CW:
Mention of suicide
If you’re trying to bring our hearts closer, you’re doing a shit job of it.
Look, you know why I brought us here...I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive her, I’m just as uneasy about her as you are, but...If you can feel what I’m feeling, you know something is different about her. Or clearer about her, at the very least, and I don’t think you’d have protected her the way you did if you didn’t understand.
...Whatever. I’ll allow it, on the basis of our feelings on the matter being unopposed to one another’s. I do understand what you mean by all this…
Great! Lend me a hand, would you?
Quickly and quietly landing upon the windowsill to Coyotl’s house, my Shadow takes hold of our tail, a hand forming at its end to easily pull the window up and open, perhaps a bit too forcefully.
Stealth is your business. I’m not here to be subtle.
That much is clear…
Swooping into the building, we find the place not lit up by lightbulbs, but rather green flames hanging from equally green chains that don’t even appear to be attached to the ceiling. Instead they fade into nothing just before touching the top of the room. It’s silent as the night inside, something we’d normally be happy about if the entire situation wasn’t already putting us on edge, topped off with the eerie emerald glow lightly painting the interior of the suburban home.
Unfortunately, the emergence of sound isn’t at all a comfort, a muffled mumbling slowly becoming clearer the further in we traipse until we find ourselves at the door between us and the chimera. Our smaller size makes it stand over us like an impossibly tall gate. Not wanting to startle them too much, I yip quietly, the speech on the other side ceasing immediately before making out a “Fox…?” muttered in a mixture of shock and fear. A bit quieter of a yip, and the sound of footsteps approaches hesitantly, and I sit looking pretty as the door is creaked open, a single green eye staring down at me.
“Wh...what are you doing here? Wait, you cannot understand me, can you…”
To that I shake our head, batting our paw at them almost pleadingly.
“...Oh. Oh, of course you can understand me. I apologize…”
At last, Coyotl opens the door for us, allowing us into a fairly ordinary bedroom. Well, ordinary aside from the fact it’s swamped with old tomes stacked atop one another, on the floor, on her desk, even atop the little ancient looking TV sitting on a drawer at the end of her bed. Much to our delight, someone else occupies the edge of the mattress…
“I...I believe you all are already acquainted,” Coyotl says, only finishing her statement after we’ve zipped into the lap of the familiar robed komodo dragon.
“Oh, goodness me! I had not thought you to miss me so dearly!” Penny says, her voice light and breezy as it carries her pleased surprise, to which I look up and give her a teary eyed pout.
“Well, I am pleased to be proven wrong, as well as to be seeing you once more, little Fox.”
Closing my eyes and leaning into the lizard, even my Shadow gets in on the comfort as she takes our tail and wraps it around Penny’s waist, the both of us basking in the ghostly, sunlight yellow glow of her semi translucent form, as well as the pets she offers. In the meantime, Coyotl stands in the corner of the room awkwardly, unsure of what to do with the situation they’ve found themselves in.
“So...you...two…” the chimera begins, bringing our attention back to her. “What brings you here? I...I would not have expected you to ever willingly share a room with me.”
The pained remorse in her voice is all too clear, easing our fears just a bit, prompting me to give my Shadow a nudge.
I’d rather not acknowledge her.
I know, I know...but...look at her. She’s stiff as a stump and as shaky as a leaf. I know it’s not our job to comfort her, but this could prove to benefit us all.
Feeling a relenting grunt, my Shadow waves her tail hand at Coyotl, then grabbing hold of our scarf, our physical shadow extending onto the floor and shimmering like a puddle, eventually opening up and forming a portal to a completely alien world. Both Penny and the chimera stare on in awe before my Shadow lets go, the portal drying up and our shadow returning as she points at ourselves, then down at where the portal was.
“...You are to travel into the Radiant World? For what reason…?”
Before she can speculate any further, Coyotl seems rattled, reaching into their cloak and pulling out a small glass bottle, a green chain attached to the cork and trailing back into the depths of their cape. They place the bottle atop their desk, and inside we can see the means by which we can even understand the witch.
A small, ember sized Yombroila sits patiently, looking up at Coyotl, then to us. She smiles with her eyes, unable to hide the pain of being so close and yet so far from us, but happy all the same.
“Fox…!” the goddess whispers like the faint flicker of a flame, dragging her mitten hand down the side of the glass before closing her eyes and turning to Coyotl.
“The reason, I would presume, is to face the trial I could not have prepared them for. If only I had realized sooner what I’d seen in their heart, perhaps I could have avoided this, but…”
Coyotl looks back to us, and I give them a nod in confirmation. The chimera then sits down at their desk and pulls out a tome without even looking at which she was grabbing, flipping through the pages faster than I’ve ever seen Cat speed through anything she’s read.
“...I am unsurprised at how long ago the last documented journey to and through the Radiant World was for my family. Still…”
Shutting the tome, Coyotl sits silently for a moment, eyes closed in contemplation before they stand up and walk towards us, falling to a knee to meet our eye level, the serious look in their eyes captivating me to stillness.
“...I can help...if...if you will allow me…”
Hell no.
Erk. Come on now, my Shadow...if Coyotl wanted to hurt someone, they definitely aren’t the type to try masquerading their plan.
Excuse me if their last attempt at help didn’t inspire confidence in me. Even if they don’t plan on it, anything they offer would only end up getting in the way.
You know that’s not true. Please, try looking at it from their perspective...they’ve been trying to do what they thought was the right thing the whole time, and have been vilified as a result. Now they’re trying to make things right--
I WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING!!
A dark shiver runs through my fur as my Shadow flashes over my form briefly in her outburst, Coyotl flinching in response and beginning to stand up, to which I shake my head.
“Give them a moment, Coyotl,” Penny says, the chimera seeming to steel themselves and stay put while my Shadow and I talk.
…
...You really don’t get why we’re so divided when you say stuff like that? That it was right to try and hurt me?
It was for your own--
That you were really doing the right thing in trying to push me away from the one person I had left in the world?
She only brings more pain--
She was the only thing keeping me afloat! You can see my memories, can’t you? So you can recall all the times I’d thought of returning to that city rooftop and ending all the pain?! All the numbness?! I was a husk of who I am now before Ascending! That’s the life that was better for us?! For the love of the goddess, you were NOT doing the right thing, can’t you see?!
OKAY!! Okay! It...was not right. But that is not who I am, that was before I had even begun to realize I existed at all. You cannot continue to see me as such if we are to close the gap between us.
And that’s why we need to do this. To prove to one another what we are to each other. We can say that you’re not a monster, but I need to be able to trust that you won’t become one. I need you with me to face my greatest fear, so that you stop being my greatest fear...and that which I fear probably won’t be the only thing we have to deal with in there, which is exactly why we should accept Coyotl’s help. I understand that you’re trying to do better...and that they are as well.
…
My form coats our body in shadow, my four eyes opening and staring at the chimera before us...and I nod. She nods back, keeping her head lowered for a moment as it swings down, then reaching into her cloak and pulling out her mirror. Fidgeting with the golden frame, she detaches a flat crown from the top and reaches forward with it, still hesitant. I stare at her a bit more firmly until she pins it to our scarf, at which point she retreats, falling back in her haste and landing on her rear with a relieved sigh.
“There...now...I will be able to protect you to the best of my abilities.”
In demonstration, she turns her back to us and holds the mirror up where we can see into it, its wings flapping and holding it in place as the surface shimmers like television static. Suddenly, it projects...us onto its surface, but from behind. Turning swiftly and squinting, I find nothing actually there to be watching us, and upon looking back at the mirror, I see Coyotl’s claws skating over its surface, moving the mirror’s point of view, almost like a video game. Once it’s situated to where my reflection is facing me, the chimera waves her hands in front of the mirror, at which point, a ghostly reflection of them floats in front of us, waving exactly as Coyotl is.
“H-hello,” they stammer. “This is how I will assist. I’ll keep out of your hair, but cover where you cannot see.”
Smiling and returning back to me, I nod at Coyotl. Part of me wants to show some sort of affection, but...I’m not quite sure I’m ready to be like that with them. Hopefully one day. Hopefully. Looking back and up to Penny, I swish our tail and she smiles with a nod, reaching forward to place her hand on Coyotl’s shoulder.
“Thank you, Coyotl,” Penny says as the chimera jolts from the touch.
“I-It is the very least I can do. I do not expect to be forgiven, but I expect of myself some form of repentance.”
Without much else to discuss or do, I hop out of Penny’s lap and land in front of the window, which the dragon reaches over to and opens for us.
“Take care, you two,” she says once we’re on the windowsill, at which point we look back and wave with our tail.
We take one last look at Yombroila sealed away, her, Coyotl, and Penny waving back and watching as we leap out, making our way back to Cat. Lucky us, she appears to be leaving the bar just as we return, and at the same time, the place seems to erupt with commotion, in response to what I can imagine is our newly Ascended friend. A brisk walk through town, and we’re back in the woods, side by side, making paw prints in the snow until we’re back home.
Inside we find Niamh, still sound asleep, prompting Cat to make way for our room and we follow suit. I’d say it’s been a long day, but every one of the past few days has been a long day it feels like. All the more reason to get as much rest as we can, considering it doesn’t seem like those days are going to be getting shorter any time soon. Snuggled up under the covers, I close my eyes and allow the feeling of my fur being stroked to take me away to a slumbering state, hoping that comfort will be enough to get me through what’s to come.
“G’night, Fox…”
“Mmh…”
Cat
It’s a bit of a trouble getting to sleep, knowing what’s coming the moment my consciousness fades, but I’m comforted by the knowledge that I’m mentally prepared this time, and that this may be the last time I’ll need to do this.
One moment I’m laying in bed, and the next, I’m in that decrepit forest, sitting down with my back to a tree, Fox and her Shadow across from me seated much the same as I.
“...Well?”
“...Well what.”
It was barely even a moment that I’d hoped tensions could be eased, but seeing the way Fox looks caged by that beast, sitting between her legs, her Shadow’s claws planted in the snow just in front of them so that her arms are like the bars of a cell...it’s hard not to let a bit of animosity slip.
“Are you gonna finish what you were about to start last time I was here?”
“I’ll gladly rip you to shreds if you’re so eager.”
A hiss escapes my lips, and a growl from...well, I can’t see any lips on her, but it’s clear her Shadow is just as pleased as I am with this interaction.
“Guys…”
Both of our attentions are brought to the poor thing trapped between our ire, at which point I pull back my anger and compose myself.
“I’m sorry, Fox…”
But she shakes her head, glancing up from the snow to look pleadingly with me, then turning her gaze to her Shadow, as if motioning me to her.
“...Wha...why should I apologize to her? She’s been--”
“Please,” she interrupts, not harshly, but as if to beg. “Please, I...I don’t want you two to hate each other. My Shadow isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, and neither is Cat. I don’t want to resolve our own tension, only to have to worry about what’ll happen once you two collide again.”
“Tell her to stop pointing fingers at me.”
“You fucker, I can literally feel your hatred for me seeping through the darkness of this dream!” I retort, only for Fox to stand up, phasing right through her Shadow and stepping away from us both.
“...Fox?”
“Whose hatred is straining the tension here exactly--”
“Stop!”
A chill colder than snow shoots through every inch of my body hearing the shrill desperation in my partner’s voice, her tone even managing to catch her own Shadow off guard. The entire dream feels at a standstill, frozen for all but Fox, who stands there labouring breath after breath.
“...I’m going to look for Penny. If you two can just...have a conversation without escalating things for once...that’s all I ask of you.”
She hesitates, clearly not wanting to leave, but she does push herself to begin making her way out into the woods, leaving me and her Shadow alone with one another. A recipe for disaster, no doubt...but I don’t think I could look at Fox again if I allowed myself to be used in such a disgusting dish after seeing her like that.
“...So…”
Her Shadow looks about ready to bark something at me, but seemingly stops herself, instead pulling her legs in and holding herself.
“...Are...are you okay?” I ask, tilting my head and suddenly feeling...bad for her.
“No.”
There’s not much more to her answer than that, so I leave it, nodding and taking a deep breath until her Shadow feels up to elaborating at her own pace.
“...I’m afraid.”
Really? After all she’s said and done, she’s…
I stop myself, closing my eyes and opening my ears.
“She’s never left me before. I want to hate her for it. I hate the way she acts so carelessly, so freely giving herself up for her and everyone else’s desire, I hate that she’s so forgiving, I hate...how she listens to me and understands me, so much so that she knows I’m at fault, that I’m my own worst enemy. I hate that I’m her worst enemy, when all I want is to...be like her. So I can’t hate her for doing exactly what I would do.”
Once again, I want to quip at her about why she’s telling me of all people these things, but...I realize, who else can she tell? I may not be able to feel her the way Fox can, but...maybe that’s a good thing here.
“And now she’s gone. She’s gone, and I realize, for all I tried to be around her...I’m nothing without her. I’m worried about what will happen to her, what will happen to me, and I can’t do a damn thing for either of us. I want what’s best for her, but I don’t even know what that is any more. I don’t know what I am any more. If we go through with all of this, and Fox comes out the other end...I don’t know if I’ll even be there with her.”
The more her Shadow talks, the more...melty she looks, her shadowy form spilling into a puddle of darkness under and around her. She’s losing herself…
“...Maybe I should disappear. You’re the one she cares about, after all. You’re the one that’s been caring for her this whole time, while I--”
“You care about her.”
Wh...what?
“...?”
What am I doing?
“And...and I know she cares about you.”
I want her gone, don’t I?
“Because she cares about herself.”
I...I’m not sure. It’d be easier, sure, but…
“She’s learning to give a damn about more than just surviving, she’s learning to live, she wants to live, right?”
But I’m beginning to get it.
“And you’re a part of her that lives too.”
I don’t know if Fox needs her Shadow or not…
“You have the luxury of caring for her and yourself at the same time.”
...But I do know that she’s someone that I’m fighting for just like everyone else.
“So even if you don’t know exactly who you are right now…”
I stand up, slowly, and take a step forward, closer to the cowering shadow.
“You know that you want to live, right? So let’s look beyond living. Let’s find out who you are.”
Standing tall and firmly, I look down at her Shadow, a bit sternly at first, but...I manage a smile. One that seems to stop the wolf from shaking any further.
“I love Fox, after all. I love watching her grow and become herself. She can do it...and so can you.”
All four of her pupilless eyes stare wide at me, and there’s a moment of quiet that goes from stillness to silence as she stands up, a full foot over me even hunched over.
“...What’s wrong with you? Doing all these things you don’t actually want to do.”
Shrug.
“I’m flexible. In the end, I want to do the right thing, and eventually, I figure out how to do it in a way that works for me.”
“...You’re an idiot.”
“Uh huh? Well?” I say with a cheeky, catty grin plastered on my face. “C’mon. Be an idiot with me and take me up on it. That’s one more thing we can say we know about you then.”
The big bad wolf sighs, the both of us holding out our hands at the same time and shaking on it.
