“... you see Lady Tromari?”  “Did you hear Prince Conrad dueled that handsy senior…”

I am Viscount Jon Barton.  The Black Lion.  Lord of Lions Keep.  Isekai Warrior from Another World.

“I was there and…”  “... the new Lecturer in Tellus?”

And I?  Am under siege.

“... grade S husband material.”  “That move the prince did to end the…”

Sixth, and last, period of my first day at Isekai School.  And its been a long one.  Want to go back to Lions Keep and let the harem scrub me clean.

Day one and the golddiggers are already circling.  A teacher is already dead.  Ugh.  At least lamer saruman isn’t fighting me on finding papa god’s tomb.

Library staff and Animal House are scouring the archives, again.  Mister Dibs has the Adventurer’s Guild going through their records.  So the smart thing for me to do, is wait.

And while I’m waiting?

“... make such a cute couple.”  “Oh?  Do you really…”

Surrounded.  Flanked.  Cutoff behind enemy lines.

No matter which way I look.  Open inviting jackets.  Leaning forward mostly unbuttoned cleavage highlighting shirts.  Short colored skirts.  Begging you to pull them down knee high socks.

No hope of resupply.  Prison guards alert and wary.  May have to tunnel out.

If I don't survive.  Tell my wife, “hello.”

Femputer sentences me to, death!  By snoo snoo!

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

Keep it together man!

I’m in Room 121, Arithmetic I.  We are on the east side of the building and as the sun gets lower the shadows get longer.  Today’s salty aired breeze has gotten a little stronger.  Shifting the perfumed scents being worn around me and cycling through their flowery scents.

Arithmetic I is the basic “math is math” class.  And with math being part of the entrance exam?  No one in here should have trouble with it.

Which is why everyone tries to get it knocked out, or in this case maybe knocked up, during first year.  So we got a full house.

Then why is half the classroom empty?

Because all the students are crowded into a couple of rows on one side of the room.  The couple of rows behind me.  And they are all chatting..

So… Much… Talking…

Wait, behind me?  The Delinquent of Stormgarde Academy is not in the back row of the classroom?  Why, you ask?

Because Milti’s wheelchair doesn’t handle the stairs in these first floor, theater seating style, classrooms very well.

Milti?

Yep, Miltinnia Alnus, daughter of the merchant Kamern Alnus.  Manager of the Moderca Trade Company’s Pearlden office and a “Shade,” covert intelligence agent of the Aquecian Heroes.

And this spy’s daughter has the hots for me.  Like, super hots.

Milti is also a “Half-Dead.”  Close enough to one of my Living Shadows, Juri, that they are able to “merge.”  Two souls in one body providing enough mana to, temporarily, give the wheelchair bound girl legs again.

Only a few of my Living Shadows have found partners they can become Half-Deads with.  While half-deads are stronger, more powerful, than living shadows.  They are also slower and more vulnerable.

Basically?  Its a trade off.  But for amputees like Milti?  Getting your limbs back, even if its just for a few hours at a time, is a godsend.

Now with [Drain] and a large supply of mana stones?  I can finally regrow limbs.  But each time consumes a fortune’s worth of stones and is exhausting.

Milti shot my offer down too.  According to her, “wheelie” is part of her identity now.  She is very proud of what she’s accomplished despite her handicap and I agree she should be.  Says its also a way of honoring her mother’s sacrifice.

I sort of get it, I guess.

Plus it lets her use the sympathy angle to be pretty shameless sometimes.

“... so jealous of our class president.”  “Would love to be on that…”

Completely shameless.

“Sisters, do not give up the fight.”  Rests her head against my chest.  “My beloved has room in his grand heart for many women.”

Sigh.

Now, if you haven't figured it out yet.  The teach is running late and Milti complained her cute rear was sore from sitting in that wheelchair all day.  Completely coincidentally, of course, my lap was determined to be the perfect cure for her aching ass.

So I am sitting in the front row instead of the back.  While Frankie, Red, and even Mila, do diddly squat to save me.  Looking downright entertained even by my predicament.  And Milti is using me as her throne to hold court with the rest of the class.

Even the few boys, I wonder what the Stormgarde boy-girl ratio is, have been drawn in to this impromptu audience with the first year’s unofficial queen.  Everyone happily jabbering away about nothing, anything, and everything.

Plus with their queen’s encouragement?  Way too many girls are looking at me like I’m a dessert they absolutely must get a taste of.

Not saying there's anything wrong with young and fresh, ready and willing, academy girls showing me way too much cleavage and skirts which magically appear to get shorter and shorter each time I look.

But…  You see…  Oh, who am I trying to kid anyways?  Isekai sex is awesome!

“Miltinnia.”  A girl beside me speaks up.  “Stop teasing our lady sisters.  I’ve heard enough complaints today about ruined underwear.”

Fortunately, to help keep the dragon inside my pants, I have another friend here too.  Clari, daughter of my number one milf Lili, is also taking this class.

Lili and Clari were among the survivors of the village we fought the dragons in.  Wife and daughter of the local lord.  Clari’s brother is now one of my living shadows and a “speaker.”  One who retains the ability to communicate with words.

Her father’s soul passed over before I could raise it.

While Milti bonded with Juri and becomes the half-dead Milti-Juri.  I recently discovered that Clari has bonded with her brother, Perrin.  Becoming the half-dead Clari-Peri.

And yes, you sick bastards, I checked.  Clari-Peri do not grow a shadow weenie like Milti-Juri grow shadow leggies.

Confusingly, Clari is considered my daughter and sister.  Sort of.  As I understand it, since I’ve been adopted into the senior branch of House Lianlaf.  Who my children are, matters.  Impacts inheritance type stuff.

Well it would if Lili was a “wife.”  Doesn’t since she’s a “concubine.”  A concubine’s kids are considered part of their hubby’s family.  But are not considered part of the House or “branch” daddy belongs too.

At least I think that’s the way it works.  Might have to get Lili to explain it again.

Well, anywho, Lili really really wanted me to recognize Clari as my sister instead of my daughter.  And while I’m sure it sounded good at the time?  Seems awfully suspicious in hindsight.

And since she is also Lili’s daughter?  That makes Clari both my daughter and sister.

Whew… 

Welcome to Isekai Alabama!  Where you too can be your own grandpa!¹https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7La1agJGxMc

“You are so big, daddy-  Oops, I mean, brother.”

Clari rubs my arm as she leans into my side.  Chatting happily with Milti.  Who is fooling nobody as she keeps claiming that wiggling her tight ass on my lap?  Is just her trying to get more comfortable.

Then her sticking a hand down my pants to “help” Milti get comfortable.  Finally clues me in that Clari may not be much aid in suppressing wheelchair girl’s growing libido.

“Class?”  Finally!  “Please take your seats!”

In a coordinated maneuver that would impress even Patton’s 3rd Army and Rommel’s Afrika Korps.  Cleavages vanish, well at least shrink somewhat, as white shirts suddenly button up.  While super short panty revealing colored skirts magically change back to reaching further down their thighs.

Have I been saved by the bell?  Or, in this case, the teach?

Like a wave, the rest of the classroom gets its students back and aside from heart filled glances?  Everyone is now paying attention to the teacher.  Who gives me an accusing look, sighs, and then proceeds.

Dude, give me some credit.  Not like I was going to start humping honeys right here.  Probably.

“Forgive my tardiness.”  Starts chalking the blackboard.  “I am Professor Franquet Blaide and I will be your guide through the world of arithmetics.”

Geesh, its medieval land, what’s so hard about one plus one.

“Naturally most of you will already be accomplished in this field.”  Duh, I took algebra.  Not that I remember any of it.  “So please take out your abacus.”  My what now?

“Here you go, master.”

“Oh, uh, thank you, Frankie.”

My priest-wife hands me a stick with strings and beads while Prof starts chalking various shapes on the board and the class starts moving beads back and forth on the two sticks with strings.

*clack* *clack* *clack* *clack*

Oh, I remember this thing!  It was in the room where I took the math part of the exam.  Hold on a minute.  That wasn’t a toy to play with after we finished?

“Now notice on this multiplication how the inverse can also be a factor.”

Heads around the room nod, knowingly.

Uh…

A butt wiggles on my lap.

“Oh, I am sorry my love.  Is my tushy in your way?”  Wiggle wiggle.  “Please let this always ready for you baby oven assist today.”  Wiggle wiggle.

*clack* *clack* *clack* *clack*

Milti smoothly starts moving beads around my stringed sticks while chalking lines and numbers with arcs on them on our boards.

Wait.  Is that a number line?

This?  This is?!  Isekai Common Core Math!

…

Noooooooooooo!!!

…

I am so fucked.