I was in a state of deep groggy. My world was shaking, and all the voices mingled together, so I couldn't make anything out.
I felt pain, and my arms were reflexively defending my body and head. I don't know how much time has passed in this state. Suddenly I heard the voice of a woman.
"Defend yourself consciously!"
Right, I was fighting.
The world around me was still shaking, but my eyes focused on the man before me. He was trying to reach my face with his hands, but I was blocking everything.
The clarity of mind was slowly returning to me as I tried to discern my situation.
"Thwap!"
"Ugh!" I felt a hard punch to my body that shook my core.
As another punch was flying to my head, I leaned diagonally. After evading his strike and closing the distance enough to reach him, my elbow smashed the cheek of my opponent. Yet his cheek was covered by his arm.
He took a step back while I stepped forward.
I threw a quick one-two combination of punches at him, aiming for his head. He blocked both strikes without any problems. I made a pushing front kick in the end, making him back down.
As we increased the distance between each other, I managed to take a breather. I still couldn't think much and needed some time to pull myself together.
Managing to take a few seconds to breathe, I was once again pressured by my opponent. He went forward with a flicker jab that I deflected and sent a wide overhand that I managed to dodge.
The distance between us was still long, so I made a jab in return, and with a forward step, I jumped upward, putting my knee forward. I felt it connecting with my opponent, but I was now in a precarious position.
I was getting ready to eat a punch with my chin when the referee suddenly went in between us.
"Break!"
It was the end of round one.
I saw my opponent taking his mouthguard as he trotted into his corner.
"Erlig!"
Turning my head, I saw Jessie inside the cage, and I went closer to her.
"Are you okay? He caught you hard, but you already recovered, right?"
It took me a second before I understood what she asked. "I think yes." Someone started checking my face and wiping the sweat from my body. This person was using a flashlight as he pointed it to my eyes. "Can you keep going?"
"Yes." I nodded and was able to finally sit down on the small stool.
"Listen to me and try to recover." I saw Jessie walking behind me and felt her soft touch on my shoulders. "Protect your chin, tuck it down or onto your shoulder, don't openly throw punches."
"Uh-huh." I was given a bottle of water by Jessie, and I drank a mouthful.
"Tire him out. You should move more actively, try to throw more punches and kicks, no need to put all of your force into this."
"Okay." Jessie put my mouthguard back in place and took my face into her hands.
"I will tell you when to go after takedown. Try to clinch him at that time and make a leg hook takedown."
I nodded.
"Fighters, get ready!" I heard the referee's voice.
"Fight!"
Everything was happening at a fast tempo. A few seconds ago, Jessie was still here, and now I was moving closer to the center of the cage. Looking at my opponent, he wasn't much better than I. Though he landed more punches on me, I was looking fresher.
Remembering Jessie's advice, I started throwing fast punches, making him move and use his energy to protect. He moved a lot with his upper body.
After a long, light combination of punches, I kicked his calf, making him step away.
"Thwap!"
Evading his swing and blocking his sidekick, I reached his nose with a fist of mine.
I started breathing lighter and began shuffling. Moving continuously, jumping from left to right, I was showering him with lots of weak punches. Every time I threw three or four punches that mostly went into his block, he only returned a single punch that I evaded easily.
Step by step, he was moving back, trying to regain some distance from me. Yet I stuck to him like chewing gum to the sole of a boot.
I couldn't understand what I was doing anymore. There was no technique as I simply used my arms as a jackhammer.
Suddenly he made a wide swing which I barely avoided with my upper body. Yet he didn't stop and tried to add a cutting low kick. My leg was a hair's breadth away from being hit.
He spun to the side from the sheer force of this kick. While I readjusted my position. Looking at him, he was breathing heavily.
I couldn't let him take a breather. Going forward again, I launched a front kick which he managed to dodge. I kept moving forward when I heard a sudden shout.
"Takedown!"
Hearing this, I reflexively went down and after his body. Yet, in the middle of my rush, I rose upward and dodged a punch. As I was in such close proximity, I clinched him, and both of us started leaning back.
He tried to shake me off, and at the same time, balance, but it was soon changed by me. Hooking his calf with my own, I moved it to the side.
He wasn't able to steady himself anymore, and we started falling down. Still standing on my leg, I clenched him tighter and added a spin to our fall.
It all happened in a second, and I managed to throw him on his back with additional force. I ended up on top of him, and now it was a game of speed and technique.
I spun on top of him in a fraction of a second, and his feet were before me. Entwining his leg with my own, I grabbed his foot.
"AAARGH!" I heard a voice full of pain.
"STOP! THE FIGHT IS OVER!" The voice of the referee and her touch made me release my hold.
It all happened in a second. Standing up, I was still baffled about what happened. Perhaps I didn't fully recover.
My opponent stood up as well. He looked gloomy, but by the looks of it, his leg wasn't damaged.
A few physicians came into the cage and looked through me, and my opponent. As we spent some time like this, I finally recovered and understood what happened.
Everyone beside me, my opponent, and the referee finally left the cage. I was nervously waiting for the announcement of the results. With my opponent, standing one person to the left of me, my left arm was held by the judge.
"The judges of the worldwide association of MMA decided. The winner due to submission is Erlig Grimes." My hand was raised up by a judge.
"YEAH!" I heard Jessie's scream and a long whistle.
I, in turn, raised my hands upwards. I won, fuck, I WON IT!
"AAAH!" I shook my head left and right, spilling the sweat all around.
"Hey." I heard the man's voice. Turning around, I saw my opponent. "It was a good fight, thank you." he stretched a hand to me, and I shook it.
"Thank you! I've learned a lot from this fight." I shook his hand passionately. "Thanks." My heart beat fast as my chest undulates.
"Me too." As I released his hand, he started slowly taking his gloves away. "Good luck next time."
"Good luck to you too." I felt elated, and when Jessie jumped into my embrace with a clean towel, I hugged her and spun around.
"You did a great job today, Erlig!" Still, in my embrace, Jessie ruffled my hair, and we laughed.
"DAMN! Ahahaha, I thought I would lose it!" As she jumped down from my hug, we quickly went from the cage, and I started taking my gloves away.
"Let me help you." Grabbing my hands, Jessie deftly took the tape off and peeled off the gloves. "You did great, but there are still a lot of things we need to work on. Especially your defense, you did great when transitioning to the heel hook, but you almost failed because of your first takedown."
"Yeah, I get it. We will work on this." As I nodded once, I got a bottle of water from Jessie's hands and gulped mouthfuls of water, spilling a little bit on top of my head. I still couldn't believe I won after getting into knockdown.
"Erlig, are you all right?" I finally saw Annie as my excitement was slowly fading away.
"I'm perfectly fine, mother," I puffed my chest, "I'm feeling on top of the world." I showed her my smile that stretched from ear to ear.
"Are you sure you are fine? I think you should have a check-up in our college." I heard another woman's voice. Behind my stepmother's back, I saw Rose. Her short hair was still combed on one side, and there was a choker around her neck. This time, her clothes were bold and open. Tight leather pants, a small top, and a puffer jacket.
"Your teacher Rose told me a few things about you." Annie made what she probably thought of as a strict expression. "And you should stop ignoring your studies."
"Teacher Rose." Jessie stood between me and two older women. "You don't understand, Erlig aims for the top, and If he does so, he will have less time for other things…" I felt warm hearing Jessie defending me, but I had my own vision of this whole situation.
"I will, mother, Rose. I will visit lectures more often from now on. You don't have to worry."
"You what?" Jessie turned to me with her eyes wide.
"That's great." Rose was obviously happy.
"It's for the better." Annie looked relieved.
"Jessie, you and me, we will talk about this after I get changed. Is this okay?"
"Hrmmm…"
"Don't worry about this." Patting her shoulder, I went towards where I left the bag with my clothes. Finding an empty room, I changed. There was no shower here, and I felt somewhat squeamish, changing into my clothes while being sweaty, but I could only wipe my body with the towel and bear with it.
Finally getting away, I saw that the number of women reduced to two. Only Annie and Jessie stayed. Seeing my expression that issued a silent question, I was answered that Rose left as she still had things to do.
Taking Jessie aside, I proceeded to talk her out of this small conflict.
"Jessie, I will visit the school more often, but it doesn't mean that I won't go to the training, or that I will go there less often. I simply will stop being lazy."
"Lazy?" She gave me a doubtful look.
"Yes, lazy." This time I can be honest. "I can simply rack up my attendance list because I'm now on a different course, right?"
"Yeah."
"Well, perhaps I took this TOO lightly, and now I will simply start showing up there every now and again."
She wanted to say something at first, but then she shook her head. "Whatever. Let's talk about all of this later. You still need to recover from the fight. Have a check-up on Monday. I'm leaving you with your mother, so take it easy today."
"Thanks, Jessie. Your coaching was very valuable today."
"Argh, stop with this already. I know that I need to learn a lot as well." She scratched her temple, but there was a tiny smile dancing at the corners of her lips. "I will go home and think up how to tweak your training. See you later."
"See you later."
Walking back towards the place where Annie was, I saw her talking with someone over her phone.
"I will tell you more this evening, yes, uh-hum. Love you." She cut the call off as soon as I came closer, and I heard only the end of a dialogue, but judging by the way she talked, it was probably.
"I talked with Greg and told him about your performance."
"And what did he say?" I felt slightly nervous. I didn't know why exactly, I just did.
"He is happy." A smile blossomed on her face. "I've told him how close you are to this girl, Jessie Arndt. And I even told him a bit about your teacher Rose."
"What about her?"
"Heehee." she chuckled lightly. "She came here hurrying while you were already there, waiting for your fight to start. At first, I didn't know who she was, but when she asked about you, one thing led to another.."
"And so you became acquainted?" I led her from this place as we were slowly getting back.
"Yes, when he punched you, both of us were so worried, I thought my heart would stop." she placed one of her hands on top of her heart. "But later on, seeing how you were alright, we calmed down. By the end, she told me a bit about your school days, and I told her how highly you thought of her." She smiled somewhat mischievously.
"You did? But what exactly did you two talk about?" My eyes squinted as I put a forced smile on my lips.
"A secret." She made a shushing gesture. Her eyes twinkled playfully.
"Why do all women like secrets so much?" I muttered to no one in particular as Annie walked ahead.
Preciate the chapter
i really like jessie she is the most close girl with the mc
Thanks for the chapter
Jessie's starts recording me more
Thanks for the chapter
Thanks for the chapter.
Hey Author-kun, im going to start adding my two cents, for whatever thats worth, (namely; 2 pennies .....)
Nevertheless, since you're looking for constructive criticism I'll do my best.
For starters, thank you for the story!
You've made me relate to MC, totally despise MC, and hope MC succeeds in his endeavor of finding true freedom!!
While from his pov, these shackles naturally seem to only originate from without, he's slowly realizing the true battle is from within...
In any case. In any world... In anyone's shoes....it always starts with from within.
... its easy for us to project these things and blame everyone BUT ourselves.
MC is a perfect example of this. And you did veerrrryyyyyy well in teaching us that lesson!!! Brutally so! Lol
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Anyways, here's some blabber. Off chapter topics...
I once read that when an Author reviews constructive criticisms from fans etc, they shouldn't exactly pay attention to "specific" critisms as opposed to "general" ones, this is because specific critisms are most likely also very subjective and personal.
In light of that, I'll do my best moving forward to not speak about singular, specific critisisms but rather general critisisms that cover the "essence" of the entire story rather than nitpick character flaws etc etc...
...Like a wide stroke of a paint brush instead of a fine line detail touch up.
If that makes sense??? As i believe this would be the most helpful and objective approach
____________That being said_____________
1) In relation to the "MICE quotient", this certainly isn't a "Miliue" based story. But, it IS isekai.
And you did a great job of making me understand the world in which he exists now ( in the first few arcs. )
Ie; MMA exists as a NFL Sunday Night sport, career etc.
- Or better - International Football/Soccer League/Tourny at the peak of global influence and media and popularity......
- your descriptions of the people (gamelike, unnatural beauty etc),
- the Coliseum (added a well needed set piece to keep the miliue from going stale)
With almost all events taking place at the Uni and Gyms...this makes world building more difficult and honestly its not THAT important considering where everything matters right now.
I understand that from a practical pov for telling the story and ive inferred what you're trying to convey has mostly existed within MCs own development. Not the world at large and all of its different places/things etc. So its not really that important.
- Still, i found myself hoping to see more of the world fleshed out, sooner.
- I can tell from what little foreshadowing you've already given us that it will become International, i still can't help but wish there was some way you could flesh the world out more sooner to draw me in and really make me want to guess and want to learn more about this world he inhabits,
- Its wonders, its wants, needs, its inhabitants, the influence MMA has over it from a different angle or city etc etc
- Maybe through dialogue of side characters or events/sets like Coliseum etc etc
- You have so much you can do with that, even if the world is similar to ours.
- The creative potential there is immense. and you wouldn't need to sacrifice the development of MC and his relationships...
- By working both aspects (Miliue and Character Development Arcs) in creative ways instead of just training GYM here and UNI here.
- Ie, UNI field trip across ocean/continent, tournaments, slave coliseum idk, beach chapterrr!!! jk. Jk jk... But you get the point.
Yes most are cliche but so is UNI. Dont be afraid to use cliches.
Its not about originality, its about authenticity!!! the way in which you use those tropes, cliches in your own way
and obviously you have the talent and creativity to do so!
- I can see several of the long conversations/development, relationship building taking place at events/sets that could have fleshed out the world building/miliue without jeopordizing your said core sub plots, in regards to the loads of character development and character interactions the first several arcs have.
Regardless its not like its lacking and i understood why you chose to do what you did. The focus was stationary. It was MC at Uni, MC at Gym and MC dealing with facing himself. It doesn't NEED to be anywhere else. Its not about that.
- But i see creative potential lost in keeping him so stationary and there are plenty of plot devices you could have used to circumvent these practical issues to grow and build your world while also growing your characters along side it in a quicker and more interesting ways.
Just food for thought.
2) This one hurts. Not you but me. Because its hypocritical of me as im superfluous. So its ironic to say the least.
- "Less is more".
- I feel as though you already have your chapter drafts in hand and cut so much that you probably dont want to part with ( the cut sections ) but came to a final decision on each one... what really needs to stay and go.
- But it could be cut even more so....and i know what you're thinking. Everything that made it in is centrally important to each sub plot and arc and later arcs.
And you probably cut a whole lot more already!!! Lmao
- But i found myself thinking it became redundant at times with the heavy dialogue and snails pace development.
- Almost as if you're trying to make the dialogue and development as hyper realistic as possible instead of letting some of it go to afford for a quicker pace.
Again, you know why you made the decisions you did. So its just food for thought.
As the creator, you have a vision of where you want your story to go, as a reader, i naturally have several blank spots about this process that limits my ability to see where your headed. To an extent.
But maybe you dont need to make each and every dialogue so hyper realistic. (Though one could say its because the story genuinely emphasizes character relationships, development.... Even then, imo it can be cut even shorter and the pacing can speed up.)
Those are just two main suggestions/critisisms i found, overall, while reading from Chapter 1 onwards
im no expert. Im no sage. I simply appreciate your hardwork and hope another perspective helps! And not even for this story but for the next!
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On another note! I just want to point out a few theories i have!!!
A) OG Childhood Friend, i feel like she's most definitely involved with Antagonist behind the scenes. More so than you've lead on. Of her own accord.
B) or maybe! I think she's involved with the International MMA or some group or recruiter or something to do with fighting...its a gut feeling.
My reason is out of left field. You dropped a small hint the very last time MC was with Jet and the 2 CFs in school.
MC asked if OG CF was okay when they both got up and left when he walked in class (because he rejected OG CF earlier)
and then Jet said that Elle was angry, "but CF? Angry?? Not likely.... ".
Or something similar. I feel like that was foreshadowing and not empty. She seemed to have something big brewing up. Who knows!!!!
She clearly knows things that are end game imo or atleast more than you've ever revealed thus far. But i think CF plays a bigger role in his transmigration, head injury and antagonist.
(No need to humor these, im just throwing it out there, we'll see later)
A big thank you for such a comment and a valid criticism. About worldbuilding, you are absolutely correct. There are a lot of lost opportunities, and it is interconnected with the second problem.
I don't know how to be brief, laconic, or concise. It's problem that is prevalent in my everyday life as well. I am trying to fix it, but I wasn't successful with it. And because I can't be laconic, I oftentimes have to choose what part I want to keep in the story, dialogues, or worldbuilding. But it's not only about that. I lost more than a few opportunities to flesh out the world due to my inexperience.
I wanted to intentionally make MC's world small at the beginning. That's why there were no Uni\School trips, and it's the reason the story centered around a few locations. Buuut, because I was and AM inexperienced and can't be concise, I didn't quite manage to deliver what I wanted in a better way. Without slowing down the pace or sacrificing the worldbuilding.
@SailusGebel
You're very welcome. You're a great writer and i can say confidently that I'll be keeping tabs on your works.
Your dialogue is fleshed out and natural. Its not an easy thing to do.
No.
Just accomplishing what you have here already is not simple..your hard work is very apparent and shows within every chapter of this Novel.
And while i had my "suggestions"; the fact of the matter is that they arent exactly groundbreaking ideas and i can see from what you've said (and reading ur novel) that you're well aware them already.
Isnt that half the battle?
It may sound like fluff but I dont think you're far off from creating something special, if you haven't already
You've got a successful attitude and you know where your faults lie.
I'll be hoping for your immediate success, Take care of yourself brother
Much Respect!
@ReaperOfLykos Thank you.
@SailusGebel Of course +1 Sub