Hey there Dan… uh… or whatever you call yourself these days. It’s Joan here, and well… I’m in deep shit, and I could use some help. Well, me and like a lot of other folks, but that’s besides the point. Idiots are too stupid to save, if you ask me. Anyway, this is finding you because you’re the only person from our class that I touched after we transformed, and I needed that for the transportation spell… nevermind. Doesn’t matter. Point is, shit is hitting the fan and the splatter is going to be messy as all hell, here’s the deets.
From what I understand, this world is in the shit. Dark lord falla is literally smashing the world into pieces and there ain’t shit anyone can do about it. Well, except some half dead goddess chick that’s hiding with a big chunk of humanity behind some thicc ass walls.
Anyway, I’m stuck way out close to what the locals call the fractured lands. It’s basically dark lord ground zero like a couple dozen miles from here. The locals are a bunch of stuck up elves, like full thalmor levels of dickheadery. Luckily they think I’m one of them, the ears apparently give it all away.
I’m trying to learn magic to gtfo cos these weird wind elf fuckers sure as shit aren’t smart enough to leave. Wait, getting ahead of myself. I wanna leave cos there’s a butt ton of angry ass monster fuckers outside the walls of elf town and they don’t look like the hot friendly kind of monster that just dommes you real good.
They’ve apparently been out there for years, but the fucked up land is new, and it’s getting closer. Ain’t nothing going to live through that shit except the birds. These elves don’t have wings, by the way. They think they do, but gliding ain’t flying. Dumb ass fucking elves. Why is it always the elves? Is my frustration showing yet?
Anyway, I need help, so if you can like… grab a bunch of our fellow isekai protags and save my ass, that’d be great. Wait, you need to know where I am.
Okay so current address is fuckwitsville, otherwise known as Anlyth. It’s like… a few weeks walk from that big city, Anawhatsit. Anyway uh… yeah please save me. Kinda scared here, ngl.
Move your ass. Please.
Joan.
Nailed the tone of someone utterly terrified and hiding behind a humor as a defence mechanism
This is exactly what I would sound like if I were absolutely terrified, frustrated, annoyed, and somewhat morbidly amused. Which seems to all be what they are currently.
the hot friendly kind of monster that just dommes you real good.
By wind elves, does she mean the same kind that are such mortal stab-your-guts enemies with humanity that one who happens to be living among humans gets terrified for her life the moment she's found out, those wind elves? Oops :/
I like Joan.