Not Technically Crossplay | END
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After looking at some of the links Jim sent her, Alex ended up booking an intake appointment with a trans specialist in the area. There weren’t any openings until next month, but she could wait. She wasn’t even sure what she wanted to do medically, although the idea of having boobs did sound appealing.

That evening at Allie’s, she told her everything that had happened.

Allie snuggled into her. “I’m so proud of you. I know you were really stressed about this, but you got through all of it, and it was all fine! Maybe you can learn that actually things are okay, and relax a little more? That would be neat.”

“You were right, I was way too worried. I feel way better now, though! Now I just want to watch dumb YouTube videos and snuggle with my girlfriend.”

“Coming right up!”

***

It turned out the trans specialist didn’t have any openings in the next two months, so Alex booked the first slot she could and resigned herself to waiting.

Although it was probably irrational, she felt like every day that went by without hormones made her body become a little more masculine. After all, she was still in her early 20s, not completely past the turbulent water of puberty. She kept looking at herself in the mirror, wincing whenever she found a stray hair sprouting from her chin or focused on the protrusion of her eyebrow ridge.

But it definitely helped to have Allie constantly telling her that she was cute. Not just that, but a cute girl. 

“Lex, you’re so cute! Maybe hormones will make you even cuter, but also that’s impossible because you’re already max cuteness. Cuteness 100. The cutest.”

“But what if… YOU’RE actually the cutest???”

“Hmmmmmmmmmm… I guess we’ll just have to declare it a tie”

“Well, at least we can both agree that we’re the cutest couple.”

“Oh, yeah, definitely. No question.”

***

After what felt like an eternity of waiting, working, and distracting herself hanging out with Allie and playing Pathfinder, the day of the appointment finally arrived.

Because the only appointments were during the week, and the doctor was all the way in downtown, Alex had already let her team know she’d be out for medical reasons. She left the house and started driving at 9 even though the appointment wasn’t until 11:30. Even so, with LA rush hour traffic she just barely arrived in time.

After paying too much for parking in an underground garage, she took the elevator up to the floor labeled TRANSGENDER CLINIC on the directory, and stepped out into a neat, clinical waiting room.

After giving her name and appointment time to the receptionist, Alex was given a huge stack of paperwork to fill out. She took the proffered ballpoint pen and sat down to start filling it out..

I don’t smoke… Drink 1-2 times per month… No allergies…Family history of diabetes...

A few minutes after she finished the forms and handed them back to the receptionist, a nurse called her in.

The nurse was a stocky, friendly guy in scrubs. He measured Alex’s height, weight, and blood pressure before telling her that the doctor would come in a few minutes.

Alex was in the middle of reading a thinkpiece on her phone when the doctor walked in.

“Hey, you must be Alex! It’s really nice to meet you. I’m Dr. Olsen. So, what are you hoping to get out of this visit?”

“I wanted to try taking hormones. I know I feel more comfortable wearing female clothes and using female pronouns, and I think I like the idea of being more… female, in general.”

“Makes sense! In that case, we’re going to need to have you read through and sign a few forms, and do a blood test just to make sure everything looks good. Just wait here and a nurse should come get you for the test and give you the forms.”

God, MORE paperwork. Couldn’t they just, like, trust people to know if they wanted hormones or not?

Alex winced her way through blood being drawn--needles were not her favorite--before skimming through the additional papers.

Irreversible side effects… infertility… making sure you consent… increased risk of liver problems… I already knew about all of this from the internet.

After signing the papers and giving them to the nurse, she reunited with the doctor.

“Alright, you should be basically all set! One thing, which pharmacy would you like us to send your prescription?”

“The CVS on Sepulveda and… hold on, let me look it up so I can give you the address.”

“Store number would also work, if you have it.”

“Alright, got it! Here, just look.”

“Okay, great! As soon as your blood tests come back from the lab, you should be able to pick up your hormones. The pharmacy will let you know when they’re available.”

“Awesome! Thank you so much.”

Heading home, Alex was simultaneously annoyed at the amount of waiting and paperwork, and excited and relieved that hormones were in her near future.

***

At first, the hormones didn’t seem to do anything. For months, the only noticeable effect was that her nipples hurt. They hurt so much. They were so sensitive that when she showered, she had to keep her back to the spray. She had to tell Allie to avoid that whole area, just in case.

She couldn’t help but feel let down. For some reason she thought that as soon as she started HRT things would get better. But literally there were no visible effects. One month went by. Then two, then three. Things were generally okay, with her mom and her Pathfinder group and her work.

Well, except for one day at work during an multi-team conference, where someone on another team referred to her as “him”. Repeatedly. Even though she was wearing a nametag with her name and pronouns on it.

Fortunately, one of her teammates--who she assumed was gay, he just generally had that vibe--ended up correcting that person. Still, although she was glad that her teammate was cool, she couldn’t help but be upset. Things had been okay for a while and she had convinced herself that they would keep being okay. But really, had anything changed? Wasn’t she still basically a guy, and everyone saw her that way, and the people who used she/her were just humoring her and didn’t really see her as a girl?

She ended up going home early that day. Allie came over and the two of them just snuggled.

Allie didn’t seem to really understand what had happened. “How the fuck does someone look at you, especially wearing a nametag like that, and think ‘oh this must be a dude’. Like, what the fuck. It sounds like that person just has problems.”

“I mean… maybe I just look like a guy. The hormones seem like they really haven’t done much. I think I just don’t have enough body fat to redistribute.”

Allie scoffed. “Like, I know perception of gender is subjective and all, but to me you’re just so clearly a girl. Also, that’s not even true, your butt is definitely bigger.”

“What?”

“I’m, like, 95% sure your butt has gotten bigger.”

Huh. Yeah, that would explain why my older jeans won’t go on. I thought I had just gained weight.

“Also I’m pretty sure your skin has gotten softer. And besides, even before you started hormones some people already thought you were a girl.”

“What? I don’t think so. Pretty sure I’d remember if that happened.”

“Uh, let me see… Me, Stephen, Logan… Yeah, basically everyone in the D&D group.”

“Pathfinder, actually.”

“Whatever, DORK. No, but yeah, at the time I didn’t really emphasize it because I was worried I had misgendered you, but honestly when we first met I thought you were a cis lesbian.”

Alex blinked. “Wait, so you were attracted to me because you thought I was a lesbian, but you kept dating me when you found out I was a guy? So I, like, tricked you into being straight?”

Allie snort-laughed. “Uh, ACTUALLY, I was right, you were a lesbian. And I tricked you into being gay.”

“Wow, I can’t believe this. Is this the gay agenda? Turning straight guys into lesbians.”

“I gotta be honest, Lex, I don’t think you were ever a straight guy.”

“...Yeah, that’s fair.”

***

Life kept happening, and eventually the hormones started to have effects that even Alex couldn’t deny. Softer skin and hair, wider hips, a rounder face, and even (small) boobs!

For the first time she could remember, she didn’t mind looking in the mirror. She kind of liked it, in fact. She felt cute. Some part of her brain relented and started believing that Allie really did see her as a cute girl.

And Allie was into it too. One day she said, “You know, you’ve always been a cutie, but lately I think you’ve been getting even cuter. If that’s even possible. Somehow, even though you were already the cutest. Now you’re, uh, the cutest...est”

Alex gasped in fake shock. “Wow, my girlfriend likes me looking like a girl. What are you, gay?! I can’t believe that my girlfriend was a lesbian this whole time, smh my head.”

“Well, I’m definitely Alexbian, cause I’m sexually and/or romantically attracted to YOU! Hey, did you like my great pun?”

“It was okay.”

“No, it was great. You’re my girlfriend, you have to tell me all my jokes are funny.”

“Yes, of course, it was so funny and hilarious, I’m literally dying of laughter.”

“Now that’s more like it. Praise me some more.”

“You’re cute, you’re funny, you’re…

***

One day, Alex woke up and realized that Anime Expo was only a month away. She and Allie were planning to go together, along with Jazzie. Allie had recently gotten into sewing and had offered to help make a costume.

“Hey, do you have a specific costume in mind? I was thinking maybe we could do some kind of couple themed thing.”

Allie grinned wickedly. “I do indeed have a costume for you, girlfriend of mine, but you’re not allowed to see it until the day of.”

“Any hints? Do I need to get any accessories or do anything in particular with hair or makeup?”

“The accessories are part of the package! I guess one thing will go in your hair, but don’t worry about doing anything ahead of time.”

Alex kept pestering her, but Allie wouldn’t budge. “Jazzie and I worked on this together, and I promised her I would keep it secret. Even though it’s very hard to not tell my girlfriend staring at me with puppy dog eyes. It’ll be worth the wait, I promise!”

“Meh, fine, but it better be good.”

Finally, the morning of the con arrived. Jazzie and Alex had gathered at Allie’s place, awaiting the big reveal.

Allie walked out of her bedroom carefully holding a small storage crate and placed it in front of Alex. Allie had a weird smirk on her face, while Jazzie was almost vibrating up and down in excitement. “I really wanna see you wear this, Alex, it’s gonna look so good!”

Alex carefully opened the box and found...a large red piece of fabric. Pulling it out, she realized it was some kind of long skirt or culottes, with a white top carefully folded below it. Under that was a small skull hairclip.

“Oh, it’s Luka’s, or Ruka’s or whatever, shrine maiden outfit! Wow, so I guess I’m doing the same character as last year.”

She turned to see Allie shrugging on an oversize white labcoat. “Oh, you’re doing Kurisu?”

“No, you FOOL! Can’t you see that I am the magnificent mad science HOUOUIN KYOUMA!” Allie started cackling.

Jazzie put on a floppy hat that matched her cyan, square-neckline dress.

“You know,” Alex commented as they got in the car, “In retrospect Luka is super obviously a trans girl.”

“Yeah, isn’t there literally a whole storyline where she wished she was born a girl?”

“Yeah, exactly lol.”

As they walked into the con together (with the exception of what Allie was wearing) it was (technically) not crossplay.

 

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