26. Retreat from the Familiar
909 3 36
X
Reading Options
Font Size
A- 15px A+
Width
Reset
X
Table of Contents
Loading... please wait.

Ester laid in bed for a while after her alarm woke her up. It wasn’t until she heard a soft knock on the door and Stephanie’s voice that she finally groaned and pushed the sheets off of her. She didn’t want to get out of bed.

“I’m coming!” she cried hoarsely through the door.

For once, April was actually at the table eating cereal when Ester emerged. When she saw her “sister,” April smiled warmly at her. Ester struggled to return the gesture.

“Are you okay?” Stephanie asked, scarfing down bacon and trying not to get it one her suit, “You disappeared last night.”

“Just a stomach ache,” Ester lied, sitting down at the table, “Will you pour me a bowl?”

“Of course, honey,” Stephanie replied, stopping only to give Isaac a kiss when he entered the kitchen.

“Is it bad?” Isaac asked, “If you’re sick, you shouldn’t be going to school.”

“Yeah,” April agreed, slurping down her own breakfast, “I can get your homework for you.”

“Not too sick for school,” Ester replied, running her hands through her messy hair.

Stephanie placed a bowl of cereal down in front of Ester and squeezed her shoulder gently.

“If there’s anything wrong, you can tell us, honey. We’re all on your side here. Remember that.”

Ester tried to smile. But then she glanced over at April, who was watching her while hunched over her own bowl. She flashed Ester her toothy grin that showed off the gap in her incisors.

It made Ester’s heart plunge. April didn’t know what she’d done wrong. She was blissfully unaware of how much pain she’d caused Ester, and she got a sister in the process. But she was so kind. Telling her the truth would absolutely destroy her.

Hurting her was the only way Ester would get to break the curse.

“I’ll be fine,” she said, to Stephanie but mostly to herself, “I just need to shake myself out of this funk.”

April cleared her throat and asked, “Does… does this have anything to do with that phone call last night?”

Isaac interrupted, “She doesn’t have to tell us if she doesn’t want to, honey.”

“Actually,” Ester said, fidgeting in her seat, “That was my doctor. He had… bad news.”

Everyone watched her with baited breath.

“Um… it’s… going to take longer than he thought to find the answer,” she lied, “There won’t be time to figure out the cure. I’m stuck like this.” She shrugged. “I guess… better to know for sure than not to know anything, right?”

Her old, crappy life wasn’t worth getting back if April had to suffer for it.

“Oh, sweetie,” Stephanie said, wrapping her arms around Ester’s head in a gentle hug, “I’m so sorry.”

“I just… I hope that means you aren’t going to kick me out, now that we know this is permanent?”

“Of course not,” Isaac insisted, coming up behind her and placing his hands on her shoulders, “You’re as much a part of this family as you want to be.”

Ester nodded. She figured they’d say something like that. April’s wish had been for a sister, after all. If this was going to be her lot in life, then at least she felt welcome here.

“I need to take a shower,” she said, pushing away her half-finished bowl of cereal, “Sorry about wasting food… mom.”

That was something else she’d have to get used to.

“Don’t worry, honey,” Stephanie cooed. She stepped away so Ester could stand. “Just take care of yourself for right now, okay? You’ve got enough on your plate already.”

April, though, blinked in surprise.

Mom?” she echoed, as if she couldn’t believe she’d heard correctly.

When they finally got on the bus together, April couldn’t help but watch Ester carefully.

“Are you really calling my parents ‘mom and dad’ now?” she asked quietly.

Ester nodded, admitting, “They said it was okay.”

“No, it’s fine, I guess,” April replied, “I mean, we are kind of sisters, so it makes sense…”

Ester nodded, but turned away and closed her eyes. April didn’t try to talk to her more after that. That was honestly kind of a relief.

She said a brief goodbye to April when they got off the bus and hurried to the library. Her old friends would be waiting there for her. Maybe they’d be able to distract her from how she was feeling.

There was a buzz on her phone. Ester pulled it out and saw that it was a message from Victoria. She wanted to know what had happened the night before between her and the doctor. Instead of responding, Ester slid her phone back into her pocket.

“Ester, hey,” Lilly said when Ester arrived, “Jeez, ever hear of a brush? Your hair looks a mess.”

“Bad morning, that’s all,” Ester replied dry. Then she turned to Thomas and asked, “How are you, Tommy?”

“Fine, fine.”

He smiled briefly at her, and she returned the gesture the best that she could. Lilly seemed to pout a little and leaned up against Thomas. One of the other Girls asked Ester a question, so she turned to carry on the discussion.

“You really should think about wearing heels more often,” one of the Girls told her suddenly, “I know you’re new to this, but as short as you are you really need the boost.”

“Yeah, of course,” Ester muttered.

“And that haircut is totally limp. You need to find a better stylist.”

Ester turned away from the Girls to Thomas and the Boys.

One of them said, “Marvin really needs to get his ass into gear or Coach is going to cut him from the team.”

Ah, sports. Ester really wasn’t a big fan of sports even when she was a boy. This was probably going to be the only thing they talked about for a while, too, based on her experiences with the Boys. She sighed and leaned up against the wall, just waiting.

Finally the bell rang and she silently thanked the heavens.

“Ester,” Lilly said sharply, “Can I talk to you?”

“Oh, sure, Lilly. What’s up?”

Lilly just scowled and started walking with her.

“Lilly?”

“Look,” she said quietly, glaring at Ester, “I see the way you’re trying to get close to Thomas. You need to stop.”

“Get close to…? I don’t understand.”

“Calling him ‘Tommy’, chatting up him and his friends. Do you think I’m stupid, Ester?”

“No, I—”

“Just because you used to be a boy doesn’t mean that you don’t have to respect other girls now,” Lilly snapped, “He’s mine. I don’t need someone trying to lure him away, got it? We won’t have any problems as long as you just leave him to me.”

Ester scowled.

“I’m not attracted to your boyfriend!” she bit back.

Lilly’s face turned red.

“We’re not dating… yet,” she whispered, then growled, “But it would be a Hell of a lot easier if you weren’t there to confuse him.”

“…then I guess I just won’t be there.”

Lilly folded her arms and retorted, “Don’t be so dramatic. We’re not kicking you out or anything. I’m not the bad guy here.”

“No, Lilly, it’s fine,” Ester insisted, sighing, “Honestly, I don’t think I fit in with you guys anyway. You can have Thomas for all I care. I’ll… see you around, I guess.”

“Don’t be like that!” Lilly cried, but Ester just smiled weakly and waved goodbye.

She didn’t need people like this. Not when she had April and her friends. How had it taken her so long to realize just how toxic the Boys and Girls really were? Maybe it ebbed and flowed sometimes, but in the end someone was always trying to bite another person’s head off. She was glad to be done with them.

But when lunch came around, Ester stood at the entrance of the cafeteria and sighed. She didn’t want to see April again. Not now, anyway.

“Carla!” she called out, spotting her real sister.

“Hey… Ester,” Carla said, waving awkwardly.

Ester pushed through the crowd to get close and asked, “Can we talk?”

Carla glanced over to where her own lunch table with her own friends was, but said, “If you want. Let’s go outside, though. I wouldn’t mind some privacy while I ate.”

People didn’t normally eat outside, especially as it was getting colder out. Carla opened the door and a stiff wind slipped inside. Ester shivered and zipped up her jacket.

There were a few small tables outside. Carla sat down at the driest one and told Ester, “Sorry. I just have a really bad headache and don’t really want to be surrounded by noise right now.”

“Are you okay?”

“No, I’m fine, it’s just…” Carla trailed off, but Ester could see her cross her legs and blush as she looked away.

“Oh. Oh!” Ester felt her own face burn. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.”

“Well I don’t really advertise it,” Carla muttered, pulling her lunch out of her bag, “But it’s a good reason to break the curse as soon as possible, right? Trust me, you don’t want this if you don’t have to have it.”

“Actually… the doctor said I probably would never be able to have kids. I don’t know if I could ever get periods.”

“Oh… I’m sorry, Fofa.” But then she shrugged. “I guess it doesn’t make a difference. You’re still planning to break the curse, right?”

Ester didn’t respond.

“El?”

“The thing is…” Ester sighed. “The doctor called me last night. He said that the curse was unbreakable. I’m stuck like this.”

“Oh…”

Ester’s heart broke as Carla’s expression fell.

“I’m so sorry, Eli,” she said.

Ester wiped a few tears out of her eyes.

“Can you use my new name, please?” she asked, “I know it’s hard, but I don’t want to be reminded about my past if I don’t have to.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just… a lot to take in. I thought it was just a matter of time before you were my brother again.”

“Do you really hate the idea of having a sister that much?” Ester asked.

“No, it’s not that,” Carla insisted, “I just never get to see you anymore. I didn’t realize how important you were to me until I lost you.” Then she flared her nostrils. “And that girl took you away from me. I hate it!”

“Please don’t blame April,” Ester pleaded, “She doesn’t even know she’s responsible.”

“Why not?!” Carla cried, “You have to hold her accountable, El- Ester.”

“The truth would just hurt her,” Ester insisted, “She doesn’t deserve that. She’s a good person, Carla, I swear. And she deserves the sister she’s always wanted.”

“What about me?” Carla demanded, “Do I not deserve to keep my own sibling?”

Ester stood up and walked over, then grabbed her in a gentle hug. After a moment, Carla grabbed onto her and started to cry. They held each other for a while. Ester stroke Carla’s hair a bit.

“I’m sorry, Carla,” she said, “I really am. But you were right. I’m better off than I ever was with mom and dad.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” Carla sobbed.

“You won’t,” Ester insisted, now crying herself, “I promise I won’t leave you.”

“I’m not going to leave you either, Ester,” Carla replied, “Whatever happens, I’m going to stick by you. You and me, sisters forever.”

“Thank you.”

Eventually, the bell rang and the two had to part. Ester promised to text Carla when she got home. The rest of the day passed so slowly. To be fair, Ester didn’t really want to see April again, but she didn’t really want to be in school either.

“Hey April,” she muttered when she plopped down next to her on the bus.

“You feeling better?” April asked.

“Honestly, a little,” Ester replied, “But I think I’m going to collapse right into bed when I get home and get some rest.”

“Oh, okay.” April seemed to deflate a little. “I was actually hoping to show you a few new makeup tricks I looked up. You know, I thought it might be fun to experiment and try to find your style. But if you don’t feel up to it, we can always do it later.”

“Yeah… later.”

Or never.

Ester ignored her homework when she got home. Instead, she plopped down on her bed and pulled out her laptop. Hopefully there would be messages from her Gender Council waiting for her. She had made a post about her decision that morning.

She hadn’t told them why she made the decision, though.

“Wow, that’s amazing Ester!” Tara had written, “So glad you feel like you’ve found yourself.”

Another person wrote, “It’s always good to hear when people learn things about themselves through the hardships they experience.”

“Wishing you the best,” Zora said, “If you’re ever in Miami, hit me up. I’d love to see what became of you.”

“So proud of you, Ester.”

“It’s great that you feel this is an opportunity and not a restriction. Wish I could be so lucky.”

“Congratulations.”

“Go out and live your best life, kid.”

The messages continued like that. Hot tears ran down Ester’s face. This is exactly what she’d expected. Just a few days ago, it was even what she’d have wanted. Why did this feel so bad now?

“It doesn’t feel like my choice anymore,” she realized, “Even though it was April’s fault, it was still my decision whether or not to accept it. And I want to. I really do. I want to be a girl, just not because of some stupid spell controlling my thoughts. But it’s not like anyone else gets to choose their families, so it’s not that big a deal that I didn’t get to choose mine, right?”

Her head was spinning.

Now it was April’s choice instead of Ester’s. If Ester told April the truth, it would destroy her. And she probably couldn’t be convinced not to recant the wish if she felt guilty about it.

“But it’s supposed to be my decision!” Ester cried into her pillow, “I said that no one else was allowed to control my life anymore. Why does God hate me so much?!”

Eventually, she closed the computer and sat it down on the bedside table. Ester stretched out and buried her face in her pillow. Then she started to sob loudly.

After a few minutes, her phone buzzed. Ester pried it out of her pocket. It was a message from Victoria, pleading Ester to call her as soon as she could. Instead, Ester placed her phone on the bedside table and curled up under the covers to keep crying.

36