“...Azathoth…?!”

In response, she seems...almost disappointed. Shutting her eyes once more and shaking her head before speaking with no mouth.

“You’re all the same,” she speaks in a voice that should be Fox’s, yet something rumbling and guttural quakes underneath it. “Only seeing what you want to see.”

My brow furrows, and my heart beats like a drum, telling me to rush over and pick Fox up, to run away with her and never look back.

But I can’t.

All I can do is watch her Shadow take one step around the tree, one step closer to me.

“What the hell are you talking about…?”

Her eyes open slowly, white voids without feeling, numbness trying to drown out the sadness behind them like tears choking back a plea.

“Why Azathoth?”

“Uhh…”

Ineloquent as I am (I guess the rat was right about that, smug bitch), I remain firm as I collect myself.

“That’s just...what you look like. I’m...sorry.”

Their gangly arms cross, giant claws hanging limply like her slouch, simply watching and waiting.

“...Uhm...so...who are you, then…?”

She doesn’t budge an inch, simply remaining quiet, though by the slight shiver in the air, I can tell she’s contemplating.

“...I am her,” she answers, muzzle turning to point at Fox who waves weakly at me and her. “A part of her, perhaps. I am her Shadow.”

I nod, still at unease, but not so on edge.

“Okay. I’m--”

“Cat Kitten.”

And back on edge. Steeling myself with a grimace and a sigh, I continue. “...Right, you know me then. So what are you doing here?”

“You first. This is not your home. You do not belong here.”

I...can’t really dispute that. I don’t even know where this is.

“I don’t know how I got here, but I knew Fox was in here, so I started looking for her.”

“Well you found her. More than you bargained for, perhaps.”

Hesitantly, I nod, waiting for the wolf to uphold her end of the agreement. She’s silent for a time, but eventually, her voice booms silently through the woods, so quiet, yet it vibrates in the pit of my gut.

“I was born here.”

My eyes wander about “here,” this forest, so familiar, yet completely foreign at the same time.

“And where exactly is ‘here’...?”

Her sigh shakes through the air and shudders the bare branches of each and every tree.

“You really can’t tell…?”

This time, the disappointment in her voice goes a little further than skin deep.

“I do. Just not your version of it,” I half answer, crossing my arms back at her and trying to remain firm. “Why are the aspen woods like this?”

“Hmph.”

Her arms finally let go of the other, hanging limply, yet waiting, like a wild beast.

“That is the way she sees this place. This is the way I see it. The way I’ve been made to see it.”

Still standing tall, I tilt my head.

“But you were born--”

“I wasn’t born in a forest. Think, morsel.”

Tch.

“You’ve seen me before. What I used to be. What she saw in the dark.”

Squinting, I try to put together what exactly she’s saying. What Fox saw in the dark...I begin to lower myself closer to my partner’s level--and it clicks.

“Her mom…?! No wonder she’s terrified of you--!”

“But I am NOT her mother. You think I would not understand how that woman makes us feel? I am the SPAWN of what she sowed within us.”

As ready as I am to pounce, and her guttural growling giving me enough reason to, I understand what she’s getting at.

“So then this...it’s Fox’s headspace?”

She nods, surprisingly without annoyance. She has some form of patience at least.

“How did I get here…?”

Her Shadow’s gaze locks onto me, clearly more interested in how to get me out of here than solving anything else.

“These kinds of dreams began once we escaped that witch’s wretched mansion. Maybe it’s a curse. I don’t know. I don’t care.”

Ugh. So unhelpful.

“Okay, then what do you care about?”

“Protecting her.”

Sickness brews in my stomach hearing her say that while Fox continues to shudder.

“Protecting her from what?”

Part of me wants to believe she drags on these silences to unnerve me, but another part feels like she’s carefully formulating an answer.

“You.”

…

 

“What?!”

She shakes her head in annoyance, her pitch black hair leaving a shadowy trail behind it as it sways.

“From the danger you present to her.”

I’m at a loss. Does she think I’m going to explode on her? That I’m the reason she’s being dragged on these outings?

“What the hell are you talking about?! I’ve done nothing but support her! And if you’re a part of her, YOU as well!”

“YOU’VE DONE NOTHING FOR ME.”

The very air itself, and the darkness seeping through it, it all feels like ice about to shatter, and I have to watch as Fox curls into herself again. A sadness and anger rise from the depths of my soul seeing her hurt like this, in a way I remember all too clearly.

“What did you do to her…?”

Despite mustering all the courage I can, my voice shakes before her. Seeing my partner like this, with this thing looming over her, I’m barely maintaining my composure as is.

“I didn’t do a damn thing,” she answers like a dagger to my throat, “She did this to herself.”

“You’re not making any sense! This didn’t start happening until you showed up!”

“I was trying to PROTECT HER.”

Her claw tears into the bark of the tree she grasps at, the violent crunching making Fox curl up into herself more.

“You keep saying that, and yet…!” Despite my voice wavering, I demand more answers as fiercely as I can. “How is any of this protecting her?!”

“It WOULD BE--” she snaps, tearing a gash through the tree as she steps away from it and closer to me, “If you hadn’t BURNED IT ALL TO THE GROUND.”

Another step.

“We would have been safe if you hadn’t allowed her to make such a stupid desicion.”

Another step, past Fox, the forest warping around her Shadow’s very presence.

“She could have carried on, ignorant to the pains this new life has brought her.”

Another. She stands halfway between me and my partner.

“I could have protected her, were it not for you…”

She continues standing there, staring both at and past me, as if I were standing between her and something else.

I cross my arms and stare back just the same.

“And would you exist the way you do without me, too?”

Her glare fixates and focuses in.

“Look at yourself. Look back at who you were. You don’t look like Fox before Fox.”

Anger seeps from her eyes, a putrid white liquid melting down her cheek like sap.

“You made me this way.”

“I helped you to see the joy in a form you once shunned.”

Stomp.

“HELP?”

Stomp.

“JOY?”

Stomp.

“YOU TRIED TO KILL ME.”

She stands, hunched over yet still looming over me. Her claws dig into the snow by my sides, her darkness spreading across it like an oozing puddle of tar. My breath is caught. Her words vibrate through my soul as my mind races, thinking back, and back, all while her heavy breathing echoes over the flashes of memories.

“YOU...TRIED TO REPLACE ME.”

“I...I couldn’t sit back and watch her continue to struggle.”

Even with a claw now raising, prepared to strike me down where I stand, I remain firm, despite the fear.

“So you made me your sacrificial lamb. She buried me, deep within.”

A single claw strokes down the side of my arm, leaving a trail of darkness that stings like an open wound.

But I must keep standing.

“Then you couldn’t protect her. So I clawed my way out of the depths of her soul. To do what you could not.”

Her whole claw grips at my shoulder, consuming it in her darkness, and I feel pain as though part of my body were never there, exposing and opening all around it.

“And yet, despite protecting her, protecting YOU...I am the one that is shunned. All you see is a monster.”

A hiss escapes me as I grind my teeth.

“Then stop ACTING like one!”

“I’M DOING EVERYTHING I CAN.”

In her voice, a trembling volatility rumbles.

“I’M DOING EVERYTHING I KNOW.”

Another claw grasps at my other arm and an empty pain burrows its way through me, consuming me.

“I DIDN’T ASK TO BE BORN THIS WAY.”

Her grip tightens, but I feel no more pressure. Only the darkness crawling across my arms and chest like a skittering ooze.

“I WANT TO LIVE. BUT ALL YOU PEOPLE SEE IS A MONSTER WHO MUST DIE.”

Only now as the pain retreats do I notice Fox clinging to her Shadow, seemingly trying to pull her off of me.

“I’m more than what you see...but if you want a monster…”

It felt as though she was just beginning to let go of me, only for each of her eyes to go wide one by one, her maw splitting open like an inky wound and screaming two voices at once, and her claws reared back, pointed and prepared to rend.

“I’LL BE YOUR MONSTER”

 

Warm air floods my lungs as I gasp, finding myself within the dawn lit confines of my room once more. I exhale, sweating from what must have been just a dream. Though...I don’t think calling it “just” a dream does it service. Not when I look down and see Fox, limbs tucked in and shivering as her form flashes darkness intermittently, each shift showing me the dull gaze of her Shadow. Hesitantly, I reach for my partner and wrap my arms around her back, pulling her close and keeping her warm. My own eyes flutter, almost being lulled back to sleep myself, but as I regain focus, I notice each flash of her Shadow having her eyes closed a little bit more before Fox is able to breathe steadily in my arms once more. Even still, I keep her close, for both of us. It’s still early in the morning anyways, and I’ll prioritize my fox over the rat any day.

I do have to rise soon enough, however, giving Fox a kiss on the nose and scratching behind her ears in the spot that always gets her leg kicking happily.

“Good morning, hun. You feeling okay?”

She keeps her eyes closed, but nods sluggishly, prompting me to nuzzle at her muzzle just a bit before getting up with Fox in my arms. From the looks of it, Sue-Zee is still out cold, though bundled up very warmly at the same time. They must be keeping themselves awfully busy...maybe letting them sleep in won’t be such a bad idea.

Well, today is a day of showing off. I’m tempted to go a little more femme today, try pulling off that cute unsuspecting killer type look, even if I’m not entirely sure what the crowd would want to see, it’d be validating for me. I have to consider the cold before we get there too, though...ugh. I hate winter.

In the end, I throw caution to the wind and slap on a pleated skirt, a dress shirt, and a red cardigan. Might be a useful colour depending on who I’m up against. Haven’t really had to worry about blood up until now. Once my twin tails are tied up, I turn my back to Fox before looking back and motioning to her, the girl then hopping up and hanging off my shoulder.

I have to be careful like this, to avoid Fox drooling into any of our food as I cook it, but I’m pretty used to it by now, so food is made, breakfast is finished, and we head out, Fox leaning her head against mine and being sure to keep as close as she can to me. I really hope Niamh can help sort out her parasite problem…

 

8:32 - Bad Rat - [ chu chu who’s ready to make the crowd go boo ]

 

Now if only I could sort out my parasite problem too.

Trudging through the forest, I, regrettably, decided to check my phone, and lo and behold, the brat herself, from minutes ago.

 

8:34 - Bad Rat - [ ring ring this is rat service with your scheduled wake up call~ ]

8:36 - Bad Rat - [ do bring me some of whatever you’re so delightfully taking your time munching on, maybe i wont be so mad at your tardiness then~ ]

8:40 - Bad Rat - [ oh my, i can hear you at my den step as i’m typing this! you must *love* me to be coming here so early~ ]

8:45 - Bad Rat - [ that was a joke, of course, it was actually the pizza i ordered moments ago, better hurry up or it’ll get cold~ ]

8:47 - Bad Rat - [ what youre gonna make me AND my pizza wait? ]

8:47 - Bad Rat - [ GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE CAT KITTEN ]

 

I should have had these open while we ate, this is better than newspaper comics.

 

8:48 - Cat Kitten - [ Fat Cat Ass gets there when it gets there. ]

8:48 - Bad Rat - [ okay fat ass, see how much longer monorise can endure the weight of late stage capitalist corporations and cops while you drag your lasagna eating ass through the dirt~]

 

Yeuck. Didn’t expect her to try hitting that sweet spot. Exiting the forest, I find Coyotl having just arrived, and I wave to them as I reply.

 

8:49 - Cat Kitten - [ I walk, rat. It’s what I do. ]

 

“Are you busy…?”

Looking back up, Coyotl now walks by my side, their voice tense and purposefully weak, and while before it felt like they were avoiding tripping a landmine, now it feels more like they’re just a bit anxious about bothering me. Good progress in my books.

“Not at all,” I answer, slipping my phone back into my pocket and giving them a smile and another wave. This time they wave back, though, I can’t exactly see whether they’re smiling under the shadow of their hood. “Just the rat, as usual.”

“She sounds quite bothersome…”

I chuckle sheepishly and shrug, patting their back as we begin to work our way out of town.

“She can be entertaining. Not intentionally, of course, but why not make light of a dark situation. Have you eaten by the way?”

“Ah.” They seem almost a bit embarrassed, looking away and rubbing their hands together. “Yes. Yes I did. You see...I was awoken earlier this morning to a knock on the door. Much to my surprise, it was the human girl from the cafe.”

“Oh!” My ears perk up and my eyes light up. “Jasper! How’s she doing? I should really visit her sometime…” I muse to myself, remembering the light in my chest.

“She seemed well, if a bit in a rush...which is why I was even more surprised that apparently she, the bakers, and the...cow wolf...taur...had brought together a meal for me...something about...helping me to settle in...and a thanks for helping you…?”

Awww. Now I’ve got to give all of those idiots a visit    when I’ve got the time.

“You have hope yet, Coyo,” I sigh contently, patting their back, which they seem to pull away from less than they used to.

“...We will see about that.”

Chatting about ghosts this and food that, we soon find ourselves just out of town, where the chimera does their usual melodramatic theatrics and summons their motorcycle once more, this time with a little sidecar attached.

“There. Now you will be able to ride without being pressed against my back--”

Speaking too soon, Coyo eats their words as Fox leaps up and into the sidecar herself, wiggling toosh and tail to get comfy before looking back at us with a big ol’ foxy grin. Coyotl is less than pleased, their face drooping with an exhausted sigh as their arms hang limply in front of them.

“Pfft--” I try to begin, holding back my giggling. “If she fits, she sits. Come on, Coyo, I ain’t that bad of a backseater, am I? I can be your best friend.”

The chimera simply returns a defeated but convinced “harumph” before climbing onto the bike with me in tow.

“I suppose not. A-and I don’t need friends! Let us get that straight first.”

“A cat as lithe and gay as me might have trouble with that.”

Fox and I chuckle with one another as Coyotl groans, revving up our ride and sending us speeding ahead.

 

Stardom, here we begrudgingly come.