Yuuki, who had a wide grin on her face, leaned back against her chair, legs crossed. She and Sam were in the middle of a staring contest, which, not needing to blink, she was winning.

“Sure, why don’t you just plop one of its tentacles on the floor there. You do own the place now, after all.” Sam said, warily, clearly wanting to test the strange vixen.

Yuuki lazily moved her finger, tracing a line in the air, her nail getting somewhat longer. There was the sound of tearing fabric as space distorted and was ripped apart above the table. As the crack appeared, a small kraken plushie fell on the table.

“I have vanquished the horrible monster.” Yuuki said, her previously arrogant smile switched to a much friendlier one.

“You ripped space apart to make that joke.” One of the elves said.

“That’s not the point.” Yuuki said, slightly disappointed that no one laughed.

“You ripped space apart and it wasn’t even the point.” The elf continued.

“Not everyone is used to your absurdity.” Igraine remarked.

“You said you wanted us to work for you. What would that work entail?” Sam asked, trying to steer the conversation back.

“You would continue going around as you please, killing monsters. However, you would do so within a certain country. It wouldn’t start now, but most likely a few months from now. The rest of the details I’m afraid I can’t share before you accept.”

Sam threw a glance at the chests of gold that were currently being tested to be real. “I’m guessing we’d be well paid?”

“If it’s money you want, sure as much as you can carry. On the other hand,” She flicked her wrist and a sword appeared on the table in front of Sam. “if you wish for items rivaled only by the artifacts of the gods… I can also do that.” She smiled. The sword was a bastard sword with a dimly glowing cyan edge. In the middle of the crossguard, just above the handle, was a single eye that looked around as if it had agency.

Their drinks were carried to the table and Igraine waived at the waiter to bring another round.

“You mean, weaker than the artifacts.” One of the humans, slightly shorter and bulkier, indicating some dwarven blood, asked more than said.

“I said rivaled and I meant it. The gods are careless but they’re not stupid, they won’t throw items that could destroy the world casually on the ground to be picked up by some random farmer that can’t even tie his shoelaces. And much like the gods, I could make much more powerful weapons than that.” She pointed at the sword. “But I’d be stupid to do so.”

“You’re comparing yourself to the gods?” One of them asked, while the others also stared dumbstruck. They were legitimately expecting her to get smitten for saying what she did.

“From your perspective I might as well be one. Be it a lake or an ocean, an ant can’t hope to understand its vastness.” She looked around as everyone else suddenly had a strange feeling. Nothing concrete, something was just… off. They looked around and there seemed to be a barely visible distortion all around the table. It cut off the rest of the room from the table. The moment it disappeared, the room was shown to be empty with the exception of that one table they were sitting at.

“Where did you bring us?” Igraine asked curiously while the others panicked.

“I didn’t change where we are. The moment we entered, I rewrote the past to where I had bought this place a day ago and had it reserved for today. Messing with time is actually remarkably easy once you know how to do it, it’s just far too likely to backfire when trying to deal with a problem which would justify rewriting reality as a solution. This is a relatively harmless way of showing my power a bit.”

A single golem entered the room and carried a large tray of cups filled with mead.

“So, what say you?”

The lot of them seemed immersed in thought and looked between each other and the sword.

“Why would you even need people to kill monsters for you? Couldn’t you just woosh them out of existence?”

“I am… trying not to kill from now on, at least not directly. I got that eye before I decided that.” Yuuki said, slightly disturbed by the fact that this single statement pretty much meant all blackmail options were out the window from now on.

“What is that eye from?”

“Kraken. I went around the world almost thirteen years ago, killing different mythical entities and collecting genetic data. I used that to modify my body, only for it to become obsolete when I became a semi-corporeal being.”

“My lady, you were three years old then.” Amanda reminded her, believing it was a slip of the tongue.

“Yes, and?” She looked at Amanda, while everyone else started at her. Except for Alice, who was holding back her laughter and Igraine, who was currently testing the limits on her liver.

“Huh, so she’s sixteen. Wow Gus, didn’t know you-”.

“Don’t even.” Gus cut him off.

Sam let out a loud sigh, he was not prepared for the chaos that would happen. “So you want us to kill monsters because you don’t want to kill things personally, and you want us to go to a specific country, because why not, and in return, you’ll give us weapons that are so absurdly powerful that if a country found out we had them, they’d probably try to kill us for them.” He held up the sword in one hand and pointed at it with the other one. He wasn’t a mage by any means, but he could feel the immense magic inside the weapon.

“Not just weapons. Weapons, armor, maybe some utility items, something like a flask with infinite clean water, a ring that makes you heal faster, that kind of stuff.” She looked at the ceiling, thinking about the different things she should give the group to make sure they could do their job well.

“What are you expecting us to go against?” Sam asked, worried, but mainly weirded out.

“Nothing out of the ordinary, I simply don’t want you all to die. You have good potential and are friendly.”

“So you do want to be friends?”

“Yes, what made you think I didn’t?” Yuuki asked, genuinely not knowing. Alice facepalmed while Amanda and Helen stared at the table.

“You wanting to hire us, you lying about wanting to join us, you flaunting your absurd powers, wealth and comparing yourself to the gods, while us with the ants. That’s what made us think you didn’t really want to be friends.”

Yuuki was looking around, slightly puzzled, but Alice put her arm around her shoulder. “As powerful as she is, her social skills are a work in progress. She didn’t mean to insult you, I’m not sure she even knows how to do that on purpose. She enjoys your company and wishes to work together, because as hard as she tries, she seems unable to actually relax for once and keeps looking at opportunities to gain an edge in any possible future plan of hers.” By the end, she was facing Yuuki and speaking more loudly. Yuuki was unsure on how to react. She knew that she was called out on something she shouldn't be doing, but she also felt that what she did was the correct course of action. Alice turned back without letting go of Yuuki and continued. “The country is the Curyn dynasty. She wants you to kill monsters there to help stabilize the country and most likely to create the ‘template’ for future knights trained in the country. The reason she wants to help the country is because its crown prince is her friend, but she shouldn’t support him too directly, because she’s a high priestess and it might make her look bad. The weapons you'll receive moment you accept and you’ll lose if you get out mid-way.”

The infodump answered a dozen questions and raised three dozen more.

Sam looked at his comrades and after they all nodded, she looked at Yuuki. “We accept? What does that mean for us now?”

“You can give me a list of the magic items you wish to receive and hand it to me tomorrow. You can move to the dynasty now, or within a few months. That’s all for now.”

She stood up and so did the rest of her group. “Pleasure to be working with you.” She was too far to shake their hands from the other side of the large table, so she didn’t.

They all said their goodbyes, but Yuuki stopped before leaving the room. “Two things. One: you’re welcome to all the mead you want from here, I don’t really care about it. Two: if the sword tells you to swallow it, don’t.”

With that, Yuuki and company left her brand new meadery, leaving ten very confused men around the table.

“Were the drinks spiked?”

“This is too absurd to be made up.”

“Are you sure? I’ve had some pretty absurd trips before.” Everyone looked at him. “What? It was from an anesthetic.”

“Sure it was.”

“Oh, shut up, Gus! At least I didn't almost ask out a sixteen year old.”

“You wanna go right here right now?”

Illiterate_potato

Next week, I'll probably do the sidechapter on Tuesday. Potato away~