2. Don’t Be So Soft
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Announcement
WARNING: Slurs get used in this, and a few future chapters.
I'm trying some weird stuff with perspective, but hopefully it isn't too confusing. And pronouns will switch eventually, but not yet.

“Hey Danny, we’re heading out now. Still sure about staying behind?”

Danny looked down for a second, then back to Simon. “Yeah, sorry. Just not feeling up to it.”

Ryan entered the apartment, equipped with a pair of sporty sunglasses and an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt. “Hey, the car’s running, dude. We have to leave!”

Simon headed to the door. “Ok well, if you change your mind, text me and I’ll send the address.”

“Got it.” Danny waved as the two left.

After a few minutes of staring at the door, he sighed. Maybe I should have gone with them. This could be my last chance to go swimming for a while. He closed himself in his room and took off his shirt. Yeah, nothing is noticeable, yet, he thought as he examined his chest.

Three weeks on estrogen therapy hadn’t been enough time to stop Danny from going shirtless. Not that he missed doing that. But, he did know he would miss swimming. God, and summer is just starting. If I have to go the whole year without swimming, I’m gonna kick myself for dodging this.

Still, a whole day at a public pool with a bunch of Ryan’s friends was not his cup of tea. And besides, he had a different plan for the day.

 

Danny locked the bathroom door behind him and began his new routine. Or at least part of it. He set a small satchel on the counter and pulled out a tiny pair of red tweezers. I’ve waited too long to use you, he thought. As he slowly plucked the brow hairs that bothered him, he knew not to go overboard. Nothing too fancy, just enough to keep from looking like an unkempt caveman. 

Finally feeling satisfied that he had struck the perfect balance, he moved to moisturizing. He squirted a small glob onto his fingers, and began to massage it into his face. While he hadn’t grown breasts in the last few weeks, the change he did notice was just how soft his skin was getting. He had become obsessed with it, and was now spending more money than he ever thought was possible on skincare products. His only gripe was how long it took him to get a clean shave every morning. I can’t wait to zap these awful things off of me, he thought while rubbing his always-present stubble.

The most bothersome thing about his permanent beard shadow was that it scared him from practicing makeup. Well, that and the fear of being caught actually wearing makeup.

 

After finishing in the bathroom, he sat down at his desk. His computer unlocked and already had the video he needed pulled up. Oops, I’ll have to be more careful about that. The video’s purpose was to help Danny feminize his voice. His voice was already fairly feminine for a man, but that was precisely the issue: for a man. And of course, that would not be good enough.

Ten minutes of vocal exercises later, and Danny felt ready to record some clips of himself. He found a passage to recite, and made three clips that he could study and review. Except, when he listened to them, he only felt shame. I sound awful. God, this is going to be impossible, isn’t it? A few tears welled up in his eyes, something that had been happening more often when he grew frustrated. Danny crossed his arms and fell back in his chair. As he did, he remembered how soft his arms had gotten. He felt his face, and he felt a bit of hope growing. No. It’s a process. My first day training is bound to be a mess. He leaned forward and started another practice session.

 

***

   

    “Do you think something is up with him?” Simon asked as he threw his towel in the back seat.

    “Who? Danny?” Ryan slammed his door and buckled in.

    “Yeah, he usually loves to swim.”

    “Dude, he’s a ginger, a day in the sun is a death sentence for him.”

    “That hasn’t stopped him before.” Simon knew that Danny was always smart about sunblock, and rarely shied away from a chance in the water. “I really thought he was coming out of his shell these past few weeks, but...maybe it was in my head.”

    Ryan turned out of the parking lot and answered, “I guess he’s been a little more talkative than he was in high school, but I also haven’t seen him in years.”

    “If anything he got quieter after graduation. I was honestly worried about him for a while. Like maybe he was getting depressed.”

    “Maybe he realized he was gay.”

    “C’mon, Ryan, I thought you were more mature than this.” Simon looked at the man driving him with some disgust.

    “Hey, woah! I am mature! I’m not trying to put him down, it’s just. You have to know what I mean.” Ryan had a tone to his voice that he wanted to say more.

 

***

   

    Vocal practice had left Danny’s throat feeling a little rough, so he decided a break was in order. He still wasn’t happy with the results, but he knew he would have more opportunities to improve. And after all, the last thing he wanted to do was stress his voice too much.

    Well, I planned on that taking longer, Danny thought as he started to browse the web. How else could I use this time…

 

    As if the internet could read his mind, a tweet about sex positivity go Danny thinking. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten off, and I have the place to myself. Yeah, let’s do this. 

    While looking for something he could pleasure himself to, his mind wandered to a conversation he had had with...well honestly he had it with a lot of people. Everyone, once they felt comfortable around him, would ask Danny if he was gay. Or at least hint at asking it. Even his father confronted him back in high school.

 

    The memory played back in his mind, Danny, if you cut your hair, you might actually get a girlfriend. What do you mean you don’t care? You’re sixteen, you should have at least had a date by now. I know I didn’t raise a faggot. 

That last one always upset Danny, sometimes leading to tears. Which, of course, only made his father more upset. Christ, don’t be so soft! What is your mother doing to you. 

 

His father was the only one that was aggressive about it, but plenty of his friends had tried to coax out his sexuality.

    Eventually Danny just told people he was asexual, or for the people who wouldn’t know what that was, that he didn’t care enough about sex to date in high school, and would wait until he had his life more sorted to try dating. After enough time, his father just gave up trying to get his son interested in girls. As long as he wasn’t gay, he would let it slide.

    But what made it funny for Danny is that he actually was straight. He just wasn’t a man.

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