*Kirstie’s Point of View*

(Same timeline as the previous episode)

I woke up hearing Zedd repeatedly uttering ‘sorry’ for what he had done. And if you’d think I’ve forgotten everything, you’re thinking wrongly. I’ve thought of pretending like that. I only did that to know how sincere he was to me and that, I don’t want him to get involved in my plans anymore to continue my mission.

“So, after all those things I’ve done to you, would you still be willing to forgive a man like me? I’m really sorry for everything I’ve just said. I got mad and was so hasty about my decisions. I’ve driven you away without even thinking how it will affect you. This happened because of me.”

His words began filling up my earlobes as I regained consciousness. And yes, Zedd, I would still forgive you but the fact that I’m separating you from your own family made me realize that we really aren’t meant for each other. I hate myself more whenever I see you cry over me. It hurts so much.

He noticed my movement not a little while, so I said, “Where am I?” even though I’m aware of everything that’s happening around me.

His face lit up and I’m also glad to see him as well. “Oh, Kirstie! Thank heavens you’re now awake. I really miss you so much and I’m really sorry.” I just felt his embrace that I’m longing for so long.

I miss you more than you miss me, Zedd.

But I pretended more that I’ve lost my memory. I did let out an outrage on purpose. I know it hurts him more than it hurts me. I know how much love he gives me. Yet the more I let him love me, the more he’s gonna hurt.

You can let go of me now…

I felt a needle prick my skin but it did no effect on me. Even so, I played as if I’m shot with that tranquilizer.

I heard how eager you are to regain all of my blissful memories with you. Gia was even willing to help you about it. But you are hesitant to let me remember all those painful past because you’re scared of me running away from your arms.

An hour passed and I decided to wake up from my false sleep.

“You can ask me questions if you want to remember something. I’ll help you remember those things you wanna remember.” He asked me and kept his distance away from me.

Oh Zedd, I won’t ever feel uneasy around you anymore.

“Where am I?” I asked him once again to begin the conversation with him.

“Specifically, you’re inside my room resting. This entire place we’re in was your school back in junior high. We, Germans, took over and made this place our territory. We invaded your country that’s why you’re here to eliminate my kind. But I wanna help you make things right.” He answered me straight looking but I felt his longing to bring me back.

I know how eager you were to make it all up to me…

“Why am I all washed up and in pain right now, huh? Is it your KIND’s fault of having a lot of needles sticking in my skin?” I sharpened my voice and put on back my rudest character when the first time he encountered me.

“You smashed your head a week ago because of me. We had a misunderstanding that turned out to be as tragic as this. I didn’t listen to you when you wanted to explain yourself in front of my brother. You went out all by yourself and tried ending your life.” As he explained things further, his sadness began to be more noticeable.

You can cry in front of me if you can’t bear it, Zedd. You really didn’t mean to hurt me, but also you hate going against your family that’s why you said those things.

Yes, I ended my life for you to be free. I don’t want you to get caged up because of my personal goal. Your brother’s got a point after all.

“Pffft! Am I really that soft for some guy who destroys other people’s lives?” I hate telling him these words but still I spoke about it. “Maybe forgetting my past and everything helped me to cope up with everything now… What do they call you? Klint? Zedd? Doesn’t matter.” 

You matter to me…

“If I could just talk to my old self right now, I’d tell her to be selfish. Because, the more selfless the person was, the more she’s gon be hurt.” I gazed on him and tried my best not to feel fretful of his emotions. “Say, does she really love you that much?”

Yes, I do love you so much. And that I also hate my mere selfishness. Hurting was a part of life and picking yourself up was gonna be your response.

All he could answer me was, “I don’t know.”

All this time I’ve been so hard on you that you aren’t even sure if I did love you back.

“Why don’t you find out for yourself? Somehow I’ve been wanting to remember what love really was. Now, enlighten me with it, Zedd. What is love for your own perspective?” I asked him to make him more guilty and distant, though it wasn’t my intention to say those things. “Is it because of your personal desires? Is it because of her purity? Is it because of title and money?”

“I loved a person for who she is. There aren’t any conditions if you love someone. If you love him, why won’t you admit it?”

Yes Zedd, I really love you so much. And the love I feel towards you was indeed unexplainable.

And because of that harmful energy inside my chest, I asked him to kiss me. However, I was the one who initiated it because he’s too frightened to take advantage of me again. I finally had this moment again that I was too hurt to end this feeling I’ve had for him.

I’m sorry Zedd… Things will be better if you’ll hate me.

I choked him and gave him all of my strength to hurt him for the last time.

I won’t hurt you after this anymore, I promise. You’ll hate a liar like me.

It hurts me badly seeing him say he’s sorry. It was never his fault that he’s hurt.

Zedd… Please stop crying. It’s all finished now.