---???---

---?---

*bumrrrrrr* *koipoipoing*

‘Eh?’

“Whoo!  I’m slamming them tonight.”

‘Who is that?’

“Over the line!”

‘Kuso.  Do you really need to yell like that?’

“By the pit, Frazur, how many times shall thee fowl?”

‘Frazur-sama?  The dragon?  And what is that smell?  Some combination of stale cigarettes, old beer, and shoe leather?’

“Did not.  You guys are just dead in the water.”

‘So dark.  Can't see anything.’

“Come on, lizard lips, we all saw it.”

‘Jon-kun?’

“My feet did not cross the line.”

‘That does sound like Jon-kun’s dragon just… more normal?’

“Who talks of your feet?  Your tail, you deceptive serpent.”

‘Rowl-sama?  Where am I?  Kuso!  Why can’t I see anything?’

“That’s not something I can control.  Do I complain about your mutts?”

‘Sure, Frazur-sama, sure.’

“Thou know I cannot leave them in residence.  They shall eat the furnishings.”

‘That other voice really does sound like Rowl-sama.  What is going on here?’

“You brought dogs bowling?”

‘Fufu.  Frazur-sama’s trying to change the subject.’

“What does thou mean ‘brought dogs bowling?’  I did not rent them shoes.  I do not buy them fucking beers.”  Scoffs.  “They shall not take your fucking turn, draconian.”

‘Yeah.  You tell him Rowl-sama.’

“Rowl’s got a point, Frazur.”

‘Jon-kun?  Itoshi?  Why does your voice sound different too?’

“But that knight’s hounds chew on my tail.  And drool all over our balls!”

‘Fufu.  Phrasing…’

“Hold!  My companions cannot restrain their oral fluid.  It is a medical impediment!”

‘Oh my god.  Do they know what they are saying?’

“Now just hold on, sword guy.  Lots of large dogs drool.  No disease.  No curse.  Just the way it is.”  Pause.  “But we are going through a lot of towels.”

‘Sword guy?  Yeah, that’s bad with names Jon-kun.  But why does itoshi’s voice sound so… calm.  Relaxed’

“Do I really have to cage them, sire?”

‘Ah…  Rowl-sama sounds sad.’

“No, it's okay.”  Whew, good.  Alfek-chan and Orsa-chan are amazing.  “Just keep the slobbering pooches away from the return rack.  Please.”

‘Chikushou!  I want to see!’

*bumrrrrrr* *koipoing*

Footsteps approach as the sound of bowling balls rolling and pins falling continues in the distance.

“Here’s your white russian, honey.”

‘A woman’s voice?’

“Honey?  You okay Ema?”

‘Jon-kun?  Drinking a white russian?’

“W-wha-what?”  Fufu.  She’s stuttering.  “Can I not-er, I mean, can’t I b-bring my b-boyfriend a drink?”

‘Jon’s laughing?  Even his laugh sounds a bit… off.’

“Okay, ‘honey.’  Didn’t you say you were done being jealous of her?”

“M-my lord!  Th-this one doth-I mean, no I’m not.”

‘Why is she trying so hard to use contractions?’

“Chill, Ema, be cool.  It's okay.”

‘Wait, Ema?  As in Emelina?  Shadow paladin Emelina?’

*bumrrr* *koipoipoing*

“Alright!  Way to go Frazur!  If you will it.  It is no dream.”

“Fucking twenty minutes late, Alex.”

“Sorry Jon, patrol ran over.”

‘Alex?  The undead inquisitor?’

“You keep chasing all those girls, Alex?  One of them’s going to end up stabbing you.”

‘Odd.  I’ve never seen Alex flirt with anyone.’

“Ha!  Would give coin to see that.”

‘So would I, Frazur-sama.’

“Nice try, mister sneaky snake.  It was still a foul, so I’m marking it zero.”

“Tch!”

‘I’m so confused.’

“Hey.”  Jon-kun?  “Hitomi, open your eyes.”

‘Wha?!?’

Light floods into her eyes, blinding.  After some moments it begins to fade.  Revealing a place the Japanese high schooler has never seen.  Outside of movie and tv screens.

‘Honto?  A bowling alley?’

Her wandering eyes soon reveal that this is not like the others she’s seen.  Dozens of feet up, the ceiling soars.  Sprinkled with whirling ceiling fans and things that look like clouds.  While music plays from speakers under the seats.

♫ It's astounding, time is fleeting, madness takes its toll...¹https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S91wQbYYX3Q♫

‘What kind of bowling alley plays Rocky Horror songs?’

Past the horseshoe of seats she’s in, are more seats and alleys.  Lots of seats and alleys.  Dozens, maybe hundreds.  She can’t even see the far wall.  And the bowlers using them?  Aren't all human.

*bumrrrrrr* *bumrr* *koipoi* *koipoing*

“J-jon-kun?”

Her husband-to-be, who is sitting opposite her, focuses.  There is a short glass filled with white liquid in one hand.

“Hmm?”

“A…  Are th-those orks in… purple bowling shirts?”

Jon looks over his shoulder.

“Oh, yeah, not sure what that’s about.”  Turns back around.  “But, fuck, whodathunk orks would be so good at bowling.”

Lizardman, lizardman, lizardman, scoffs again.  His black bowling shirt has the name “Frazur” sewn in golden thread where its upper left breast pocket would be.

“Tch!  Archon, you call my tail accidentally fondling the ball, cheating?  They launch their balls half way down the lane before they kiss the hard wood.  How is that not breaking league rules?”

‘Phrasing, Frazur-sama, phrasing!’

Hitomi sees the others nodding.  Everyone in the horseshoe is wearing black bowling shirts and slacks.  Except for Jon who has khaki shorts.  Each with their name sewn in gold thread.  Jon, Ema, Frazur, Rowl, and Alex.  Even Rowl’s two shadow hounds, which look like bulldogs now, have cute doggy versions of the shirts on.

What's more shocking is that six of those seven should be nothing but ink and smoke.  Nightmarish abominations called living shadows.  Hybrid undead with forms that are part physical, part spiritual.

But now?  Here?  They are flesh and bone.  Look as living and breathing as herself and Jon.  The Japanese teenager is left dazed and confused.

Jon shakes his head at his teammates.

“Come on guys, low roll.  We are finally in the semis.  Don’t get the league called on us again.”

‘That is not my Jon-kun.  He is way too… mellow.’

“Of course, honey.”

‘And why is Emelina-san acting so… possessive?’

Leaning against Hitomi’s fiance, and hugging his arm, is a blonde.  Jon’s shadow paladin, Emelina.  The looks she sends the high schooler makes her message clear.  “Mine.  Back off!”

‘What the hell is going on here?’

“Uh, Jon-kun?  Where am I?”

Jon tilts his head, confused.

“What.  You’ve never been in a bowling alley before?”

“Well…  No.”

“Really?”  Jon looks shocked.

“Baka.  Do I look like a bowling girl to you?”

“Kinda, yeah.”  Others nod too.  “You even got the shirt.”

“Nani?”

Hitomi looks down and is stunned.  The same black and gold shirt and slacks are on her too.  Even has the name “Hitomi” sewn on.

“Uh… Jon-sama?”

“Yes?”

“Am I dead?”

“Well…”

“Kuso.  Did you turn me into one of your shadow monsters?”

“Hey now, shorty.”  Alex is offended.  “Just because I’m not alive?  Doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings.” 

‘Damn.  Did not intend to offend.’

“Sumimasen, Alex-sama.  My words were hasty.  This is just…”  Looks around.  “Unusual.”  The Japanese tennager slumps back into the chair.  “So, I am dead?  Chikushou, how do I tell Kojiro-san?”

“Well…”

Jon lifts his shoulders and holds his hands out.

“Bakayarou!  Am I or amn’t I?!”

The Jon who seems very un-Jon like, motions his hands downward.

“Stop.  Settle down.  It just so happens that you’re mostly dead.”

“Mostly dead?”

“Yep, and mostly dead, is slightly alive.”

“Archon.”  Lizardman acts hesitant to correct his boss.  “Not to rain on your procession but, except for the knight and his mutts?  We were slightly alive at the time too.”

“Yeah?  Well, you know, that’s just like, uh, your opinion man.”

Ema turns to Jon.

“Honey?  We were still alive at the time.  And it hurt.  A lot.”

Jon softly grabs her chin and turns.

“Oh, uh, then, sorry?”  He gives Ema a kiss which lights her face up with a bright smile.  “Good point, lizardman lizardman.”  Looking at Hitomi again.  “Don’t worry.  We did not have any non consensual necromantic relations… mostly.”

Crossing her arms, the Japanese high schooler stares at her acting strangely boyfriend.

‘Is he high right now?  Eyes look a bit red.’

“Mostly?”

Jon nods.

“I did, sort of, stop your soul from leaving your body after you…”  Hands circle again.  “So you did, sort of, you know, die.”  Her eye’s squint.  “But your soul is back and tied to your body again.”

“Baka.  Jon-kun, where’s my body?”

“I’m working on it.”

“Working on what?”

“Fixing it.”

“Fixing it?”

“Yeah, that grandpa really fucked you up.”  Jon sighs.  “If you hadn’t been cultivating?  Tempering your body?  That hit would have popped you like a water balloon.”

‘What?!?  Oh my god.  I died.  I really died!’

Frazur speaks up.

“Probably not the best thing to say right now, Jon.”  Points.  “Little hero is looking even paler than usual.”

Jon’s eyes bulge a little.

“Oh, shit.  Uh, sorry?”  Shakes his head slowly.  “So, good news?  Your body is in one piece.  Bad news?  Just about everything got broken.”

“Everything?”

“Everything.”

“Then shouldn’t you be fixing me, Jon-kun?”

“I am.”

“You are?”

“Oops, sorry again.  Yes, I am.  Well, he is.  Not me.  Me me.  This me is my me.  Not your me.”

‘?’

“What?”

“Ugh.  Words don’t work so well for this.”  Scratches the side of his head.  “Let’s try this again.  I-” Points to himself. “-stay here.  The rest of I-”  Points up.  “-stays out there.”

Frazur rolls his lizardman eyes.

“Little hero, let me explain.  This Jon is somewhat challenged, intellectually.”

“Okay…”

“Our lord discovered that he could alter his mindscape to make unlife more comfortable for his creations, us.”

“By making a bowling alley?”

“Oh it is far more.  This is just the ‘bowling alley.’  There are theaters, residences, shops, eateries, and more.”

‘Ah.  I see now.’

“But to keep it here.  A ‘Jon-kun’ has to be here.”

Frazur’s lizardman head nods and smiles.  Revealing sharp teeth.  Lots of sharp teeth.

“Very good, little hero.  So, like that flat nosed fellow in the ‘need wands for magic’ show.  Jon broke off pieces of himself.  One of them stays here, to maintain this world.”

‘If I remember that movie right, phylacteries were not good.  Not good at all.’

“But Frazur-sama, isn’t that, like, really bad?”

“Not when handled properly.”

“So my Jon-kun is…”  Points up.

Frazur nods again.

“Yes, your Jon is working on your body.  However, do not become confused.  All of Jon is Jon.  They all know what each knows.  Only the context changes due to differing perspectives.”

“Frazur-sama?”

“Yes, child of the rising sun?”

“H-how many Jon-samas are there?”

…

Lizardman gives her a sad look.

“My apologies, little hero.”  Sigh.  “Our existence relies on his existence.  And his goal relies on existing.”  Shakes his head.  “Naturally, ‘precautions’ have been taken.”

‘Precautions?’

Jon jumps back in.

“Hope that makes more sense now.  You were messed up even more than Frankie after the church ambush.  So a lot more work is being done.”

“Oh then-”

“Not to mention my problem.”

‘Eh?’

“Problem?  What problem?”

“Oh, ah, well, you see…”  Jon looks like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.  “Thought it was just a Frankie thing but, apparently, I’ve got a fetish.”

“F-fetish?”

‘Is he doing something lewd to my body?’

“Uh-huh.”

“For?”

“Dark elves.”

“Nani?”

“No, dark elves.”

“So, Jon-sama.  That means…”

“Pointy ears, dark skin, and looking even sexier than you already do?  Yep.  Japanese dark elves are hot!”

*bonk*

The blonde’s fist hits the top of Jon’s head.

“Ow, careful, there’s a beverage here.”  Shields his drink.  “Sorry Ema, but it's true.”

"Hmph!"

‘Guess Jon-sama is a bit like Jon-kun too.’

“Jon-sama?  Why can’t I just look like me?”

“Not sure.  Might depend on how much work is needed.  Once it passes a certain point?  Bam!  Welcome to the dark elves only club.”

“Kuso.”

“...Sorry.”

“It is okay.”  Sigh.  “Better than being dead I guess.”

‘How am I ever going to explain this to Kojiro-san?’

She notices a new song coming through the speakers.

♫ Whenever life gets you down Mrs Brown.  And things seem hard or tough.  And people are stupid, obnoxious, or daft...²https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buqtdpuZxvk♫

“Hitomi?”

Jon gives the japanese teenager an apologetic look.

“Yes, Jon-sama?”

“Is there anything you want to change?”

“Change?”

“Yeah, do you want to be taller?  Change your hair color?  Eye color?  You can even have big-”

‘Honto?!’

“Boobs!”

“W-what, Hitomi?”

“Bigger boobs!  I want larger breasts, uh, please.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely!  The only girl with smaller breasts than me is Ms. Frost.  How pathetic is that!”

‘Oh to finally not be the ‘small girl’ anymore.  Not have to sit there and stare enviously at the girls with the fat sacks.’

“B-but we like your b-cups.”  *bonk*  “Ow!  Sorry Ema.”

‘How big though?  Better not get too out of hand.’

“D-cups.”

“Really?”

“Jon-sama, do I need to hit you too?”

Waves his hands.

“Okay okay.”

“Un.”

“Anything else?”

‘My butt?  No, Jon-kun likes how tight it is.  Height?  No, I like him towering over me.  Hmm…’

“Nope.”

“Alright.”  Jon gets up and starts walking away.

“Where are you going?”

He turns back and gives the high schooler a sad look.

“Gotta whiz.”

“Jon-san?”

“Yeah?”

“Domo arigato.”

Shakes his head and laughs.  With the white russian still in his hand.

“Hehe.  Like we would do anything less, Hitomi.  Love is like that, you know?”

‘He is not my Jon-kun.  But the warmth, the acceptance, is there too.’

“Are you, okay, Jon-san?  Really okay?”

“Yeah, well, the dude abides.”

‘The dude abides?  What?  Wait, I have heard that somewhere before…’

“Howdy do.”

‘Ack!’

“Wha?!  Where did you come from?”

In the seat next to Hitomi now sits a… cowboy.  An old one with a grey horseshoe mustache, white stetson, and blue denim button up plus jeans.  Though, she notes, he has bowling shoes instead of boots on.

With a gentle smile and faraway stare, he starts speaking.

“The dude abides…”  Cowboy looks in her eyes.  “I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that.  Good knowing he’s out there.  The dude.  Takin’ her easy for all us sinners.  Shush, I sure hope he makes the finals.  Ha!”  Faces upward for a moment.  “Well, that about does her.”

“Forgive me for not seeing you before, ojisan, but, who are you?  I do not recognize you.”

Ignoring her, the old cowpoke continues.

“Good to know there will be more little Jon’s on the way.”  Raises his eyebrows for a second.  “I guess that’s the way the whole durn human comedy perpetuates itself down through the generations.  Westward the wagons.  Across the sands of time till we…”  Suddenly stops himself.  “Now, look at me.  I’m rambling again.  Well I hope you enjoyed yourself.”  Runs his finger across the edge of his hat and gives her a wink.  “Catch you later on down the trail.”

…

‘Eh?’

“Ojisan I…  I have no idea what you are say-”

“Hitomi, you ready?”

Jon interrupts her as he comes walking back into the seats with a white russian in one hand and a sasparilla in the other.  Then hands the bottle to the cowboy.

“Thanks, dude.”

“R-ready for what, Jon-san?”

“It's time for you to leave.”

Ema looks to the heavens and sincerely whispers.

“Thank Metia.”

Of course she whispered loudly enough to be heard over the rolling balls and falling pins.  Hitomi chooses to ignore the disrespectful girl.

‘Bitch.’

Hitomi chooses to mostly ignore the disrespectful girl.

“What do I do Jon-san?”

Another sad smile.

“Just go back to sleep.  So you can wake up to a new day.”

‘Huh?  Why are my eyelids suddenly heavy?  Feel so weak.  Kuso.  I do not… like feeling… powerless…’

…

---

---D-Day+101, Dherus 8th, Sunday Morning---

---Sayo Clinic, OR1---

…

“Hitomi?  Can you hear me?”

…

“J-jon-kun?”

‘Am I back?’

“Thank god, JK girl, you had me worried.”

‘Jon-kun.  Itoshi jon-kun.’

Tears begin to pool and overflow from the japanese tennager’s eyes.  She can feel the hard table beneath her back.  Smell the crisp ozone tinged air from massive mana burn.  Her body feels warm, raw, and exhausted.

Hitomi recognizes the walls and equipment.

‘I’m at the clinic.  Of course this is where Jon-kun would take me.  Such a reliable fiance.’

“Just stay put for a while, sexy.  Need to run a few more checks and do some touch ups.”

“[Eyes of Ouroboros]”

She carefully lifts one arm to where she can see it and marvels at its now dark grey skin tone.

‘He really did it.  I don’t look like me anymore.  Not an illusion.  Not a trick.  He really changed me.  Why do I feel so… relieved?’

Jon stands over her again.

“Do you notice any pain?”  She shakes her head slowly.  “I was able to keep your hair black but the eyes went a little weird.  Hope yellow is okay.”

Feels her cheeks lifting as a grin grows.

“Anything is fine, Jon-kun.  As long as I am with you.”

‘Huh?  Did itoshi just blush?  So cute!’

“[Airmed's Hands]”

Jon moves out of sight again.  But she feels his fingers moving across her body.  Probing.  Adjusting.  Smells mana burning.

‘Oh, yes, better check.’

Gently moving the same arm again.  The japanese teenager’s hand reaches her chest.  Giving what it finds a good squeeze.

‘Yes!’

Satisfied, the arm slowly slides back to her side and eyes close.  One thought fills her happy mind as slumber returns.

‘I've got boobies!’