Too bad there aren’t any mirrors in here. I would love to really see what I look like with my gear and weapons, like in the character selection screen. I ask Scarlett if that’s possible with the UI and she tells me I will be able to see that character screen where I can rotate a 3D image of myself whenever I level up, but not in between.

Oh well, my gear feels good on me and my cuirass feels light and as I swing my arms around and bend and twist, everything seems good. My cuirass is a dark grey color with no embellishments or anything like you’d see on well-preserved armor in museums. Even though I’m pretty sure some museum armor was actually worn, rich lords, who definitely wouldn't wander around a dungeon, probably wore it. All of my gear is actually a dark grey. None of the metal on my leather armor has any shine to it either. It seems like it’ll be harder to see in the dark.

The boots feel great on my feet and they have some metal on top of the feet. My pants are leather with metal strips attached to the front and back of my thighs, with metal knee pads. My gloves fit great and seem to have good movement despite being thick and having metal strips over the back of the hand. Thanks to Identify, I know that my heavy, long-sleeved shirt underneath the cuirass is called a gambeson. It doesn’t have any metal attached to it, but it has thick leather arms. I know from my love of history that my helmet is a Norman Style. It is simple metal with a nasal guard and a short bit of chain mail attached that covers the back of my neck. It fits snugly and the nose guard doesn’t really bother me, but I notice it a bit.

Luckily, the dungeon is a really comfortable temperature because all of this gear makes me a little warm. Hopefully, I’ll find more pieces of this Adventurer set and get it climate controlled as I move up.

I take some practice swings and try to get used to using both a mace and my falcata. The mace has to be wielded in my dominant hand, and that is causing me a bit of an issue. I definitely have the tendency to want to stab with both weapons. My body seems to react properly thanks to the Dual Wield skill, but it’s probably a result of using swords or daggers in video games whenever dual wielding that is messing with my brain.

Both weapons feel good as I swing them around, but I should probably find a second short, stabbing weapon at some point if I’m trying to do more rogue/warrior hybrid stuff. I’d probably be better off using the mace with a shield. A shield that I don’t currently possess. It didn’t come with my class selection and there isn’t one in the room.

Oddly, I just now noticed that there are no other weapons in this room aside from the small dagger that was in the Consort’s hand. I ask Scarlett about this.

This is an anomaly because you were summoned into the bedroom of the final boss during the overnight hours. Everyone is most likely sleeping. The dungeon works on the same light and dark schedule as the outside world. It is never completely dark at night, but the lighting is very dim. The goblins in the dungeon had no reason to be armed and armored. The usual dungeon activation notification did not occur. It will not occur at this level. When you move up to level 9 the notification will go out and all the goblins will begin readying themselves for Adventurers.

Well that’s pretty goddamn lucky. I might just be able to launch a sneak attack and kill a bunch of them before they even know what is happening.

“Scarlett, can you tell me what this level looks like? If this is the bedroom, then there must be a real boss room out there?”

No, I cannot tell you what to expect in the dungeon with layout or the numbers you will be facing. You know that the main monster that you will encounter will be goblins, but until you have met any additional monsters, I cannot tell you about them.

That sucks but isn’t too surprising to me. I realize I haven’t asked Scarlett if she will be with me even after the Intro Dungeon, so I ask her about that.

Brandon, I will stay with you only until you exit the dungeon. It is expected that you will no longer need my help once you have completed this tutorial.

That’s not cool. I’ll have to make sure I ask as much as she will tell me as we move forward.

I notice I don’t feel drunk or hung over right now. Everything feels pretty good. Scarlett tells me that any debuffs I had when I entered the dungeon are now gone; I'm free of any illnesses or injuries I had before my transportation to a System world.

I’m really just stalling and pretty soon I need to just open this door and make my way out of the room. This is when I realize I need to move things around a little bit so I can summon and unsummon my weapons quickly when I open doors. I take the Basic Health potion off of the taskbar and put both of my weapons in there. When I am opening a door, I’ll go with my falcata in my left hand. I do a little practicing and see that if I put both weapons into my inventory, the first weapon I choose automatically goes into my left hand when I mentally click on it. My mace is greyed out if I have the falcata in my left hand. I can just quickly physically switch the sword to my right hand and then the Mace becomes available.

This system fuckery really makes me feel like I’m in a video game and I’m going to make sure that I take full advantage of it.

Alright, falcata in my left hand, I activate Unnoticed and Shield, which gives me a slight glow… Well fuck I guess if I’m trying to stay hidden I can’t just walk around with shield active. Even with the System calming me down, my heart is still racing. I have to wait a minute until I can turn Shield off, so I take a step back and take a deep breath.

At that moment, the door opens and in walks a goblin with a bowl of something that is steaming hot and doesn’t smell too bad. I instinctively activate Identify and see, Grub - Level 25 Steward. He sees me and screams. Without even thinking, I stab him in his unprotected throat in a beautifully executed thrust and hear “critical strike” in Scarlett’s voice in my mind.

He drops the bowl and stares at me with red eyes as he pulls me down with my blade still in his throat. I hear something else moving towards me from the other room and I quickly pull my blade out of his throat.

My mind begins thinking again and I quickly switch out weapons so that I have my mace and falcata equipped. I notice an unexpected drop in my stamina, but I don’t have time to think about it yet.

To my amazement, both goblins who come running in trip over the body of the Steward. I use Unerring Strike to be safe and aim for the back of the head of goblin #3, who came in a step behind his buddy and landed on top of said goblin #2. His head caves in and I finally notice a slight reddish flash on my UI. I don’t have time to check just yet as goblin #2 is still alive underneath his buddy. Just as he pushes goblin #3 off of him I start stabbing with my falcata.

He puts his unarmored hands up to block me and I stab right through his right hand, splitting it open. Blood spurts out, and he screams incredibly loudly. I panic and start swinging my mace at him as hard as I can. He is holding his right hand with his left hand, but they’re still above him and my first blow crushes his left hand and breaks his arm. Getting hit again seemed to unlock another level of screaming, despite my belief that he couldn't scream any louder. I swing wildly and hit him in the shoulder. I stab down with my falcata but only cut his side.

He is an absolute mess right now, but he is still screaming and wriggling around, making it difficult to land a blow. That’s when I realize I still have around 120 Stamina, even with me wildly swinging my weapons. I try to activate Unerring Strike again to crush his skull. It’s still on cooldown and doesn’t work, so I continue the horrible task of chopping and crushing him to death. Immediately after he dies, I hear a “ding” in my head and realize I’m now level 8.

This entire encounter took two minutes max. Lucky Bastard had to have played a role in them both tripping.

I use identify on both of them and see: Bolar - Level 22 Retainer, and Bruce - Level 21 Retainer.

Wait, Bruce? What the fuck kind of name is Bruce? The other goblins I’ve seen so far had what I would associate as typical goblin sounding names. Of course, my sample size so far is five and we’re sitting at 20% “normal” names versus “goblin” sounding names.

I see something shiny on Bruce’s body and remember that I need to loot all three goblins to see if they had anything on their inventory. I lean down to touch Bruce since it seems like I can’t just select one with all three bodies piled on top of each other and an arrow wizzes past my ear.

I think, holy fuck, I wonder if Lucky Bastard just saved me again!? If so, this damned trait is OP! At that moment, another arrow embeds itself firmly in my right biceps. Holy fuck, that hurts! I feel a burning, white hot pain in my right arm, but I don’t drop my falcata. I see at least one goblin standing maybe twenty feet away from me in the middle of the true boss room. This one has a short bow and is wearing leather armor and a black metal helmet. He is grinning at me as he nocks another arrow.

I think about shutting the door, but the bodies of the three goblins I had already killed are blocking the door’s path. In a fit of pure adrenaline, I pick up Bruce’s body and hold it in front of me as I rush the archer.

His grin fades, and he quickly looses the arrow. The arrow embeds itself into Bruce’s body and as I get near, I fling Bruce at the archer. The archer tries to step back but Bruce’s body hits him in the thighs, knocking him backwards. He hits his head on the bottom step of the Boss’ “throne” knocking him unconscious.

He isn’t dead, but he’s definitely not moving. I look around the large room which my mini map says measures about 40’x40’ and don’t see anyone else. Now what the fuck do I do? Until a very short while ago, I had killed nothing that appeared to be sentient and capable of swinging a weapon at me or shooting an arrow. I know I need to kill him and doing it while he is unconscious is probably the easiest and most merciful, but it still feels really fucked up. My arm hurts like a bitch as well. At this point my stamina bar shows me over 120 stamina so I could do it cleanly with an Unerring Strike but then I’m going to be tapped out if anything else tries to open one of the three other doors that seem to lead out of the boss room.

I decide I better just hit him in the head with my mace or stab him and step forward to finish the job. He chooses that moment to look up and spit a huge bit of snot right at my face. I am so shocked and enraged I just start pummeling him with my mace. My mind basically goes blank.

After about 10 swings, I hear Scarlett speaking to me.

Brandon the goblin is dead. You are simply draining your stamina. There are no other enemies nearby. You need to check your notifications and level up.

Holy shit, I don’t even know what happened to me. I was in pain and when the goblin spit on me, I just went into a blind rage. I thought that the System was regulating my emotions, so I stayed calm.

“Scarlett, what the fuck happened? I thought you said that I had 100 days of calm emotions.”

That is correct. You should remain in at least a semi calm state at all times for the next 30 days at the very least. At that point, your emotions will slowly begin returning to a normal state. I am unsure of why you could become so angry. Did you feel any fear or panic during combat?

I think about it and while the entire fight lasted less than three minutes, I am sure that I didn’t feel any fear, just a blinding rage there at the end. Now I feel pretty calm. Hell, the body of Pebblag - Level 22 Goblin Archer, is just an absolute mess, and it isn’t even making me slightly sick to my stomach.

I know a bit of that is that I’ve always had an iron stomach. My family once went on a week-long trip to a baseball tournament and while we were gone, the freezer in the shop had quit working. There was a couple hundred pounds of beef from a cow we'd butchered that had gone bad in the sweltering heat in the shop. My dad and brother couldn’t go anywhere near the building. I had to go into the shop by myself and put a chain on the freezer so we could pick it up and load it onto a trailer to take to the landfill.

It feels weird to think about how crazy things have gone in the last couple of hours. My life was honestly pretty solid. I was a good athlete, had a loving girlfriend, friends, and even if I didn’t always get along great with my family, they certainly weren’t bad, even if I never really got along with my brother over the years.

Brandon, you are just staring off into the distance. I need you to check your notifications and level up and heal yourself.

I snapped out of it and asked Scarlett a question about something I noticed during that last fight. “I noticed that my stamina took a dip when I switched my weapons. It didn’t do that while I was experimenting with it.”

Correct. The system charges a 5% stamina penalty per weapon or shield switch during combat. You switched both of your weapons around so you had a 10% penalty.

“That actually makes a bit of sense. Since everyone has an inventory, you could just switch out weapons constantly and make battles just a crazy free-for-all. Hey, did Lucky Bastard play a role in those guys falling over the dead goblin, or cause me to bend down and have that arrow just barely miss me?”

I do not know if they fell or if that arrow missed you by a decimeter because of your skill or just by chance. It is impossible to tell if any one lucky break is because of your skill or just a vagary of fate.

No, fuck no Scarlett! I don’t give a fuck if my Imperial System of measurement is stupid and isn’t used anywhere in the goddamned multiverse. I will not hear decimeters or centimeters or whatever used if it is unnecessary. In my mini map, I see feet and inches, so as long as I can see things that way, that’s what we’re going to use. Okay?

As you wish. If you leave the dungeon, your translation skill will enable you to continue using the system of measurement that you prefer, despite its inferiority.

“Thank god, I don’t think I could handle that change too right now. My brain is too fucking fried”

Which god Brandon?

“Judas, how many gods are there?”

There are many gods in the multiverse, Brandon, but we will not talk about that now. The standard tutorial wouldn't include it if you were meant to be onboarded.

“Wait, what do you mean by, meant to be onboarded”

Brandon, you still haven’t leveled up or checked for any loot.

“Scarlett, why do I feel you’re avoiding this question?”

Brandon, level up and check your surroundings. Also, you still have an arrow in your arm.

“Scarlett, I'm fully aware of the arrow. I’ve been trying to avoid pulling it out of my arm. Really seems like it’s gonna hurt.”

Does it not hurt now?

“Sure, it hurts like a bitch, but it seems like it’s kind of stabilized and I’m pretty good at dealing with pain once I’ve acclimated to it but I imagine the pain will ratchet up a notch or two once I pull the arrow out.

“Scarlett, you guys have doctors in this world? Wait, don’t answer that yet because if they don’t, then the second part of this story isn’t going to fit.”

No Brandon, we have magic and healing potions. There are no doctors as there are in your world.

“Goddamnit Scarlett, I told you not to answer me yet! You know what? Fuck it, I’m still telling my story. When you go to a doctor’s office and you’re in pain, they’ll ask you to tell them your pain on a level of 1-10. I’d say right now as I sit here I’m at maybe a 5.5 or a 6. If I move at all, it ratchets right on up to a good solid 8.

So can I infer you are worried that pulling the arrow out will make that pain a 10/10?

“I’m glad you understand.”

If you pull the arrow out and pour a healing potion directly into the wound, it will heal up and be pain free in just a few moments.

“You know, I’m sure you’re correct, but I’m also having a bit of a hard time really believing in healing potions. Sure, I just fought goblins and am now wearing magical armor, but still…”

"Can I just pull the arrow into my inventory system? Not have to pull it out at all?"

Good question, but alas, no. Early on the System allowed it, but then people began to exploit it in ways that were most definitely not intended. With high vitality, and a good healing spell, you can survive many injuries that would otherwise be fatal. People would allow themselves to be stabbed, and then pull non soulbound weapons into their inventories because they technically possessed more of the weapon. Then they'd kill their disarmed opponent.

On that note, without a skill to steal an item, you have to have clear possession of a weapon while in combat in order to take an opponent's weapon into your own inventory.

"I see, well then, it looks like I'm going to have to deal with this arrow."

I look at my UI and see that I’m only down about 25 hit points with this arrow in me so I manually pull out a basic healing potion and set it on the arm of the throne so it’ll be easy to grab once I finally pull the arrow out of me.

I try to break off the part of the arrow with the fletching, but it just feels like I’m tearing up my arm as I try to break the arrow. Movies always made it seem like this was the simple part. For fuck's sake, I have like 50 Strength. I should be able to just snap it off, right? I guess that strength also means I can rip my flesh too.

I decide that since there’s a good handful of fletching still sticking out, I’ll grab it and yank the arrow back out with the arrow head going back out the wound. With my strength, I am able to quickly rip it back out. I have a bright flash of pain in my head and I gasp. I grab the healing potion and pour it into the hole. The wound quickly closes back up and within 10 seconds, the pain is just a memory.

Well now Brandon, that was not exactly smooth, but you got it done and you’re now healed up. Please level up and you can continue exploring.

Well fuck, Is Scarlett developing an attitude? I swear she said she was just part of a system tutorial. Oh well.

I look at my UI. I see the level up icon in the top left and click on it.