Jing Yi’s thought was exactly right. With his lover’s silent reassurance, Qiu Ling’s worry was reduced a lot. He hugged Jing Yi back and leaned his forehead against his shoulder, the fear almost completely gone and replaced by sadness.

"I didn’t know how to go on after that," he admitted after a while. "I hid in the hut for two weeks, not taking even a single step outside. Those two were still lying outside. Sometimes, I thought I heard her scream in the night."

Jing Yi rubbed Qiu Ling’s back and silently pressed a kiss on his hair. "You were afraid. It’s normal. You shouldn’t have been alone."

"Yeah. But there was no one. I didn’t know about her family and I honestly didn’t want to know. And my father didn’t have anyone. The person closest to him had been the one he loved and I couldn’t go to him. I had known that person, I had grown up around him and …" He took a deep breath, having some difficulty to admit the truth.

"Between my parents and him, he was the person I liked more. But I also felt like … he was the one who destroyed our lives. Because of him, we had to leave the capital, leave everything behind I had known growing up. Because of him, my parents were the way they were. I thought it was all his fault." He shook his head. His hands on Jing Yi’s back were already shaking by now. He clearly remembered. Yes, he had loathed to part with Jinde the most but he also hadn’t known who to blame so, finally, as the one to be left behind, Jinde had been the best target to blame all his misfortune on.

"When I think back I still sometimes wonder if none of that would have happened if we stayed there. My mother clearly wouldn’t have dared to kill my father in the capital, would she? Right under the eyes of everyone else. The risk would have been too high. It’s a pity … he didn’t manage to keep my father at his side."

Qiu Ling closed his eyes. Even now, he couldn’t understand it. His father had clearly loved the old geezer. Each gaze back in the capital had been blazing with his feelings for him, just as much as with the regret of not being at his side. With that kind of feelings involved … how in Heaven’s name had the old geezer not managed to keep him from leaving? It would have been so much better to stay there.

"Back then, I was still a normal child. I had friends there, something I never found after that day. Every day, I would run around and make trouble just like the rest of them. Ah, I guess I was pretty normal once."

"You’re still normal."

"Mn …" Qiu Ling gave a low hum, not trying to argue that point, and just concentrated on Jing Yi’s hand that was continuously stroking his back. If this was Jing He … How would he have reacted? Would he also silently comfort him?

He turned his head and looked at the person in the blue robes. He knew that this was just an apparition and not the real person but it still felt real seeing him like this. Considering Jing He’s gentle disposition he might have been the same. Showing him so much consideration, trying to calm him down, and showing him his love … Yes, he would do the same. Maybe more proficiently than Jing Yi because he knew him better and knew what exactly he needed to hear right now. Also, with the feelings between them, every word that Jing He said would be able to soothe his pained heart.

Qiu Ling sighed. Jing He … In the end, it was likely that type of life that had led him to his beloved. If his father wasn’t so stupid to leave with him and his mother, if they stayed in the capital city instead back then, everything would have been different. By the time he met Jing He, he might have been married already. What then? He clearly would have missed out.

He continued to gaze at the sweet smile on Jing He’s lips that had been used to coax the Heavenly Emperor on that day. No matter what had gone wrong in his life, he would repeat all of it as long as it led to him meeting Jing He and being able to lay his eyes on this sight. It couldn’t take the pain away but it made him feel as if it was worth it. Maybe he had needed to go through all of this to finally be allowed to have such good luck to find the love of his life.

Thinking like that, Qiu Ling’s mood might not have been better but at least his calmness was restored a bit. It allowed him to finally stop focusing on that part of his life and answer the question that Jing Yi had actually wanted to have answered. "There were some more unpleasant things that happened afterward. Maybe that was also because I was afraid that somebody would find out, that I would be accused of being an unfeeling murderer that could even manage to kill his own mother. So for the most part, I kept to myself or tried not to let people get close. When I did … things normally went wrong. It just kept piling up. Until the day I met him."