The way to the top is through baby steps. Few know this, but before I ever won a major tournament, I cut my chops in a variant game—I was a strip poker champion.

 

It was a new year.

Joey and Ellie held each other close in the casino elevator as it rose to their floor. They stared into each other’s eyes. It was a romantic moment, set to the mood of the elevator background music—a special holiday mix the hotel had selected.

“My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. And they’re like, it’s better than yours. Damn right it’s better than yours. I can teach you, but I have to charge.”

It was Milkshake by Kelis. Joey jabbed their floor button over and over, trying to speed up the elevator before this devil’s marching music ruined everything.

“…Do you remember our last time like this in this elevator?” Ellie asked.

“Of course!” How could Joey forget? “When Pedro cramped it with his pool float.”

“No!” She slapped his chest while laughing. “The day before that!”

Joey wore a teasing smirk but didn’t answer. Instead, he pulled her in for an intense kiss.

How could he not remember? That was the day he first marked this little rabbit as the target in his poker game of romance.

*Ding*

The elevator doors opened to their floor. Ellie pulled away from him and walked out, waiting outside the door, smiling and gazing at him. ‘This man can be so charming sometimes,’ she thought.

Joey staggered out like a train wreck. He bumped against her, almost causing them both to fall, knocking over the flower vase on the table in the hall. This hot mess was the charming one.

‘…Sometimes,’ she tried to maintain her smile as her eyes died.

“I think you drank too much…” Ellie said. The two of them had a few drinks downstairs earlier.

Snort. “I’m not drunk!” he yelled, holding his arm over her shoulder as she helped him to their room.

“If you’re not drunk, then nobody tonight is drunk!” Ellie joked.

“Drunk or not, I bet I can still beat you in poker, Ms. high roller!”

The gloves were off!

Ellie knitted her eyebrows. She may have been a sweet and playful girl, but she had one other characteristic, she was competitive! ‘Snort. If he wants to embarrass himself, I should let him!’ Her eyes became fiery! “Yes? Prove it then! We’ll play in the room!” she challenged.

“Good!”

The two reached their door. While Ellie looked for her key, she didn’t notice the lopsided smirk on Joey’s face and the flash of intelligence in his eyes!

He thought, ‘This is an amazing tactic. I’ll thank Richard if I see him again.’ This bastard wasn’t drunk at all! He stole a move from Richard’s playbook!

*Creak*

Ellie opened the door, turned on the lights, and the two entered the room, refreshed by the light scent of roses and jasmine, a signature of the hotel.

Joey continued to stumble around, doing his best Jack Sparrow impression as he fell towards the bed, and then his suitcase, somehow landing in a seated position each time. From a pocket of his luggage, he pulled out a pack of cards. “Let’s…hiccup…find out!” he declared.

Ellie’s eyes narrowed, thinking it’d be good to take Joey down a peg. “Good! But how do we play? There are no chips.”

Joey searched around left and right for something to use, then glimpsed down. “Easy! We play with clothes! Strip poker!”

Ellie’s face became red and she lowered her head. A few seconds later, she looked up again. “Fine! I’ll take your whole clothing bankroll!”

The two sat on the bed’s white linens, preparing for their match. Joey was confident. He even wore three pairs of socks this morning. During preflop, he’d already planned the river!

The only thing was, even though Joey wasn’t too drunk, the two of them had still been drinking. When he tried to turn his ability into active mode, the result surprised him. Everything was hazy! His emotions and thoughts were in disarray! He didn’t see this coming, but like any outstanding pilot, he had faith in landing the plane manually.

This wouldn’t be a prolonged match. Unlike poker, when someone won chips here, they threw them off the table. It wasn’t like Joey could put on Ellie’s top and raise her with it later. ‘...It’s too bad Ellie is so thin.’ He actually considered it!

Considering all possibilities is a characteristic of a champion. Shame? That’s no factor!

Joey thought, ‘This is like when a hero has to conquer an Amazon warrior woman by defeating her in battle, but the damn poker version.’

The two warriors, champions of their respective tribes, glared at each other, scanning for weaknesses. The battlefield was silent. A wrong move could spell death. They were waiting for the right moment when their opponent showed an opening, that’s when they would strike. It could be anything: a change in posture, a reflection from the sun, a falling leaf...

“Weeeeeeeee!” A random drunk in the hallway yelled. That was the signal! They unleashed their first strikes!

*Clang*

It had begun--a duel to the death.

Once their weapons were out, they wouldn’t be sheathed again until they took a life. The fighters swung their blades, stripping off their opponent’s armor.

The deathmatch was in full swing.

Joey ran well the first few hands, only to realize his predicament—he was playing against a real high roller with a giant bankroll. As Ellie removed one hat, another appeared underneath…

Joey gasped.

After the third time this happened, he wondered if she was a Matryoshka doll.

Soon, the tides turned. Ellie chipped away at Joey’s bankroll piece by piece: shoes, socks, shirt, socks, socks. When the third pair of socks came off, Joey noticed a flint of respect in Ellie’s gaze. That’s when he realized it. ‘She was thinking ‘Touche!’ That’s why she had so many hats! This hustler came prepared!’

Joey had met his match, possibly his life’s great rival, but he would never let the side of evil be victorious!

He mounted his counterattack! The two wounded soldiers continued to exchange blows!

Joey was battered and bruised. He knew he wasn’t playing in his best form. Watching Ellie undress, his usual complex psychological tactics were limited today to the following: ‘Show me them boobies.’

Joey licked his lips. Ellie’s body was something else. Although she was tall and thin, she still had curves in all the right places. Her blue satin bra barely restrained her supple breasts.

Her pale skin glittered in his eyes, as they traced down to her exposed flat stomach, and then to those exquisite long legs.

Ellie sat on her knees on the bed. Joey swallowed as he glimpsed her thighs and calves. He even saw her exposed feet wiggling behind her, as if cutely marching to a battle drum.

Joey couldn’t lose this fight, for he had found purpose. ‘I can perish here tonight, but I’ll be buried with her underwear gripped in my cold dead hands!

A man on a divine mission made his stand.

…

*Pant* *Pant*

The two warriors struggled to stand. The fierce knight and the Amazon princess. They were down to their last breaths. This last blow would decide the winner.

Joey and Ellie were down to their underwear. The winner of the next hand would become the victor. It wasn’t a contest of skill anymore, but of will and luck. On whose side would destiny stand on?

Joey looked at his cards. This was his moment. “I’m all in!”

Ellie looked into his eyes for several seconds. This was the respect due to a true warrior, a powerful rival. Only through fierce battle, could you ever truly understand another person. But one of them had to die.

“I call!” she declared.

Joey flipped his cards—four of a kind! The knight swung his holy sword! It was his ultimate move! An unstoppable strike that split heaven and earth!

Ellie held up her hand—straight flush! It was the Aegis Shield! The unbreakable barrier that no weapon could pierce! She was invincible!

Joey’s strike failed! His weapon and armor shattered! His body...collapsed!

The line between winning and losing, life and death, heaven and hell was that thin! Joey was defeated! He lost everything!

Nations wept…

It was the end of an era…

Joey’s death would be remembered for centuries to come…

It was a wonderful battle, one to be proud of, but his heart...had stopped beating long ago. He only kept battling through the sheer power of his will…but it was enough now…He was tired.

As his eyes lost their luster, fading into the depths of time, they took their last glimpse at his fated foe. At the final moment of disappearing, he laid sight on something, and whispered his last dying words…

“Boobies...”

...

The will to live returned!

He flipped the table! “F*ck that! Rebuy!” Like the king of ghosts who climbed out of hell, Joey dove onto Ellie and kissed her like a raging storm!

The game soon had no more chips to bet!

If Joey can’t win at poker, then he’ll just change the game!

As for Ellie? She could beat him once! She could beat him twice! She accepted the new challenge!

In the end...they would have to call this one a draw.