4. Making the Most of the Night
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Want some anxiety? Of course you do! Thank you so much to the amazing Chirichirichiri for sending me so much positive feedback over the story and giving me some really good ideas for future additions to the story. They're an amazing writer as well so if you haven't please check out their stories.

Again Elle decided to drive, so we piled our way into the blue beetle. It wasn’t like I could argue with her. My car was still at my apartment, and I was too scared to drive it. There’s no way anyone would believe that the driver’s license tucked away in my wallet was mine. I imagined getting pulled over by the police and trying to describe why I looked nothing like the picture on the license. I made a mental note to myself that sometime in the future I would have to go back and get my car from the apartment. 

Hell, I would have to deal with the whole apartment situation itself eventually as well. My name was on the lease, and one way or another I would have to deal with Parker. Parker, just thinking his name got my blood boiling, so I tried to think about anything else.

But I couldn’t. I kept circling back to how violated I felt. I mean, it’s not like being a girl was that bad a thing. It was mostly just like being a guy except with a few more squishy parts. I scanned to make sure neither of the other girls were paying attention and I poked my chest and grinned at the joyous little squish. I know it’s like, improper etiquette or whatever to poke your boob in public. But it’s so much fun! And besides, it’s not like I had given up on being a guy or anything. It was just kind of nice enjoying the soft while I could before I found out a way to fix this and switch back. Which I was definitely going to do, like, as soon as I could. Obviously.

And that’s what driving me fucking crazy. If Parker rolled up to me and told me that he had found a spell book and wanted to know if I wanted to spend some time trying out having a feminine body, this wouldn’t have been a problem. Besides, everyone always wonders what it would be like to live life as a girl. Most dudes would totally jump at a chance of trying it out, it’s just human nature. But instead he tried to change me against my will and mentally give me a whammy. A double violation of consent. The further and further I got from the incident the more I felt like my rights were violated, even if the results were kind of fun. But they’re only kind of fun in the first place because I introduced the volume of magic into his extremely dense incel cranium. UGH. 

While I was fuming, Zoey had called shotgun so she was sitting in the front seat, which was fine with me. The backseat is an invitation to sit alone with your thoughts while the folks in the front seat dealt with the full brunt of keeping a conversation going. Besides, the less chances of making a complete fool of myself in front of Zoey the better. If the two of them noticed my absence from the conversation they never really made note of it, they were too busy trading stories about work and catching up on how their day had been going. Since I had fully committed myself to being a little antisocial, I decided to check my phone. Great, another text from grandma Nathan. Of course he picks today of all days to be really chatty.

It is good to hear that you are doing well Andy. Hopefully Elle has swooped in to rescue you. You will have to tell us all about it at game night. By the way, would it be okay if I bring a guest with me? I know things are pretty open, but there’s someone I’d like everyone to meet. Give E my best, Nathan. PS: IF there is a murder, I promise I will not tell the police. That was also Nathan.

I swear, this was like getting a very politely worded telegram. And what’s with the formality anyway? He should know that anybody is welcome for these hangout nights, it’s not like we have a very strict schedule for these things anyway. For a moment I pondered messing around with him and having him jump through a few hoops first before letting his friend come, but whatever was left of my conscience decided against it. I sent him back a short message 

That’s totally fine. As long as they know it’s BYOB and they let me win every once in awhile.

That should satisfy him for now. I had bigger pressing identity issues to sort out.

The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful, and soon we were pulling into the parking deck downtown that was pretty close to Honeygirls. I spent the entire walk there boiling over with unease. At any moment I felt like the whole farce would be over. One person on the street would just look at me and reveal to the whole world that I used to be a guy and I was some sick pervert pretending to be a woman. I bet they can tell from the way I walk. Am I not swinging my hips enough? Do women even consciously do that? Is it the way I’m holding my hands? Am I driving myself crazy? Yes and double yes. GOD. 

Obviously, nobody started pointing at me like that gif of Donald Sutherland from the Invasion of the Body Snatchers remake. Even though it didn’t particularly happen, that didn’t stop my mind from worrying about it. I took out my phone and started up Pokemon Go just to try to laser point all of my anxiety out of my brain and into a game. I know, it seems silly to do that when I could be chatting or paying attention to where I was going, but spinning the little pokestops calmed me down a bit. Yeah yeah, nobody plays Pokemon Go anymore. Well you know what? It’s fun. It helps give me something to fixate on while I walk, and I get to dress my trainer up in cute little outfits. So like, a complete win-win.

Before I knew it, we had made it out of the streets and safely inside the restaurant.

Honeygirls was still relatively new in the area, but it had already become a local favorite. Probably the fact that it was owned by an award winning chef who operated plenty of other restaurants in the area didn’t hurt its reputation either.
The inside was decorated in this very chic minimalist style that screamed “this decor adds 5 dollars to the individual price of each menu item.” The menu and specials were all written on big chalk boards that lined the walls around the restaurant. It was one of those places that when you ordered your water they thought it was really cute that they brought it to you in little mason jars. I guess some people thought that was a unique thing to do. To me I didn’t care really much for the aesthetic. It always felt a little sterile, but the food more than made up for it. 

After waiting a little while for the tables, the manager nodded at us. “Alright ladies. Your table is ready.” I sighed and followed Zoey and Elle. I guess that was something else I had to get used to. At least one positive about going out with two of them is that nobody was going to think we were on a date. I mean not that I would have minded going out on a date, at least with Zoey. I was so lost in thought I had to swerve so I didn’t get plowed down by one of the frantic servers as we were led to a little corner table with a good view of the bar.

It felt like we had just sat down when a plump young woman made her way to our table. “Hi ladies. My name is Shelly and I’ll be your server for this evening. Tonight our special is our homemade chicken pot pie, which comes with collards and black eyed peas. Can I get y’all a drink while you decide about food.”

Zoey was quick to take her up on the offer. “I’ll have a Mint Julep. Please.”

Okay so let’s pause for a second and talk about how nasty Mint Juleps are. I am a college student with massive self-loathing, so of course I’m prone to the occasional bender from time to time. But I just can’t get into bourbon. And of course, the Mint Julep is a drink that revolves around that odorous Kentucky swill. I can take tequila, I can take vodka, I adore rum. But bourbon?? 

Every time I take a sip of bourbon I want to gag. I want to wretch. I was at a party one time and someone gave me a shot of whiskey and, admittedly, already a little tipsy I took the shot and immediately threw up in some shrubbery. What was I supposed to do? It was disgusting. It was so bad it made me un-drunk. I was wandering around the party sober and there’s nothing worse than being completely sober at a college party with your mouth tasting like a dumpster. Oh wait, I probably should be deciding on a drink rather than denouncing the evil that is the Whiskey family of liquor.

“Alright,” Shelly noted the order down on her pad, “anyone else want something to drink?”

I quickly scanned the beer list. It seemed like they had a lot of nice stuff from local breweries. I guess since it was close to the end of the summer a lot of local places were doing seasonal IPAs which I just could not stand. If I wanted to drink an unbearable hoppy drink I would spend time drinking with my dad. After he mowed the lawn. And then put said clippings into my beer. And even then it wouldn’t be as hoppy and grass-y as some of the beers on the market. And considering my recent changes, beer with my pop isn’t something that I'm planning on doing any time soon. After a few seconds of quick scanning I found something nice. “I’ll have the Trophy Honey Wit, please.”

“And I’ll just have a water please.”

Shelly finished writing everything down. “Alright, I’m just gonna need to see some ID’s and I’ll put these orders in.” I looked over at Zoey, eyes widening, and she was fishing into her handbag for her wallet. What was I going to do? Several options coursed through my mind.

Option 1: Bluff my way into getting that beer. This path will take the most moxie out of the three. I’d have to lead off with something incredibly clever like “oh no, I left my ID in my other wallet.” Or maybe, “aw beans, I left my wallet at home.” Of course, saying that I’d have to be really careful about not showing my wallet around. I mean technically I could just venmo Elle for the food. Even THEN I wouldn’t be home free. 

I’d just have to pour on the charm and hint that I totally was 21, and they totally wouldn’t be in trouble if they gave me any beer. A lot of factors had to line up for this to work perfectly. Not only would I have to sell this pretty hard, but Shelly would have to have 0 motivation for keeping her restaurant’s liquor license. Also I’d need Zoey and Elle to back me up completely as well. This was high risk, but if I was able to get that beer then it would be quite a high reward.

Option 2: Defeat with dignity. Pretend to look around for a while to see if I can find it,d then go all “oh gee, I guess I left my card at home. Sorry about that, I’ll just get a water.” The only problem with this will be some awkwardness with the server for the rest of the evening. From that point forward every time I deal with her we will both know that I am a big fat liar. She’ll suspect the whole time that I’m just some 19 year old college student trying to take advantage of being out with older friends.

Come to think of it, I do look younger than I used to. Losing the beard has really lost my edge with looking older than I actually was. But to be fair, the last time I saw my clean face there was a little bit of a babyface hiding in there. Maybe I just never brought it out. My old face wasn’t necessarily a bad face. It’s just never really felt like mine. More like a loaner face.  

Option 3: Defeat? What defeat? I can’t really give up if I never wanted it in the first place. I’ll just change my mind. “On second thought, I don’t really need the alcohol.” I’ll still switch to like, a diet coke or something to show that I wanted to pay for a drink. That way they know I’m a sophisticated gal about town and not some weirdo moocher.

Option 4: Flee the restaurant immediately. Not really a viable plan for action. I want to eat food. I know I said three options but like, running is always a good plan B. When in doubt, run it out! Do I know what that means? No! Does it rhyme, therefore it’s worth keeping in my brain? Sure why not. 

Gee, all plans are so very tempting. Well, all of them but option 4, but I’m keeping that on the backburner regardless. I looked up from my wallet and noticed that Shelly was checking out Zoey’s license. That means I had roughly 30 seconds to make my decision. There was no way in hell that at the moment I felt comfortable enough to fake my way to a beer. 

For a second I thought about Nathan. Before he turned 21 he used to ride his bike to a few local bars and would just talk his way into beers without getting carded. It seemed like he had a radar for the exact bartenders that would not give a shit whatsoever. Or maybe he just went to particularly divey bars. He even had a first name relationship with the guy who worked at the gas station where we bought our shitty cases of PBR. I never really had the guts to do it then, and I definitely didn’t now.

I looked at my wallet one last time, time to sell this I guess. “You know what. After the day that I’m having, I don’t really feel like a beer. Can I just get a sprite instead?” Did that sound awkward? It felt awkward. Everyone at the table is looking at me of course it was awkward as fuck. Idiot. Why didn’t I think things through far enough jesus. I am the dumbest girl, person. Dumbest person in the world. 

Shelly gave me an odd look for a second. “Sorry, we only have Pepsi products.” She handed the card back to Zoey, “is Sierra Mist okay?” Ugh Sierra Mist. If I wanted off brand soda I would have gotten Mountain Thunder or some other cheap brand from my local grocery store.

“Uh, on second thought, do you have any Dr. Pepper?” A solid backup choice if I do say so myself. This was supposed to be the simple part of the evening and here I was seemingly stuck in soft drink purgatory. Shelly just nodded and left promising us that she would bring us our drinks soon. I sighted, at least that hurdle was done. One step closer to food.

“Hey Andi that’s a pretty cool wallet, do you mind if I look at it?” Zoey pointed at my hand, and for a moment I had completely forgot that I hadn’t put my wallet back in my pocket. It wasn’t really all that splendid of a wallet. It was a faded paper wallet that I had had for about two years. There was a mariachi skeleton on the front, singing what appeared to be a mournful tune. Alright I guess it was a pretty neat looking wallet compared to how the average wallet looks. It was probably more of a High Schooler’s wallet than one of someone about to graduate college but yeah I kind of liked it.

 I was just about to hand it over to Zoey, and then I froze. Both my debit card and my driver’s license had photos on them of me before the transformation. I couldn’t give it to her. Then she’d know. Then all the judgement would start and I’d blow my chance to really learn more about her and to break out of my anxious shell.

“Yeah Andi, why don’t you show her the wallet?” Great, now Elle was getting in on this too. Is she deliberately trying to put me in a tough situation? Knowing Elle, yeah probably. But she’s putting herself in a rough situation as well! Like, dragging herself down with the sinking ship that is my ability to hold it together.

I might have to get nasty and pull some emotional manipulation.

“I don’t know. It’s been a pretty tough day, and -uh- nothing against you Zoey, but I would sort of like to keep a hold on my wallet right now. I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but I don’t have much with me right now and I don’t want to lose one of the few possessions that I’ve got at the moment.” There we go Andy, really really great decision. The person that you’ve got a crush on, you go and insinuate that she’s going to steal your wallet or something. Elle looked at me like I was the biggest idiot in the world.

“Oh come on Andi, cut the bullshit. Why don’t you just let her have the wallet?” Elle smirked again, I swear one of these days her love of egging people on was going to get into real trouble. Hell, it might even be today. 

“You know perfectly exactly why she can’t have the wallet!” Okay, so I shouted that a little louder than I should have. My brain was feeling all flustered and when I got all flustered I mayyyy be a little louder than I mean to be. “There’s just. . . some embarrassing stuff in there that I don’t feel comfortable showing you Zoey. I’m sorry I swear I’ll show it to you later.”

It was Zoey’s time to sigh. “Alright you two. I’ve been trying to be nice about this, and it’s not that I want to be mean, but what are you two hiding from me?” She cocked an eyebrow at the two of us, challenging us to try to lie to her. Well I guess challenge accepted.

I blinked. The mood at the table was so awkward, I blinked again. “Wh-what are you talking about Zoey?”

“Look Andi, you seem like a nice girl, but-” Zoey abruptly stopped talking as Shelly came back with our drinks. Shelly, I’m not taking this out of your tip or anything, but you really have the absolute worst timing ever. I would never miss with someone’s wages like that but seriously. Why do you have to pop up and leave everything just. . . Hanging But what? What was she going to say? What did she think about us? Why am I screaming in my head??

Shelly grabbed the mint julep and set it in front of Zoey. “Sorry for the wait, y’all. Just had to make this drink. Now has everyone decided on what they want?”

Elle leapt at the chance to order food, and hopefully change the subject from where it was going. “Yeah I’m going to have the special.”

“The potpie?”

“Yep that’s the one.”

“Alright,” again Shelly noted that down on her pad “and what about you sugar?” Was she talking to me. I went pink, a combination of nervousness and from the pet name.

“Uh, I’m going to go for the chicken and waffles.” This place is called Honeygirl’s chicken and waffles. Why the hell would you get a potpie at Honeygirl’s CHICKEN and WAFFLES? It seems like simple science, people. Is this anger mostly displaced frustration and fear about what Zoey was going to say next? You bet it was. Does this self reflection mean that I will change my actions? Nope. Not at all. 

“White or dark meat?”

“Dark meat please.”

“Alright. And for you?” She turned to Zoey.

“Same for me. She’s really talked up these waffles so now I feel like I have to experience them.” She smiled in my direction, and for a moment it felt like she was playing with me. The doubt of the interrupted conversation hung in the air. I could feel my heart playing in my chest, wondering what I had done to deserve this.

Shelly seemed oblivious to the tension on the table. She said something about how it would be out shortly and left. As soon as she turned her back and started walking away, the three of us were left in a general sense of unease. We stayed silent for a moment, nobody really wanting to start the conversation again.

Zoey cleared her throat, like she was trying to find the right way to start up the conversation again. “Alright I guess I sounded a little harsh before our interruption. But it really, really feels like the two of you are trying to hide something from me.”

“Aww Z,” Elle chided, “don’t be ridiculous.”

“Please don’t condescend me E, it’s beneath you.”

“You-you know this whole, E and Z thing is kind of cu-cute.” I was never this nervous before. Well I’m sure there were individual situations where I was nervous as a man, but it seemed like these past few hours I had been wired 24/7 to be a complete bundle of anxiety.

“See?” Zoey pointed at me. “This is what I’m talking about. Your friend, Elle, is a nervous wreck. You both said she had a bit of an argument with her roommate, but she acts like she’s completely shell shocked. Did you notice how she was wincing when the waitress was addressing us? I want to help out as much as I can, but what kind of roommate squabble leaves you unable to get clothes? I mean, were you naked or something when Elle came to get help?”

“Well. . . . Maybe I was locked out and couldn’t get my wardrobe after the argument?”

She smiled at me. “Cutie that would sound much more convincing if you weren’t phrasing that like a question.” She took a deep breath and another sip of her julep. “Look, E, just last week you were complaining to me about how you didn’t have any close friends who were girls besides me. Remember? We were drinking at the UFO pub and you were going on and on about how there weren’t many people you could kick back and do traditionally “girly” stuff with. We even made the promise to get mani-pedis sometime in the future, right? Now tonight you’ve got this adorable mess here and you’re saying that you two are really close friends and have been for forever. I know our friend circles don’t really overlap, but you’ve talked enough about your friends that I would think I would recognize her. I know there’s a guy named Thurston and I think someone named Andrew, but again I think I would remember her.”

Zoey leaned back against her chair, her long arms reached back and untied her hair. She gathered up the long curly strands and retied them into her ponytail. I tried to think of something to say, but it didn’t really seem like she was finished talking.

 “I guess what I’m trying to say is, it feels like this is something more serious than the two of you were letting on. I wasn’t going to say anything about it until this whole overreaction to letting me see the wallet.” She turned her full attention to me. Her eyes narrowed, they were a beautiful tranquil grey. This probably wasn’t the moment for me to be infatuated with her eyes, but it was a nice alternative to feeling awkwardly on the spot. “So what actually happened today? I’m sure you might have been an acquaintance of Elle before today, but what caused you to turn to her for help? Did you have a big fight with your partner and now you’re worried that they’re going to hurt you? Did your parents throw you out because they found out about your girlfriend?”

“Wait, what?” I could feel my cheeks heating up as I blushed at the implication. All of these accusations were going a little too far. I didn’t have a girlfriend, even as a guy. And I’ve already told my parents, like, multiple times that I’m not gay. No, let’s bury those bad few months from High School down a little bit. Don’t worry about that. You’ve moved past that and became a productive young man. Yeah. 

“It’s okay. You don’t have to pose like you and Elle are lifelong buddies. I’m sure that she’s trying to help you out, but you don’t have to put on a whole act to keep the true details secret from me.” She gave a reassuring smile, it was radiant. “I’m sorry for getting a little heated, but I can help you even more if you just tell me the truth.”

My mind was still caught up on her earlier guesses. I thought back to Parker and his whole ‘lesbian next door’ comment on my appearance. “Why does everyone automatically assume I’m a lesbian?”

For a moment I caught what appeared to be a look of disappointment cross Zoey’s face. “Wait? You’re not?”

“Well.” I paused. Despite the obvious attraction that I had for Zoey I was still a little worried about any possible mental whammies that the spell might have done to me. “Yeah I guess I’m gay. But my parents didn’t kick me out. I’m actually 21, I swear. I go to the same university as Elle.”

“She is telling the truth Z.” Finally, Elle was backing me up for once.

“See? It’s that kind of crap. Nervous Nelly says something and Elle, you back her up. But at the same time you two are sharing this little secret and it honestly is frustrating the crap out of me.” She looked me straight in the eyes again. Her soft grey eyes seemed to be looking for any sort of truth. “Let me help you.” The way she said it was forceful, but at the same time reassuring. I felt safe around her, but at the same time not entirely sure how she would react if she actually knew the truth. Part of me didn’t want to tell her at all. I didn’t want to ruin this illusion she had of me as uncomfortable as it was, the awkward runaway lesbian. Funnily enough it seemed safer than, magically transgendered gal. Not that there’s anything wrong with that again. It just comes with like. Implications? God I sound awful. 

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. Where the hell was Shelly when I actually needed her? I looked pleadingly at Elle for anything that could help out. She smiled and shrugged her shoulders. I was on my own.

“Alright. Well, this is going to be a little weird. I just want to say that I am sorry that we did lie to you. It’s just, well it’s a bit of an odd story.” She reached forward and held my hands reassuringly. For a moment all I could think of was how soft her hands were. Did she use some sort of special lotion to make them this nice. Would she let me borrow it? “Ummm. . . I used, uh, I used to be a guy.” I clenched my eyes shut, not really sure how she would react. After a few moments of silence I opened them again and saw her smiling at me.

“Good for you. I’m sure it took a lot of courage to start transitioning. I have to say, the hormones are doing really great for you. If it’s not too rude to ask, how long have you been taking them?”

“Oh. No. I, uh, n-no it’s not like that. Not that that's a bad thing. In fact it’s totally a really good thing for the people who, uh, want it. Want to do it. And seek it out and things, because I know it can be really rough and there’s a lot of- okay I’m flailing. No people on HRT are totally valid, it's, it's just. . . not what I'm going through. Umm my roommate, he uh, placed a spell on me against my will and- oh my God this sounds ridiculous. I sound like a crazy person” Her smile froze for a moment, like she was processing what was happening. I guess it was my turn to look at her, waiting for her to say something, anything really.

“So let me get this straight,” she pressed her hand on her forehead like she was trying to unravel everything that I just said. “Your roommate cast a hex on you and turned you into a woman.”

“Yeah. Basically.” It seemed sort of stupid when she said it out loud. I even sort of doubted myself.

“Huh”

Elle had been silent for most of the conversation, but now she leaned forward and patted me on the shoulder. “It has been quite the day for poor Andi over here. We’ve got the weird spellbook locked up in my closet back home in case you want to see it. We don’t know what kind of language it’s in, but you’re more than welcome to have a crack at it if you want to be a cool witch!”

“I think, I think I just need a moment to process all of this. I’m going to. . . go to the bathroom for a second.” And with that, Zoey got up and left the table. I was a bit in shock. Usually I’m the one all tongue tied.

As soon as she left I shot a nervous look at Elle. “What the hell do we do? Does she hate me? What is going on? Elllllle. I kind of sort of really kind of like her and if she hates me because I used to be a guy or had some magical accident that would totally suck. Elle please you’ve got to fix this!”

“Pfft,” Elle waved my worries off, “she’s not going to hate you. That would be ridiculous. But I am going to go check on her and try to smooth things out a little bit.” All I could think of when she stood up was ‘don’t make matters worse, don’t make matters worse. Please Elle for once in your life be cool.’

And with that, I was alone with my thoughts. Be cool Elle? Why couldn’t I have just been cool for once in my stupid life? I blamed my nerves, but also how stupid was I for trying to get a beer. I already had thought about not wanting to get caught by a cop without a license earlier, and I didn’t even think that I shouldn’t order a beer. 

God Andi you are so pathetic, chasing off the one potentially good thing of the day. I felt a small tear build up in the corner of my eye. Not here. I can’t cry here at the chicken and waffles place. Nothing bad can happen at the chicken and waffle shop unless you are a chicken. It’s a rule of life. 

I tried drowning my sorrows in Dr. Pepper, but that wasn’t really what the doctor ordered. 23 flavors in your soda, doc, and you can’t make one of them alcohol? I looked around to see if Shelly was watching and once I saw that the coast was clear I grabbed Zoey’s mint julep. I wasn’t much of a mixed drink person, but I really wanted something to calm my nerves. I made sure not to drink where Zoey’s lipstick had smudged the glass, I had already made her uncomfortable enough. I didn’t want her finding out about my drink theft. This is how bad the situation was. It was driving me to drink bourbon. What have I become????

Nervously, I stole a quick sip from the julep and immediately started gagging. Nope. Nope. Even in a desperate situation I couldn’t handle a drink that’s literally just sugar, a little water, and the detestable bourbon. How did Zoey even handle this. Zoey. Shit. Zoey hates me. And now she’s going to figure out I’ve been sipping her drink and she’ll get all mad at my germs. My boy germs! Ugh she’s probably gay too and is mad at me for leading her on. . .

I waited another few minutes, listlessly scrolling through twitter trying to distract myself with people squabbling over the pettiest things. But eventually Shelly came by with the food, and at least I had delicious chicken to distract myself with. Golden fried food of the Gods. I know it’s terrible for me but if there was not moment that called for comfort food I don’t know what is. 

I was just about to take my first bite of the chicken when the two of them returned to the table. I nervously eyed my food, not really sure what to say or even of what happened.

Once they had both settled back down at the table Elle nudged Zoey. “Andi, Zoey has something she’d like to share with you.” Her tone was gentle, like someone handling one of those oily baby ducks from a soap commercial. 

“So Elle told me you freaked out a little bit, and I just wanted to let you know that I’m not mad at you. Well not that mad, you two did lie a little bit, but I can see why it was preferable to the truth at the time. The reason I left was, well this is a little bit embarrassing.” It seemed like it was her turn to blush now. Good. I feel like I was doing all the blushing at the table so it was fine time that someone else chipped in and got embarrassed.

“When I was younger I used to try to find anything I could about magic. I had a little bit of a magical girl phase like everyone who grew up crushing on Sailor Moon. I was so convinced that magic was real that my friends and I would search the internet for hours to try to find some way to do it. Sometimes you’d see one or two youtube clips or odd news footage that seemed to have something weird in them. They’d always get taken down after a day or two but backups would circulate on all sorts of dumb forums and things. It was just something that I did as an idiot teen. I told Elle about it one night when we were both drunk, and here I thought that I had opened up to her and she used it to play a joke on me. I’m sorry I sort of overreacted a little bit. It wasn’t about you.”

“No, no that’s okay.” I let out a long breath and I felt my shoulders sag in relaxation. They were so tense, I’m sure I’m going to be sore tomorrow. “I mean, it is really hard to believe. I wouldn’t believe it myself if it didn’t happen to me. And I guess that is something that Elle and I would do.” I was so relieved. I took a celebratory chicken bite and just blissed out for a second. Everything was cooked just right, I was so happy I had to bite my tongue so I didn’t make any contented noises.

“You know,” Zoey said, tapping her chin. “I think I know someone might be able to help. One of my regulars at my job, I’ve had conversations with her in the past regarding magic and the supernatural. I always just thought she was a bit of a whack job, but she’s always been incredibly polite and usually tips really well.”

“Ahh high tipping,” Elle quipped, “the true sign of magical powers.”

“Hush you. I’m trying to help. Who knows, maybe we show her the book and she’ll be able to figure out what’s on it. It’s worth hoping, right?” She had a point there. Even if she was a nut, that would be better than just doing nothing.

“By the way, I do have to ask-” Zoey picked up one of the drumsticks sitting on her waffle, waving it around like it was a miniature club “- what did you do with the roommate who turned you into a girl? You had to do something right? He didn’t just get away with changing your reality completely, right?”

Elle and I looked at each other, mouth agape. Oh my God. We just kind of… left Parker lying there on the floor. I mean what were we supposed to do? Hello, 911? Yes my roommate just bewitched me into a woman. No, I’m not crazy, you’re crazy. There isn’t some sort of spell crimes division that can arrest him and throw him into Azkaban. Ugh JK Rowling sucks now, stop thinking about Harry Potter.

“Well uh…”

“I mean you had to do something, right? What he did was a huge violation of your rights, not to mention meddling with forces beyond human comprehension. How did you even get away in one piece?”

“I kicked him in the nuts and gave him a concussion.” I beamed. Out of everything that happened today, THAT was definitely a highlight. 

She beamed, and for a moment there was nowhere else on Earth I’d rather be. She held her hand up for a high five. “You go girl! But you probably need to figure out a more permanent solution to this situation before he tries to get even. I’m sure if his first thought upon getting magic was brainwashing, he’s probably not a very nice dude.”

I giggled (giggled???) and slapped her hand for quite the nice high five. The trick is to look at the elbow when you’re about to make contact and you will get the best results. I’m sure scientists somewhere have totally proven this to be true.

After that everything seemed to just chill out between the three of us. The meal settled into a really relaxing rhythm, just joking around and eating some seriously tasty food.

For a brief moment, I was about to forget everything that had happened over the past few hours. I forgot about the stress of the ASMR fuzzy hellscape transformation. I forgot about the existential fears that I had for the future. I forgot about how tongue tied and nervous I got trying to impress Zoey. I forgot about the fears I had about school and how I was going to continue my academic career. At that moment I even forgot about how uncomfortable I was with myself, with the skin that I was living in.

I was just in the moment, a rare occasion for my brain. To a casual observer I was the scruffy looking girl with the big smile going to fucking town on some fried chicken. And I was fine with that. For now, I was happy. I had plenty of time to stress out tomorrow.

Reading this chapter just makes me want Chicken and Waffles... Dang... As always, if you liked what you read, please let me know in the comments. I always really appreciate reading feedback!

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