I wake up and search my nightstand,.

Where the hell is my cell phone?

Oh. There it is.

My mind slowly comes alive.

Ah fuck, it’s 3am. I really need to pee.

Am I still drunk?

It's always fun to party after a good game though. I hit a home run yesterday! Man, that was sweet.

My first home run at home this season. It's always better when friends and family are there to see it happen.

As I try to stand up, I confirm I am indeed still drunk.

Alright focus, I can do this.

The room is only spinning mildly as I stare ahead and try to figure out what I need to do to make it from the bed to the bathroom. First, I need to extricate myself from my girlfriend, who is tightly wrapped around me, and then steady myself as I stand up. Jamie is a hardcore cuddler, but that’s always been fine with me. When I sleep by myself I move so much, I sometimes even fall out of bed. When I was a kid I shared a room with my brother until I was 11 and he was 10. I had to sleep on the bottom bunk because I fell off the top bunk a couple of times while I was sleeping. If I am sleeping with someone else close to me, whether it’s just a friend or a romantic partner, I don’t seem to move at all.

Okay, I’m standing now. The bathroom is only about 10 steps away. I just need to open the door and I can sit back down on the toilet and I’ll be money. I sort of walk, sort of stumble, those 10 steps and steady myself against the wall. The room is definitely spinning a bit. I probably should have stopped once I finished my first 12 pack last night, but of course I kept drinking. It seemed like a solid decision, just like most bad ideas when I'm drunk.

I open the door and take a step in and suddenly I’m falling! Oh fuck, what in the fuck is happening!? Instead of hitting the toilet or floor, I landed on what felt like flesh, with a sickening crack. I tumble off of whatever I’ve landed on and I seem to be on a stone floor. I grabbed at something as I was rolling off of whatever I landed on and got tangled up in what seemed like filthy sheets or blankets. Did I make it to the bathroom and then black out and come to while trying to get back into bed? Is my girlfriend screaming at me for landing on her?

Wait, something isn’t right! What the actual fuck is happening? I see what looks like a knife flashing towards me and I put my hand up and grab the wrist of whoever is trying to stab me and instinctively punch them in the face with my other hand. They’re much smaller than me and their head rocks back. I’m able to take the knife from them and throw them back onto what is clearly an enormous fourposter bed. They immediately scramble back up and I realize this can’t be my girlfriend.

Jamie is tall, about as tall as I am right at 6’, she plays softball and has an athletic build. She probably weighs like 160 pounds. Whatever I just punched and threw onto the bed can’t be much over 4’ tall and no way they weigh 100 pounds with the way I easily tossed them away. I’m still not exactly clear headed and as they jump at me again they grab onto me. I was holding the large knife in front of me about chest level as I was looking at it, and their momentum drove the knife into their own throat. We both fell onto the bed and almost immediately I hear gurgling and they stop scratching at me.

I get up off the bed, still holding the knife, and take a second to assess the situation as best as my still slightly drunk and sleep-addled mind can at the moment. Wherever the fuck I am it’s dimly lit but I can see that I’m in a fairly good sized room. It has stone walls, exposed wooden ceiling beams. There is a large medieval looking four poster bed in one corner with a table in the middle and a large fireplace in the opposite wall.

There’s some other furniture and a large chest at a glance. I’d swear it looks like I’m in a fucking castle. It smells musty in the room too, like a dirty locker room that hasn’t been cleaned in years.

My heart is beating a million miles an hour and I realize I’m covered in blood and I’ve pissed all over. Oh yeah, I’m also naked. When we went to bed, my girlfriend and I had engaged in some amorous activities and I hadn’t bothered even putting underwear back on afterwards. So yeah, I’m standing in this room with piss pooling on the floor and there’s definitely a fair amount of blood, and what appears to be two naked bodies laying on the bed. Yeah, we were all naked… One of the bodies is about the size of a child, but she is definitely a female with obvious breasts. The other is still smaller than me but a good foot and a half taller than the other. That body is wrapped up in one of the blankets I didn’t pull off the bed as I scrambled off of it, but they look pretty muscular and seem to be male.

I’m on the verge of panic, but everything that just happened took place in what had to be under a minute. I am definitely awake now. For some reason I can't help but feel relieved I wasn’t wearing any clothes because it means I didn’t piss myself and the room is obviously already filthy so pissing on the floor didn’t make things any worse.

As I take a deep breath and try to calm myself, it suddenly feels like time stops and I hear a voice in my head.

Congratulations… Brandon?

Attempting to connect with the System. Attempt failed… Try number two of attempting to connect with the System. Brandon, please wait as I attempt to connect to the System. I will activate your UI in the meantime. Attempt failed. Initiate Basic Introduction Dungeon Protocols.

What in the fuck is going on? “Hello? Suddenly, a video game character screen appears, and I hear a voice in my head. I see a projection of myself with my arms and legs kind of in the Vesuvian Man pose. I hear a calm, even tone woman’s voice say to me;

You have been summoned by the god Lorian to take part in this round of seeding for the planet Talan. Talan is a system planet that is stocked with Sentient races regularly in order to help bolster the native population and to bring new sentient beings into the System Multiverse.

We apologize for the difficulties you experienced during integration, and the System regrets its failure to summon you to the correct location. Do not fret though! Since this dungeon has remained unaccessed for many seeding cycles, and since you are alone, protocol increases the base tier of loot you'll receive. This is an excellent opportunity and should you survive, you will be among the strongest and most well equipped of those who make it out of the Intro Dungeons.

This unfortunate and unexpected error summoned you to the final boss, and through pure luck, you managed to kill the final boss and his consort, congratulations! After you choose your class, the game will award you the levels you earned for this kill. You have also received a free trait, Lucky Bastard, that will be of great use to you on your journey. You will still be required to go back and kill the nine mini bosses before the dungeon will open up for you and allow you to leave.

I know I was drunk, but what the fuck? I know I didn’t take any drugs. What in the fuck is going on? I got up to take a piss and suddenly shit went crazy and I appeared to have landed in a video game.

I try to think about what I did last night. We played our games in the afternoon and then I went to dinner with my parents and Jamie and then after dinner Jamie and I met up with a bunch of other softball and baseball players at a house that a few of the guys rent. We certainly played a bunch of drinking games and I might have drank like 15-16 beers, but I didn’t even have any shots of liquor. By the end of the night, I was very drunk, but I don't think I had reached the point of a blackout. I vaguely remember Jamie and I leaving the party and going back to the house her parents rented for her and having sex, then passing out shortly after. Then I woke up to take a piss and now I’m here.

The Voice is still speaking though so I figure I better listen.

Should you complete the Intro Dungeon, your true journey in the System will be ready to begin! Through strife and struggle you will grow in strength and become a true member of the Multiverse.

Well then, if this isn’t just a fucking drunken nightmare, then I guess I’ll play along for now. Lucky Bastard sounds like an awesome trait. I’m a huge Wheel of Time fan and Mat was always my favorite character. I even had an awesome idea for a half sleeve tattoo that would have a tree that went from my shoulder to my elbow, it would have a red hand on the tree trunk in what looked like red paint or blood like his Band of the Red Hand flag. There would be a couple of ravens flying around the tree as well.

Goddamnit, I keep getting mentally sidetracked!

That’s not unusual for me, even when shit hasn’t gone insane. I’ve been notorious for going off on tangents ever since I was a kid. People are always asking me what I was saying to them, when I was just talking out loud to myself, playing out a situation in my mind.

It’s the kind of habit that might get me killed if I’m actually in a goddamned dungeon.

I have to admit I feel strangely calm and accepting about all of this. The Voice speaks again and I listen.

The System understands that this summoning is a shock to you and, as a result, has introduced an emotional block that will help you adapt to this world. The block will slowly dissipate over the course of the next one hundred days, should you survive for that long.

You may ask me a variety of questions over the course of the Intro Dungeon and I will do my best to accommodate your questions if it is knowledge that I can provide. System Error, current knowledge of Talan is unavailable at this time. I will only be available when you are not in a combat situation. While you are in combat you will be on your own. I will help you with character selection and choosing traits and abilities each time you level up. I can also offer limited information about the world and system you've entered.

We are now ready to proceed with the Class selection process. After that, you will receive your XP and achievements for killing the final dungeon boss. You may choose from one of five general base classes: Mage, Healer, Warrior, Rogue, and Ranged attack.

At level 10 you will choose your first class evolution. Your second class evolution will occur at level 25. Intro Dungeons are designed to ensure players reach level 25 before exiting. You will also be able to evolve your class at Level 50, level 100, and level 200. You can choose a profession once you have left the dungeon. Once you leave the Intro Dungeon, you can choose a profession at any time.

This feels like a ton of information, but the “Voice” as I am calling her is definitely correct that I feel unnaturally calm right now. I guess during that initial brief encounter with whatever I’d fought, the system hadn’t kicked in yet to calm me down. I still don’t know for sure what I fought at the moment, but once I’ve chosen a class I guess I’ll figure things out. Perhaps it’s time to ask some questions.

“Voice, what do I call you?”

The “Voice” says that I can choose to call it whatever I want to. It will respond to anything I choose. I hear a calm female voice in my head and I need to give it a name, so I’m gonna go with Scarlett since it sounds right. There was a movie where Scarlett Johanson played an AI character and the voice sounds about right to me.

Okay, now that I have that out of the way, it’s time to figure some things out. This whole calm thing is a real mind fuck, but I’ve always been fairly cool under pressure, so I’m definitely grateful it is helping me out.

“Scarlett, is there a class you’d recommend I choose, or maybe one that I shouldn’t choose?”

Yes, given that you are on your own, I would choose anything but Healer. There will be healing potions in the boss chest that you’ll be able to access after you have completed your class selection process and each of the classes will have access to a minor self healing ability at level 10.

Hmm, so there’s gonna be loot! “Scarlett, will the loot boxes give me gear that works for whatever class I chose?”

Yes, dungeons are system generated instances that will give you items geared towards what you need.

Well, that’s definitely good. That’ll be helpful. I’ve gotta be honest and admit that I’ve always kind of fantasized about being a heavy warrior or a paladin, so I’m probably going to go that route. When playing Fallout, I liked Power Armor and in my foray into World of Warcraft my main was a warrior. I suppose I better ask some questions before blindly choosing though, so I ask Scarlett about how classes and leveling works.

“Scarlett, how does the evolution thing work? Do I need to do certain things to unlock evolutions, or is it just going to be a certain number of options when the time comes? Will there be different tiers where some are actually better choices or just different?”

Yes, your actions and the skills you have chosen will help determine the choices available to you at each evolution. Killing higher level monsters and finishing quests and getting achievements will help determine your choices. There will be at least three choices and as many as five with each evolution. As you progress and are able to evolve your class, it will be possible to create hybrid classes.

Hmm. I wonder if how I fight will make a difference or just accomplishing things, so I ask Scarlett about that. “Scarlett, if I fight solo versus in a group, and choose one weapon over another, will that make a difference too?”

Yes, a warrior fighting in a tank role in a group will receive choices slightly different from someone predominantly fighting solo.

“Scarlett, you mentioned nothing about stats. Will there be stats like HP and Mana and Stamina? If so, will there be more points available for the better classes?”

Let me explain leveling to you Brandon. There are six base stats that you can change with each level. They are; Strength, Constitution, Endurance, Dexterity, Intelligence, and Wisdom. Do you need me to explain what each stat does?

Alright, pretty much just like a video game stats wise then.

“I think I’m mostly good there. I do have a couple of questions though, Scarlett. Will Intelligence and Wisdom actually make me smarter?” That would be pretty great.

It will not increase your IQ as you’d think of it. It will help you remember things better and will help you cast spells, but it will not cause you to make better decisions or enable you to comprehend the mysteries of the universe simply because your INT level is higher. This is also true with the Wisdom trait. It will make your mana level regen more quickly and will enable you to resist mental magic, but once again, if you are prone to rash decisions, it will not change that about you.

As I thought about this, I remembered that in D&D there was also a Charisma stat, so I asked Scarlett about this. “Scarlett, what about the Charisma stat? And are there any hidden stats? It appears I already have the Lucky Bastard Skill, so there must be luck, right?”

Based on our limited interactions, I will infer that using vulgar language is acceptable

I laugh and assure Scarlett that I don’t have an issue with anything she says as long as she doesn’t start addressing me as Dumb Dumb or start asking to see my feet.

Thank you Brandon, I will not begin calling you by a derogatory term without your permission. I cannot comprehend a reason I would take an interest in your feet. I am generated by the System and I am simply here to help you acclimate to this new world and adapt to being a member of the System.

There is no Charisma stat. If you are an asshole to people then they will not like you. Showing that you are trustworthy and easy to get along with will make people like you. Many of the Monster classes in this world will attack you no matter what you do, simply because that is their nature.

You said you had a second question?

"Oh yeah, if I get a ton of good gear with a bunch of extra stats, can I just make myself super strong that way?"

You are limited to an extra 50% stat boost through gear, no more.

“K. Scarlett, you haven’t explained to me why there are monsters and why it is sometimes necessary to bring people to this world. Talan is what you called it, correct?”

Correct Brandon, it is called Talan. Talan is a System world. The System is an ancient entity that encompasses many worlds throughout the Multiverse. Its founding principle is that strife is necessary for growth, and it provides a framework that enables that growth. The system creates things like monsters and also enables people to level up and gain skills to grow stronger.

Alright Brandon, it is time for you to choose your class. I will give you more information on the world once it becomes more relevant if I can. For now, know that you must choose a class, and then I will explain how this dungeon works. After that, you must begin clearing it.

“Real quick. I’m assuming the Earth was not a part of the System? We didn’t have a UI or levels.”

No, the Earth is not a part of the System. It possessed a magic level that was too low to support the attempted integration. Because the Earth is known to the System, it has been selected as a potential feeder world for System worlds that need more Sentients. Now it is time to choose a class.

Judas, that’s a lot to absorb, but again, the calming influence is working, and I can calmly consider everything.

When you say monsters, what exactly do you mean? We talking goblins and trolls and shit, or are we talking like Star Wars type stuff?

Goblins are a common monster type and this Intro Dungeon does contain goblins.

“Holy fuck!” Oddly, it makes me feel a little better that goblins are what I’ll be facing. I’ve read a lot of fantasy and if I’m gonna be in some kind of goddamned video game, then goblins seem like a fairly easy monster in most fantasy books.

“Alright Scarlett, am I restricted from using magic as a warrior or do I just not get a lot of Intelligence or Wisdom?”

You can potentially do anything with any class, but healers cannot naturally acquire heavy armor skills unless they become hybrid classes. Choosing skills outside of your class is possible, but it will cost 2 skill points instead of 1 for the first skill chosen outside of your class and 3 for a second in that same class.

Alright, well, since I’m on my own, I probably better choose to have at least a little mana. I ask Scarlett how much mana I’ll need to self heal once I hit level 10.

Brandon, you’ll need fifty mana to cast self heal once. That spell can heal twenty percent of your base HP. You receive 10 points of mana per point of INT, so you will want at least 5 INT. You also have some base stats though. Every Sentient has a base level of stats with 5 as the base for an average human.

Your base stats are:

7 Strength, 8 Intelligence, 6 Constitution, 7 Endurance, 8 Dexterity, and 2 Wisdom.

I’m actually pretty impressed with my base stats and tell Scarlett this. Scarlett explains I was a fairly intelligent student and I am physically fit and healthy for a human but the fact that I arrived in this world drunk and naked showed that I was clearly lacking in the Wisdom category, my Constitution took a hit as well because of that.

I’ve always been a good athlete. I played soccer, basketball, and baseball growing up and I was an all state baseball player my junior and senior years of high school. When I went to bed, I was in the second semester of my sophomore year of college and was at the beginning of my second season of college baseball. I’m not a high level pro baseball prospect, but I’m definitely good and in great shape. I’m not tall at 6’ but I weigh close to 200 lbs and have a six-pack despite drinking a 12 pack far too often. Luckily, I’m smart and am doing well in school or baseball and partying would really hurt me. I’m not exactly on the Dean’s list, but I still had a respectable 3.4 GPA despite my extracurriculars.

I guess all of that is over if I’m not just hallucinating this after drinking a bad batch of alcohol or something. I bet my girlfriend is wondering where the fuck I went. It wouldn’t be the first time I got too drunk and wandered off, but it certainly would be the first time I did it after we’d already made it to bed together.

We’ve been together since shortly after we met at freshman orientation. She plays softball, so we bonded over that and both understand the stresses and time commitments that college sports necessitate. That’s not to say she doesn’t sometimes get exasperated with my shenanigans while drunk, but it’s not like she doesn’t do her fair share of partying. Still, unless she got Isekai’d too then I probably won’t see her ever again.

Thank goodness for this emotional block. As I think about all of this, I’m definitely analyzing it but I’m not really feeling it.

Alright time to pick. One last question though. “Scarlett, am I going to be okay or am I fucked no matter what I choose? I’m in the final boss’ room, I’m going to have to fight my way back up, correct? You said that the dungeon goes to level 25. Even if only the boss is actually level 25, I have to imagine there will be a bunch of monsters over level 20 in this level. Can I sneak my way back up if I chose the Rogue class?”

Brandon, I will not lie to you and say this is going to be easy for you. Luckily, you have leveled up quite a few times just from killing the dungeon boss and his consort. You will receive several achievements that will also help. There is a high likelihood that the dungeon Loot Box will also include some very helpful items, but it is still going to be a real journey. You will no doubt have gear that will give you the equivalent of several additional levels but the gear stat cap only allows you to add 50% to your current stats. Choosing a rogue class would not be my first choice because your level is going to be too low to truly remain hidden through skills. Your first thought of choosing a Warrior class is probably going to be the most likely to help you succeed. It may be possible to kill many of the monsters in their sleep, but boss fights will have scripted intros now that you will be completing the required class selection.

Judas, this doesn’t sound good. Well, I guess it’s time to bite the bullet.

“Scarlett, I choose the Warrior class.”