On our way back I tend to Liseti.
I have a rather pressuring question on my mind.

 

<Could, could I ask you something?> (E)

<Naturally, knowledge is always of value! And to want more can never be wrong.> (L)

<You, you said that my body will have problems. Kyska mentioned something like that. But... will it be very bad? Is it dangerous?> (E)

<There's one thing you can be sure about and that is that your personal nurse would never endanger your life. Yet what is going to happen regarding your royal guard is a severe biological adjustment.> (L)

 

I am getting really anxious at these words.

 

<Is this gonna have lasting effects?> (E)

<Not predictable. Like I said, your nurse would never cause harm to you. But I have an idea why she suggested it.> (L)

<Wh-why? I thought it was to protect me?> (E)

<This is one part. Yet the other is a little more concealed.> (L)

<And this is?> (E)

<Say, how many eggs do you produce at once?> (L)

 

This is an extremely private topic.

 

<Ehk, do I need to answer?> (E)

<I have crude knowledge but your own evaluation would be better.> (L)

<I-I guess forty. Maybe fifty. It's not set. Around thirty when I sleep. So two times a day.> (E)

<So double intervals. You should know that the eggs we lay are produced at four strands. Two on each side of your waist. In general able to hold at least twenty-five eggs at once, which grow to a viable state before they are released into the womb, where they pile up for the session.> (L)

 

Things I never wanted to know!

 

<And what is this about? Why do you tell me this?> (E)

<Assuming there's a set amount of places, you should be able to understand what is wrong with your laying.> (L)

<Y-yes. There are fewer than I could possibly lay. Suki said because I am not used to it and feel bad when it happens.> (E)

<Exactly! But this doesn't refer to experience.> (L)

<Then what?> (E)

<You are simply not prepared enough. Your features developed too recently to produce at full degree. You are only using a part of your capabilities. But the royal guard will change that.> (L)

<What?! How?> (E)

<It will be one giant batch. All hundred places at once produce simultaneously. While your body is surely able to take the strain it will be after this effort easier to endure the normal. You will in fact adjust to lay more eggs. Not necessary at your limits, but the chance is high there will be more. Like some kind of special training!> (L)

<Kyska tricked me twice!?> (E)

<If you want to see it like this, but it might rather be genuine concern. To protect you should be her primary intention. In addition, after that you will have an easier time with your sessions.> (L)

 

More and more I dread what the future has in store for me.

 

<This will be terrible, right?> (E)

<For you? Probably! I think you have this day and after that will start to feel the strain.

<After around four to five days they should be ready. Which is the reason why we should bring you as fast as possible back to the hive. It will be more convenient to handle you there.> (L)

<What is with the people? Those who shall accompany us?> (E)

<They are allowed to. It won't be difficult to follow. And if you intend to personally manage their accommodation, you should be able to do so, yet not after tomorrow. Then your breeding should have progressed too far to allow extensive movement. Not that I believe you would be even able to do so in that state.> (L)

 

Couldn't she be a little bit more considerate?
All that keeps me sane right now is denial.
My mentality is at the moment at its limits.
And one particular thing might give me the last shove.

 

When we reach the plaza in front of our quarters I can force myself to ask.

 

<H-how do you intend to bring us back to the hive?> (E)

<Naturally the same way we came.> (L)

 

As I feared!
Another round of the horror tour.

 

<I-I don't know if I can do this. The first time was already bad. Is there no other way?> (E)

<In your state? No! You are a princess which is currently breeding! You can't walk!> (L)

<But what about my family? The others might be fine, but my brother is too young to walk that distance. I don't want to put this on him.> (E)

<He can be carried. Or, as I don't see a threat, he can accompany us.> (L)

<In the flesh carriage?! No!> (E)

 

Wait!
Carriage!

 

<C-couldn't we maybe use a coach?> (E)

<Coach?> (L)

<A human device. Important people get transported in these. A smaller one might fit in here.> (E)

<Explain! How does this work? I can't believe similar to ours.> (L)

 

No, surely not!

 

<It's... something like a very small building. Put on wheels so it can move.> (E)

<Wheels?> (L)

 

Oh god. I have to start at zero!

 

<A round object. Like this.> (E)

 

I draw a basic impression on the ground.

 

"They get fastened on the structure and carry the weight so that it's easy to pull the whole thing. Well, "easier". Humans would use the strength of animals to move this. Meanwhile one can just sit inside.> (E)

<You are aware that this is a terrible overcomplicated solution? Especially as our brood is far more flexible and reliable to traverse the tunnels.> (L)

<This feeling of so many living things around me is just terrible. I really can't stand it.> (E)

<Crc, scricac, scriuk!/ I comply! It wouldn't be good to pressure your mentality in this now. Yet I need to say that your issues are rather precarious. In the old days, you would have had a much harder time. Before the reforms.> (L)

<Reforms? What kind of reforms?> (E)

<During the swarm wars our queen changed the process regarding how princesses lay their brood. Before it was expected to have them out of convenience with the brood. They shared the same rooms in the nursery and the brood was directly at the right place. A princess was at that time always surrounded by her brood. Also, the nursing process was far more primitive, only using one single giant cave. Like this, the swarm had all the soft targets at the same place and could protect them efficiently. You would at this time have found yourself in a lake of your own offspring.> (L)

 

I think I grow pale.
No, change that!
I'm sure I grow pale.
There are horror visions I don't even want to think about.

 

<B-but not anymore, right?> (E)

<No. As efficient as the system was, it didn't include the mental factor. As devoted as even the princesses originating from the swarm were, always being at such a place took its toll on them. They couldn't rest properly, which decreased their production. Instead, it was established that the princesses are provided their own quarters and their needs would be attended to. The necessary workforce was soon outweighed by the plus in production. The same goes for the nursery. Where before not-yet-adults trampled their siblings, which also saddened the princesses to see, now there was a system of caring structures created, divided by age. This led to a rise in numbers which gave an important advantage during the swarm wars. So you should be thankful that our queen values your mental health like this. It's better than having your food stuffed into your mouth to create a state of nutritional overload and constantly being stimulated at your ovipositor to induce the laying process. A practice used in some of the other swarms.> (L)

 

I'm growing sick.
That was really...
I have no words.

 

<This, this sounds terrible.> (E)

<Just because you're not used to it. If you would never have known anything else, you wouldn't crave for something like freedom or rest from the constant laying. It even resulted in greater numbers in comparison. Yet I need to say, the offspring were less healthy. They exchanged quality for quantity, which cost them the war. Our system proved right.> (L)

 

Thank you evolution!
Thank you for not favoring the worst possible treatment!

 

<Nonetheless, what I meant to say was that being surrounded by other entities, as you fear so much, is a normal state for a princess and your situation couldn't be any more favorable. So you should try to make more concessions in general. However, regarding your special condition with your royal guard, I will comply and obtain such an object as you described it.> (L)

<You will ask for it yourself?> (E)

 

I am a little worried to have her leading any negotiations on her own.
Too much could go wrong slip and cause a diplomatic issue.
In both directions.
I don't want the cause for the next swarm war to be a carriage.

 

<I've watched you. I am rather sure it is within my capabilities to manage such trivial matters.> (L)

<I didn't want to offend you. It's just that people in high positions are very prideful and communicating with them is rather hard.> (E)

<You didn't.  I am aware that I lack experience in this new subject and like this my ability is low. Yet as I said, I am certain that I am capable to realize something as trivial as this. I will simply ask that lord.> (L)

 

With this, she heads off and I can just go back to my room.
I have heavy stuff on my mind.
Aside from the point that I have the weight of humanity's ongoing survival on me and that stuff with the royal guard becomes more and more frightening, there is one thing.
I don't know what to think about the queen.

To be honest, I don't like her.
While it's difficult to blame the swarm and all its members for what happened to me, it was the queen who stripped me of my humanity and brought me into this situation in the first place.
I hold quite some resentment against her for effectively ending my life as it was.
A decision I had no word in.

On the other side, everyone respects her deeply and hearing those sudden horror stories about alternative treatments for princesses was quite much to process.
Not that I ever planned to do something as stupid as going against this twenty-meter monster which is supported by all the billions of insects the swarm hosts.

I don't want to thank her for making my life not as shitty as it could have been.
However, I was granted some freedom.
This is a concession.
Creating a weird kind of gratitude, which makes it difficult to ask for revenge.
And puts me in a difficult mood.

I decide to stop my musing and fall into sleep.