Chapter 52: Too Familiar (1)
Agni held her breath as she walked the corridor, her mind racing as she moved towards the exit.
*That was intense…* She thought to herself as she opened the door. To her surprise, Zula was waiting on the other side with a difficult to read smile on her face.
“So..what did you think?” Zula asked as she took Agni by the arm, pulling her near.
“That was...I … I don’t know.” Agni replied.
“Mmm.” This was all Zula said as she began to walk, arm in arm, with Agni.
“How did it make you feel--watching?” Zula asked. The question was so direct that Agni blushed before answering.
“I liked it.”
“Would you ever...participate in anything like that?” Zula’s next question was somewhat expected, but still Agni had no response ready.
“I don’t know..”
“I see. Your mind says no but…” Zula stopped and took up a position in front of Agni, pressing her fingertip against Agni’s chin as she spoke.
“What does your body say? Does she react...to the things you find…. Foreign? Do you find yourself craving...lusting..needing?”
Zula’s direct nature was making Agni sweat, but not in a bad way. The darkness, the idea of watching from the shadows was appealing but Zula’s conversation was making Agni bashful. What’s more, Zula was quite aware of this. Perhaps she had figured Agni out from the moment they locked eyes.
*That’s probably enough...for now…* Zula thought to herself as she took Agni’s arm and continued walking with her.
“Ah-- Agni!” Katrin shouted as Agni and Zula rounded the corner. Katrin quickly freed herself from the groping hands of several young women who looked thoroughly disappointed.
“Aww.” One young lady commented as she folded her arms and frowned.
“She got away. Tsk.” Another lady whispered.
“K-Katrin? What’s wrong.” Agni whispered as Katrin latched onto her free arm.
“N-Nothing.…” She said, a nervous tone to her voice.
“So… what do you two ladies think? The offer still stands...working with me would be--” Zula stopped as she searched for the right word, “ enlightening.”
“I think I’ll pass. Ha ha.” Katrin answered almost immediately as she chuckled nervously. Agni caught a glance of Katrin’s robe hanging off her shoulders as another young lady on the nearby sofa licked and sucked her fingers. She could almost guess what happened.
“It sounds nice but… I’ll have to decline too.” Agni responded.
“Awwwwwww!” All of the women in the room practically moaned in unison with disappointment.
“Well, I expected as much but, the offer still stands. As I said, people would pay handsomely for experiences with a Succubus. There’s also a huge demand for wholesome women too…” Zula said as she cast a glance in Katrin’s direction.
“Regardless. You can come back any time-- you know the way now right?” Zula said as she grasped Agni’s hands, clasping them together as she spoke.
“For a massage or -- anything else that tickles your fancy.” Another escort said as she waved at Katrin.
--------------------------------------------
A different sort of relief filled Katrin as the pair exited the Silken Petal some twenty minutes later.
“They really like you, don’t they?” Agni asked, laughing to herself.
“A little too much..” Katrin returned as she waved back to the six ladies standing at the entrance of the building.
“What’s not to like though am I right?” Agni said with a nudge as she and Katrin walked out of the gates leading into the brothel. All of the attention being poured upon them was both exciting and tiring. Though it was only mid afternoon they both felt relaxed and tired.
*Oi.* Shula’s voice said suddenly.
*Yes?*
*Did you forget? You got what you wanted back there. You may praise me.* Shula replied.
“Oh, that’s right-- my Succulust ability did improve.” Agni whispered.
“Really? That’s great. Then it means the trip was a success, right?” Katrin replied.
“Mhmm. It seems like the ability changed as well. Let’s see.” Agni said as she paused to open her Skills menu.
[Succulust - (Passive) {27%} +5% Strength, Agility and Speed when activated. When the Carnal meter is full, +15 additional percent to Strength,Agility and Speed. Cost : 0. ]
“What does it say?” Katrin asked as she crowded Agni to see.
“What’s a Carnal Meter?” Katrin then asked.
“I think, when the ability rose in mastery something new unlocked.”
*Wrong.* Shula said.
*What do you mean, ‘wrong’?*
*You’ve always had a Carnal Meter. You just didn’t realize it. The more in tune you become with yourself, the more you’ll discover even more abilities.*
*Like?* Agni asked, but she received no answer.
“Um..Agni? Are you okay?” Katrin asked, having noticed the fact that Agni seemed to be staring off into space.
“Ah, yea. Sorry, just.. Talking to Shula..err- I mean the angry voice.”
“O-Oh..”
“So basically, if I understand right, this third meter in the upper left corner of my HUD is Carnal Energy. I already have quite a bit, so let’s try it out.” Agni said as she closed her menu and uttered the words.
“Succulust...activate!”
“...........Did it work?” Katrin asked after observing for a moment.
*HA HA HA! What the hell was that? Dork.* Shula said as she laughed obnoxiously.
*If you know something then say so…* Agni thought.
*Nope.* Shula replied.
*Then what use are you?* Agni retorted.
*BWA HAHA. SUCCULUST POWERS ACT-UH-VAYTE.”
“It looks like I’ll have to figure this one out later.. And Shula’s not being any help. Let’s just...go.” Agni replied as a mood of annoyance settled over her.
The two walked for quite some time, having quite a ways to go before exiting Sprim Row. Along the way they stopped at various street stalls and even made a few purchases. It wasn’t long before they left the Silk Road area and were on their way to the Sprim Row gate.
*Oi.* Shula said.
*Shut up. I’m not in the mood.*
*Oi. Seriously.*
*What Shula? What do you want? I’m not in the mood right now.*
*Someone’s been following us since we left the Silken Petal.*
*Wait--really?*
*Yes. Don’t look back. But there are three of them. They will probably try something when we near the gate.*
*Why didn’t you say something earlier?*
*Because-- I wasn’t sure until now. But they’re definitely watching both you and Katrin.*
Upon hearing this Agni stopped in her tracks and turned around, placing her hands on her hips as she shouted, “I know you’re there. Come out.”
Katrin seemed confused, that is until three grifty looking men stepped out from the shadows.
*Agni -- behind you!* Shula said, alerting Agni to the fact that three additional people stepped out onto the street just two meters behind them.
“Huh!?” Katrin said as she drew near to Agni. “What’s going on?” She whispered as she cast glances towards the men who were now closing in from all directions.
“I don’t know. Let’s find out.” Agni replied, her eyes taking on a pink tone as one of the men stepped forth to speak.
“Succulust...activate!”
Everyone around:... f*cking loser...
Thx
A bit of a downer this chapter. In the previous she was all horny and fingering herself and now she talks with Zula as if nothing happened
too much rubber-banding i'd say
She finished, imo.
I felt like that was a reasonable conclusion to come to.
@DreamOfRen Just like that? She's a freaking succubus. A sex-demon. They don't walk out the door after the first time(usually... the first time was an exception through shock etc). They just get started then. You don't leave the restaurant after just arriving. You leave after appetizer(masseuse), first course(4 guys), 2nd(domina), 3rd(Zula) and then dessert(Katrin).
The succubus instincts are somewhat missing there
@matze3 Saying all of that sounds like you just have a bias that you'd like fed.
That's your opinion, not necessarily fact of matter.
@matze3 Also, another thing you may want to take into consideration is that lore doesn't really support what your view point of what a succubus "is". In lore Succubus tend to get their fill then leave, many times leaving their partner dead. Should I just.. start killing off my characters as well? They don't even "feed" that often ("historically speaking").
With that in mind, as I've mentioned -- at this point Agni's been in the world for a total of less than a week. I think it's a little impractical at this point to expect a full on orgy.
I have a particular vision for development, and so far I'm pretty happy with it.
I don't necessarily think some off screen "finishing" is a problem.
@DreamOfRen Then we have a quite different view on what a succubus is. How you describe it Succubus are simply human who get exp for having s*x or other lewd interactions(just like the prostitute class). I understand them as their own race that not just has s*x to gain xp but thrives on it. A race that has their own instincts, instincts Agni tries to fight against because of her previous world view on sex.
And in my opinion she already gave into these instincts when she started groping Katrin and then fingered herself. Coming back from that... Well that would be less succubus and more prostitute class
@DreamOfRen on your second post. Many folklore portray Succubus as killing their partners but there are other folklore where they just leave and the "victim" is disoriented or if they die it is more because the succubus couldn't control herself and went to far
@matze3 Right, I think it's pretty clear that you just have a specific idea of what you feel a succubus should be. My point was that even in folklore, they are portrayed differently.
I guess what I'm asking is-- why is it okay for folklore to portray something less viscous or aggressive and not this story?
Also, from my perspective most of the things you've mentioned simply aren't a problem because I have intimate knowledge about how the story will play out in more aspects. To me it's really more a matter of readers wanting something that simply hasn't come to pass -- yet.
@matze3 I also don't find anything wrong with a moral dilemma. Everyone has behavioral bias, some more than others but they all exist.
It's actually more nonsensical to assume that people would just forget all of those things about themselves the second they end up in a fantasy world setting.
@DreamOfRen ...Ok now these last two points made it clear to me that there's some kind of miscommunication atm.
I don't think Agni should f*ck everyone that hasn't climbed a tree once she counts to three. And neither do i think she should kill her partners(deliberately). What i am missing is the succubus instincts. Yes she has that skill succulust but that's a skill and not instinct.
Her first time in the new world wasn't a conscious decision. That was instinct. Exactly what is missing now. The last time she barely managed to tear herself away. Now she just walks out as if nothing happened?
It doesn't have to be a complete orgy. The statement about dinner was a lingual style, an exaggeration, to point out the fact that there is something missing in these lines(sry don't know how to translate it better and google translate gave complete bs).
It can even end with her tearing herself away and fleeing again but just go to 100% and then 0. That's the problem i have with this chapter. She might have learned to control her instincts a bit better but that she doesn't feel anything anymore is just unlikely. especially after she already gave into these instincts with katrin and fingering herself.
(She didn't ask Abdeni or Purscha to stop as well. And i mean really ask with all available means)
@matze3 I get what you're saying for the most part. You feel that she should have done something more. But from my perspective, that's just implied behavior.
Yes, it does seem strange that she would just come out of a room completely fine after pleasuring herself.
I thought that it would be implied that she took care of that problem without having to specifically cover that scene -- but I'll take it into consideration when I go back to revise the chapters.
@DreamOfRen Thx. It's probably that just a few minutes seem to have passed between Agni leaving Katrin and her returning that throws me off but it still creates a huge discord for me when i read it. Not sure how others see/read/experience it
@matze3 Well..you said it yourself... A few minutes passed...
What else could she have been doing in those few minutes?
From what I heard many other books tend to imply sexual scenes as well, so I figured it wouldn't be a big deal to do once or twice.
Live and learn. :)
@DreamOfRen I just missed her embarassment for doing it... if you had detailed more her reaction when beeing asked about it no one would object to she having finished or she beeing freaked after hearing that from the sado woman... it was just a sudden jump in behaviour and no reason apparent reason for it.
@DarkGodEM @DreamOfRen thx DarkGod you put into words what i had trouble translating. I think i called it going from 100% to 0 or described it as something following but it was more this break in behaviour that was problematic
@DarkGodEM She wasn't embarrassed though.
Why would a succubus feel embarrassed for participating in voyeurism?
@DreamOfRen Her body not but i thought an important part of hte story was this clash of mind(very conserative views on sex) vs body(i want orgy that lasts for eternity(exaggerated)). So while her body would be satisfied her mind would be omg i just fingered myself while peeping on other people etc.
@matze3 But one of your gripes was that when she's overcome by her succubus side she loses control of herself and you thought that should happen more.
It did, during the voyeurism scene where she pleasured herself. Actually it happened prior in the massage scene.
So, why would that be out of place?
Idk, it just kinda seems like you're struggling to find fault with things at this point.
I don't think a succubus taking her time to grow is a bad thing. Vampires do it all the time (younger vampires unable to control themselves feeding on people, for example.) Eventually they come into their own and can control themselves somewhat.
It's the same for what Agni is going through at the moment.
@DreamOfRen You are correct i want to see this succubus side more in the future. My problem with this scene is that her mind would still be set on the "perverts and s*x with strangers is bad train"(not exactly i hope you get what i want to say with this).
So her instincts told her finger yourself you need a release and when done says good job(because her instincts took her over) while her mind at the end says: omg i just fingered myself watching others have sex(because she comes back to her senses and conscious thought).
Yes mindsets change and it has to change because she's a succubus now but does it change so completly that after 1 week instead of completly freaking out she thinks fingering herself while peeping on others having s*x is normal? That's a bit big of a change.
She's still getting used to this whole beiing a succubus thing. Hence she refuses Zula's offer afterwards.
I hope it becomes more clear what i see as a problem with this scene despite having so much trouble translating it into words.
@matze3 Fair enough. I can say with certainty that the change becomes more pronounced within the next 10 chapters. (I've already written them so :p )
@matze3
Not sure how others see/read/experience it
Scene with a woman and 4 men ~20-30 minutes (she sqeezed dry all of them, it should take some time) at least, then S/M scene ~10 minutes at least. Half an hour or more is perfectly enough to pleasure herself and regain composure.
@DreamOfRen I can't be asked at this point to read the massive back and forth that you were having with this person but the main thing I want to add to this is that you as the author are creating a world with its own lore and that it doesn't need to follow any or our expectations of what a succubus is because this is your world. Now the main reason I stopped reading and skimmed is I didn't want spoilers and with my opinion as posted above each time I read someone trying to tell you how your character should set or react I would get annoyed. Credit to you for giving the time of day to them as for several chapters now I haven't read much of any comments as they are way too pushy for what you are creating. Lastly great work so far and I can't wait to see where you take me