“Hey, Ester?”

“Hey… Phil?” she smiled nervously at the tall boy with slick black hair, “Is that it? I’m sorry, I’ve met so many new people in the last month.”

Phil nodded and chuckled.

“So,” Ester asked, pulling out the books for her next class, “What brings you to my locker? The amazing view?”

He laughed again and shook his head.

“No, actually, I wanted to ask you something.”

“Oh…”

Ester felt herself deflate, and she turned away.

“A-Are you okay?” Phil asked.

“I know what you’re going to ask,” Ester said limply, “But I’m not talking about the curse or my body, so you might as well forget it.”

“Oh, no, nothing like that,” he insisted, but Ester saw his eyes dart briefly to the skirt she was wearing, “I just… I thought you were kind of… you know. I mean, you’re a girl, and I’m a guy…”

Ester froze. What was this? He wasn’t really… this had to be a joke, right? Some kind of cruel practical joke.

“This isn’t very funny,” Ester said, scowling, “I don’t know who put you up to this, but you can tell them to kiss my ass.”

“No!” Phil cried, holding up his arms to stop her from storming off, “I mean it. I think you’re attractive and I want to go out with you.”

He seemed surprised to hear the words come out of his own mouth. Ester glared at him for a moment, waiting for his expression to crack and expose the prank. But he just stared back at her with wide, worried eyes.

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” Ester asked.

Phil nodded.

“I… no, I’m sorry,” she said, quickly looking away, “I’m just not ready to go on another date right now.”

“Oh.”

It was Phil’s turn to deflate.

“I’m sorry… I’ll just go,” he said quickly.

“Phil!” Ester cried after him, but he didn’t slow down.

Ester sighed and wrapped her arms around her stomach. She winced at the realization that she still had a very boyish waist, but it was only a momentary distraction. Why had she said no?

She reminded herself, “I’ve been fantasizing more and more about being with guys.” Her face burned just thinking about it, but it was true. “Why can’t I just accept that somebody might actually like me?"

Maybe it was her squarish jaw. Or her big manly shoulders. Or any other of other things that were eating at her self-confidence. Just because she felt better about her body than before didn’t mean that all the dysphoria was gone.

A voice in the back of her head whispered, “Or maybe it’s Sue.”

Ester’s heart ached just thinking about it. It hurt even more to think that, on some level, knowing that Sue wasn’t waiting on her made her feel a bit more free than she had been before. On some level, she wanted to believe that Sue and her would just get back together when this was all over. But Sue was straight and Ester wanted to stay a girl.

She trudged along to her next class, feeling terrible about the way Phil had run off after she turned him down. Now that she had a moment to think about it, the idea of hanging out with him sounded fun. They could go see a movie or have hot dogs in the park.

“I shouldn’t have said no,” she realized, “My one opportunity to date a guy that actually likes me despite me being trans—if that’s even what I am—and I blew it.”

Or maybe there was something else stopping her. All of her fantasies about dating had been romantic in nature. Whatever had happened to her libido wasn’t done yet, it seemed. And her attraction to boys wasn’t even all that strong. Maybe she just needed more time.

“I don’t want more time,” she thought to herself, groaning, “I want to go back to feeling normal already.”

Pretty soon, she was going to really like guys as much as she used to like girls. There was no doubt in her mind. And just thinking about it made her want to squeal.

How long was it going to take? Because she couldn’t wait!

“Wait,” she thought, stopping just outside the door to her classroom, “Doctor Rackar is still looking for a cure.”

She couldn’t turn down the cure, could she? He’d even said that he wanted it to be her choice to stay a girl or not, and it certainly wasn’t Ester’s choice if it was only because of April’s wish. Was she really going to have time to explore this new side of her sexuality?

Her shoulders slumped, Ester entered her English class and fell into her chair. She dropped her head onto the desk and closed her eyes. What was she supposed to do?

The thought haunted her for the rest of the day. When Ester got home, she quickly shot Victoria a text message asking if she’d send the doctor her way. Almost immediately, she got a message back: “Can do!”

Ester had only barely started her homework when the doorbell rang. Her stomach was in knots when she answered it to see Doctor Rackar standing there. He smiled softly, but it looked strange and foreign on his face.

“May I enter, Estella?” he asked, “Your… host isn’t home. I hope that this won’t cause grief between you two.”

“No, it’s fine,” Ester insisted, stepping aside, “Thank you for coming.”

“I’m a little busy,” he admitted, not looking at her, “But your needs are important to me too. What is it that you needed to talk about?”

“This is awkward,” she admitted, following the doctor to the kitchen table, “But my, um…” She lowered her voice to a whisper, as if April would somehow overhear from her room upstairs. “My… genitals… are kind of… reforming. I need to know if it’s normal or not for my situation. And it’s not something that I can really talk about to anyone else.”

Doctor Rackar nodded, then pulled a little glass ball out of his bag.

“I am a qualified MD,” he explained, “I don’t have a nurse, but if you’d feel comfortable, I can use the crystal ball to inspect the area without you having to do anything.”

In a small voice, Ester said, “It would make me feel better if you did.”

She squirmed while the doctor stared into the little glass ball. He didn’t look long before nodding, but it was still a relief for Ester when he put the glass ball back into his bag.

“Everything looks like it should,” he assured her, “This spell you're under is very well crafted. You’re not likely to experience very many bumps in the road, so to speak. I can come back later if you’re still concerned, but everything is okay for the moment.”

“Thank God,” Ester muttered, “Now I kind of feel like I wasted your time.”

“This was not a waste of my time, Estella,” he told her, “I understand why you were concerned.”

Ester smiled, then frowned.

“Hey, am I paying you for any of this?” she asked, “You haven’t said anything about me owing you money.”

Doctor Racker seemed to chew his tongue for a moment before responding.

“I have your parents’ insurance information,” he revealed, “I’ve been charging them for my services. I feel like your parents owe you as much since they’ve decided not to fulfill their other parental responsibilities.”

“Oh. So when they find out…?”

“Don’t concern yourself with my payment,” Doctor Rackar said quickly, “I’d be providing assistance even if you couldn’t pay. I became a doctor to help people. Mages don’t need much, and most of us just want to help others in need. There’s no need for you to worry that I’ll abandon you.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Ester said, tension washing off of her, “There is something else I wanted to ask, though…”

“Anything.”

“If I let the curse play out…” Ester gulped. “Will I ever be able to have children of my own?”

The doctor didn’t answer right away.

Ester continued, “It’s just… you said that it was a very good spell—”

“It is a very good spell,” Doctor Rackar interrupted her, “But it’s not that good.”

Ester’s heart sank. She bit her tongue and nodded, trying to hold her expression flat. That wasn’t what she had wanted to hear.

“I’m sorry, Estella,” the doctor told her.

“It’s okay,” she said, wiping tears from the corner of her eyes, “It’s not your fault, after all. Can you cast a spell or something—?”

“Even after the curse has finished,” he said, “it would still be very risky. There are plenty of other options, including magical ones, if you one day really want to have a child of your own.”

Ester nodded, but had to choke down a sob.

The doctor continued, “Please understand, Estella, that it really will get easier. There will be a lot of grieving, but once you’ve processed your feelings you will come to terms with your situation.”

She wiped the tears out of her eyes and looked up at the doctor. He sat with his arms in his lap, but was watching her with sad eyes. As hard as it was to believe, he seemed to have some human emotion after all.

“Thank you for being honest with me,” she said.

He nodded.

“Is there anything else you need to know?” he asked.

Ester sighed.

“Actually, there is one thing.”

He gestured for her to continue.

She explained, “I used to be only attracted to girls. But then when the curse started, I kind of stopped being attracted to anyone. Now I'm not sure. I'm definitely thinking about guys, and I don't know if I'm only still thinking about girls because I think I'm supposed to or because I'm actually bi. And I don't feel as strongly as I used to regardless, and I always thought that there was something wrong with me because I didn't have much of a... um, sex drive before either. Is this ever going to make sense?"

Doctor Rackar nodded sagely.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “Victoria is the one who is good at ‘people stuff.’ I don't think I'll be much help to you with this, but I can assure you that it's not the curse that's responsible."

"Oh?"

Ester was stunned.

"The curse is only affecting your appearance and how you see yourself. Anything positive or negative you feel is entirely your own. I suspect that the reason your libido dropped was because of the sudden loss of testosterone. It may return when when the curse is finished, or this may be the new normal for you. Either way, there's nothing wrong with it."

“I see. Well, thank you for coming.”

“Of course.”

The doctor stood up quickly, and they seemed to be at the front door before Ester had time to blink.

“I really must be going, though,” he continued, “Don’t be afraid to contact me if you need help, but please take advantage of the rest of your support group as well. Victoria has certainly taken a shine to you.”

“I’ll remember that,” Ester promised, opening the door for the doctor.

She probably wouldn’t ask Victoria about it. That was a little personal. But she did have her gender council. Maybe they’d be able to give her some ideas about what was happening.

“I’ll be in touch,” Doctor Rackar assured her, stepping outside, “I am closing in on the creature responsible. I’ll call you when I have an answer, and you’ll be able to make your decision.”

“How long, do you think?”

“Give me a week. I suspect that it will take less than that.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

He nodded, then turned and started walking away. Ester watched closely from the open doorway. She was determine to see where he went. But between one moment and the next, he was just gone.

She grinned. How could she learn that kind of magic? It was so unfair.

Ester returned to her homework, but it was hard to concentrate. Less than a week and she could break the curse. Then she could find out if she really wanted to be a girl after all. She could find out if her parents had only kicked her out because of magical interference.

She’d know if April and her family really wanted her around or not.

Ester shivered and pushed her homework away.

“It’s not fair,” she muttered, “I finally get a life I’m happy with, and it’s not real.”

Less than a week before her big decision.

“I need to keep hanging out with my old friends,” she realized, “If I do turn back into a boy, everything will go back to the way it was. So I need to hold onto it.”

But…

“I also really wanted to explore this new life,” she thought, “This was the perfect opportunity to start over, something most people can only ever dream of. I can’t be both the new girl and the old guy. I only have enough time in the day to pick one or the other.”

Growing up in a stern household, Ester hadn’t exactly had a whole world of opportunities before her. Now she could be anything she wanted, as long as she was also April’s sister. Even better: she had new sort-of-parents who actually supported her trying out new things.

She didn’t want to lose this.

The thought made Ester wince. Nobody really had the freedom to start over. You got what you got and you stuck with it. Only selfish people abandoned their responsibilities to create new lives for themselves.

“I want to be selfish!” she cried out to nobody.

But that wasn’t true. She didn’t want to betray her parents, who had only rejected her because of the curse. She didn’t want to lose her sister, who was so afraid of what Ester had become she wouldn’t even use her real name. She didn’t want to throw away the life she’d made for herself for a role that was made for her to occupy.

“What do I do?” she asked the empty room, “Every path ends with me unhappy about my decision.”