16 A Drop of Red in the Snow (6): What He Was Waiting For
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That day, Luo Lin had followed Baili Chao to the Teng Yong Sect. Getting used to this new place actually hadn’t been difficult. In any case, he had been traveling around so much and had changed the place where he lived so often that he was used to it.

There had been quite a bit of attachment to his stepfather and that estate but that was also something he could let go of. In this life, Luo Lin felt that there probably wasn’t anything that he couldn’t let go of. Fate had shown him one time too often that he needed to be prepared to lose everything. Otherwise, the one being hurt would be him. So at some point in all of those travels, he stopped having any kind of expectations. He still didn’t have them.

Sitting in front of the dressing table, Luo Lin couldn’t help but pick up that small wooden chest that his stepfather had given him back then. Opening it up, there was a hairpin lying inside. It was a simple one made of fine wood with a couple of flowers engraved on it. It was cute and so innocent, a testament to just how that stepfather of his had seen him. It was a pity that after so many years, Luo Lin had to admit to himself that he might be much more similar to his mother than he would like to be.

He glanced at the bed where Shen Lei was still sleeping, the corners of his mouth curving up in a faint smile. He couldn’t help it. Growing up that way might have made him feel that his only worth lay in being able to hook a man.

He didn’t know what exactly he was searching for by doing so. It was probably some sense of security, some place or some person to which he felt he belonged. But how could he find that as somebody free from any attachments? Even to this day, while he could give away his body he could never do so with his heart and soul.

Even with Shen Lei, he believed that things would not be forever. No, one day, this man, as well, would tire of him and leave him for somebody else. After all, that was what all of them had done, wasn’t it? There was no one that could stick around for him. He had long stopped to expect that, to hope for that. Life just wasn’t like that.

He turned back to the front, tying up his hair that would undoubtedly be messed up again later anyway. He looked at the hairpin that he was still holding in his hand but finally put it back into the box. This hairpin, it couldn’t be worn. The things his stepfather had hoped for, they hadn’t come true. How could he dare use it in this situation? Instead, he picked another one that had some sparkling gems inlaid. He couldn’t remember who had given it to him but he could remember that more than one person had told him how well it suited him. So why should he not make use of it?

At that time, the person on the bed had already faintly opened his eyes. He hadn’t stirred and was quietly watching Luo Lin, just like he always did when he got the chance. He had seen that wooden hairpin around before but he still didn’t know what it meant. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to know. It was just that he feared if he dared to ask, he might lose him. And that chance was one he didn’t dare to take. Thus, he could only wait. One day in the future — no matter how many years that might be — they would be at a point where he did not need to worry anymore. Maybe on that day, he wouldn’t even need to ask and Luo Lin would tell him on his own accord. That was the day he was waiting for.