After I heal, the emperor guides me around the palace as he said he would. Walking next to him makes me feel really short. He is a full head taller than me. He shows me the knights' quarters, the knights' dining facility, the knights' bathing area, the garden, the throne room, the ballroom, the drawing room, the kitchen, etc. Of everything shown, I was most impressed by the kitchen, as it seemed like I had walked into a different world. It was massive with countless stoves and ovens and loads of chefs preparing ingredients. I am trying my best to commit the whole tour to memory. I ask him when we have a moment of privacy, though still out on the tour, “You said I don’t have to worry about using the knights’ bathing area, but what should I use instead?” 

 

I resist all urges to flirt here and say, “You will be using my private bath. We can’t have anyone seeing you bathe.” I am so intrigued by her. I have never let anyone have this position before, but after realizing she was just like me, I feel like maybe I can trust her a little. Though I am scared to tell her I am a woman myself. Just because we are in a similar situation does not mean she won’t sell me out for something she comes to treasure. I like her a lot, and I would love to not have to kill something I have come to be fond of. Not to mention how talented she is. I will just have to ensure we bathe separately to ensure I don't lose a gem like her.

 

I nod, feeling a tad suspicious of him, “Ok, Lord Jon. As long as you don’t try to join me or anything like that.” 

 

I can’t hold it back any longer and go up to her and lift up her chin, and look down into her eyes up close flirtatiously, “What would you do if I did?”

 

HE IS SO CLOSE! He seems awfully feminine the closer I look at his face, but I don’t want to die saying something like that to the emperor. I respond, “I would have to respectfully resign from my post, Lord Jon. I don’t care if you are the emperor, I still have my pride.”

 

I keep my hand on her chin as I whisper in her ear, “Do you not think I am handsome?” 

 

WHAT IS HIS DEAL?! I responded a little flustered, “You are pretty for a man, but I don’t like men, Lord Jon. Now, can you please give me some space?” This is as close to bringing up how feminine he looks sometimes. I am scared to bring up more to a man of his position. I can't help but blush since he seems so feminine. 

 

Is she saying this for her cover as a male knight, or does she genuinely like girls? I definitely need to probe that more.

 

I hear someone whisper excitedly near, “Oh my, do you see how close his imperial majesty is with that knight? They almost look like lovers. Two handsome men?” I hear a few excited squeals. I blush even more out of embarrassment and clear my throat for her imperial majesty and avert my eyes.

 

THUMP THUMP! MY HEART! SO CUTE! I must restrain myself here. Her mouth isn't expressive, but her eyes and rosy cheeks are, and I am obsessed. I say to her, “Looks like someone caught me.” I say with a chuckle. Act cool. Act cool. I'm the emperor. She has me about to act like someone I don't know. 

 

I ask him as we walk away, “Do you not care about rumors about you liking men?” He responds, “Why should I? There have been emperors in the past with such proclivities. Anyone who dares try to speak up against the attention I give to you can be killed for all I care.” I gasp, “You can’t kill everyone who doesn’t agree with you, Lord Jon. That's tyranny.” How can someone just kill everyone who disagrees with them? He almost sounds like a bandit talking like that… 

 

That is how I survived this long. Some people would have figured out I am a woman who has lied to the entire empire. If they did, I would have died. I HAD to kill them. I say, furrowing my brow, “Sometimes, that is the only way to ensure self-preservation.”

 

I have never seen that face on the emperor. He must have some stories. I wonder if he would ever need to kill me? I hold back a shiver at the thought, and I look around at how people we pass are all giving us space. They give him too much space if I'm being honest. I sigh,  “I think I understand. You rule with tyranny to keep everyone at arm’s length. Both literally and metaphorically.” I want to ask why, but this does not seem to be the place.

 

I sigh, thinking how she hit the nail on the head, “Something like that. Being a tyrant is by design.” 

 

Tyrant by design, huh. I am intrigued by him, but I don’t want him to misunderstand my curiosity as romantic interest.

 

After the tour, he takes me to his study and says, “This is the last on the tour, my personal study. I will be spending most of my time here, which means you will also as well.” I nod and ask, “When you are in your study, would you prefer I be outside or inside while you work?”  He responds, “Assassins have come through the window before, so being in the office. You are to follow me everywhere except my bedroom or the bath… Unless you desire me, then we can allow you everywhere with me.” I shake my head vigorously, “No, thank you, Jon.” ABSOLUTELY NO WAY. This man is annoying me with all of the flirtation.

 

She is so cute! I want to tease her so badly, but I feel like too much teasing will push her away. I respond with a chuckle, “I bathe late when most others are asleep, so you won't have to worry about running into me. I'm usually busy with my duties late in the evening. Though I normally take my extra work with me to my chambers, so don't worry about me working you too hard.” 

 

I sigh a sigh of relief, “That's good to hear on both accounts. I'll make sure to bathe before it gets late.”

 

How is everything she does so adorable? I just want to squeeze her tight. I asked her, “Do you have any more questions?”

 

I think back on the tour and remember the barracks, and many of them had multiple beds in a room. I ask, “Am I expected to sleep in the knight’s barracks? I don’t usually sleep with my chest binder on, and they would find out quickly I am a woman.” He responds with a smirk, “I have arranged something special for you. I will show you personally later after my work for today.” I nod, then look around the room. There is a chair that I can move to a spot where I can see the door and the window. I ask the emperor, “Jon, is it alright with you if I move that chair to this spot here? I would prefer the door and the window to be in my line of sight.” He says, "If it is for guarding me, you don't need to ask.” Before I sit down, I go to the bookcase and peruse the types of books he has in here out of curiosity. There are a lot of textbooks on different topics such as agriculture, military strategy, economics, philosophy, and loads more. 

 

I tell her, “Feel free to read anything on those shelves while we are in here. I wouldn’t want you quitting out of boredom on me.” I wonder what she will choose.

 

After looking around the bookcase, I see a singular shelf devoted to fiction. I look and see several romance titles, fantasy titles, and grand adventure titles. I grab a romance book, since I know nothing of romance. The book’s title is The Weed in the Royal Garden: A Lesbian Love Story. I only know I like women and have never courted one before. The emperor comes up behind and looks over my shoulder with that tall body of his and says in a low, deep whisper, towering over me, “I see you like the romance genre.” HE IS SO CLOSE! I blush out of embarrassment of my selection and his proximity, “Actually, I have never read a romance book before. I was going to treat this as an educational experience.”

 

HOW CUTE CAN SHE BE?! I want to squeeze her tight, but I resist the urge. I ask while not moving from behind her, still peering over her shoulder, “Educational? Have you not been in a relationship before?”

 

I shake my head, “No.” Thinking back on how rare it is to find a woman who also likes the company of women. I have yet to come across any other women like me who are not afraid of me and my scary face. 

 

Nobody, huh? I guess a romance book would be educational in that sense, then. I know all of my personal experience with romance resides in those books as well for the most part. I did have a few drunken rendezvouses with Princess Gabriela Gomez of the Gomez duchy a few years ago. I had to break it off with her because she was tired of only receiving my touch and wanted to touch me when we were intimate. She still looks at me longingly, though I try to ignore her. I wish she would just move on already. I couldn't have her learn my secret. My physician and my maid from childhood are the only ones alive now who know I am actually a woman. I back away and give her some space while responding, “Well, I will leave you to read your book there. I have to tend to the stack of documents taking over my desk.”

 

Thank the gods he backed away. He really likes invading my personal space. I sigh and sit down in the chair, and I can see his eyes drift to me often when he is working. I don’t look up from my book to acknowledge him, but after a while of him digging his eyes into me, I ask while still looking at the page I am on, “Is there something on your mind, Jon? You have been ignoring your work there, looking at me for quite a while.” 

 

I reply while standing up, “I had many things on my mind, though at this moment I only have one.” I go to the window and open it. There is a beautiful tree that blooms red and white flowers, which has been outside this window for generations. I pick one of the red blossoms within reach and walk to Leo and place it on top of her ear. She is blushing right now, most adorably. The red in the flower makes her rosy, flustered cheeks even more prominent. I say, “I couldn’t focus because all I could think was how great this flower would look here on you.” 

 

I bet he says this to all the ladies. I can’t help but blush at the compliment, but he is a man. I wonder if he is going to spend my whole employment here trying to court me. That would be very annoying. If that does turn out to be the case, I can just quit after I have saved up some money for travels. I have already told him I don’t like men, though. He goes back to his desk shortly after placing the flower on my ear and smiling that gentle smile. That is the gentlest smile I have seen from him this whole time. I resumed reading my book, and before I knew it, it was the end of the day, and I had yet to finish this book. I look around with a finger holding my spot, and the emperor comes up to me and removes the flower from my ear and places it in the book while saying, “Here, use this. It will last a lot longer as a bookmark and you can admire it for longer.” I ask, “Really? I would think it would last a shorter period in this state.” I don’t really know much about flowers. 

 

She is so cute. I responded, “Why don’t you see for yourself in time?” I reach to grab the book from her hands and place it back on the shelf over her body, which is extremely stiff and tense at me being so close. As I am placing it on the shelf, I say, “Now let me show you to your chambers.” I start walking in the direction with my extra work in hand and eventually get to her door in my personal wing, “This room is all yours,” I say, motioning my arm towards the room.

 

I walk in and look around. There are sofas and a table in this room along with a huge walk-in closet and a beautiful balcony. Way too much for a commoner live-in position! Usually, a cabinet with a set of drawers and a bed is customary for a live-in job in a room a small fraction of this size. Just having a window is considered a luxury for a live-in job. I responded after looking around the room, “No way. Is this all one bedroom? This room is bigger than my childhood home!” I look at the huge bed, “That looks like a bed fit for royalty!” I look at it in awe since it is big and luxurious looking.

 

I walk behind her and she adorably jumps in surprise as I say lowly in her ear, “That is because it is.” She shakes her arms in protest, “I couldn’t possibly take a room such as this! This is too much for a commoner like me!” I respond while admiring her, looking at the room in adorable awe with her very expressive eyes, “This is mainly a way of protecting you by keeping you close to me. I can’t have you outed as a result of housing.” I really want to see her smile with those eyes and that expressionless mouth of hers. 

 

This can’t be the only room close to his. I ask, “Are there really no other less glamorous rooms available?” I would feel more comfortable in a room more suited to my status. This makes me feel like a princess or something, and it feels wrong. Describing it as foreign would be more accurate. 

 

I chuckle at her response and respond back, “Nope, so I guess you are just stuck here.” In reality, there are plenty of rooms, but this is the only one directly next to my bedroom. Emperors of the past would have their consorts live in this wing, and since many had harems with dozens of women, there are dozens of available bedrooms just like this one. Having her right next to me makes it more convenient for both of us, and she won’t have to go far to get to my bath or find me in the mornings.

 

I don’t know. I would think there would be options in a castle of this size. His response makes me suspicious. I sigh and turn to the corner, and see the bag I was carrying before the attack on the road. I thought it was lost in the confusion. I run to it and make sure it is still there. My mother gave me a canteen that is so special to me. I know most people would say, ‘What is so special about it?’, but she used precious funds to buy me something for the adventures I yearned to have for my celebration day. I find it and sigh in relief and hold it tight against my chest. 

 

Are those tears I hear? Did we lose something when retrieving her things? I really hope not. I ask worriedly, “What is wrong, Leo? Is something missing?” She shakes her head and shows me a cheap canteen, saying, “No. I am just relieved to see my most prized possession here.” Prized? A cheap canteen like that?

 

He looks confused, so I tell him, “This canteen was a precious gift from my mother. We couldn’t afford much because of my father, and she saved as much as she could to buy this for my 14th celebration day. It was the last celebration day I was able to celebrate with her. She knew that I wanted to go see the world and go on adventures.” I wouldn’t trade this canteen for anything material in this world. Though when I was a lot younger, I used to be envious of rich children who were able to get all kinds of gifts on their own celebration days. I thought that maybe there was a god or goddess out there who favored them more than me, and I was resentful. That was until my mother heard me say something hateful about wealthy children, and she set me straight early. I idolized my mother. She kept our family afloat miraculously with only the income she received from being a waitress. I wanted to be like her in every way since I thought she was amazing. She WAS amazing.

 

So it is from her mother. She worded that like her mother is dead. I ask for clarification, “Did your mother pass away?” She gets a look in her eyes I never want to see again. She looked like her soul left her eyes when I asked that.

 

I get taken back to that night. Seeing everyone I love being slaughtered by bandits. I was helpless seeing all the death, carnage, and cruelty. My mother hid me under the floorboard of our shabby house, and I saw through the floorboards as they ripped her waitress uniform off and forced themselves on her. I am still haunted by her screams to this day, and I still struggle to sleep during this time of year, in the fall months. It is now that I realize that my thoughts ran away from me, and I never responded to his question. I say, “It will be 10 years without her this year. I lost both of my parents the same night when I was 14 years of age. It was a bandit attack. It was after that attack that I cut my hair, started dressing as a man, and began travelling as a knight.”

 

That is so young to be left alone, and so young to pick up the blade. I remember back to when she said she was suicidal at first, and my heart aches for her. I say with a heavy heart, “My condolences, Leo. That must have been a nightmare for you. Let me leave you for a bit so you can unpack. Once you get all unpacked, knock on the room next door with a change of clothes for your bath.” She nods, and I shut her in the room.