight Vice Captain
    • Black Hart
  • “Red,” “Edel,” “Knight-wife”

Barton, Lilias (female, human, tourinese)

  • Concubine of Jon Barton
    • 1st Concubine
    • Blacksky Coil Ring
  • Formerly Sothea, Lilias
    • Formerly Gilend, Lilias
  • 5'8", 31 years
    • bottom hourglass body, triangle face, large bell shape breasts, large square butt
    • hazel eyes, long straight brown hair, fair skin
  • Lady of Sothea
    • Title-less
  • “Lili,” “Milf”

Barton, Odaline (female, human, tourinese)

  • Concubine of Jon Barton
    • 2nd Concubine
    • Blacksky Coil Ring
  • Formerly Lilevo, Odaline
  • 5'9" 29 years
    • top hourglass body, heart face, large side set breasts, large round butt
    • brown eyes, long straight blonde hair, fair skin
  • Professor
    • Stormgarde Academy
    • Tellus Magic
  • Half Dead
    • Living Shadow
      • Margo
  • “Oda,” “Oda-Mar”

Barton, Simone (female, human, tourinese)

  • Concubine of Jon Barton
    • 3rd Conucbine
    • Blacksky Coil Ring
  • Formerly Regniar, Simone
  • 5'5" 24 years
    • hourglass body, diamond face, medium tear drop breasts, medium heart butt
    • blue eyes, long straight black hair, beige skin
  • Lecturer
    • Stormgarde Academy
    • Lumen Magic
  • Half Dead
    • Living Shadow
      • Ferra
  • Divorced
    • Kaoln Regniar
    • 1 boy, 1 girl
      • Kaoln has custody
  • “Sim,” “Sim-Fer”

Barton, Ushinua (female, elf-human, tourinese)

  • Wife of Jon Barton
    • 2nd Wife
    • Blacksky Coil Ring
  • Reborn
    • Formerly Angelles, Avalina Faphyri
  • 5'0", 18 years
    • hourglass body, heart face, large round breasts, large round butt
    • purple eyes, straight long white hair, dark grey skin, long swept out ears
  • Lady of Lianlaf
    • Title-less
  • Magic
    • Dark (adv), Water (int), Air (bsc)
  • Melee
    • Dagger (bsc), Wand (bsc)
  • “Ushi,” “Frankie,” “Priest-wife”

Chigusa, Hitomi (female, human, japanese)

  • the Shadow
  • Mistress of Jon Barton
  • 5'2", 16 years
  • Aquecian hero
    • Shadow Mistress
  • Magic
    • Dark (int)
  • Melee
    • Short Sword (adv)
  • Adventurer
    • Gold ranked
    • Scout class
  • Disguise
    • Hanneman, Livina Leltius (female, human, aquecian)
  • Student
    • Stormgarde Academy
    • 1st Year
  • “Hero in disguise,” “Thief hero,” “Ninja girl,” “Shinobi girl,” “Japanese high school girl,” “JK mistress”

Emelina (living shadow (female, human, tourinese))

  • Shadow Paladin
    • Former Paladin
      • Universal Church of Metia
  • Captain
    • Death Legions
  • Melee
    • Great Sword (adv)
  • Magic
    • Dark (bsc)
  • "Eme"

Mimchau (female, beastkin, barbarian)

  • of the Sholmoc
  • 5'6", 33 years
    • red eyes, reddish orange fur, white skin, fuzzy swept up ears, fluffy triple tail
  • Assistant Guild Master
    • Adventurers Guild
      • Pearlden
  • Sister of Gaizo
  • "Foxy"

Miyula (female, beastkin, barbarian)

  • of the Jodu
  • 5'4", 19 years
    • light blue eyes, blue-black fur, grey skin, fuzzy swept up ears, fuzzy tail
  • Sister of Otti
  • Half Dead
    • Living Shadow
      • Emelina
  • "Mila," "Eme-Mila"

Otti (female, beastkin, barbarian)

  • of the Jodu
  • 4'1", ? years
    • yellow eyes, spotted black fur, grey skin, fuzzy swept up ears, fuzzy tail
  • Sister of Miyula

Provion, Harin (male, human, tourinese)

  • Butler
    • Grand Suite
      • Lions Keep
  • Subordinate of House Lianlaf
  • Magic
    • Butler (mst)
  • "Butler," "Not-sebastian"

Valaine (vampire (female, human, tourinese))

  • Mistress of Jon Barton
  • 4’2”, 100? years
  • Parent
    • Helmo Alvingham
      • Deceased
  • Children
    • Ermina(f), Gennati(f), Iona(f), Nicole(f), Rykelen(f), Zilva(f)
  • Dhampir?
    • Drank Jon Barton's blood
    • No longer affected by sunlight
  • “Val,” “Littlest Vampire”