There was no way. There was no way. I strode down the garden path, into the forest, down that path, to the river and across that, until I couldn’t hear the town anymore, until I was sure we wouldn’t be followed and couldn’t be found. I wasn’t likely to lose my way any time soon, but like this, Madeline wasn’t going to come bursting through the trees with a dramatic ‘I can explain’. When we finally came to a little clearing with a few signs leading to various trails, I stopped and took a breath, only then realizing I was still dragging Crypto behind me. I let him -- Them? Her? Maybe them for now -- go and started pacing back and forth, trying to calm the roiling, boiling sea of thoughts and emotions. It was like there was a snarling creature that couldn’t decide if it wanted to be in my chest or in my head and slithered back and forth, setting my skin on fire where it went and messing up my mind and feelings. 

“Are you okay?” Crypto asked with a quiet voice. “Maybe it wasn’t what it looked l--” they started, but fell silent when I interrupted them with a glare I hoped carried the same heat I was currently feeling in my chest cavity. I was not in the mood to be condescended to, to be placated, especially by someone who had one foot on the shore and the other still in denial.

“Don’t--” I said, and found my voice raspy and hoarse. Talking was hard. It felt like one word too many would break me, and so I took a deep breath instead and started pacing back and forth again. I actively felt my body trying to give my anger shape, and had to fight the changes deliberately. Even then, by the weight on my head I noticed that my horns had come in, that my chest felt tight not only metaphorically but that my clothes were becoming physically ill-fitting. “How could sh--” I tried again, and again my voice caught in my throat and bumped into a ball of emotion that was threatening to spill over all at once. I saw Crypto wrap their arms around themself to stay warm, crouching against a tree.

“Maybe it’s a succubus thing?” they offered. It had occurred to me. Sex demon meeting another sex demon, one she had already known. Maybe it was perfectly natural. Hell, even with the ‘weird, unexplained tension’, I wouldn’t be able to deny that Rama was exceptionally attractive. Maybe this was normal and I was overreacting. Maybe I just needed to accept that sometimes I’d get… left behind like that. Maybe she’d come back to me. But was that unhealthy way of thinking about it? We hadn’t talked about being exclusive in a while but we also hadn’t talked about other partners. Maybe Madeline had wanted to bring it up last night but I hadn’t given her a chance to, too preoccupied with distracting her and jealously claiming her as my own. But that couldn’t be it. We talked about stuff. We were honest. She wouldn’t just… Just…

I let out a scream of frustration that bounced off the trees, scared away the birds and made even the trees fall silent for a moment. That barely helped to let it out, so I punched a tree. I hadn’t punched a tree or a wall since I’d had a shitty moment when I was eighteen but I wanted to hit something and, with some luck, it would hurt enough that I would think clearly. It didn’t, of course. Instead, my fist just sunk up to the wrist into the wood like it was made out of wet clay, and with a crunch, I pulled it back out. The only indication I’d even done something was a very vague throbbing feeling in my knuckles. 

“Sorry about that,” I mumbled, feeling a little silly. While it hadn’t been exactly as intended, my outburst and its resulting embarrassment had shaken me out of the rage for a moment as I sheepishly looked over at Crypto. “I just don’t understand,” I said. “I don’t think it’s a succubus thing. We have… had a good, honest relationship. I don’t understand…”

Crypto got up and walked a little closer. I noticed that they seemed to be smaller, and it took me a second to realize that this was probably because I’d gained some height -- all the better to express my anger with -- and did my best to shrink back down a bit. It was surprising to see, well, not a single bit of fear on their face, even after my outburst. “I don’t understand either, but I don’t think she would hurt you like that,” they said. “I’ve known you for a long time and sure, I didn’t know everything -- clearly -- but… you don’t seem like the type someone would… yknow… cheat on.” It was a sweet compliment, and even with the cold, I could tell that the blush on their cheeks was more than just that. The gentle fantasies about holding -- or being held -- by a tall horned woman were coming off of them in waves. I wasn’t exactly in the right place to really appreciate them, but it was still sort of cute. 

“I appreciate that. I really do,” I said, deflating a little. “Maybe I’m… Maybe there is something wrong with me--'' I began, when Crypto, ever so softly, bumped my arm with a fist. 

“No,” they said softly, and their blush was becoming more apparent. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling if I tried. “There isn’t.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled. “Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be, you know? Maybe I’m not dealing with it right. Maybe I’m supposed to be more accepting. I’m a succubus.” I went the whole nine yards, unfurling wings and swishing my tail back and forth, skin a deep crimson. “Maybe we’re supposed to give in to more… primal urges.” I smirked at Crypto. “It’s part of how we feed, after all.” I could see them try to hide their face in their collar as I grinned my sharp canines bare. 

“Are you sure? I mean…” I could tell their voice was getting a little less confident. It was precious. Delicious, even. “Like, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to make assumptions about what it’s like to be a… a succubus, but I thought it was maybe an attraction thing. Like, you’re clearly in control of yourself, so I don’t think there’s anything, you know, should, you know? Like… even if you have those urges, that doesn’t mean you have to give into them…”

I turned to them fully and took a step forward. They didn’t take a step back, not really, but I could tell they were a little intimidated. “You’re one to talk,” I said, my voice soft. “Like you wouldn’t take the opportunity at the first chance it’s presented to you.” I could see the confusion on their face, and when I took another step they stumbled backwards into a tree, keeping themselves upright. I took another step and the look in their eyes wasn’t fear. Not quite. I was not in the mood to be lectured about who or what I was, and I figured what I was doing was as good of a mood as any to be in instead. Anything to take my mind off things. Besides, if she got to do what she wanted, so did I. 

“W-- What do you--” Crypto started but I loomed over them so effectively it shut them up mid-sentence. Their face was beet-red and their mind was practically overflowing with images I couldn’t help but pick up. Even with everything going on, Crypto had their mind on some very specific things indeed. 

“You know exactly what I mean,” I purred, and reached up to carefully cup their face in my hand, tilting their head up to look me in the eyes. “If I could make your wildest dreams come true, right here, right now, would you even be able to resist? I know you wouldn’t want to. I can feel what you want me to do to you, and I don’t even need to be able to read your mind to know how, what you want to be.” I let that hang in the air for a moment as I held their gaze, then leaned in, whispering close to their ear. “All I’d have to do is kiss you. All you have to do is say…” I was going to say ‘say yes’, but then a better idea popped into my head, and I grinned with malicious glee. “All you have to do is say ‘please’,” I said. 

“I-- I--” Crypto whimpered and I reveled in the avalanche of fantasies they bombarded me with. I couldn’t help but revel in it, to have someone in the palm of my hand like that. To be desired. To be--

Wanted. I shook my head. I didn’t want to lose myself in these feelings. I was feeling good and I was going to keep that going. “You know, if you keep thinking about me like that, a girl could start to feel self-conscious,” I whispered, and I could tell they were starting to get weak in the knees. “So tell me, do you want it? Can you resist? Because I can feel it coming off of you. All you have to do is say it.” More whimpering and stammering, but I got the feeling I wasn’t going to be getting a verbose answer any time soon. So I leaned back and took their face in both my hands and brought it close to mine. “Just say please, and I’ll make you who you want to be,” I said, smiling my pearly white teeth bare. The hope in their eyes was almost a physical presence and I wanted so desperately to sink my teeth into it. 

“You can… you can really…”

“Yesss,” I hissed softly, my tail flicking back and forth behind me, making soft whipping noises as it sliced the cold air in half. “All you have to do is say please, dear, and I’ll make you into the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen. All you have to do is ask me to kiss you and your innermost dreams will come true.”

“P-- pl--” they stammered, trying to force the word to come out. It was a delight to watch them struggle, and I had all the time in the world. Why not, after all? It wasn’t like I had anything better to do. Like I had anywhere to be or anyone I should be talking to. There was only here, and now, and that’s what mattered. “P-- please,” Crypto finally managed, and I was just about to oblige when a waterfall of words followed. “I-- I need this. I need this to be true, and I need you to be telling the truth. I need this to be real and I need you to not take it away. I can’t… I can’t have it be… if this is real, then…” For a moment I looked at them with a smile and then wrapped my arms around them. 

“It’s real,” I said softly. “You can be a woman, if you want to be.” I felt a gentle sob in my arms. “You already are if you want to be, you know. All I’m going to do is bring it out to the surface.” I leaned back and flashed my toothy grin again. “That and what-ever else you want me to.” The implications of what I was saying didn’t go over Crypto’s head. More fantasies slipped out of the subconscious and into my open mind. “Do you want to be a woman?” A nod. “Do you want me to make you one?” Nod nod. “Good girl,” I whispered, and she turned to putty in my arms. I leaned in close, bringing her face to mine. Even with my own body warmer than a normal person’s by a significant margin, I could still feel the heat coming off her face as I brought it close to mine. I realized this was going to be her first kiss, and froze. 

She looked at me, swallowing and practically shaking. “Evelyne?” she asked. I stood there for a moment, seeing myself reflected in her eyes.

“This is wrong, isn’t it?” I said. The words hung still in the frozen air, shimmering in the winter cold. She didn’t say anything, but I could tell she wasn’t disagreeing with me. “I’m sorry. This is… not… who I want to be.” There it was. A very gentle, imperceptible nod, and then the greatest sacrifice I’d ever seen someone make right in front of me. Crypto took a step back. 

“You don’t want to do this,” she said. I shook my head.

“I don’t.” I felt awful. 

“Do you want to go back? Talk to her?”

I was already sobbing when I answered.

“Yes, please.”

Elamimax

This was a hard but important scene to write, and I hope you got a lot out of it. I know I did. 

So, we're off hiatus. Sort of. What does that mean?

Well, I have several projects I'm working on now, most of them commissions. That means those take precedence over other things, and this one will be sort of on hold for a while again. Sort of. 

How do I get this story written faster?

See, you can do something about that. Through Patreon or  by sending me a mail at [email protected], with "Commission HITL" in the header, you can, if they want to, commission more chapters so more will get published that month. Commissions are usually fulfilled within a week, though, of course, I add new commissions to the back of the queue. Fair's fair. 

But money :c

I get it. Money is the reason I'm doing this, actually! The pricing model can be found here, but, of course, I understand if that's not something you can afford right now. Times are rough for everyone. You are, of course, always free to put money together with others to pay for a chapter or two.

I'd also like to point out that higher tier patrons get chapter commission a lot cheaper (at half off) and the highest tiers straight up get free chapters and stories. 

That's a lot of money though

It looks like it, yeah. $40 for a chapter, right? But after taxes and paypal take their cut, I'm left with $10-15 an hour. I think that's reasonable. :) 

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