“You win.” I said and hugged Luna tighter so that she couldn’t turn around. He got everything he wanted. He solved the issue with the goddess and now, he also solved the problem with my emotions, although I had to admit it happened in a rather strange way.

I would do everything to get Luna out of there. Even by burying all my emotions underground. And I certainly couldn’t risk Aska torturing her.

“What are the contents of your surrender?” He asked with a smugly smile.

“I will never befriend anyone again. I will never fall in love again and so on, as long as I am allowed to keep my feelings towards the four humans I like: Mary, Luna, and Sofie and Tom. You will resurrect them whenever they die and let me see them again.” Mary and Luna were on the list because they were my friends, Sofie because she was a part of the puzzle to uncover the veil covering everything, and Tom … well, he was interesting.

“Eh? Smuggling the toy of this bitch into the list? Alright, those four and nobody else. I want proof though.” I didn’t know why these four were alright, but too many were not. I didn’t ask, fearing he would change his opinion again. Honestly, this was everything I could have wished for. I was able to save Luna, I just had to do one thing, even though it hurt to even think about it.

“I… will give you enough proof when I return to Solaris.” I muttered, completely exhausted and defeated.

“Perfect! Hey, I give you a gift if you do so.” He smiled even more and crushed my happiness like usual, by prying me and Luna apart. I returned to Solaris as the world around me was filled with darkness and if everything went alright, I was able to see Luna again in the future, whenever that may be. At least she would be alright now, without me. At least she would forget everything when she gets reborn. And at least, I could befriend her again. I didn´t wish for anything else.

“Tom! Let me out!” I hammered against the door with my fist whose handle didn’t move, no matter what I tried. This cheeky human apparently managed to close the door from the outside which was, in all honesty, unfortunate.

“You told me to keep this door closed for two more days.” He shouted back through the door. Meanwhile, I put my black dress I ordered Tom to buy on, secured the scabbards of my two daggers on my tights and placed one into it. Suspiciously, I eyed the upper hinge of the door and grabbed my nightstand. After hopping onto it and stabbing the door a few times, the hinge got loose and I could easily place my nightstand away and peel the door out of the frame from top to bottom. Naturally, the hinges broke completely this way, but that wasn’t my concern at all.

Tom awaited me, dispirited that whatever he did, couldn’t contain me inside the room. I grabbed my completely black coat and walked past him. He smiled happily as he knew what this clothing meant and rushed into his own room to dress similarly. Completely clothed in black he handed me a face mask that covered everything except my red eyes. I directly put it on and made sure to hood myself as well. Afterwards, I handed him a backpack containing a new set of dark clothing for me, which he promptly put on his back.

We exited the building unseen as the new servants Mary hired were all asleep along with her. Silently and unnoticeable, we left the area and climbed onto the next roof where Tom needed a break.

“Where are we going?” He asked curiously.

“At the Lagoon 17. You lead the way.” He didn’t know what this building was, but he knew where it was. We travelled over the roofs as much as possible and I always pushed him to the rooftop as I noticed nearby guards. He needed several breaks, but even then, we arrived within an hour.

It was by no means a wealthy family we were visiting this night. This house was owned by the poor. Completely out of wood and with three storeys, it was enclosed by the street and two other houses, directly bordering it. The townhouse looked old or rather well used. As I stood in front of it with my daggers hidden under the dress, I looked back at Tom who started to realize what this house was. After undoing my mask and hiding it, I knocked on the door three times.

Nobody answered. Frustrated, I knocked again, this time a bit louder. After several seconds, I heard how a woman rumbled loudly as she descended the stairs. One last time, I concentrated on the area around me and confirmed that no neighbour was awake. An old woman, clothed in white and grey cotton clothing opened the door a bit, only to look at my helpless expression.

“Can I help you?”

“My family … threw me out and now …” If she looked just a bit closer, she would have noticed that my dress was in no way cheap. Rich families barely discarded their children, especially at my apparent age. If she looked even closer than that, then she would notice that my shoes were hopelessly large for my size. We bought them a tad too large and I stuffed them out with a foam-like substance, which allowed me to wear them, although I didn’t feel comfortable in them.

“Poor girl, come in.” She opened the door wider and let me step inside. I smiled bitterly as I quickly retrieved my dagger and rammed it into her throat, just as she turned around. She sank down to the floor, lifelessly, only slowed down by my grip on her clothing. Silently, I let her down and turned around to listen to every sound once more. Although nobody was awake, I still wore my black mask again and strolled through the wooden, crude hallway into the next room, a kitchen. As there was nobody here either, I closed the door silently and proceeded to the next room. At the bottom floor, there were no sleeping rooms. It was all the rooms needed for living such as a room for eating with more than twenty people, the kitchen, or a room with crude toys.

Thus, I ascended the stairs and soon found myself in a dark hallway. I turned to the left and proceeded to walk past several doors, only to stop at the last one. As quietly as possible, which was damn hard with this old door, I slipped into the room.

Without remorse, I placed the dagger at the throat of a young girl, barely seven years old. My hand trembled as this seed of life, or whatever it was, fiddled with my emotions once more. I didn’t want to kill this girl, but the circumstances didn’t allow her to live. I had to prove to Aska that I was in control of my emotions somehow, that I could murder my own emotions whenever I desired.

It was a struggle against myself. A struggle I didn´t want to have. But this girl, and everyone else in this room had to die. It was either Luna and my sanity, or them. And so, I slit her throat open in her sleep, in favour of my friendship with Luna. Naturally, she woke up due to the pain, but except for a gargle, nothing left her lips. I looked into her eyes and guided her all the way to purgatory. I still looked into her lifeless eyes for several minutes, filled with an aching heart, but also with determination.

A short while later, I was with the next person and proceeded to do exactly the same. I continued to strangle my own emotions to death once more, just like I did all these years ago when I was just born. None of these children could scream as I killed them in different ways, one more gruesome than others. Some died by having a dagger inside their heart while I muffled their sounds, some were stabbed right through the eye. Some of them died swiftly, while I killed others slowly, just to proof my point to Aska.

Shortly after the last one died, I left the room behind and continued similarly with the next room. All of them had to die for Luna. All of them.

And so I slaughtered, unwilling, but I slaughtered nonetheless. My own feelings that acted up since I came to this world died more and more with each child I murdered. But my feelings for Luna and for Mary remained strong, like a beacon of light in my otherwise dark life.

Naturally, there was no single one capable of fighting against me. They were all mostly asleep and as I started with the younger ones first, the older ones couldn’t alert them as someone woke up, reducing the threat of someone fleeing to nothing. My dagger was clad in blood and dripped as I descended the stairs again. Nobody survived in this house, except for me … or maybe I killed a part of myself in there as well. A part that stopped me from committing the worst. But I did honestly hope it would come back someday.

Shortly afterwards, I listened to any sounds outside and then simply opened the door. Nobody was awake, nobody noticed the abhorrent crime I committed. I stepped out of the house leisurely and turned around one last time. It was barely noticeable, but I saw some blood on the windows, just above the sign that stated what this house was.

‘Eaters Orphanage – A home for every child’

“An orphanage? I don’t un-“ Tom said as soon as I climbed onto the roof he used to spy on my actions.

“Shut the fuck up.” And he did shut up. At least he understood when it was time to do so. In silence, we made our way eastwards, where I changed clothing and my shoes, just to put the bloody ones back into the backpack. Only then did we head back towards the estate, completely unseen.