25. Gnawing Madness
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There are those whom would flee from the touch of the Void..

Clad with ignorance, they fear death.

... thinking that it would bring them pain.

If only they would understand that death..

... is not a beginning.


"I'm sorry sir, but I do not know where his majesty, the King, had gone to after his work here." One of the two black guards told me with an expression that indicated equal measures of fear and excitement, seemingly wondering in amusement as well with trepidation as to what I would do next.

His answer was a familiar gaze of childish annoyance that I had begun to adopt more and more during my stay here, as one of Klaus' protectors. "... whatever. I'll just go ask someone else." With this, I closed shut the door to the King's despicable 'laboratory', or whatever he called the place. I can feel my bones ache and my skin shiver as if I was cast naked unto a billowing tundra for every moment I spend inside of that wretched place.

It reeked of death, blood and soul-shriven screams.

...

Which makes me finding it uncomfortable to be incredibly strange. After all, I am known for my gruesome yet effective ways on the battlefield, to slaughter all foes, even those who may not yet be soldiers, to completely crush and overpower any opposition, real and imagined alike.

I felt a smirk etch itself onto my expression. The legendary butcher of the North, Sebastian Terreltait, whom leaves nothing, not even children alive after him.

Heh.

It takes quite the level of infamy before your name starts getting used by mothers to put their children to sleep.

But I refuse to take the blame for any of it!

Its not my fault!

I told them.

I told them all!

I was always a raging storm of steel and fury on the battlefield. I would have been the same way, even if I didn't have the powers of our bloodline! So its their fault for putting me on the battlefields and expecting me to 'mellow out' or whatever else they might've thought would happen.

Hmph.

Fools!

...

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, gotta find Klaus.

...

Klaus...

...

What can I even say about him? He is a coward, a bully and most disgustingly, a man seemingly content with what he has! I can feel not even a smudge of ambition from within him! Everything around him is just... worthless. Pointless. As if the man himself was just an animated corpse without a will of its own.

Its like he is alive, but has given up on life.

No desire.

No dreams.

Not even hope.

Yet, he somehow managed to laugh it off and do things that boggle the mind! On the one hand, he murders dozens of people on a good day and on the other, he saves thousands by imposing a policy that nobody expected from him. Imperial Granaries? Storing food for winter by magically growing it? In domes made of special material?!

This is the kind of stuff you'd expect from an actually heroic king, not a tyrant fully content to sit on his throne and torture people for no reason!

Like with what he did with that dwarf.

That corpse looked like its been there long enough for it to begin decomposing, which is impossible in its own... and the way he died.. it was as if someone smashed his torso with a hammer strongly enough to tear out his spine. And the guards just.. stood there. They're still standing there! I would have understood that behaviour if they were so shocked that they couldn't even move and Klaus just, left them paralysed there or something!

.. But no!

The guards themselves are inhuman. They too, just don't seem to give a shit?! Where did that ridiculous book-banger Percival find them, anyway?

That guy.. there's something very wrong with that guy, too.

In fact, everyone's acting weird around Klaus, myself included. Whenever I am near him, I feel this incomprehensible aura of dread and unease, making me paranoid and defensive, somehow transforming me into this silly, childish, ridiculous jokester that can't help but throw insults at his own King! And why? I don't know why! Everything he says just has this.. feeling, of being wrong and terrible, as if I am compelled by my innermost instincts to oppose and reject him, which somehow manages to result in me making stupid insults directed at the man.

Fatso?

Really?

Seriously, Sebastian?!

That's the best you can do?!

ARGH! Just, thinking about this shit makes me mad! It gives people the wrong impression of me. Hell, I've insulted him with such colourful language, I wouldn't even be surprised if someone asks Klaus why he hasn't executed me yet or branded me a traitor. Like at the Regina Festival, when my offensive self was called out...

I didn't even bother to defend myself, even when Klaus gave his reasoning; the fact that he considers me a child.

... yet, I can't help that this is just something he said only to dodge the subject. In actuality, I think that I am even less than a child. I am someone whose actions, no matter what they are, will never matter to this man. Nothing I do will change anything. Yes, this is it. This is the aura of sheer hopelessness that surrounds him!

And Katrin... that disgusting woman... latching herself to the person that's tormented her the most, as if she was somehow addicted to his presence now?!

Who are you fucking joking?! That does not even make any sort of sense?!

What do you mean, you trust him?! Does that make everything he did somehow okay?!

On that same note, what about Vivian, or Rex?!

An Archbishop that is supposedly famous for his pursuit of justice, has no problems serving a King that murders people he finds annoying?!

Are you kidding me?!

None of this shit makes any sense!

Its like Klaus' has this strange power to make people do things that they normally would not... like an overpowering, overflowing darkness that completely nullifies anything they may consider meaningful, good or bad. To be frank, it terrifies me... and thinking on it more, the others probably have the same views on me, as I am right now.

Heh.

Makes me wonder how he would react if I told him that I killed hundreds of children during my few years as a soldier. Everyone else always called me a monster for it, made it out to be this horrifying thing. A sin.

Yes, a sin.

The things I've done... are most definitely, the most horrible of sins. Why did I do them? Because these children would just grow up to be enemies and I would have to kill them anyway. Might as well do it sooner rather than later, right?!

...

If I told this to Klaus.. or, if he hears it from someone else...

Would it matter to him?

Would I be judged by him, as I am judged by the others?

Would he try to look at things from my way and say that I was probably right, that the children from back then would become enemies, eventually?...

... or would he just shrug it off and say; I don't care.

It does not change my opinion of you in the slightest.

Ha..

Ha ha...

Yeah, that's probably what would happen...

...

Honestly, at the end of the day, as much as it makes me uneasy and horrified, I sort of envy him for having that kind of power. To be unmoved, unfeeling and inhuman. I have to wonder just what he went through on his past world in order to achieve such a state of mind? What horrors has he experienced? What monsters has he faced that he had no other choice but to become one himself?

... has there ever been any?

Could he have simply been born this way?

No.

That can't be right, right?

No human being is born soulless and empty of dreams. You just don't get born with depression, that simply does not happen!

*thud* *crash*

"AAA-owiee..." A sudden blow to my chest woke me from my trance as I found myself wondering the bustling castle halls, surrounded by servants of all shapes and sizes, as a peculiar, adorable maid finally appeared in my vision, having seemingly walked into me while carrying a basket of laundry. She looked up after rubbing her head and froze. "A-ah.. I- I'm s-s-sorry, s-s-sir!.. I- I was not looking where I walked, p-please, forgive me!" Within an instant, she was kneeling on the floor, kissing my boot and ignoring the pain of her fall.

A smirk etched itself on my expression. See, this is the kind of reaction people should have from my presence! Not with dismissal, but fear! Terror! Yes!

"Its fine. I'm in a good mood right now, so you can go." She swallowed down hard and picked up her dropped laundry with lightning speed, removing both herself and the basket from my sight as the other servants around us gazed with equivalent fear, as well as relief. Aaah, this is it! This feeling of superiority, of power!

This is what I live for!

This is what I'll always live for!

...

Huh.

Wait.

...

Could it be?

Is Klaus... also a fan of this feeling? Just ... he gets it with a different tactic. Rather than outright fear, he causes dread and horror to build up in others?.. but, wouldn't pure tyranny be more effective for it? Why would he combine it with good deeds?

Hmm...

I must ponder this more deeply.

For now though, I really should find that damned fool. There is an urgent matter to deal with, after all!


No matter how hard you try...

No matter how far you flee...

The shadows will always catch up to you.

Entropy is always just one more step of the stair, away~.

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