The Dungeon’s control room turned into a pretty cool council chamber. I shrank Fortram’s holographic map down, placed a circle of chairs around it, and even spent a tiny amount of DPs to create a round stone table in the middle. The walls of the room showed the outside world as usual, except now the outside was still underground. It gave the council chamber a slightly ominous feel. The low light and the arrangement reminded me of some kind of movie scene.

Nine of us gathered in total. I had invited Barumm as tenth – the taciturn blacksmith was an important figure of the Refuge – but he declined. He wanted to focus on his craft instead of getting involved in this mess, which I could totally understand. His refusal was unfortunate nevertheless. I wanted people for my council who saw me as Randel instead of the Mad Painter, and the number of those people was very limited.

The ninth invitation had gone to Val, who accepted the offer. The brawny ex-Factory worker didn’t like Players much, but he seemed to like me well enough. He regularly helped out in the Refuge and seemed to have a knack for organizing people. I also liked that with so many Players among us, he would be a different voice; hopefully he wouldn’t hesitate to speak up if we got too carried away.

Tora was also on the list of invited people. I couldn’t leave him out even if I wanted to. He was on the way to becoming my spymaster, or master of intelligence, or whatever title sounded the most mysterious. I had yet to figure out a proper job description. Tora was shy as ever, sitting on his human-sized chair, half-hidden under the table—but I could see how eagerly he listened to the conversation around him. He was a natural.

Another obvious choice for this council was Erika. She had berated me for sinking the entire city without warning her first, but she had otherwise taken the recent events in stride. She had arrived with a pile of legal documents that detailed all kinds of laws I would have broken if I weren’t a Reaper. Suspicious. It was almost as if she had expected trouble and prepared beforehand.

We didn’t go over all of the documents Erika had brought, but she summed them up nicely. The saving grace was the same as usual. As a Player – or Reaper, for the religious – I had the excuse of having been sent by the gods. If a miracle turned Fortram into an underground city, it was all according to the will of the gods. Religion was on my side—and though I had never been a religious person, for once I agreed with this Church of the Moon. The Inspectors had been totally hoping for something like this to happen when they put a Dungeon so close to Fortram.

“This seems illegal to me anyway,” Heda told Erika. “Like, very illegal. The City Watch is now patrolling in the Refuge, trying to find him. Make no mistake, they aren’t searching for him to congratulate for what he did.”

Heda was sitting on Devi’s other side, wearing casual clothes that looked rather unusual on her; I had only ever seen her in heavy armor before. I hadn’t known her that well, but even I could tell that she had changed a lot since Kim’s death. She spoke and held herself differently. There was no trace of the positive and confident attitude that I had attributed to her in the past.

“I’m aware that he’s in trouble,” Erika said, pushing her glasses higher up her nose. She seemed unbothered by Heda’s glare. “If people were harmed during the conversion of the city – either physically, financially, or existentially – then I believe they will press charges even against a Reaper. There are laws that apply to Randel too. I’ve already put a team of lawyers together to handle such annoyances. Our real concern is the Governor, or if this escalates, the Highking or the Emperor himself.”

“Are you serious?” Jessie asked. “Why would the Emperor bother with a guy like him in a remote city far in the west?”

Against my original intentions, Jessie had been invited to the meeting too. She was here as Imaya’s friend. I didn’t trust her, and I didn’t trust Imaya’s assessment of her trustworthiness. But even if she was a potential security leak, I had no reason to turn her away. The truth was that I needed people. I couldn’t do this alone. It was why I didn’t mind Heda attending too, in spite of her bitter attitude and her attempts to oppose everything I said.

Heda’s and Jessie’s presence made us well-balanced, at least. I didn’t like them all that much, but at the same time neither Devi nor Imaya liked Stanley. Fair was fair. This arrangement was kinda neat, actually. Devi, Imaya, and I were the three core members of the original team. Heda, Jessie, and Stanley were three Player friends of ours. Tora, Erika, and Val were the non-Player representation. Three sets of three. Plus Nosy.

I petted Nosy’s head under the table, content to just listen while Jessie and Erika argued about Emperor Sharidan. The guy loved micromanaging his empire and he was weirdly successful at it too. It reminded me of my father. He had once told me that micromanagement was a sin only if the manager was uninformed and incompetent. Being the CEO of a world-renown biomedical company apparently entitled him to say things like that. It was that simple in his eyes; just be all-knowing and competent in everything, and your company will soar! No wonder I could never live up to his expectations.

“A good leader does no such thing,” Devi said. “A good leader knows that his time is precious. He does not waste it on a thousand small things.”

“They,” I corrected Devi absently. She gave me a puzzled look at first, then nodded her thanks.

“We’re getting off-topic,” Erika said. “A good council knows that time is precious. We should be discussing how to handle the Governor first.”

Nosy yawned, and it was so infectious that I yawned too. The elemental panther leaned against my good leg as I scratched him behind the ears. My fingers were getting sore, but I didn’t want to stop. Having licked my chair, Nosy wore his wood form; his body was lean and made for climbing. His hair was coarse and bark-colored, the patterns of which he could freely change by shedding his fur and growing a new one.

Next to me, Stanley was balancing his chair on two legs with arms behind his head, eyes closed. He yawned not long after I did. I looked at Tora on Stanley’s other side, but he was listening to the girls argue. He didn’t yawn, thus breaking the chain. Disappointing.

“Randel, are you paying attention?” Erika asked. “We’re talking about you here.”

“I’ll talk with the Governor tonight,” I said. “I’ve already met the guy, it should be fine. I’ll just explain the situation to him.”

Erika and Devi exchanged a silent glance across the table.

“If you say so,” Erika said, clearly uncomfortable with the idea. “I suppose we can postpone this discussion, then. We should be able to make much more informed decisions once you have spoken with the Governor.”

“Hey, I really just intend to speak. No violence, no threats. Okay, maybe a tiny bit of implied threats.”

“Oh my god,” Heda said. “Why am I here? We won’t last a week before all of us are arrested.”

“You’re here because you care for the city,” Devi said. “We have the power to do good. We can make Fortram a better place.”

“Aye,” Val spoke up. “You should give the lad more credit, Heda. Randel hasn’t been here for long, but he has already done more good for the city than you did.”

“As if helping the city was a competition,” Heda scoffed. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Val.”

“Really? I’d like to see ya do better—”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Erika said. “Let’s stop with the squabbling, shall we? We should focus on discussing what we can do with the Dungeon. Imaya, can you take over, please?”

“Right,” Imaya said, fidgeting with the control crystal. “So, as you may have heard, we have a limited amount of Dungeon Points with which we can create new blueprints and purchase upgrades. We also have infinite Dungeon Mana so we can make stuff like corridors, chambers, and basic houses easily. There are cooldown and scope limitations, but those aren’t very strict.”

“In simpler terms, we are able to expand rapidly,” Erika said. “Creating tunnels this way is incomparably faster than digging them with goletons. The same goes for raising new homes, with the added benefit that we need to hire fewer people.”

“Yup!” Imaya said. She then launched into an explanation about what kind of structures the Dungeon could create, while Erika cautioned us to build only on properties that were owned by my company. I let them do the talking. It was the same story as with the Refuge, just bigger in scale.

The lower ring of Fortram would not be overcrowded for much longer, that much was certain. We could solve the entire city’s homelessness problem. I wasn’t terribly excited about another large-scale building project, but Imaya’s enthusiasm made up for where I was lacking. Still, perhaps getting into this topic was better saved for later. Rebuilding the city was an excellent long-term goal, but we had more pressing needs in the short term.

“You’re forgetting one thing,” I said when Imaya finished. “Expanding the Refuge would take time because there’s only one control crystal.”

One of our biggest limitations was that the Dungeon Master – or in our case, the control crystal – wasn’t able to shape the Dungeon remotely. Imaya had theorized that this was to make things more balanced; the DM couldn’t just hide with the Core and reshape the Dungeon whenever the adventurers were getting close. Unfortunately, this meant that someone would need to go around the city and personally supervise every change.

“We could take turns,” Imaya offered.

“It would take a while even if we worked non-stop,” I said. “In the meantime, we’ll have other problems to solve too. The lack of rainwater in the lower ring, for one.”

“Yeah,” Val said. “Building wells like in the Refuge oughta solve that. Can’t wait t’see those bastards lose their monopoly over our water!”

“It’s already a miracle that the Dungeon has an underground river that never runs out,” Imaya said. “I don’t know if we can create rivers all around the city.”

“You can,” Stanley said without opening his eyes. “I believe in you.”

There was a beat of awkward silence around the table. I felt a bit envious of Stanley—it was usually me who made these wisecracks! Now I had to play the straight man.

“What Stanley means is that you shouldn’t forget that the Dungeon has merged with the World Seed. Rotating walls and infinite wells. Fortram had these two before, and so the Dungeon should be able to replicate them.”

“That too,” Stanley said, “but actually I was just channeling the power of our friendship.”

“We aren’t even friends,” Imaya muttered, making Stanley gasp in shock.

“Alright,” Erika said. “Let’s set up a priority list, shall we? We’ll deal with the most urgent things first. Water is one thing. What else?”

“Sunlight,” Heda said.

“Some light would be nice, yes,” Stanley said. “My plants at home are wilting.”

“And the poor trees,” Devi said, referring to the sparse green life of the city. Well, sparse for me. A single park in this city had almost as many trees as Devi’s homeland altogether.

“The Dungeon can grow plants too,” Imaya said. “Maybe we can replace the trees with something that needs no sunlight? And they can be luminescent too! That should make the city brighter.”

“It’s something,” Val said, “but many don’t like those sheeny plants. They ain’t natural.”

“You live in a rotating city,” Devi said. “Is that natural?”

“Point. But people’re used to that. Sheeny plants? Not so much.”

“They will need to get used to it,” Imaya said. “Those plants are the most efficient. We grew them in the Refuge too.”

“But isn’t that the same problem as with building houses?” Devi asked. I raised my arm above my head, pointing upward.

“We don’t need to visit every place right away,” Imaya said. “We could start by blanketing the city with randomly grown plants, just like in the Refuge. The citizens can trim the plants if they don’t like—okay, what is it, Randel?”

“Fake sky,” I said, lowering my hand.

“Umm,” Imaya said, looking up at the projection on the ceiling. “That’s not natural sunlight either. And … have you seen the dome of earth that surrounds the city? It’s huge. Like, really huge.”

“Yeah, so? We have lots of DPs and infinite mana.”

“Wait,” Val said. “Did I hear ya correctly? You want the walls outside to look as if … what? As if Fortram lay on the surface still?”

“Basically, yeah.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Heda said. “It won’t be the same as real sunlight, but it’s definitely better than nothing.”

Imaya muttered something under her breath while she rapidly navigated through her collar’s screens. With the control crystal in hand, she was able to see the upgrade options and their prices. Putting a fake sky over the city would cost us a lot, but this mechanism already had precedence—right in this chamber, in fact. It was an already-established magic trick, which would make doing it on a larger scale possible.

“It’s not possible,” Imaya said, staring at her screens. “The more area we want to cover, the more DPs it costs. And then keeping it active drains mana constantly. We should focus our DPs elsewhere.”

“How about covering just the side walls?” I asked. “Just the very edge of the city, all around.”

“Why do you insist on this so much?” Imaya asked. “It’s a wasteful use of our resources.”

“It would be good for morale,” Erika said. “Even if it’s fake, it would reduce this … claustrophobic feel.”

“I don’t mind the dark,” Tora said, then visibly shrank under our collective gaze.

“Yes,” Erika said. “I suppose Ratkins might actually enjoy this turn of events.”

“I don’t know about this,” Imaya said, writing on a piece of paper she had snatched from Erika. “It would be like a ring of illusion around Fortram, right? I don’t think it’s worth it, but maybe it’s not impossible. What’s the circumference of the city? We should calculate beforehand how much this would cost.”

“I’ve no idea about the math,” I said, “but I think it would look awe-inspiring. Just try to imagine it! A strip of the sky over the lower portion of the city, fading into stone as it reaches higher, and then a ray of true sunlight bursting through the very top. It may even attract tourists.”

The others didn’t look as convinced as I did, but I was pleased to see that they were considering my suggestion. Especially Erika, who began to write furiously.

“What is it?” I asked.

“I never considered tourism as a source of income,” she said without looking up. “With so much control over the city’s landscape, we should be able to capitalize on it.”

“Uh … okay,” I said, then turned to the others. “So, what else do you think Fortram urgently needs? Aside from tourists, of course.”

I had the pleasure of seeing Erika flush in embarrassment. Not much, since her strict office lady aura covered it well, but it was definitely there. She kept writing nevertheless.

“I think we need better surveillance options,” Imaya said. “The map of the Dungeon isn’t enough. It sucks that I can’t tell from here what’s going on outside! Yesterday, for example, I didn’t know how far the bad guys have gotten.”

“Prevention,” Devi said. “We need more eyes so that we know when an attack is coming.”

“Sorry…” Tora mumbled.

“You want to spy on Fortram’s citizens,” Heda said, crossing her arms. “I can’t say I like that idea.”

“And I don’t like gettin’ killed in a raid,” Val said. “Sorry miss, but you ain’t been nowhere around when those street gangs attacked. You don’t like spyin’, but without it, we are blind swine on the roast waiting to be cooked.”

Heda drew her mouth in a line, the burn marks on her face tightening.

“I didn’t understand that last part,” Devi spoke before Heda could, “but I agree that we need to defend ourselves better. I learned something important during the raid: we aren’t prepared enough. We are outnumbered and weak. We need to improve our defenses. I think it’s time to make guardian creatures.”

“No,” I said.

“We almost lost the Dungeon yesterday!”

“We’ve already been over this, Devi. No monsters. Believe it or not, I have a specific image in my mind when I think about my Dungeon and monsters are not part of it. Themes matter. The impressions that the Dungeon creates matter. Let’s not argue about this again.”

The table was silent as she glared at me and I glared back into her defiant amber eyes.

“Fine,” Devi said. “Then we have no choice but to recruit warriors.”

“You mean to hire mercenaries?” Val asked. “That ain’t a bad idea.”

“The Painters should take more people in,” Devi said. “We should turn the Painters into a proper organization. We should train more warriors to defend the Dungeon.”

“Or we could hand over the Dungeon to someone who can protect it,” Heda said, drawing surprised eyes. “Have you even considered that possibility?”

“Yes, I considered,” Devi said. “But there is no one I trust. What is your suggestion, Heda? The Governor and the City Watch? Jack and the Rangers of Fortram? Do you think they can do more good?”

“You’re part of the Rangers too,” Heda pointed it out. “But, you’re right. I don’t know anyone we could trust. It’s definitely not Jack. Keep the Dungeon Core away from him.”

“We can defend ourselves,” Val said. “I’m sure of it.”

“We have to, don’t we?” Imaya said. “What happened yesterday was only the beginning. All sorts of Players will come to take the Core from us. To take over the city. Actually, you see, I’m—well, I don’t know if I’m comfortable with keeping the control crystal. What if they come after me?”

My mouth suddenly felt too dry to speak. Imaya was making a good point, and I didn’t know what to say. Was I supposed to reassure her? No, not just her; I saw that everyone around the table was thinking about what Imaya had just implied.

Associating with me was dangerous. Teva’ryn had left already, and he had been smart to do so. I couldn’t blame the others if they wanted to follow his example. I wasn’t charismatic enough to keep a group like this together, not when staying meant risking their lives for … this. For someone like me. I opened my mouth to say something – anything – but Stanley was faster.

When the walls were breached and the guards were all dead,
None faced the monsters, none faced the dread.
Worms rose! People fled,
And destruction spread, oh, destruction spread.

He stepped forward then, his brush trailing red,
Facing the monsters, facing the dread,
Brave or mad? He said,
‘I’ll paint a new picture where you are all dead.’

Moonlight his ink,
The world was his canvas,
The Painter painted, and the monsters all bled.
The Painter painted, and the monsters were dead.

Stanley lowered his lute, looking at us expectantly. I looked at the others too, not quite sure what to say. It felt weird to have a song written about me, but it was weird in a good way. This wasn’t the first time I heard this song; it was one of Stanley’s catchier melodies. It painted me in a somewhat flattering light, but the exaggerated heroism was tempered by some darker elements. I kinda liked that. The song served its purpose well, and that was what truly mattered.

“Okay?” Jessie broke the silence. “Stanley, this really isn’t the time to sing your lame songs.”

“Have you heard of the legend of the Mad Painter?” Stanley asked, unperturbed by her remark. “It’s a selfish tale, I tell you. All about the Painter, with next to no mention of his underlings.”

“Underlings?” Heda asked, raising an eyebrow.

“From a narrative standpoint, " I said. “What Stanley means is that the public eye will be mostly on me alone.”

“So you’re fine with Stanley spreading bullshit about you?” Jessie asked. “Do you enjoy the attention that much?”

I took in a deep breath. “If by attention you mean everyone cringing in fear when they recognize me, then yes, it’s absolutely incredible. Who wouldn’t die for this kind of attention? Of course I’m fine with it. So, do you have any other stupid questions?”

Jessie was about to retort when Nosy growled under the table – reacting to my outburst, probably – and that shut her up immediately. She didn’t quite flinch away from the table, but she peered under it warily.

Erika cleared her throat and gave me a chiding look.

“Alright everyone, let’s keep this discussion civil. I believe we were talking about possible ways to defend ourselves, and by extension, the city.”

“I can’t promise you complete safety,” I said, huffing. “If that bothers any of you, know that you’re free to leave.”

It wasn’t encouraging, but it was all I could give them. I refused to make false promises about happy endings and ever afters. There was no guarantee that I would be the Dungeon Master next week, let alone years from now on.

“I think everyone understands,” Devi said, her voice softer than usual. “Let’s focus on how we can defend ourselves, alright?”

“The best defense is offense,” Jessie said, having regained her composure. “Why the hell are you so focused on turtling down and waiting to be attacked? Just find these rival gangs that attacked us and beat the shit out of them!”

I took another deep breath and waited for someone else to answer her question.

“I don’t know if we can find them,” Imaya said. “And even if we can, that may be a bit … too much. We might end up killing them.”

“What if they deserve to die?” Jessia asked.

“Have you killed another person before?” Heda asked back.

“Maybe not as many as some of us,” Jessie said as she glanced at me, “but yes, I had done it. It’s kill or be killed out there, you know? It was self-defense.”

“But this time it wouldn’t be self-defense.”

“It would be, in a roundabout way.”

“No,” Heda said. “This time you want to go out with the intention to kill or at least hurt others. Others who will beg for their lives once you corner them. You talk big, but I can tell that you don’t have it in you to deliberately kill other people, no matter how much they deserve it.”

“You think you know me?” Jessie asked. “Girl, I’m a necromancer.”

“So you keep reminding everyone.”

Erika slapped her hand against the table. “I would appreciate it if I didn’t have to keep reminding you all to stay on the topic. Jessie, your idea is sound but there is no need to make it personal.”

“Tell that to Heda,” Jessia said, crossing her arms. “Anyway, there goes my suggestion. Do what you will with it.”

“Defending gives us the moral high ground,” Stanley said. “Attacking makes things more … muddy.”

“If you’re weak, you’ll be crushed,” Jessie said. “This world doesn’t care about the moral high ground.”

“Oh, you would be surprised.”

“Both sides of the argument have merits,” we spoke up in a firm and measured tone. “We’ll start out cautiously. Let’s give Tora and his friends a chance to scout out what they can. Once we know more about the gangs who raided our Dungeon, we will decide what to do with them.”

Moral high ground or not, our enemies wouldn’t just move to another city if we asked them nicely. Blood would flow for certain. But Soul Eater was well-fed at the moment, and so we were content to wait—or so I felt for a strange moment. The feeling passed, but my words lingered.

“That sounds reasonable,” Erika said. “Tora, can you do it? With Val’s help, perhaps?”

“Y-Yes!” Tora said. “I can do it!”

There was a beat of silence, during which Devi gave me a concerned look.

“If that is decided,” she said, “can we go back to what I suggested? We need to turn the Painters into a … what is the word? Army?”

“An army!” Val said. “That oughta be quite the sight!”

The discussion then continued with the details of organizing our troops—a bunch of citizens with various levels of loyalty to our cause. Our cause was mostly about mellow stuff like dealing with poverty and terrible living conditions, even though we knew that many of the Painters would have preferred outright rebellion and overthrowing the Governor. Our first step would be about making it clear to everyone that we did not stand against the law. The Painters needed a proper structure of leadership as well—and once that was done, we would have to point everyone in the right direction.

Most of this would fall on Val’s shoulders, but Devi seemed to show lots of interest in it too. I made it clear from the get-go that I wouldn’t mind being a figurehead, but I had no real interest in organizing people I hadn’t even met. If the Painters needed a Mad Painter to stay in line, fine by me. I didn’t need the Painters, however. They would have their uses surely, but that wasn’t a good enough reason for me to take the reins.

I also had to admit that I found the topic utterly boring. Halfway through the meeting I teleported Soul Eater to my hand, shaped it like a stick, and played tug with Nosy under the table. Part of our mind paid attention to the discussion still, but we saw no real need to participate in it. Arguments about the fine details of our new organization dragged on until it was so late that we decided to wrap up the meeting. Erika suggested holding another meeting after I talked with the Governor, and Imaya offered to work on the city’s water problem until then.

I opened the exit portal but lingered behind as the others left one by one. Devi gave me a questioning look on her way out, but I just waved her on. Even Nosy left the room after testing the portal with his paws. I limped to my seat and sat back down.

“So, how was it?” I asked. “Aside from the last part. I should have paid more attention there, I know.”

“That last part you refer to was more than half of the meeting,” Erika said, still in her chair. “And in the other half it seemed as if you had no idea what you were doing and why you were here.”

“Ouch. That’s harsh.”

Erika sighed, looking somehow much older than before. She closed her eyes and rubbed the back of her neck tiredly.

“I apologize. That was indeed too harsh, and not entirely true. You certainly have your moments, but I wish you participated more. As the head of this council, if I can call you that, your actions affect all of us. You shouldn’t cherry-pick and discuss only the topics that you’re interested in.”

“I just let others have their say too,” I said. “I don’t think that’s such a bad thing. If there’s something I really-really don’t like, I’ll intervene.”

“Unless you’re too distracted by your pet to pay attention.”

“Don’t worry, I’m good at multitasking.”

Erika sighed again, her posture sagging even further. Honestly, I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to be better at leading council meetings and organizing people. Listening to Erika’s advice wouldn’t hurt, though. Well, alright, maybe it would hurt a bit—emotionally. But I was a big boy and it had already been beaten into me how useless I was, so a little bit of criticism wouldn’t be the end of the world.

“There is one more thing that bothers me,” Erika said. “I couldn’t help but notice that you procrastinated on almost every topic. It hasn’t gotten too bad yet, but I don’t want it to become a trend. Saying that we will discuss it later won’t make the problem go away. You’ll have to make decisions at some point. Difficult ones too.”

“There were a lot of topics,” I pointed out. “We couldn’t have covered so many if we wanted to solve each and every one of them right away.”

“That’s true. What I said is just a gentle reminder—something to keep in mind in the future.”

“I can appreciate that. Anything else?”

“Yes,” she said. “You should speak your mind more confidently. You see, like the way you told us to wait with any counter-attack on the city gangs. You sounded so commanding right then, like someone who is actually in charge. Like someone who knows what he is doing. Keeping everyone in line would be much easier if you always talked like that.”

I frowned, mostly just to hide my discomfort.

“First off,” I said, lifting a finger. I stared at it for a moment, then lowered my hand slowly. “It’s … it’s not me, Erika. I can’t always be like that. I’m not the type of person who demands respect and orders people around. You can’t expect me to be that guy.”

“You’re wrong,” Erika said. “I can expect you to be that person. It is part of you too. I saw that it can be part of you. Randel, there is nothing wrong with acting more seriously in certain situations and then being free-spirited in others. That’s how people are, usually. You think I’m stiff and business-like all the time?”

“Uh, yeah, that’s pretty much what I thought.”

“Oh shut up,” Erika said, but I could see the hint of a smile. “My point is that you should get rid of that can’t-do attitude of yours. People can change. You can change. If your only excuse is that you can’t be that kind of person, then it’s a very weak excuse.”

“Maybe I don’t want to change.”

“Or maybe you’re just afraid to change.”

I averted my eyes. My hands were toying with Soul Eater in my lap. When had I grabbed it? The black weapon was shaped like a delicate spoon, its orange gemstone crowning the end of its handle. It had been a dagger made for killing, but I had shaped it into something beautiful and practical. It was still capable of killing—but it was prettier now.

Erika wasn’t wrong, but her words weren’t news to me either. I had always been aware of my flaws, I just chose to not think about them. And now, with the shades influencing my actions, I actually had a good reason to resist change. Didn’t I? I had to remain myself. If I changed, I wouldn’t be able to tell where I began and the shades ended. I wouldn’t be myself anymore.

“You wouldn’t like my changed self,” I said. “You wouldn’t like what I become. It’s better this way. Safer.”

“You don’t know that. Not unless you try,” Erika said gently. It marked the end of our conversation. She left not long after that, wishing me good night. I remained in my chair, staring at Soul Eater, thinking for a long, long time. Thinking about nothing and everything. Just … thinking.

I had been wrong about being able to take Erika’s criticism. It hurt.

It hurt a lot.