The car ride was weird. This woman, Rama, made me feel the way Madeline had when we’d first met, an unknowable and terrifying creature, before I’d found out that Madeline, my Maddie, was just as much of a sappy romantic as I was, that she snorted when she giggled and that she threw popcorn at the screen when the villain of a story showed up. But Rama pulled me back into that insecurity that came from being out of my depth, of being near something, someone otherworldly. 

I opened my mind gently. Over the past few months, Madeline had taught me how to open a window upstairs and let the surface thoughts of people waft in. Only if they were thinking of me would that even work, but I figured that Rama, the corners of her mouth still upturned, was, first of all, probably not human. Nobody came from out of town -- and going by her license plate, out of state -- just to visit the library. She was here to see Madeline. The second is that I was willing to bet that she’d have some choice things to say about me in the confines of her own head, and I wanted to know what I was dealing with. I didn’t really trust her, after all. The latch came off. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath I allowed myself to hear what she might be thinking about me. There was… nothing. 

“That’s very rude, you know,” Rama said. My eyes shot open and I looked at her. I couldn’t tell if she looked back, her sunglasses obscured her eyes too much, but she smiled just enough for me to see the sharpness of her canines. I shuddered. She looked right at me as she turned into the parking lot. “Shouldn’t try to read people’s thoughts without their permission. There could be private things in there.” Something about her inflection made me almost squirm in my seat. Her voice was raspy and hoarse, just above a whisper now that the wind was no longer whipping the words out of the air. It was like a caress and an admonishing at the same time, and I felt a lot of very conflicting things all at the same time. I wanted to get out of this car, now. And a small part of me also very much didn’t. She wasn’t wrong. She hadn’t said or done anything untoward. 

“We’re here,” I squeaked as soon as she hit park and nearly jumped out of the car. As soon as I could stretch my legs I felt a lot more comfortable again all of a sudden. Maybe it had just been the enclosed space. I turned and looked at her. She had a hand on her hip, and now that I could see her stand tall I couldn’t help but blush. It had not just been the enclosed space. She wore a well-fitted business suit and black boots that seemed designed to step on and over the bodies of her enemies and quite possibly people who said please. 

“Lead the way,” she said softly. This woman didn’t even need horns. They were implied. There was no tail but it nevertheless swished as she walked. She had panache. I got out in front of her and she immediately kept pace. For a moment I thought she was going to hook her arm through mine. She had all the confidence of someone who could wrap someone like me around her finger. Sure, I’d found my own dominant side over these past few months, but I felt like a mouse who had graduated to house-cat and had suddenly come face to face with a five-hundred pound tiger. We weren’t even in the same league. If she knew Madeline, how would they interact? I felt that Madeline had become equals, but if this woman was her equal, once, how would I even measure up to that? Had she been holding back this entire time? Had I been holding her back?

I tried not to let myself get lost too much in the spiral -- I felt it coming and calmly but politely asked it to stop, and it seemed to abide, for now -- and instead focused on putting one foot in front of the other. Rama wasn’t any taller than me, despite having higher heels. Sure, she felt taller, but we were technically the same height, and my outfit was just as good as hers. She might look like the CEO of the world’s most ruthless company, but I looked like a model in my long white coat. I had nothing to feel insecure about. It was a bit of a struggle to get my brain to actually believe the words I was thinking, but I was at least putting the mileage in. I pushed open the doors of the library, and the little bell rang out cheerfully. 

I saw Madeline perk up from behind the front desk on the other side of the large room, and our eyes met. For a brief moment, everything was forgotten. That was Madeline. That was my Madeline. She looked at me the same way she looked at me every morning, that brief moment of surprised shock and happiness, like she hadn’t seen me in months. Her mouth curved up into a smile that shook me to my core. It was like being wrapped in a blanket while drinking chocolate milk, but all over. I couldn’t help but smile back. For a moment that stretched out for a small eternity, the world was reduced to just me and her, and it was perfect. Then her eyes flitted over to my guest and her smile, her entire body, froze. 

“Hello Madeline,” I heard Rama whisper to herself. I shot her a look, but she ignored me. I noticed that she wasn’t moving either. She had clutched her shoulder bag a little tighter, but she didn’t seem especially bothered otherwise. Taking a deep breath, I made my way to the counter. If someone was going to have to take charge of this situation, it might as well be me. I didn’t know what the history was between these two, but I wasn’t going to let that keep me from saying hello to my gorgeous Maddie. When I got closer, her attention focused on me, and I studied her face. She wasn’t panicked. She wasn’t scared, or upset. She looked… tired. Tired with a dash of trepidation and anxiety. I knew how she felt. 

“Hey you,” I said softly and, putting the bag down, I leaned over the counter. She very gently touched my forehead with hers, then kissed me, her lips like honey and warm summer nights. When she sat back down, she smiled almost apologetically. 

“I’m sorry,” she mouthed to me, before swiveling in her seat. Rama had walked up next to me, and I jumped at how she’d appeared next to me without warning. Despite her killer heels, I hadn’t actually heard her approach. “Hello Rama,” Madeline said. There was a moment of awkward silence as the two of them stared at each other for a moment. Rama was the first to finally break the silence, looking around. 

“You renovated,” she said. “Can’t believe how much this place has changed. Not bad.”

“It’s been a while since you were here,” Madeline sighed, not taking her eyes off the woman. She had her pen in her hand and I could see her turning it over and over again. A bit more of that and she’d snap it in half. The tension was palpable and unpleasant. “What are you doing here, Rama?” 

“Visiting an old friend,” Rama said. “I thought that would be okay.” The intimidating woman shot me a sideways glance, raising an eyebrow. “Or is that not allowed anymore. I see you’ve already found a repl--”

“Rama.” Madeline’s voice cut through the air and snipped off the end of Rama’s sentence like a razor. Rama’s mouth clamped shut with an audible snap. Madeline’s voice took on a terrifying singsong quality. “Of course it’s okay for you to visit a friend. I’m afraid I’m at work right now, or I’d be happy to show you around.” Rama met her stare unblinkingly, but her mouth had slowly become a thin line.

“That’s fine,” she said. “I always liked the books. I can wait.” She didn’t move a muscle or step away from the large desk. I clenched my jaw. I was waiting for the two of them to either start throwing punches or, alternatively, find another way to get their hands on each other. There was a lot of history here, that was so very clear to me, but a mosquito flying between the two of them right now would be char-broiled in a millisecond, and I was not in the mood to sit here and listen to the two of them dancing around the issue the entire time. It occurred to me that they weren’t speaking openly because I was there. 

I coughed softly and picked up my bag. “I’m going to go home,” I said curtly. Whatever it was they weren’t talking about while I was here, maybe they could do so while I wasn’t. “I have some stuff to put away, and I can give both of you some space to… catch up.” I nodded to Rama. “It was nice to meet you.” I saw her tense up as she looked at me.

“Likewise.” That was it. Nothing more, no embellishment. I hoped Madeline would be okay but I simply didn’t have the fortitude to hang around here for much longer. 

“Madeline,” I said, and looked back at my girlfriend, who seemed to be bouncing back and forth between angry upset and lost upset. Maybe I should stay? I didn’t know what that would be achieving. “I’ll see you at home, okay?” She nodded, but as soon as I took a step she got up and walked around the counter, took my face in her hands and kissed me. This wasn’t like the kiss from earlier, the kind that made me melt by its softness. This was passion and fire and… well, still honey, because I’d yet to taste something in this world that was as sweet as her. My mind went ‘blip’ and for a second I forgot about everything but her. Her lips on mine. Her fingers softly gripping the back of my neck as she pulled me into her. Her body against mine, making me weak. When she pulled away, we were both breathless for a moment. She bit her lip as we looked each other in the eyes.

“I’ll see you later darling,” she whispered. “I’ll see you when I get home.” Then, even quieter. “I promise this is nothing. It’ll go away.” I glanced over her shoulder at Rama, who was unabashedly staring at Madeline’s back. I had my doubts.

“If you say so,” I said, and did my best to mean it. I trusted her. I didn’t know who Rama was, and it was trusting her that was the real problem here. Madeline pulled me into a very warm hug and rested her chin on my shoulder. I held her tight and closed my eyes to shut out Rama looking at the both of us. 

“I love you,” Madeline said softly, and my heart did that double backflip that I knew she felt through her shirt. 

“I love you too,” I whispered back, and finally extricated myself. With another small kiss, I made my way to the back of the library, to the backdoor that led to our own house’s hallway. I almost turned around to wave one more time but I heard a scoff behind me and then Madeline’s hushed voice chiding her. 

Shuddering, I went into the house, tossed my jacket on the couch and extricated the cable from the bag. There was a distinct need for a project. Something I could use to put my mind off things. The laptop was in a box in our bedroom. I looked around. This was slowly becoming our space. At first I’d been staying in the guest bedroom, but that didn’t last very long. Occasionally I still needed to sleep alone, and Madeline had been very chill about the whole thing. But I slept here almost every night, there was no real need to pretend like we were keeping our distance. I plugged the laptop in and after a few seconds, the broken battery error message popped up on the boot screen. I clicked it away and went to go make myself a cup of tea while the old thing whirred and popped like a cartoon rocket launch. I sat in the kitchen for what felt like forever, taking stock of myself. 

When I came back, I saw that the computer had booted all the way up, and that a few apps had launched automatically. Three browser windows with a combined sixty-four tabs, two ‘urgent’ updates for programs I thought I’d uninstalled a year ago, and my chat client. I had some unread messages. Clicking on it while idly sipping my tea, I saw they were all from a single person, and I felt a pit in my stomach. Opening the tab marked ‘CryptoF’, trepidation began to take hold. There were a lot of messages here. The past two months I’d lost track of things, and they’d gone by so fast. The first few were the usual fare. Things got worse fast.

‘hey. how’ve you been?’

‘I don’t wanna intrude so like, lemme know if you don’t wanna talk.’

‘just making sure you’re okay’

‘hey look, I know we kinda lost touch over the past year but i haven’t seen you online and im getting a bit worried about you. if i did something wrong just let me know, okay? ill leave yo ualone. jsut let me know youre okqy.’

‘i’m sorry’

‘its been qlmost two months so imma just hop by and see if your okay. you told me once that i’d always be welcomz so im gonna hold you to that’

‘okay bus is here so i hope ill see you in a few days’

‘please be okay.’

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Shoving the laptop aside, I narrowly avoided tossing it off the bed and into the wall, and ran into the living room. My coat in one hand, I was almost out the front door with my tea in the other. I downed it in one gulp, and sprinted outside. According to the messages, the bus would be arriving in… fifteen minutes ago.

Elamimax

oh boy don't you love meeting your ex

There are 2 more chapters already finished for Patrons , as well as some other things I'm working on. As time progresses until the story is finished, there will always be things on there that haven't be released yet, so please consider it. Also, if you like this story and liked the original, consider purchasing it (cheaply) as an eBook, so you can read it on your e-reader of choice anytime, anywhere, and making it so I can keep doing this professionally :) 

I'm also working on a new story, called "We're Not So Different, You and I". It's a Sci-Fi Fantasy Romance. When I hit 30 chapters or the end (whichever comes first), I'll start publishing it on Scribble. The first 16 chapters are already available for Patrons. 

I also want to point people at the discord server of the ever-prolific QuietValerie (right here) where you can find her wonderful stories, like Ryn of Avonside, Falling Over and The Trouble With Horns, as well as other authors' works, and talk about them with fellow fans, and even the authors themselves! I heartily recommend joining it and reading their works! (Also check out Walls of Anamoor. It's rad as heck.) 

Thanks again for reading, and I'll see you all in the next one. 

<3