SailusGebel

I'm sorry for disappearing for so long. My work got in the way of my writing. As an apology, I would try and release at least two more chapters this week.

 It was the second week of my college life. I was slowly getting used to the days of a college student rather than a school's pupil.

 I had the option of going to one of the best colleges there is in the city. But in the end, I chose the one that Andrew chose, as a side bonus, it was closer to my home. I had a hunch that I won't get many friends with my personality.

 And my prediction became a reality. My group had no one even barely relatable to myself. As Andrew was in a different group and attended only a few of the lectures I had, most of the time, I was alone.

 I wasn't on bad terms with my group, but it wasn’t a friendly relationship either.

 And today was the day I've felt it in the worst situation possible.

 The lectures we needed to attend has ended, and our group was left with a new task. We needed to find the next classroom.

 A part of the students who probably wanted to study hard has already gone somewhere. And I was left out with the group that was enjoying different parts of college life. We went to the classroom, but the only thing we've met was a closed door.

 The bell rang, and we didn't see a thing for a few minutes already.

 "Sooo, what should we do?" one of the girls started talking. "Should we just go home?"

 "I don't know, I've heard that if the professor doesn't show up in fifteen minutes or so, we can go home." a guy who was in a sports team added.

 "How much has passed?"

 "Seven or so minutes."  the other guy added.

 "So we should just wait here?"

 "I guess."

 "Ugh."

 While they started talking to each other, I was left out of the group. It was what I wanted in the first place. If they were wrong, we would share the blame, if they were right, we would rightfully go home. I started surfing the net through my phone as I waited for a professor to show up.

 They continued talking about something in small groups, however, it didn't have anything to do with me.

 A few minutes later, our group started discussing what to do again. Well, when I said our group, it was actually a few loud ones from our group.

 "So fifteen minutes passed, and we can go home. Yes?" the girls started talking again.

 "Think so."

 "Yeah."

 "Then we should go home, I'm already tired of sitting and listening to the rumblings of those old guys."

 "Should we go somewhere?"

 "How about karaoke? Or maybe some restaurant?"

 "I don't know if I would able to participate, I have a date with my boyfriend scheduled."

 "Oh, I have a party tonight, by the way, if some of you want to come in, you can do so if you bring some booze."

 "Nice!"

 "I'm gonna get wasted!"

 Their voices have already blended for me, yet I was still walking with them. After all, I was a part of the group.

 "You are Erlig, aren't you?" as we were near an exit to the college grounds one of the guys called me. He was the one talking about the party if I'm right. "You wanna hang out tonight?"

 "Ah, sorry, I've had some stuff to do." I made the most regretful face I could.

 "That sucks. Anyway, if you need a party to attend you can talk to me." he smiled.

 "I would remember this." I nodded.

 After this, I shook hands with some of the guys in our group and said goodbye to them.

 After some time, I was back at home. I decided to do a little bit of the homework I've had, and after finishing everything, I started playing games waiting for Andrew to come back from college.

 In the evening, my parents came back together, and we talked about my day. I said to them that everything was as usual, and I was slowly getting used to the new environment. Despite that, they kept nagging me that the first half of the first year was the most important one. And how I should make a great image for the professors.

 So far, everything was okay, so I listened to their talk halfheartedly.

 However, I was wrong.

 The very next day, we've met the other part of our group. The students that wanted to study.

 "Professor was mad at you, you know? He was waiting for all of you to show up for almost half an hour."

 "Shouldn't he be the one to warn us? And by the way, you could've told us that he changed the classroom at the last second!"

 "I don't have your contacts, and you should've gone to the faculty's head office! They could've told you where the new classroom was."

 As someone was arguing about the whole situation I was groaning inside. Why the fuck this happened?

 I was thinking about what to do when a few guys and a girl came to me. They looked more serious than the ones that talked about partying or dating, yet they still weren't like exemplary students.

 "Erlig, we had a little discussion between us." One of them went closer to me. "So we thought about asking the professor about an extra seminar to gloss over the fact that we skipped it yesterday."

 "Uh-huh, that's a great idea." that sucked, but it was probably the best option we had at the moment.

 "So are you with us?"

 I looked around at the partying group that was talking between each other, and the serious ones that already separated from us.

 "I guess we can try and appeal to him." I didn't want to sour the mood between me and the professor from the get go. "And what about them?"

 "I don't think they will come, also it would be better if the group that comes to him is a smaller one."

 Smaller, huh?

 "Alright, when we should go?"

 "After the third lecture."

 "Okay."

 After sitting through the lectures, our small group went to look for the professor. And soon we were lucky enough to find him.

 As we appealed to him he soon softened up and we had our fourth class of the day, and it was a seminar to boot.

 I went back home completely squeezed out of power. As my day started in the day, when I was going back it was already evening. My parents were already at home, cooking dinner. And after twenty or so minutes the food was ready and we sat down to have dinner together and chat.

 "So, what happened today? I thought you had three lectures today, but it looks like you had one more."

 "Yeah dad, I had one more."

 "Something happened?" he slowed down his eating speed so he could listen to my story.

 "Well, you see, yesterday, we were scheduled to have a seminar, but our professor wasn't there."

 "And you went back home?"

 "Well, yeah, everyone went so I went together with them." I decided to cover up that there were actually people from my group that attended the seminar.

 "Sigh, it was a good lesson about accountability for you."

 "But it wasn't my fault!" sure I followed the others and in the schedule of our group it was pointed out in which classroom the seminar would be held.

 "Erlig, dear, it doesn't matter if you are the one at fault." my mother's voice sounded cheerful despite me making a mistake. "This is what it feels like when we said you won't be guided like it was in school. That's what being an adult is like."

 "But this is unreasonable!" Yes, why should I just accept something as stupid as this?

 "But you made your choice, didn't you? You could've asked around if something was changed, yet you chose the easy way." my father was relentless. "In the end, you reap what you sow."

 "Ugh."

 "You should stop mindlessly following others as you did in school."

 "But I wasn't following everyone all the time, I mean, I didn't drink or smoke when I was underage."

 "Gah, I'm not talking about that!" father looked frustrated.

 "Dear, we are talking about the choices that will affect your life. Why did you choose this college?" my mother intervened once again.

 "Because it's good and close to our home."

 "Yes, and we said that you can enroll there if you want. But was it truly your choice? Have you done this while thinking about your future?"

 "Ye-yes."

 "And you weren't lazy, nor you didn't want to have a friend nearby?" she showed me a kind smile.

 "Look Erlig, we know that you cherish your friend. But you shouldn't let him be a deciding factor in your life. It's good that your friendship is strong, however, will it help you with your exams? Or when you would look for a job later on?" my father took a sip of tea. "You should think for yourself and take the responsibility as well as the full brunt of your own failure to grow up."

 "I guess…" I knew what they were talking about but it wasn't as easy as it sounded. "By the way, dad, mom, what were you like in your college days?"

 "Erm…" my father looked surprised, while my mother had a deadpan expression.

 "Let's talk about this on another day."

 "Ehem, yes son. Anyway, there was another thing I wanted to tell you."

 "I'm listening."

 "Not everyone from your group took a supplementary lesson, am I right?"

 "Yes, it was only a part."

 "As I thought." he took another sip of his tea. "Your relationship with the other part would probably sour."

 "Huh? Why?"

 "Well, they are basically now scapegoats. While a part of you appealed that you were innocent and didn't have any ill intention, the other part didn't even bother to check anything."

 "And after meeting this professor, do you think he would be happy to see them?"

 "No, but why are you talking about our relationship going sour?"

 "It's obvious dear because your professor would make you an example of proper students." my mother told as she went after seconds. "After doing it, it will inevitably make the other party look at you like you are a flatterer."

 "I've never thought about that." fuck, now that I think about it seems like the truth.

 "Son, even if you think that you avoided responsibility for your action or divided it with the other, it doesn't mean you will come out of it unscathed." he had a somewhat sad smile hanging on the edges of his mouth.

 "That's why you should grow up soon dear." my mother added.

 "I will try."

 "Remember that if you meet something that is hard to overcome with your strengths alone, we will be there to help you."

 I remember this conversation like it was yesterday. We often talked about things like that, especially about my shortfalls. My parents were loving and understanding.

 They weren't preaching, but they listened to my point of view as well. My parents wanted me to grow up as a good person.

 And I wanted to meet their expectations.

 I was changing when I was studying in college. I often got over my own shortcomings to avoid the worst outcomes, however, I've never gone all out for the best outcome.

 To the end of my college days, my innards were the same. Of course, I changed here and there.

 Yet my core was the same.