[ 11 ☽ 5 ☼ 2010 年 ]

Gold

when i think of ◼, i feel like my
feelings don't work the same way as it should,
as it would if we were a couple.

my number 1 feeling to ◼ is that yearning
for closeness. It's probably the single most wanted
thing i've had, and consistently have towards
◼. Figuratively, and sort of physically (more
figuratively, if had to explain), i want
to be close to ◼. Not in the perverted sense,
but more so as if she were the warmest thing
in a cold room, and i just feel like i need to
be closer.

I think it'll be forever burned into my memory,
and my instincts, that ◼ is that warm entity
there. Those last days, when ◼'s hair was
so hot it felt like it was burning; the unbearable
heat at ▢. Whenever I'm cold, and alone,
i think about ◼ and miss her there.

If i could spend any way i could with ◼, if
we had a day together, honestly — i would just
like to sit there with her, like we did that last
week, and on the bus in China. We didn't
say a single word, but i was happiest then.

Just, ◼, there, and being aware of her
there and close, is a kind of magic. Holding
hands, twining fingers, without any words to interrupt
that moment with time or reality. I don't
know how long we sat on the deck, but
those 30+ minutes, it could have been forever longer.

and that's how i like ◼.

∎

【 diary - written 3044 days ago 】