Is- is that a human?!!!!

 

Human!?

 

I’d learned my lesson with the sandwich cult members. No trying to make friends here.

 

Growling, Boudicea slinks forward, silver fur bristling upward. The purple flames wavering on the tips of her ears grow brighter too.

 

Wait. It’s better not to fight yet.

 

Instead of friends, it would be easier to consider the human before us like a video game NPC. Like the ones in the game Magnificent Steal Motor. I think that was the one? The ultra-violent one my parents wouldn’t let me play so instead I used to watch gameplay videos biting my lip in jealousy?

 

Basically my plan was to rob the guy.

 

But first-

 

Check for traps!

 

To stop her from rushing forward to attack the man, I flutter off the branch she held in her mouth and come between her and the human before us.

 

I have a better idea!

 

What?

 

It would be a good chance to test out those flames on your ears and tail. Do you think you can throw them, like your mate?

 

I can try.

 

But not at him. Try aiming a fireball next to him.

 

To make the prey confused? Agreed.

 

Boudicea wiggles her butt and lowers her front body into position. In the same terrifying downward dog-style as her mate.

 

Hup!

 

Oooh! 

 

For a moment, her flames grow larger. But then they fade off into wisps.

 

Can you do the thing? She asks me.

 

What thing?

 

You know, to make my flames grow.

 

Oh, that thing!

 

Sidling beside Boudicea, I stare deeply into her eyes and-

 

Bang!

 

Head-butt the wolf right on the snout.

I’ve always wanted to try it once. Never thought it would hurt the head-butter as much as it did the head-butteé.

 

But it hurt!

 

I grasp my poor forehead and step back to let Boudicea do her thing.

 

Yelping in pain, she rears back, flames burning brightly once again, and BOOM!

 

Somehow, the purple flames condense into a small fist-size ball and flies right at the man’s back! 

 

DING!

 

It clangs off his head, and the man falls over. The armor crashes together as he falls, echoing off the trees.

 

I said NEXT to him…

 

Keeping the disappointed thought in my head, I immediately make my way towards the poor guy.

 

Yellow smoke rises off of the helmet, sizzling as the flames die out and turn into a  green liquid that runs off the side of the pounded metal helmet. Now THAT was an acid.

 

Pretty cool!

 

I prod the armored man to his back.

 

“Hello?”

 

He didn’t respond, though I spoke out loud to him in English.

 

Guess I had to turn him over.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

The armor made him a lot heavier than I thought he would be.

 

Now why was this guy so quiet-

 

With no movement against my pushing, the armored man’s body flips over. Instead of a face, a white skull grins up at me. Rattling, something, one of the bones, clanks against the armor inside.

ERRRRGHSDFGJN!!!!

I'm sorry!!

One wing going up in the air, I back away. 

He? She?’s been dead for a long time.

 

No wonder my skill picked up this scent. The musty scent was still faint even though I was right next to him. Because there was no rotting flesh to speak of. Only bleached white bones.

 

Well, he’s useless.

 

Boudicea quips from behind me. She sniffs down the length of his body, prodding at the large rows of stacked corroded armor at his waist.

 

No meat on him, and no pouch either.

 

Was she some sort of practiced thief? This wolf was way too good at determining this guy’s value with one cursory inspection.

 

The holes where his eyes should be were serrated, flecks of the white bone shards powdering the skeleton’s chest.. It looked like something rough had chipped away at the area there. And it looked..old?

 

No, he’s not useless. 

 

Not shiny, but ooh~

 

Quite lovely.

 

The skeleton underneath all the armor was creepy, but the armor? Ja ja ja JACKPOT~! 

 

This would be the perfect gift for Andvari, Greenie, and Crixus. Free armor!! Perfect timing, right when I’d been worried about their lack of protection each time they went out.

 

The loincloths (and tunic) they wore were hardly the right outfits to go hunting in.

 

Woohoo!

 

“Come on shake your body and do the CONGA!”

 

My butt waggles in tune to the music, circling around the dead man’s corpse. I was trying to distrat myself from the gory bit of the dude being dead and all with the positive of all this- this lovely new armor material!

 

Pretty shades of a dark to light jade green, turquoise, wine purple, and the slightest smudges of  golden bronze peeking out underneath the flaking layers.

 

“I know you can’t control yourself any longer~!”

 

Join me, Boudicea! Though I reach out a wing to her, she looks at me like I’d fallen off my rocker. Pure disappointment was written on her face. 

 

All right then! Taking it back~!

 

And back retracts my wing.

 

At least her tail wagged the tiniest bit in time with the beat.

 

Whatever.

 

I was tired of being sad. I was going to enjoy this moment!!

 

My one man conga line continues, me bopping my head to the music and occasionally throwing a wing in the air.

 

“Come on shake-“

 

Yowch!!

 

The fun song that had been gloriously, uselessly, perfectly mimicked with [Mimicry] complete with drums, bass, and a slapping guitar cuts off. 

 

One long talon had caught on something in the midst of my dance.  Bfft!

 

Peh! Pei pei!

 

I’d just eaten dirt.  To make things even worse, my beak was stabbed somewhat deeply in the soft ground, the weight of my head pushing my razor-sharp beak even deeper.

 

With all the strength I could put into my neck, I plant my talons closer to my head. Aaand- PULL!!

 

My beak budged just the slightest bit upward, but then sank back down.

 

Hrnngh!!

 

That didn’t work.

 

I was stuck.

 

What.

 

The ground was a lot softer than it should be.

 

Let’s do this, Raven!

 

Pull!!

 

Hrnnnghhhhgh!!

 

I could feel the cords in my neck popping as I forced all the strength I could muster towards my head. Even flapping my wing as hard as I could didn’t work.

 

If one wing didn’t work..

 

One glance at my clay splint-

 

Carefully, I test the wing underneath all the hard gunk.

 

My injured wing didn’t hurt so bad anymore.

 

Let’s try flapping some more.

 

Hrnngh!!!

 

I work my way up from small jittering of my wing to larger and larger flaps. Large flakes of blue-green dirt crackle off until-

 

AHA!

 

One grey wing bursts out of its constraints!

 

FREEDOOOM!!

 

I’M BACK IN BUSINESS, BABY!!

 

It felt so good to feel the air under both my wings again. The buoyancy of my body never failed to amaze me each time I took flight.

 

Ouch!

 

My beak gives up a creaking noise when I waggle too hard while still stuck in the dirt.

 

But that was no problem, not a problem at all!

All I had to do now was-

 

Fly!

 

Snap!

 

Both wings flare wide open, and I give a tentative flap.

 

It didn’t hurt.

 

Once more!

 

Flap!

 

One talon, and then another take off from the ground. But my beak was still stabbed deeply in the ground. 

 

Flap flap flap!

 

……

 

Reality crashes down on me once again, both literally and figuratively.

 

All the weight focuses on my beak when my balance goes awry, and the hole my head was stuck in was widened slightly more.

 

….

 

Was Boudicea still there? She was awfully quiet this whole time. With my beak stabbed into the ground, all I could see was, freshly dug up dirt, grass, and more dirt.

 

This was slightly embarrassing. Scratch that. Super embarrassing.

 

……

 

Did she leave?

 

Uuuhm.. Boudicea?

 

No response. There was only the sound of leaves shaking in the wind, and the occasional chirp and chatter of a passing animal.

 

She must have left.

 

I have to force myself to ignore the sinking feeling in my gut. It sucked to be abandoned. Dust gathers in under my eyelids, dry bits scraping the back while I rolled my eyes. 

 

Interesting. When I blinked, the dust caught in my eyes somehow rolled across, under my eyelid from side to side. It wasn’t up and down like a normal human. 

 

Trying to find the positive side of my current situation like an idiot, I tell myself: You learn something new every day.

 

Hahh.

 

Puffs of dirt float up with my heavy sigh.

 

I wished I hadn’t told Boudicea not to forgive me in the cave. Of course she would abandon me the minute I did something stupid.

 

Guess I’ll have to figure my way out of this mess…

 

(In spongebob voice) *A few moments later*

 

More like a few years later. That was what it felt like, with all this pushing and pulling.

 

Well, that didn’t work. I was still stuck. Like a deranged woodpecker digging in the dirt, my struggles only pushed my beak deeper into the dirt.

 

What was this dirt, quicksand?!

 

Something warm and wet softly grasps the back of and pulls me straight up.

 

Finally!!

 

There was the silver wolf, opening her mouth to drop me back down in one abrupt motion.

 

Thank you, Boudicea! You saved me!

 

No need to thank me.

 

Shifting her gaze away from mine, Boudicea responds in a muffled manner. Her tail behind her lifts up and thumps, once, on the ground.

 

Was…was she being shy?

 

I only helped you to keep my mate happy. You have his life.

 

But- you saved me. Thank you so much!!

 

Don’t make me repeat myself. I said there’s no need to thank me.

 

She gives me a half-hearted growl and looks away.

 

Okay, I wouldn’t comment on her slightly wagging tail then.

 

Our first mellow silence was interrupted by chattering noises from the underbrush. 

 

What the heck was that!?

 

Appraisal!

 

[Duskleek Leaves]

 

No I didn’t want the leaves!! The thing behind them!

 

Appraisal!

 

[Duskleek Leaves]

Appraisal!!

 

[Duskleek Leaves]

 

Come on!!!

 

The shaking intensifies and a tiny, pale pink child’s hand, creeps out of the bush. The thumb was all wrong. Twisted back and knobbly. 

 

That. Was not a human hand.

 

Frozen in terror, I stare at the hand that crawls out. The hand was all wrong!!

 

It couldn’t be real. Most of the creatures I’d come across tripped my Scent Detection with the slightest whiff of their last toilet break.

 

But this one had no scent!!

 

How come I hadn’t smelled it?? 

 

Was I hallucinating!?

 

Lungs heaving in and out in hysteria, I begin to lose sight of the surrounding around me.

Ploop!

An air bubble surfaces in my head. 

“Why don’t we watch one of the asian horror movies tonight? I’m bored of all the western-style ones that are all show and gore.”

 

The over-powering smell of men’s deodorant, the sound of tens of people talking all at once, and metal lockers banging shut all comes back to me.

 

It was one of the few close friends I’d lost touch with from high school asking me the question.

 

Another hidden memory suddenly surfacing in my head. It felt like before, bursting forth like an air bubble reaching the surface of the water.

 

Now that, that memory was a traumatizing one. If I couldn’t handle gore in an action movie, then there was no way I could handle horror.

 

Back then, not knowing any better, I’d foolishly tagged along back to my friend’s house. My friend, who I’d known to be a voracious consumer of any and all horror movies.

 

Big, BIG mistake.

 

The ‘fun horror night’ ended with me bawling my eyes out, frantically calling my sister to pick me up.

 

All that, and now that same fear of all things horrifying was all coming back to me. Full force.

 

I could handle giant snakes, a flaming wolf, and other magical, strange creature, but this was stepping into the horror realm. The skeleton was not too bad either since it was stripped clean.

 

The child-like, clawed hand scrabbles forward, revealing more pink skin. And freakishly thin arms.

 

My feet stayed rooted to the ground.

 

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

 

I was nope-ing right out of here.

 

KYAAAAAA!

 

My feet finally unroot themselves, and screaming at the top of my lungs, I run back to Boudicea, power-slamming myself right onto her body.

 

RUN, BOUDICEA!

 

My vision shakes as I hop up and down in a crazed manner atop her back.

 

But the wolf didn’t budge.

 

RUN! I’m serious, Boudicea! Please run!!!!

 

RUN!!

 

Grrrrrr-

 

In direct opposition to what I was begging her to do, Boudicea jumps forward, snapping at the hand.

 

Stop hitting me!

 

Between snapping at the hand that scrabbles away from her, Boudicea snaps once to her back, towards me.

 

I didn’t realize that in addition to my jumping, I was smacking her on the back with my wing, trying to get her to start running like a racehorse.

 

Sorry! Sorry! Hurry, let’s get out of here!!

 

Of course she ignores my cries, and latches onto the hand and drags the entire thing out of the bush.

 

What the heck was that!!

 

Cute black eyes, long pink tail, a twitching pink nose, and round ears.

 

My fear was gone, like it never even existed. Instead, it was replaced with abject confusion.

 

Why was a possum wearing a suit of armor??