Chapter 12
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Tera brushed a short strand of raven hair behind her ear. It obeyed for a moment, then freed itself as she titled her head forward in concentration. The tickle of the lock on her cheek was a world away as she closed her eyes and took a measured breath. The flame hadn’t worked, so she would try the tree.

With her hand lifted, palm flat and facing forward, she envisioned a sapling breaking forth from the ground. Small branches reached toward the sky and tiny buds formed at their ends. The very essence of life stretched down her arm like flourishing roots. Tera took a quick peek to confirm that the small orb of Light had indeed formed just beyond her hand. It swirled in constant movement, the golden aura surrounding it slowly pulsing in sync with her own breathing.

With a deep inhale that filled her chest, the aura expanded. Tera’s eyes shot open to stare down her target. The dummy, its hay-filled shirt overstuffed to the point of bursting, waited patiently some distance away. She imagined the orb darting away to pierce the dummy and leave the straw ablaze. She willed the Light to mimic her vision, but it vanished the moment she stopped focusing on keeping its shape.

Her frustrated scream rang off the stone and disappeared into the trees. Tera took to pacing the length of the dirt alongside the wall with fists balled next to her sides. Nothing worked! Not the water, not the flame, and not the tree! How was it that no matter what school of thought, no matter how much Light, everything she tried led to the same result?

When she had tired herself from anger, Tera slumped down against the wall and let her head fall against her knees. At least she had the foresight to practice away from the training yards where others might see. Tears began to well in her eyes, but she fought them back as she had many times before. You’re weak enough, she told herself. Crying won’t lend you any strength.

“Do you do this every day?”

Tera hastily wiped her eyes with her sleeve and stood to face the voice. Long, blonde hair with subtle waves fell over a young woman’s shoulders and bright blue eyes smiled down at her. The woman’s face was slender, her cheekbones high, and her lips full. Even the old wives’ tales said Nora had the beauty of an angel, not that anyone would need much convincing if they saw her. Tera was thankful she at least had the same eyes, but resisted the urge to run a hand through her black hair.

“Most days,” she muttered.

Nora offered her a warm smile. “Well, then you’re training harder than most Templar. I’m proud of you!”

Tera sniffed and kept her head down to hide her puffy eyes. “Thanks.”

Each time they spoke it was hard not to be reminded of how different she was from her half-sister. Nora was taller, stronger, and certainly more attractive, but what Tera envied most was her sister’s skill. The confidence Nora constantly exuded was becoming of both the youngest to pass the Crusader trial and the youngest Justicar in the history of the Order.

“Why don’t we get something to eat?” Nora asked.

“No thanks,” Tera mumbled. “I think I’ll stay and keep trying.”

Nora stuck her lip out in a pout. “Would you still turn me down if I said I was leaving tonight?”

Tera mulled over her response. Offending her sister wasn’t ever her intention. Nora was caring and welcoming despite Tera’s tainted blood ties to the family, but she also hadn’t enjoyed Nora’s company for several years now. Admittedly, her life might be easier if Nora would start hating her for sullying the Caloman name. At least then Tera wouldn’t have to feel bad about avoiding her.

“I already have plans for later with friends,” Tera said. It was a lie, but only half so. Kai had invited her to some tavern, but she had turned him down. Now all she had to do was pray her sister didn’t speak with the jovial islander before leaving.

Nora smiled. “That’s good to hear then. Training is important, but so is focusing on other things.” Nora bit her lip as she finished her words in a failed attempt to stop them from leaving her mouth.

“You mean focusing on something other than trying to be a Justicar?” Tera clarified.

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Nora said, trying to recover the conversation.

“Right,” Tera sarcastically corrected herself. “You meant do other things because I’ll never succeed at this.”

“No! You’re putting words in my mouth. And you make it sound like being a Templar is a failure and it’s not,” Nora said. “But Tera, come on—how many years of this? Maybe it just can’t happen. Why do you have to be a Justicar? Why not become an Oracle instead? You’re more than smart enough. This is your fifth year, right? I’m sure the Highlord would allow it.”

“The Church would send me to some boring posting and then leave me there to rot,” Tera grumbled. “Either that or I’d live my whole life in libraries.”

Nora scoffed and folded her arms. “All I’m saying is that life is short and there are an endless number of things to do. Why not try at least a few of them?”

“That’s easy for you to say when you’ve surpassed everyone’s expectations!” Tera could feel heat rising in her cheeks. “You spent years training to get where you are. Have you done anything else? I’m not sure you’re in a position to tell me to!”

“It doesn’t have to be something big,” Nora retorted. “We’re fortunate to be a family with some wealth. The Realm is full of wonderful places. Go see them! Or buy a nice set of clothes. A dress or some skirts, maybe. Pursue some boy. Do the things other girls your age do. Tera, I only want these things for you because I regret wasting my chance at them.”

Tera rubbed the toe of her boot in a line through the compacted dirt. “I’ve done all that,” she grumbled.

“Have you?” Nora asked with a cocked brow. “Where have you gone outside of Elysia?”

Tera blinked rapidly as her mind raced. She hadn’t expected Nora to question her so directly. “Well—”

“And I can’t remember the last time I saw you in anything other than what the Order issues us,” Nora continued.

“It’s just easier to—”

“And do you even talk to boys? Or know how to court a man?”

“I talk to Kai all the time!” Tera blurted out. She huffed and turned away so her sister wouldn’t see the red in her face. Being angry wasn’t something she felt she needed to hide, but embarrassed? Well, Tera doubted that Nora even knew what shame felt like. Her sister was peerless in loyalty and devotion to duty, just like their father. Or Nora’s father, at least. Still, Tera made a mental note to limit lying to her sister, something she’d told herself a dozen times before to no avail.

“Oh he doesn’t count, Tera. He might gawk at every girl that looks his way but he’s too infatuated with Nalani to actually consider someone else.” Nora wrapped her in a hug from behind. “I just want you to find something in life you enjoy. I’m proud of you, Justicar or not.”

“Safe travels,” Tera murmured.

Her elder sister strode away, disappearing around the corner and back into the labyrinth that was the Citadel. Tera stood, chewing her lip, until Nora’s footfalls faded into the clatter of wood and shouts from the training yard on the other side of the wall. The dummy waited, its blank burlap face mocking her.

Tera stormed back into the Citadel to hunt down Kai. She found the islander in one of the many storerooms helping carry crates from a dozen wagons at the rear of the building.

“I’ll go with you,” she declared.

Kai grunted as he lifted another wooden box from the ground. “What?”

“To the tavern.”

“Oh, good!” The crate gave a loud bang and a cloud of dust blew away as he dropped it atop another. “So she was able to convince you then?”

“What? Who?” Tera asked.

“Nora,” Kai said. “She stopped by earlier looking for you. I told her you’d probably gone to train since you turned down the invitation.”

Tera’s hands clenched into fists. Nora hadn’t given the slightest indication she’d caught her in a lie. Why couldn’t her sister be mad at her for anything? It wasn’t fair that Nora could be so perfect without any effort! The perfect daughter, the perfect sister, the perfect Justicar. You have to do better, Tera told herself. Show her that you can do all those trivial things and then tell her how little they mattered once you became a Justicar.

“But I’m glad to hear it!” Kai continued, “We planned to head out once Nalani gets done with her guard shift and bathes. We’ll swing by your room?”

 



 

The tavern roared with life, filled to the walls with countless conversations, raucous laughter, and a bard plucking away at a lute. Maybe it was because Tera wasn’t participating in any of those conversations that she was acutely aware of how needlessly loud many of the patrons were when they spoke. She swirled the ale in her mug, the same bitter liquid she’d nursed since they’d first sat down. Her head was brought out of the stale scent by a man and a woman, both with skin like deep honey and hair black as night, taking their seats alongside her.

“Hard to believe they were attacked, huh?” Kai said.

Nalani shrugged. “I find it harder to believe they lost. I wonder if Joyce is struggling to find decent help.”

Tera looked at the two with raised brows, waiting for them to either change the topic or tell her the details. Nalani was the first to notice her expectation.

“Sorry,” Nalani said and took a swig from her cup. “Ran into some members of our old caravan while we were getting our next round. They said some bandits hit them on their way back.”

“Was one of them the one you came to meet?” Tera asked. She’d learned on their walk over that it wouldn’t be just the three of them sharing drinks. It had been a bit insulting that they expected her just to tag along while they reconnected with an old friend, but the feeling had passed quickly. It made little difference. She’d only come out of spite for her sister, anyway.

“No, we’re still waiting on him,” Kai chimed in. “Speaking of which,” he added with a nod towards the door.

Tera craned her head and saw a man with skin kissed by the sun enter with another man in tow. They made their way through the crowd, not necessarily taking the shortest route, but arriving at their table all the same.

“Kukani!” Nalani rose and greeted the newly arrived islander happily. “Who’s your companion?” she asked.

“Right!” The man with sun-kissed skin put an arm behind the other man’s back and nudged him forward. “This is Caelan. We picked him up on our way back from the Far East.”

Nalani offered a hand and Caelan took it by the forearm. “Nice to meet you! I’m Nalani Woll. This is Kaikoa Ochoa, but he goes by Kai, and Terosa—”

“Tera,” she cut in quickly. It was unlikely either of these two would recognize her family name if they weren’t from the city, but she didn’t see any reason to risk it. It would make for a poor evening if all she did was answer questions about her father.

“Right, Tera,” Nalani finished. “Come on, why don’t we all sit! We’ve already ordered our next round.”

The new arrivals sat and received their drinks from a barmaid whisking about the room shortly after dropping two coins on the end of the table. Tera studied the two of them as they spoke with her friends. Kukani often stroked a short beard of curly black hair that matched the top of his head and she noted that the islander could’ve easily passed as a sibling for either Nalani or Kai. Caelan, on the other hand, had paler skin that looked as though it might burn away in the sunlight. The contrast to the black locks atop his head offered no help in masking the lack of color.

The conversation struck up quickly and entirely avoided the attack on the caravan. Caelan had only recently joined the traveling merchants after surviving the fall of Bastion—a point Kai was quick to question him about. Unfortunately, the farling knew little more than what they’d already heard. The rumors had only recently been confirmed by the Church, but it seemed there would be no insight on what level of involvement the Order have in the Far East.

Limited knowledge aside, Caelan didn’t exactly meet Tera’s expectations. She’d always imagined the farling warriors to be bloodthirsty savages given that they existed solely to fight and die against the Void. Caelan had the distant gaze of someone who had seen battle, sure, but his voice was welcoming, like a warm fire against the cold. There was a small scar on the side of his face and she wondered if he might have more, each a tale of some well-earned victory. And Light, his eyes were blue. They flicked her way and Tera realized she’d been staring. She tore her gaze away and prayed he hadn’t taken offense. Mustering the courage to talk to him was going to take more than stale ale in front of her. She whispered in Kai’s ear that she was going to find out if the tavern had anything stronger squirreled away and left the group.

The wine wasn’t as sweet has Tera hoped, but a tall cup of it did the trick and gave her the courage that brought success. Admittedly, she had frighteningly little experience in the art of seducing men, yet despite how awkward she’d felt in the moment stealing him away from the tavern was rather easy. A coy posture, a glimpse of cleavage, and a cryptic request were all it took. In fact, she wasn’t even really sure it could be called seduction.

She also wasn’t sure when she made had made up her mind and committed to this little pursuit. The moment he’d sat down? No, if she gave it enough thought it would have been earlier in the day—the moment when she’d sworn to herself that she would match her sister’s achievements without sacrificing the parts of life Nora had. Now that the abstract declaration was turning into a small bit of reality, however, the nerves were settling in. None of what she’d done so far could even remotely be called a plan. Her mind wandered between possibilities.

Where to go? It had been, what, two seasons or more since Tera had stayed in her family home? There was no point really, it just made for a long walk to the Citadel each morning. Plus, her mother never ventured further than her chambers or the garden and the food the Order served was almost as good as what the house staff prepared. And it wasn’t like she could sneak some caravan mercenary into her room at the Citadel. Perhaps she should rent a room from an inn instead. Then again, the risk of prying eyes would certainly be greater there.

As she walked through Elysium’s streets a jolt of fear ran down her back. What if she was wrong and he turned out to be more…violent than she’d thought? If things went downhill she wasn’t so sure she’d be able to fight him off. He was so reserved enough in the tavern, though, she told herself. Tera hazarded a subtle glance over her shoulder. If anything he seemed more nervous than her, his eyes darting to each person that walked by and keeping a safe distance from her.

Nora’s words played in Tera’s mind, but she thrust them out with her own convincing argument. Of course I know how to interact with men. They all want the same thing. This would be the easy part—simple proof that she could live what Nora would call a full life and still become a Justicar.

It took a small amount of coaxing, but she got him inside and to her room. She brought him over near the bed, but he stalled. Her heart beat so hard she thought she might crack a rib while untying the laces of her shirt and sliding the trousers from her waist. The whole process felt entirely inelegant, but there was no way he would reject her now.

“Well?” she asked.

“A-alright,” came the meek reply.

The collar of his shirt got stuck around his chin as he pulled it upward. The blood that had been pounding through Tera’s heart soared into her cheeks. She wouldn’t quite describe him as slender, the corded muscle he was built of offered more than skin and bones, but he wasn’t dense and barrel-chested, either. Black ink scrawled its way down an arm and a large scar crossed his chest and ribs on the one side. She bit her bottom lip and tried to reassure herself. You’ve come this far. There are plenty of girls who take a boy to bed on any given night in the city. No one else would know of her endeavor unless she felt it prudent to tell them. And she wouldn’t. Not until she could use it against her sister.

Tera rose and wrapped her arms around him. He half caught her, bracing with an arm as they fell onto her pillowy bed. Coarse hands slid up her thighs, onto her hips, and around the small of her back. So…gentle? It was a bit of a surprise, but not an unwelcome one. The lingering thoughts of fear slipped away as she lost herself in the rhythm of her own heavy heartbeat and the scent of ale on his breath.

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