Content Warning: suicide, angst

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The world had been coming to an end a long time ago.

But when Lu Hao watched the elevator doors close with Hong Sheng on the other side, Lu Hao realized where his world had begun, and where it now ended:

The little boy from back then, consumed in shadow.

 

That morning.

“You’re a goddamn idiot!”

Lisa Xi watched Hong Sheng gear up to go on the suicide mission with Lu Hao. She cursed, running her hands through her hair. Hidden in the bag behind her was the last scraps of her research.

The plan had been to escape the F City region and pray that Ji Ling wouldn’t outright murder them.

No matter how Lisa Xi and Hong Sheng thought about the underground lab Ji Ling and Lu Hao were going to investigate, it could only be a trap. And that was why Lisa Xi cursed and wanted to avoid it, and why Hong Sheng, with enough determination to move mountains, insisted on going.

“You’re going to die, you know that?”

Hong Sheng didn’t say anything. He just moved forward.

 

Yu Qiu watched the trio leave the safehouse where the rest of the SG stragglers stayed. She thought of Hong Sheng saving her, and how wary he seemed of that older sister. Tightening her fists, she left to go with him. She might not be powerful, but at least, she wanted to keep Hong ge safe.

 

 

At first, everything went smoothly.

They entered the military complex, hidden from the hundreds of zombies by Ji Ling’s power. The mass of bodies stood there in eerie stillness. The four of them didn’t say a word, wary of disturbing the silence, and made their way deeper into the base until finally, they reached an elevator.

And as they descended, Ji Ling’s expression changed, shock and horror on her face.

“Lu Hao, the safe house—it’s in danger. An enormous zombie wave is coming towards them. I can make sure none of the zombies accidentally break into the safe house where the rest of the SG members are, but I’ll need to focus all of my ability there. That means that over here…”

The rest of the three looked to her with varying gazes—there was terror in Yu Qiu’s eyes, doubt and thought in Lu Hao’s, and a dark, unreadable mire in Hong Sheng’s. Lu Hao asked her, “You really can’t spare any of your ability?”

“No. If I slack on my concentration, then…”

Lu Hao closed his eyes for a moment. The elevator was reaching the bottom, the only sound in the air being that of the rickety metal and the buzz of the emergency power. “Then don’t,” he said. “Concentrate on keeping the safe house intact. We’ll just have to do our best to make it through.”

They couldn’t take the elevator back up, not with that mass of zombies waiting on the surface.

The elevator landed at the bottom with a dull thud. The doors opened, revealing an empty liminal space. A single underground light flickered over the doorway in the distance.

After that, the plan had been to wait until the zombie wave passed. They didn’t know what horrors would be waiting in the underground base, so it was safer to wait until Ji Ling could spare some of her power to shield them from detection again before they moved forward.

But then a shriek sounded from high, high above, up the elevator chute, along with the heavy impact of a body falling hundreds of meters and landing on metal. The terrifying screech beyond the closed elevator doors was the signal that they couldn’t wait any longer.

Zombies were scrabbling down the elevator shaft to get to them.

 

They ran deeper into the underground complex, chased by the wave of zombies. By pure luck, the zombies here weren’t too advanced, so even Lu Hao and Yu Qiu with their low-level abilities could fight back and buy time. But their powers were running low.

It was Ji Ling who lead them further in.

They found the research Lu Hao had been looking for. They even discovered another way out, an elevator on the other side of the complex.

Even though they were all injured, Lu Hao had thought, they were all going to make it—

—until the end.

They waited for the elevator out of the complex to come. But it was taking too long, and the zombies had chased them.

Lu Hao was the one who was supposed to die.

He’d shoved the documents into Yu Qiu’s hands and took his place at the fore, ready to stay behind and buy time for the others to escape.

Hong Sheng had been behind him.

He just needed to make sure they all made it out. It didn’t matter if he died. He was already half-dead, anyway. As long as the others were safe, as long as the research made it out, as long as a vaccine or a cure could be made…

But then the elevator let out a ding. The doors opened, and all of Lu Hao’s thoughts of self-sacrifice were cut off when Hong Sheng pushed him away, into the open doors. As Lu Hao fell back, the arms of the zombies reached out and covered Hong Sheng, who looked at him with a smile.

In that moment, hundreds of memories flowed through Lu Hao’s mind—

There had been a little boy sitting in the shadow of an old apartment complex. He had looked as small as a cloth doll, and when he hunched over, he seemed so tiny that he could fit in Lu Hao’s pocket.

The boy never spoke to anyone. His eyes, dark and empty, made people feel like he had no soul. He was like a ghost left to wander the world, unwanted and unnoticed.

But Lu Hao had seen him. He had reached out. And when his hand touched skin, Lu Hao found that the boy in the shadows was so soft and warm, a person so lovely that he wanted to take care of him forever.

Hong Sheng clinging to him like a little shadow; Hong Sheng shyly ducking his head; Hong Sheng doing homework beside him; Hong Sheng falling asleep and leaning on his shoulders. A hundred Hong Shengs of his memory came to his mind. But the brightest and most vivid memory was the Hong Sheng who had smiled at him for the first time.

With the box of pastries Lu Hao had given him on his lap, Hong Sheng held the crisp and fragrant egg tart in his two small hands. The flaky crumbs stuck to his cheeks and lips. The sallow, pale color of his skin flushed a soft pink with happiness, and a sparkle came into his dark eyes. The gloom over Hong Sheng’s body had disappeared like a ray of light breaking through the clouds, and he had smiled, a beautiful and fleeting smile, soft and fragile as piece of tissue that could easily be broken with a touch.

Yes—Lu Hao remembered now.

That smile back then was the same expression on Hong Sheng’s face now.

The elevator doors closed. Time seemed to slow, and all Lu Hao saw was the pale, monstrous arms reaching for Hong Sheng, before blood painted over that small and fragile face in the memories of the long distant past.

 

 

Hong Sheng was dead.

The entire world seemed lopsided, off balance, like a table missing a leg, a building with its foundation removed.

They made it back to the SG somehow. Lu Hao wasn’t sure. His body seemed to be moving on autopilot.

No one came out to welcome them, but Lisa Xi was there, waiting at the entrance. When Yu Qiu handed over the data, Lisa Xi didn’t even take a look. The first thing she asked was, “Where is Hong Sheng?”

Lu Hao couldn’t answer. Lisa Xi’s chest rose and fell in agitation; she grabbed the data with tense, stiff hands, the knuckles turning white from the force of her grip.

“Get out,” she snapped to Yu Qiu and Ji Ling. “I need to talk with him. Alone.”

Yu Qiu was pale while Ji Ling feigned a look of sorrow. The moment the two left to go see the other SG members, Lisa Xi threw back her arm and slapped Lu Hao across the face. The sound echoed, sharp and cruel.

“Fuck you,” she spat, the fury in her eyes glittering with unshed tears. “I knew I couldn’t count on you; I knew he was going to die if he went with you. You couldn’t even keep him safe. I don’t care if you risk your own life, but you just had to go and get him killed!”

Lu Hao stood there, hollow on the inside.

Lisa Xi continued, the words pouring out. She was breaking down; all these years of hopelessness, the struggle to survive, the loss of so many people; the hundreds of times she had held back her tears of despair came out in an instant. “God, I had never seen someone as stupid as him. Just because he thought you might be in danger, he insisted on going. He really loved you too much, so much that he’d…”

The words buzzed in Lu Hao’s ears. He looked at Lisa Xi in a daze, and she barked out a laugh.

“Oh, he never told you, did he? Did you even know? Weren’t you two childhood friends; couldn’t you tell how hard he’d fallen for you? It was so obvious that I saw it the first time I met you two. He loved you more than anything in the whole world, looked at you like you were the sun. He was a miserable wreck. Whenever he saw you flirting with me, he always looked like someone was pouring acid down his throat. But I guess he thought you’d never bat for a guy, so he just pushed it all down. Rather than show his love like a normal person, he decided the best way to express how he felt for you was to risk his life and die for you. What a guy, huh?”

“You’re… you’re saying…” Each word felt like a weight pressing down on Lu Hao’s chest. “Hong Sheng was… in love with me?”

“Yeah. Not that it matters, seeing as he’s dead. Ha! Unless he’s a zombie? Then maybe there’d still be hope for him after all, seeing as how we’re all going to be zombies in the end!”

The sight of Hong Sheng’s smile flashed through Lu Hao’s mind again, and then, Hong Sheng lowering his head, looking pale when Lu Hao introduced a girlfriend. Hong Sheng, he… had he been in love with Lu Hao this entire time?

When did it start? When they were teenagers? When they were children? But Lu Hao couldn’t think of this now; Hong Sheng was gone, he was dead, he…

Was he waiting for him, still, in the underground base? If Hong Sheng had been turned into a zombie, then…

“Lisa,” Lu Hao said, firmness coming back to him, a strange light in his eyes, “Hurry up and take a look at that data. You have to find a cure, something that can turn zombies back into humans. If you do that, everyone can be saved, and—“ And Hong Sheng will come back to him, and Lu Hao can keep him safe this time, not let him hurt so much, just stay with him under his wing to be protected and cared for like a treasure.

But Lisa Xi didn’t take another look at the research. She just laughed, harsh and piercing, and she said, “It’s too late for that.”

Then she raised her hand. The nails were starting to fall off, blood clotting beneath the beds. Lu Hao looked on in horror, and Lisa Xi explained:

“Did you think that we were all safe here? The intelligent zombies released pathogens in the air. Maybe it was the same test material they used on other cities. Either way, no one here is going to be human much longer.”

Just then, the sound of Yu Qiu shouting in alarm came from outside. Lu Hao turned, ready to go help her, but then Lisa Xi looked at him with a probing, analytical gaze that stopped him in his tracks.

“It’s in the air,” she said. “That girl has already been infected. Just like all of us.” But then her gaze raked Lu Hao from head to toe, and a sharp, humorless smirk lifted her lips. “Except for you, it looks like. I guess Ji Ling prefers you to stay human.”

 

Everyone in the SG transformed in a matter of hours.

In the end, Lu Hao was the only human to remain.

Ji Ling had looked the same as she always had, beautiful and pure, like she glowed with some inner light. But her beauty looked incomparably monstrous as she restrained Lu Hao and took him to where she kept her other men.

She stood there, with the zombie emperor and the triad boss Kai at her side, and told Lu Hao all about how she loved him; how she knew Lu Hao loved her, too, but she was afraid to tell him truth; about how she was a zombie, and she had intended to get rid of the SG, but stopped after she had fallen in love with Lu Hao. She talked about how she had tried to find a peaceful solution, and had worked with the others to come up with a plan.

Everyone could become a zombie and live happily together forever.

Because zombies were the new form of ‘life’.

Humans were the dead, old species, and zombies were the rulers of the new world.

Surrounded by the two handsome men, and with Lu Hao crumpled on his knees in front of her, Ji Ling looked like the heroine of a story.

Lu Hao, who had always been a hero in the eyes of others, suddenly realized that he was, and always had been, a pawn.

 

 

She kept him like a pet. He stayed human. For some reason, Ji Ling didn’t want him to become a zombie. Maybe it was as Lisa Xi said: Lu Hao wouldn’t be that little piece of her collection, the human leader of the resistance, if he wasn’t human any longer.

He did everything to escape. He ran, he tried to die, he infected himself. But each time, Ji Ling just looked at him with disappointment and forced some kind of water down his throat—her ‘healing spring’ water, she called it. A miracle cure that could heal wounds and keep the zombie virus from infecting someone.

All along, the cure to the virus had been in her hands this entire time.

The despair of having lost everything made the entire world look rotten to the core.

The entire time, all Lu Hao could think was that Hong Sheng was still waiting for him.

Was he scared, in the dark? Was he lonely? Lu Hao watched Ji Ling rebuild a society made of zombies, picking and choosing her favorites to elevate and restore their consciousness. Could Hong Sheng be saved that way, too? If he was a zombie, couldn’t he become a person again?

But even if Hong Sheng came back, Ji Ling would never let him live.

She hated that Lu Hao didn’t go along with how she wanted him to act. She really thought that he loved her, and that he was just acting this way out of hurt and spite, but that one day he’d get over it and become her doting human lover as she had always expected him to be.

Finally, Lu Hao told her, “There’s just one thing I need to do before I can let myself be with you.”

“Oh?” Ji Ling’s eyes sparkled. “What is it, Lu Hao?”

“I left something behind in the underground base,” Lu Hao said, “I need to go back to get it.”

Ji Ling smiled. Maybe she knew what he was talking about, or maybe she didn’t.

But she let him go.

 

The elevator rumbled as it descended.

There were other zombies milling in the area, low-level, acting purely on instinct. They avoided Lu Hao as if there was something on him which made him untouchable.

When the elevator reached the bottom with a clang, and the doors opened, it didn’t take Lu Hao long to see him.

Hong Sheng, standing in the shadows, was the weakest and most pitiful zombie Lu Hao had ever seen.

His wounds were rotting. He didn’t have any sustenance or energy to heal himself, so he looked like a walking corpse. His dark eyes had turned muddy and misshapen, like they were seconds from falling out of his skull.

But he was still that precious person in Lu Hao’s memory.

Lu Hao walked over. He had started crying, at some point, the tears rolling down his jaw. Hong Sheng noticed his presence. Unlike all the other zombies who were repelled, Hong Sheng shuffled over, looking like he wanted nothing more than to bite into Lu Hao.

That would be good.

They could be together that way.

But Hong Sheng wouldn’t want to live this way, would he?

Hong Sheng had lived his entire life in the shadows. He had deserved better. He had always deserved better, but Lu Hao had been such an idiot that he’d never been able to give him that.

So Lu Hao looked at Hong Sheng, the tears in his eyes blurring the sight of the other man. He took out the firearm and aimed it at Hong Sheng’s head.

“I’m sorry, Hong Sheng.” Lu Hao’s hand trembled; he couldn't bear to do this, but the alternative, letting Hong Sheng suffer forever, was worse. “I couldn’t protect you. I failed you… but I won’t let you hurt any more. After this, it’ll all be over. You’ll be alright.”

He breathed deeply, watching Hong Sheng stumble a little closer. He wasn’t even as strong as other zombies, who could rush over and kill humans as easily as breathing. He really… wasn’t a good zombie. But as a human, Hong Sheng was braver and stronger than anyone.

“Don’t be afraid,” he said to Hong Sheng. “I’ll be with you soon. We’ll see mom and dad again. And if there’s a next life… I’ll keep my promise this time. I’ll keep you safe.”

Lu Hao’s finger curled around the trigger.

“I love you, too.”

Bang.

 

 

Lu Hao gathered Hong Sheng’s body into his arms. He sat against the wall, hugging Hong Sheng to his chest. He stroked Hong Sheng’s hair with a hand, looking at how peaceful Hong Sheng was in his embrace.

Then he raised the gun to his own head, and he placed the muzzle to his temple.

 

 

Bang.