Ch. 1 – Reborn Through Rime
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He knew what he had signed onto all those years ago - Isette was not a kind goddess. It did vex him, however, that he should die in the midst of her aspect; a blizzard. Frost and wind bit at his body and the blood that escaped his wounds took with it precious heat. The powers he had earned refused to come to him; Isette, it seemed, had no more use of him. After all he had failed her.

He lurched forward and felt one of his nearly closed wounds split back open. His life was ebbing as his sight became naught but swirling ice and darkness. As he stumbled through the ever growing drifts of snow, his limbs became numb. He pushed on against his failing body until he felt some of the snow beneath his feet give way accompanied by a crash. He fell and tumbled into an unseen cavern. His body, once numb, was now ablaze in agony. Truly broken, he lay on the frozen ground of the hollow staring into the swirling fury of the blizzard above. He cursed himself for being so weak and closed his eyes, resigning himself to his fate.

Above, in the flurry, something moved with purpose. It floated undisturbed by gale force winds until it found the hole and stared down, down into the icy hollow that was to be a tomb for the wounded cleric. It gazed long and hard at the body broken upon shards of ice before gliding down as what seemed an extension of the blizzard itself. As it neared the floor of the cavern it began to take on a shape that resembled a woman. Her body slowly solidifying into clear ice with clothing made of snowflakes that shimmered in the dim light filtering from above. She walked over to the cleric, her form unimpeded by the fallen ice and snow, then reached down towards his face.

She traced his blued lips. "You did not fail me." She spoke in the whisper of winter winds whistling through trees.

She caressed his cheek before planting a kiss on his forehead. Eyes closed, she rummaged through his memory. Pain, sacrifice and... something else, a dream unspoken and unacknowledged, even by the cleric. Her eyes opened slightly as she looked at her follower.

She placed her head next to one of his frostbitten ears. "You served me faithfully and without thanks while I was indisposed, that you should die here is something I will not allow."

The breath of life had almost entirely left the cleric's body. Isette grabbed one of his hands and pulled him up. The image was ghastly, the body twisted and turned as it was raised from the debris. She willed the ice to move as she saw fit. From the swirling frost and fallen ice tendrils of frozen rime flowed over his form to keep them held aloft.

"You will have your wish.” She whispered once more into his ear.

She stood back and raised a hand to the raging storm above the hollow and pulled its fury inside. With a small gesture she encircled the cleric in a sphere of ice. Her eyes stared into the sphere and a faint smile crept across the deity's face.

~———————————————————~

Some time later after the blizzard subsided a pair of large white wolves approached a small village. In their mouths was what appeared to be a person in heavy winter clothing. They held only onto the thick fabric, seemingly trying not to harm the person. Carefully, they dragged the body deeper into the still sleeping village and placed it in the middle of the main road, turned them over and then ran back into the woods.

Slowly, the cleric felt consciousness return to him. His body was heavy, but did not feel cold or exhausted. He was horizontal and as he opened his eyes he saw a clouded, grey morning sky. The cleric wondered if Isette had chosen to spare him? What reason would his stern goddess have to spare a follower like him, a failure such as him? Before he could think hard on the idea there was the voice of a man and the sound of footsteps crunching in freshly fallen snow.

"Hey! Stranger, are you okay?" Called the voice.

The cleric cleared his throat and spoke. "I'm fine, just a little-" He stopped mid sentence. His voice was soft, unlike the gruff tones he was accustomed to.

The man looking down at him smiled. "Well Miss, why don't you come with me to see the Elder? You can explain how you got here and who you are after you've rested up and gotten warm again. Laying in the cold snow won’t do you any good." He leaned over and offered a hand.

Miss? The rest of what the man had said became nothing but background noise to him. What did he mean "Miss"? He was clearly a man, had been for forty-three years, even if his voice was, no... no.

“Hey, you okay there?” He shook his hand a little towards him.

He stared at the hand offered to him for a moment. The villager was right, he wasn’t going to get anything out of laying in the snow. He grabbed onto the villager’s hand with his own gloved fingers, the gloves felt loose. The other man pulled him up with surprising ease. His center of balance felt odd, none of his clothing fit right either. It all felt strange, not bad, just different.

The man smiled at him. “Name’s Erich, what’s yours Miss?”

“I’m Aleksi, I...” He trailed off having heard the sound of his voice more.

“Aleksi? Well, Miss Aleksi, let’s get moving. Can’t just stand out in the street, what if a trade caravan comes?” He laughed and swept a hand across the empty street.

Aleksi felt a faint smile creep up despite the confusion of the rest of the situation. Smiling felt good. He looked around the street, examining the houses and trees that loomed over them. Aleksi knew this place, he had been here years ago. This was Imerre, a town in the forests to the northern reaches of the continent of Kasite. There had been trouble here when he had last visited over a decade ago, real bad trouble, it had nearly killed him. A thought crept into his head. He couldn’t recall how he’d come to Imerre back then nor could he now, he only remembered a blizzard both times.

"Look, I know the next caravan is months away, but we really should get out of the cold.” Erich gestured for Aleksi to follow. “Did you travel alone?”

Had he been alone? The question rolled around in his brain while he followed behind Erich. The whole experience was hazy, only a few details available to him. Cold, pain, a fall… dying.

“No one else, just me in the blizzard… I think I died.” He looked down at the snow.

Erich stopped and looked at him. As well as Erich could tell this young woman he saw was very clearly alive. He made a show of examining her while he walked in a circle around her. 

“You look fine to me, your clothes are too large for you, but-” He stopped mid sentence.

The clothing on Aleksi’s back was almost torn to ribbons and stained dark red with old blood. Maybe, he thought, maybe she was telling the truth.

“But?” Aleksi asked. The sound of his voice wasn’t bothering him as much now, it was his voice after all, even if it was different now.

“I believe you, we definitely need to get you to the Elder as soon as possible.” He grabbed Aleksi by the hand.

He was led along by Erich faster through the snowy streets, past curious onlookers and to a large, raised wooden house with an enclosed porch. Erich opened the door and gestured for Aleksi to go inside. The inside was warm and decorated with furniture made of local wood and game. It was much as it had been years ago.

Erich turned to him. “Just sit tight, Miss. I’ll have the Elder come see you in a moment.” He quickly walked through another door to the rest of the building.

Aleksi settled into an old chair he had used all those years ago. He recalled how it creaked under the combined weight of him and his chain mail, something it did not do now that he was so much, so much smaller. A few minutes passed with no sign of Erich or the Elder. It was beginning to get too warm for the cleric so he pulled the hood of his coat back. Long locks of white hair tumbled out and settled around his face, it had been black, but greying before whatever had happened to him. He took the heavy gloves off his hands next, revealing delicate fingers. His scarred, rough hands were gone. It was all just so different. The changes should have felt awful, but something about them was comforting. The sensation of contentment over the changes was confusing, they should have been jarring and uncomfortable for a man like him.

His thoughts shifted to the Elder. He knew her, she was a mostly blind old woman with deep ties to the local fae and some dealings with Isette. Perhaps she would know what to make of this predicament. He was very sure he'd died out in the blizzard, but he had woken up here and in a different body, had woken up as a... wom- No, just don’t think about it. He stared at his new hands until the sound of a cane caught his attention. The Elder was still alive and the clouds had fully taken her eyes making them appear like fresh snow. Erich was nowhere to be seen.

The Elder walked over to the chair he was sitting in. "I can sense you, Aleksi, faithful of Isette, what brings you here once more?" She said with her voice that creaked like an old tree.

She still knew him! Maybe she could help deal with what had happened, maybe, maybe she could make sense of this.

Aleksi scrunched his face up in confusion. "Elder Gerd, how did you know it was me? I have changed much and even my voice is different."

Her brow furrowed. "Aleksi, my eyes may be gone to the frost, but my sight is truer now than ever. You appear as you appeared to me when I last saw you. Allow me to touch your face.” She reached her free hand towards him.

He let the old woman do as she wished; she ran her bony hand through his long hair and around his jawline. He saw her smile gently. The Elder had done this when he had come here long ago, but she did not smile then.

“You are much changed, but only physically. It is good to see you.”  The smile persisted as she spoke.

“Only physically?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, your essence is as it has always been.” She waved a hand over her eyes. “You look no different to my eyes. I am pleased that you now wear a form that better suits you.”

The Elder was wrong, she had to be wrong. True sight or not, she, no he was no woman. This wasn’t something he was allowed. This was the reason he joined the order so long ago. They helped him! They gave him purpose! They kept the thoughts from creeping in! They made him normal, upright, good. He wasn't like that, not anymore.

“You’re wrong, Elder.” He wanted to shout, but the force did not come. “This is not who I am, I am Aleksi. I am a man, I was born a man so I am a man.” He felt his throat clench up, taking what little strength his voice had left. “Regardless of how I appear now, of how I…”

A frown formed on the wrinkled face of the Elder. “The sight does not lie. You might not be willing to acknowledge it yet, but this is you, this has always been you," her eyes were soft as she spoke.

He gripped the arms of the chair he was sitting in. The Elder remained unmoving as she watched him tense up. All that discipline, all of the focus on his duty began to unwind like a fraying cord. He recalled his youth in Firthaven. He dreaded the coming of age ceremony where he would undergo a trial and have to cut his once long hair cut; all to become a man. Some part of him scoffed at the notion of becoming a man, especially as he was now. No, no he had suffered to become good, to cease being a deviant.

“You say the sight doesn’t lie, Elder.” His knuckles popped as he gripped the chair harder. “Then why did you not tell me when I was here before? Are you merely lying to me so that I don’t panic in this body?!” He shouted.

“I have no cause to lie to you.” She waved a hand at him. “Things have changed, I have learned from one of our newer residents that changes like your own are possible.” Her posture weakened as her shoulders dipped. She leaned heavily on her cane, staring at the floor. “In the past, I did not tell you because I wished to not call to your mind what must have been a painful and unfulfilled desire." The steadiness of her speech faltered. "I am sorry.”

He stood up. Even at his drastically reduced height he loomed over the old woman. He stared at her, gritting his teeth. How had she known? No one knew! He wasn't a woman, he wasn’t allowed to be. His parents, his village, the order, they all saw him as a strong man. Things had changed, he had died and now he was in this body, it was scary, but exciting and even comforting? Something twisted up inside Aleksi, coiling around itself, tighter and tighter.

Tears began to flow down his cheeks and quiet sobs choked his throat. It didn't make sense. Clearly he had failed, that’s why he died. He wasn't worth giving a second chance. He didn't deserve this. He was useless. He was a failure.

The elder's cane fell to the floor as she rushed to embrace the crying Aleksi. "It is okay, your goddess loves you. You bear her mark upon you, an honor so rare." She squeezed Aleksi tightly. 

There was no way Isette cared for them. She was a cold goddess, perfect in her stoicism. Unmoved like a glacier.

"Isette does not show affection often. Whatever you did has earned you her favor. Calm yourself, girl, everything is going to be okay." The elder rubbed Aleksi's back as she held them. 

Why did that feel right? Why? Why? Why wouldn't the tears stop? Something inside snapped, like an over wound spring. It was all too much. The Elder continued to hold them as they felt their knees go weak. All of the methods they had learned to use to repress these feelings broke under the pressure of the dawning acceptance they now felt, mental dams collapsing. The strain made their vision blur and they collapsed onto the seat behind them, pulling the old woman with them.

"It is true, isn't it?" Aleksi asked as the emotional strain robbed them of consciousness.

 

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