Green lightning hit the ground a mere centimetre away from my bare feet, neutralising every bit of life in its path. Like a spider web, the mysterious energy sprawled all around me for several seconds, tickling my toes a little until the lightning dove deep underneath the dust beneath my feet. Unhurt and unfazed, I held down the straw hat on my head and leaned against the strong, dangerous wind, struggling to keep on going forwards. Fine, sandy dust hit the uncomfortable, ragged scarf and the old, nearly broken goggles on my face. 

Cursing quietly about the weather into the scarf, I leaned against the inhospitable wind once more and continued to stomp back towards my home which was probably the only place where any normal being could survive. Several metres later, a red lightning threatened to hit my head, but curved around me like a snake which promptly slithered into the ground as well and vanished just as fast as it came. Looking upwards, I could see the usual pitch black clouds covering this planet the whole time and arcs of energy in different colours jumping from one place to another, even in the energized air itself.

This planet was inhospitable. As apocalyptic as it can get. There were only two seasons left. This stormy season was my favourite by far. The other one was quite rainy, which would be alright if not for my irrational fear of water and the undrinkable fluid being highly toxic even to my skin.

The landscape didn’t do too well under these conditions either. Everything I had surveyed so far was pretty darn barren, with a few notable exceptions like some volcanoes spewing out toxic fumes and a few caves underground. So far, I wasn’t able to find any plant life on this destroyed planet and I highly doubted there were some left. 

There weren´t many organisms left either. With the exception of two intelligent beings, there were parasitic worms, cannibalistic monsters and of course goblins. Not even the goddamn apocalypse could rat them out. Not even the god of death could and certainly not me. They always came back through simple mutations, no matter how often they were erased from the face of this planet.

But hey, none of these races were responsible for the bad weather which destroyed every hope of a holiday at a beach. And not even the humans with their undying thirst for progress had anything to do with the molten mountains. 

No, no, that achievement was mine alone. I was not too proud of that one to be honest. I would rank it right in the middle of sleeping with my subordinate and that beaver genocide … they deserved it though. Maybe I would even put it on my CV some day … even though I doubted someone would want to hire me with my criminal record.

Scratching my head a little, I knelt down swiftly as a boulder three times the size of my head flew through the air, driven forwards by the wind and out of control gravity itself. As it was right above me, I was pulled backwards a little and nearly lost my footing as the forces of nature went crazy around me. This world wasn’t just apocalyptic. The laws of nature itself were as unstable as they could get.

“How much I hate this…” I mumbled through the scarf, rubbed my bleeding nose and watched how the stone crashed down into the sand behind me. Glaring at it angrily as the boulder rose into the air again, I walked backwards until it flew into the distance, hopefully going on the nerves of a few goblins. 

A few minutes later, the next obstacle presented itself to me, just was I was about to enter my home. It was green – and surprisingly it wasn’t a goblin. It looked kind of like a t-rex with very sharp, unhygienic teeth, strong legs and tiny, cute arms. The monster ran up to me the moment it noticed my presence, drool escaping its mouth and it certainly didn’t keep its voice down as it roared in happiness.

I knew that I was a beauty, but I seriously didn’t want to be hugged by monster with sharp claws again. Leaning against the entrance to my cosy cave I had just reached, I stared at the monster as it charged up to me until it was ten metre and sixty five centimetres away … possibly a few more millimetres as well. And then it took a nose dive into the ground. 

“How am I supposed to clean that up now?” I mumbled as I nudged the unmoving creature with my toes. “… she won´t like that.” I concluded, but still did what I had in mind any way. Undoing my scarf around my head, I turned around and strolled into the cave while coughing up a little bit blood. 

Well, at least the entrance stayed clean through the whole ordeal which made me quite happy as I descended the stone stairs. The walls were barren for around fifty metres circulating downwards, but in the end glowing plants covered them near the big room I called my home. Besides the multitude of plants I grew in my free time, the cat that didn’t like me at all and the bit of clean water in a small pond, there was only one thing of value inside. My sunshine.

“Mum!” She said happily and waved in my direction happily. No matter how often I saw my darling, it would always warm my heart. She was my everything, the fulfilment to the wish I had since I was born. And surprisingly, I didn’t even have to sacrifice that much for her. 

Just my best friend … two times. And the world itself.  

But let us not begin with that, shall we? After all, a good story always begins way before the action. So … let us begin at a time where this planet didn´t even exist … where I didn’t even exist.