---D-Day+92, Daroine 31st, Saturday Morning---

---Lions Keep, Grand Suite, Baths---

*chu* *mwa*

“Thank you, Daisho.”

“Master?  Please?”

“Of course Frankie.”

*squeeze* *chu*

Oh yeah, this is the way to spend a lazy Saturday morning.

*blegh*

Well, some of the way.

“Honey?  Red?  You okay?”

“Jon?  Do I look okay!?  Oh Metia-”

*blegh*

Yeah, she’s probably fine.  Right now my pregnant knight-wife is occupying the Grand Suite’s outhouse and putting its mystery plumbing to the test.

Rule number one of dealing with morning sickness?  Beware the splash zone.  Staying out of arm's reach is kind of wrapped up into that too.

So the harem and I are having our post breakfast bath.  Close enough to provide emotional support.  Far enough to avoid having my arm ripped off and getting beaten to death with it.

Yeah, the prego-hormones are not on my side today.

“It's okay Red, you look beautiful!”

“I…  I do-?”

*blurgh*

Rule number two?  Lie.

“Husband?”

“Yes love?”

“I hate yo-”

*blegh*

Lie like your life depends on it.

*urp*

“How could you do this to me?!”

*bleurgh*

Because it just might.

In hindsight?  Knocking up a well trained, well armed, and armored, lady knight may have not been the smartest move.  But, in my defense?  She let me.

Morning sickness hasn’t started for Frosty yet and that may turn out to be an even bigger mistake.  The damage Stormgarde’s Dean of Magical Studies could do in the midst of prego-rage?

Probably scary.

Probably very scary.

Now, from what I recall, morning sickness can happen during the second, third, and fourth months.  For some pregnancies it barely registers.  For others it knocks her on her ass.

Red’s in her third Ipran month of pregnancy, so she may have a ways to go.  The local remedy is more fruits and veggies, less meats, for your meals.

Now I have no idea if that works.  But I bet she’s regretting the greasy sausage mood she was in for breakfast.  No, not my greasy sausage.  Though, if you think about it?  This is my greasy sausage’s fault.

*pat* *pat*

“Edy?  Darling’s right.”  Gentle intimate back rubs.  “You are glowing right now.”

Guess Blue knows about rule number two, too.

“Love you Aly…  Aly?  Hurt husband for me-”

Hehe.  Prego-Red is such a kidder… I hope.

“There there, Edelys.”  A cold wet cloth wipes Red’s sweaty face.  “I myself was terribly sick when Ali was in my belly.”  Snickers to herself.  “Spent an entire week sleeping next to the toilet.”

“Mother…”

“Hush, Ali.”  Gives Blue a pointed stare.  “Your blessed lover knows this test is worthy of her.  In just a few short months she will deliver our husband’s firstborn.”  Dreamy look.  “A priceless honor.”

“Th-thank you, mo-mo-moth-”

*BLEGH*

Wow.  She’s not empty yet?  Oh, yeah, most of the harem is in the baths “next” to the latrine.  While Blue and Mel, Blue’s mom, are doing what they can to comfort Red.  Mommy ex-duke has joined her daughter in mother henning the hell out of my knight-wife.

Mel’s entry into the harem has added another weird dynamic to it.  She’s treating me as her husband and Red as a sort of son-in-law.  This gets much weirder and I’ll end up my own grandpa.¹https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7La1agJGxMc

Realized pregnancy is a bit different here too once I started questioning the doctor types more.  On Earth, 280 days is the average length of a pregnancy.  But on Ipra?  Around 250-260 days.  Eight Iprean months instead of nine Earth months.

Why?  No clue.

Looking at the calendar makes that… mid Xoranic.  That’s Ipran November.  So lots of furs for the baby gifts registry at Isekaimart.

Man, really need to block off some time for good oyakodon mother-daughter action.  Since the sisters' threesome?  It's been only foursomes, fivesomes, or even moresomes.

I know, it's rough but I manage.  Somehow.

*splash* *drip*

Water ripples as my chocolate angel, and her massive torpedoes, rise from beneath the waves before me.

“The royal penis is clean, your highness.”

Yes!  Perfect!

Still think that’s Eddie’s best movie.  And, yes, I taught her to say that.

“Thank you Lula.”

While my mocha momma-to-be gets a deep kiss for her reward and continues washing my front?

“This is a dream come true for you, pervert.”  Sounds in my ear like a whisper.  “Isn’t it Jon-kun?”

JK girl’s got my back.

Yep, got Lula in front of me.  Hitomi behind me.  Frankie on my left.  And Big Ji on my right.

Fucking paradise, brother.

*bleurehurehgh* *cough* *urp*

“Metia save me…”

“Edy?  Honey?”  Blue’s a bit shocked.  “Just how much sausage did you eat?”

Well, almost paradise.

And what about the rest of my girls?  While this may be a private bath?  That doesn’t mean it's tiny.  The ladies are spread across the tubs, benches, and tables.  Some lounging, some giving each other rub downs, and most looking Red’s way with sympathy.

All giving me hungry glances like they desperately want to be next.

*blargh*

Seriously.  Women are puzzling, and frightening, creatures.

Oh, yes, I did say Hitomi.  Though she bailed on me most of the week?  And stayed pretty mum even when she was around?  To the point I honestly thought she was going to bolt, runaway bride style?  Yesterday, she stayed the night.  Gratefully taking whatever the other girls let her get.

And thanks to Red’s performance of Vomitorium, the Musical, taking three out of the running?  Was even able to snag my back for bath time.  And, yes, you can practically hear Mila’s teeth grinding over it.

Panther girl, Hitomi’s self-proclaimed rival, clearly hoped the Aquecian thief-hero was on her way out.

This japanese high school girl though?  Has changed.  A lot more reserved now.  Maybe “humble” is a better word for it.  Was really starting to come into her own, I thought.  Declaring her turf and fighting for it.

Seeing her withdrawn this much?  Kind of hurts my heart.

Speaking of hearts, still need to have a one to one with the femme fatale.  Discuss where we stand.  Really like her, but?  Her people hurt my girls.  Hurt me.  And she was supposedly clueless?  This isn’t a LitRPG.  I’ve got zero plot armor here.

At least I better not with how much my ass has been getting kicked.  If I do?  This world’s a lot more fucked up than even I was imagining.

Well, that’s an issue for later.  Agrag wanted to show me something in the shop but since we are delayed due to Red’s stomach pumping?  Might as well check out what’s behind door number two.

“Li?”

Like her sister Ji, the fantasy china princess, Little Li, has moved into the Grand Suite.  And you can probably hear her retinue’s conniption fit over it all the way too Drasritor.

Yep, starting to get a wee bit cramped on my emperor-size bed.  Thank god construction is starting next week.

Crap, forgot to mention.  The head of the architect guild did draw up the plans himself.  He considers Lions Keep an “unfinished masterpiece.”

Turns out the keep was going to be two stories taller than it is.  Wars, famines, etc… got in the way of ever finishing it.  So they finally gave up and just capped what they had.  Later on adding the Grand Suite.

Meaning?  The roof has plenty of structural support for pretty much whatever I want to do with it.  And with about half my dragon corpse money left?  Going to be fancy shmancy when finished in a couple months.

And how much of a spoiled ass do I sound like, when I’m worried how the place will look when the ten story tall north tower is only thirty feet taller than an eight, instead of six, story keep?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Ugh.

Oh well, the original plans for this place are pretty interesting.  Like the north tower was supposed to be even taller and there was also supposed to be a south tower.  But I’ll come back to that later.

“Yes, xingan?”

Li was having a chat with Lili and Oda in the pool near me.  When she heard me calling?  Spun around fast water was sent flying.

God what a cutie.  And about glowing too.  No, she’s not pregnant.  Just looks thrilled to be here.  Big Ji said it's because she feels “free” here.  Yeah, I don’t get it either.

Course, like the rest of us, she’s naked so her boobs do this wonderful dance back and forth.

Hypnotizing it is.

*ahem*

“Li, you mentioned levels of cultivation before but haven’t gone into much detail.”  She eagerly nods.  “Mind sharing more now?”

“Shi!  Xingan.”  Did she just wink at me?

Young Li does one of those cool kung fu salute things with fist in palm and bows to me.  Which, honestly, loses a lot of its impact when you’re naked with bouncing boobies.  Gets out of the tub and stands at the end where everyone can see her.

Dog-girl maid brings over a bathrobe and helps Li put it on so she won’t get cold.

“Xingan.”  Can see the pride in her stance and face.  “The ancestors discovered a path, a dao, to becoming greater, stronger.”  Eyes sweep the audience.  “Following this path will not only improve your health, but also expand your lifespan.”

Hear a couple of snorts from the harem.  Even a distant one from Red.  But Little Li is unfazed.

“A different way to use mana than other peoples.  So different that we chose to use the dragon’s word for mana, Qi.”  Such confidence.  “If you follow the path all the way to its end?  Immortality, godhood, awaits.”

Red scoffs from the outhouse.

“Godhood?  Ha!  More yan non-nonse-oh god.”

*blegh*

Young Li looks fondly at her sick harem sister.

“Yes, lady Edelys, immortality.”  Holds up her hands.  “Now please do not be confused.  The dao is a long and difficult path.  Very few can travel to its end.”  A sigh.  “Most find themselves getting stuck along the way.  Unable to overcome the bottleneck to the next dazung.”

Frankie’s curious.

“Dazung?  Sister-Tiang?”

The imperial daughter turns apologetic.

“Ah!  Forgive me.  The path to immortality is divided into nine dazung.  What you might call large levels.”  Holds up one hand.  “And each dazung is divided into nine xozung.  Small levels.”  Stacks with her other hand.

Lili’s turn to ask a question.

“What happens to those who do not complete the path?”

Younger fantasy china princess is downright thrilled to help her harem sisters.

“Those who cannot continue will still benefit from the path.  The further you advance?  The healthier, stronger, and faster, you become.”  Another proud look.  “Imperial father reached Chengxian Chuqi.  His years may already surpass even the elves.”

More snorts and scoffs.  Answered only with a knowing smile from both Li and Ji.  Time for me to cut in.

“Ladies, show your sister more respect.”  Mumbles and grumbles but some apologies too.  “You’ve talked about the good side.  What’s on the other side of the coin?”

“Other side, xingan?”

“Yes, there is no such thing as a free lunch.  What’s the price you pay for following this path?”

Notice both Li and Ji start looking… uncomfortable.  Surprisingly, Frankie cuts in.

“Fertility, master.”

Oh, shit.  That hit close to home for my priest-wife.  Breaking the demon curse left my dark half-elf wife barren.  Something [Recovery Magic] has no cure for.  I’m searching for a cure but my progress has not been great.

Pull the impassive looking oppai close and give her some snuggle time.  She may look unbothered on the outside, but I can feel the sadness through the wedding ring.

Little Li looks a lot less proud now and eventually nods.

“Yes, lady Ushinua.  The further up the dao you travel?  The harder it is to make babies.”  Sends a glance full of  longing my way.  “Following the dao is also very expensive.  Requiring rare resources for higher dazung.”  A sad expression.  “The competition for such items can turn… bloody.”

Yikes, so do the cultivators run everything?  Stomping on anyone weaker?

“Li?”  My soft voice startles her.  “It’s okay, honey.  What are the ranks?”

Shakes off the suddenly somber mood and collects herself.

“Sorry, xingan.”  A story for later I bet.  “The first dazung is Lianti, uh, body refining.”  Hands move about.  “Concentrating qi can be very damaging to the body.  So purifying and strengthening the body must be done first.”

Several nod, including me, makes sense.

“Dazung two is Juqi, gathering qi.”  Hands swirl.  “Once the body is prepared enough, you begin collecting and concentrating qi within your first dantian.  Uh, what you call your mana pool.”

Okay, so far, so good.  Still tracking.

Li is starting to get excited again.  Think my little china girl may be a cultivation otaku.

“Once enough qi is gathered you can break through to Zhuji, uh, foundation building.”  Hands clasp.  “Now you can replenish the three origins of Spirit, Breath, and Essence.”

And I’m lost.

*raise hand*

“Xingan?”

“Thank you, sorry, uh, three origins?”

Please don’t give me the “are you stupid” look.

Big Ji steps in for the save!

“Dashi, the three origins are the components of life.  From the astral comes spirit.  Spirit begets breath.  Breath begets essence.”  Her fingers dance across my chest.  “Combined they create the material form.  The three treasures of life.”

Sweet, no “why don’t you know this” glares.  But, uh, I’ll stick with atoms and molecules thank you very much.

At least she falls for my “oh I see” nod, though I really don’t, and Li continues.

“Jiedan is the fourth dazung and means, uh, core forming.  Where you awaken your middle dantian and turn your lower dantian into a crucible.”  Motions to her abdomen.  “Then provide enough qi to forge a core.”

Just gonna keep my hand down this time and nod.  Which Li seems quite pleased to see.

Ha!  Fooled you!

Pretending you know what you are doing, when you really don’t have a fucking clue, is a specialty of us adult types back home.

“If you can overcome the barrier to dazung five, Ninling.”  Pondering face.  “Uh, condensing the spirit.  You join the middle dantian to your lower dantian, meridians, and acupoints.”

Oh, acupoints!  I know that one!  All those needle things get stuck in you all over, right?  Yeah, the “At Home Acupuncture Kit” was not a good late night infomercial purchase.

They promised weight loss, inner peace, and sexy ladies.  All they gave was pain and empty bottles of bactine.  So.  Much.  Bactine.

“Master?”

Wave off Frankie’s concern over my sort of post traumatic kind of stress but it was really me just being dumb disorder and motion for Li to move on.

“Okay, xingan.”  Love it when cute girls want to comfort me.  “The next dazung is Huaqi, realizing qi.  With two dantians and a core, the daoist can finally give his qi form.  Manifesting it within the material plane.”

Huh.  Not sure what to make of that one either.  This cultivator stuff seemed so easy in the books.  Couple of “fortuitous encounters” and, presto!  One ticket to immortality please.

Though I may have been skipping pages looking for the smut scenes.  Maybe missed some stuff.

“Reaching the seventh dazung, Yuanying, Origin Infant, is when you begin the final leg of the dao.  Now you awaken the upper dantian and form your own origin.”  Hands circle her stomach again.  “Internalizing the three treasures to achieve form and getting your first true understanding of immortality.”

You know, if I put glasses on china girl?  Bet we could have some great naughty teacher roleplay.

“Chaoti, uh, transcending body.  As you prepared your body in the first dazung.”  Raises one finger.  “In the eighth you must surpass it.  Connecting your upper dantian and adapting your origin to deal with much more ferocious energies.”

The curiosity of several girls spikes as we approach the climax.  Even Red has stopped hurling.

“And at the end of the dao there is Chengxian, becoming immortal.”  A sparkle in her eyes.  “The true dao is endless and here you must make it your own.”  Arms reach skyward.  “Creating your own dao to carry you beyond the heavens!”

Little Li is panting and sweating a bit.  She might have worked herself a bit too much.

“Xingan, that… is the dao.”

*pant*

Yep, she’s horny.

*clap* *clap* *clap*

Several girls start clapping genuinely and the beaming smile she replies with is reward enough for me.  Even gives a playful bow which gets a few giggling.  Would probably be bad if I said. “Can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about the things?”²https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pp516icwQGE

Like, really, how the hell am I supposed to remember all that?  What was the thing about the baby?  Does that mean I have to get knocked up?  Or is it like a surrogate mom thing where I have to buy a chick’s baby?

Ugh, hope the golem isn’t this confusing.

Oh, and speaking of, Red is done breaking the latrine.  Now getting a quick scrub down by the mother hens.  So we should be able to get going soon.

…

Being immortal might be pretty cool though.  Might, eventually, even run out of excuses to not watch Game of Thrones’ season eight.

…

Nah!