As nice as cuddling on the ground was, Allie knew they’d need to leave soon. Just not yet. For the moment she was content to bask in relief, somehow they both managed to laugh, she hadn’t laughed in days. Allie nuzzled her cheek into the crook of Elaine’s neck, sighing in contentment as a hand began to lightly stroke her hair. She shivered in delight. Unfortunately, it couldn’t last forever; the sound of crackling static and faint voices interrupted their repose, reminding them both they had allies expecting a reply. Elaine blushed in embarrassment, rushing to reply. 

“Sentinel! Allie is safe, we’re both safe. We heard screaming, you’re sure everything is okay over there?” There was a long, pregnant pause, and an exasperated sigh.

“Why the fuck did you leave your transmitter on with the mic hot?” Came a distant, panting voice.

“Was that Lexi? She’s safe right?” Allie interjected, her voice hopeful. More silence followed. Some more awkward stammering. Sentinel answered:

“Right, um, listen. Things were getting too hot out there. Lexi was running out of power, she was starting to take a lot of damage, so we left them a little present to keep them occupied for a bit, then found a place to hide. As long as you’re both safe and you don’t need us to risk coming out there to back you up then we think it’s best to lay low here for about uh--” there was a pause, and a muffled conversation. “A couple more hours at least. Also, Allie, Lexi says she loves you, and she’s sorry she can’t be there right now. She’d tell you that herself, but she’s um, indisposed.” Elaine and Allie exchanged looks, both knew what the other was thinking. “Anyways, good luck. We’re trying to stay quiet so unless it’s an emergency try not to contact us.” The connection went dead. Elaine and Allie shared the same incredulous expression.

“They totally fucked.”

“Yup.” They took another moment to laugh, loud and long until their aching bodies punished them for it. Elaine relaxed once more, Allie sprawled on top of her, cuddling close. “We should probably get out of here.”

“Five more minutes?”

“Fine.”

* * *

There was something to be said for comfortable silences between two people who had known and trusted one another for a long, long time. This was no such sort of silence. Allie lay across from Elaine, curled up Lexi’s couch and huddling under a blanket. The euphoria of rescue, adrenaline of victory was gone, replaced by the reality of what had happened between them which now boxed them in, pressing from all sides. 

Elaine didn’t want to know what it was like, but she had to. She had to know what it was she’d done to Allie. So she asked, and Allie told her of the cold, of the isolation, the cruel tauntings, the lies and manipulations, the staged photo which had almost certainly been the tricks of some shapeshifter or illusionist setup just to hurt Allie more. 

Elaine ached at the pain she’d helped cause. It weighed her down, dragging her deeper into guilt and despair. And yes, Elaine had few choices that night. Had they fought the twins then and there without Lexi’s countermeasure to Siren’s power, the loss was guaranteed and it would be all three of them shivering in prison. That justification didn’t undo the trauma though. It didn’t change the fact that Allie was shivering under blankets despite the warm afternoon heat.

“Elaine?” The weakness in her trembling voice was heart rending.

“What is it, Allie?”

“I don’t want to be mad at you. I don’t want to hate you. If -- if you could go back to that night, would you have done it differently? Would you have helped us fight them?” There was no good answer to that question. In truth, she knew she wouldn’t, and she couldn’t bring herself to lie.

“If I could change anything, it would be to have never shown at all. But no, Allie. If I were given the choice to fight the twins then instead, I wouldn’t have. None of us would be here if I did. I understand if you can’t believe that though.” Elaine watched Allie carefully, half expecting an outburst, half expecting the rage she deserved, but it never came.

“I wish we’d just gone on that stupid date.” She sighed.

“We still could, if you want.” 

“Really? You’d still want to?” Allie’s every word sounded hopeful, but not just hopeful, there was something more. Like pain in hoping, hoping and expecting disappointment from days of nothing but. A patient smile cracked Elaine’s face.

“Of course I would. In fact, let’s do it right now. I’ll go raid Lexi’s pantry.” She stood from her recliner, striding purposefully toward what passed for a kitchen in Lexi’s lair, flinging cupboards open.

“Careful,” there was a hint of a smile in Allie’s tone, “my sister has some weird shit back there. Don’t touch anything if you don’t know what it is.” Noted. Elaine rifled through the cupboards, ignoring the aforementioned weird shit, and discovering there was little remaining afterward. There was one score though. It wasn’t perfect, but it was exactly the sort of thing Allie needed.

About five minutes later, Elaine sank back into her chair, setting two bowls of instant ramen and a bottle of wine on the coffee table in the middle of the room. 

“Couldn’t find cups, I guess we’re just gonna be pulling straight from the bottle.” If Allie had any complaints, she didn’t voice them; instead she was simply staring at the hot, steaming bowl of soup before her.

“You may wanna let that cool first. From the way you’re eye fucking those noodles I’m worried you’ll scald your entire body.” Her voice caught in her throat as Elaine’s brain helpfully reminded her it probably wasn’t best to mock Allie’s current infatuation with heat. “Ugh, I’m sorry, that was shitty of me.” Allie just laughed.  

“Maybe a little, but it was funny.” Her eyes lingered on the noodles, but she made no motion to eat just yet. She shifted her gaze up to Elaine, her face a mask of tenuous contemplation for a moment. “Will you come lay with me?” 

It was stiflingly hot under the blanket between their shared body heat and the already warm air. But Allie was content, and that’s what mattered. Elaine pressed her face into the crook of Allie’s neck, stroking her hair and squeezing her gently. 

“So, any fun  date topics?”

“Who’s your favorite delta?” Allie asked with a teasing gleam in her eye.

“She’s kinda obscure, goes by Slipspace. How about you?”

“Punk Paragon. She’s hot. And definitely gay.” 

“How dare you?” Elaine bristeled in mock offense as Allie grinned and winked. Damn she was cute. Also sweet, and kind, and somehow willing to maybe forgive Elaine for everything she’d done? At least that’s how she seemed to be playing at the moment. The notion that she and Allie might have something after all left Elaine grinning like an idiot. Given enough time for her brain to reboot, she came upon an actually helpful thought. “Actually, you know, Punk Paragon might be someone to talk to. Would probably be willing to help.”

“Can we not talk about work?”

“You brought it up.”

“Fair.” Allie grew quiet and contemplative, staring at her soup and blushing. “Hey, Elaine? It’s been days since I was fed properly or got a good night’s sleep, and that fight was exhausting and I honestly don’t understand what’s keeping me awake right now, but I really don’t know that I have the strength to work my arms without spilling. Do you think you could, um--”

“Of course, You don’t need to justify it. After everything you went through you deserve some pampering.” Elaine leaned forward to take the bowl in her hands. She offered Allie a fork full of noodles, then a spoonful of broth. The satisfied look on her face had Elaine swooning, she placed a gentle kiss on Allie’s lips. “You’re adorable, you know that?”

“It’s a living.” Allie murmured softly, closing her eyes contentedly.

Allie spent the next few hours drifting in and out of consciousness while Elaine watched over her, talking to her softly and feeding her during her wakeful moments, caressing her hair soothingly while she slept. They were cuddling lazily, bellies full of soup and wine, idly debating the merits of Lexi’s taste in instant noodles and alcohol between light kisses, when a light blue portal flickered into existence, and through it stepped the mad scientist herself.

“You fucking killed them in broad daylight? You do realize that completely defeats the purpose of getting Allie out quietly while I distracted everyone right? You didn’t do the quiet part.” Lexi’s eyes fell on her sister, bundled up in blankets, covered in cuts and bruises, eyes watering. “Also um, hi, Allie. I--” Lexi found herself choking on the lump in her throat. She dashed across the room and threw her arms around her sister, pressing her forehead into her belly and weeping. “I did some digging, found out what they were doing to you in there. I’m so, so sorry I couldn’t protect you.” Allie reached her hand out to stroke Lexi’s hair gently.

“Shut up. You did everything you could. You saved me. You both did. And also Sentinel too I guess. Where is she?” At Allie’s mention of Sentinel’s name, Lexi grew rigid, blushing

“Uh, why would she be here? We are enemies after all. She was only willing to team up with me because she agreed that they were mistreating you.” The words fell out of her with barely a pause for breath.

“Fuck’s sake, Lexi, we know you did it with her. Honestly, it was so obvious. Do you really try to hide your incredibly conspicuous feelings for Sentinel even from Allie?”

“Nah, she doesn’t. She just defaults to denial mode whenever she gets flustered. So like, are you two a thing now?” There was a certain hopefulness in Allie’s eyes. And it was nice to see her care about something other than warmth and comfort. 

“What? No, of course not. I mean that was obviously just a fling. Sentinel wasn’t lying when she said things were getting too intense out there and we needed to hide so like, we were trapped, and tensions were high and just happened you know? And then a few more times too. It definitely didn’t mean anything though.” Her tone struck a perfect balance between that persistent embarrassment and dejected defeat, with little hints of longing and delight as a garnish. 

“Oh for fucks sake you are every stereotype.”

“We have more important things to worry about than my love life. I’m serious, you two are all over the news. Villains don’t get to kill heroes, especially villains who used to be heroes. And--” She trailed off, taking a breath to avoid slipping into full on manic rambling. 

Elaine took a moment to process Lexi’s word choice. That was the first time she’d heard herself actually referred to as a villain. She certainly hadn’t considered her actions villainous, but that was kind of the point, as it turned out. Of course killing heroes was villany, even if those heroes were monsters. And so surprisingly, Elaine found the label of villain quite suitable. Allie broke the silence.

“And what?” There was fear in her tone, Elaine literally felt her shiver against her. That alone was enough to send little needles of pain all through her heart. She would never let them take Allie back into the cold.

“And I don’t know. Not yet. You should be safe here. Nobody knows this is my hideout save, well, save my arch nemesis but we already know that’s a whole ‘nother bag of worms.”

“Can of worms.” Allie corrected, shooting a smirk in Elaine’s direction.

“Really? Worms come in cans?”

“Why would you think they came in bags? This is like a super common expression you know.” As Elaine joined in on the ribbing she felt Allie stifling quiet laughter under her breath. She had a feeling Allie was one of the only people who could properly fluster the ineffable Dr. DeLEXIous. For her part, Lexi waved her hand in a dismissive huff.

“Irrelevant! I need you two to sit tight while I get in touch with some folks that can help. The only positive to this is with you two all over the news people have forgotten all about Dr. DeLEXIous’ casualty free rampage. Since my civilian identity is still a secret, and since the powers that be haven’t yet caught wind that we’re related, I’ll be able to fix this for you both..” 

“Lexi we can’t just lock ourselves in here. What about the pod? We need to finish building it and find a way to distribute it.” Allie tried to sit up, but after everything she’d been through her arms were too weak to support her weight. When she attempted to prop herself up, she simply sank back down, Elaine squeezed her reassuringly. 

“The pod will have to be put on hold for now. I’m sorry, Allie. I’ll be in my workspace, working out our next move.” With an apologetic smile, she began to stalk off, before turning heel to face the pair. “And Elaine? I’m trusting Allie’s judgment here. My own judgment to a certain extent, given what we’ve been through; If you hurt her I’ll tie you up and use you as target practice for whatever fun new weapon I decide to invent next.”

“Understood.” Satisfied in Elaine’s reply, Lexi gave a small nod and left the two to their privacy. “Are you okay?” Elaine asked tenderly.

“No, yes. I don’t know. This whole project is what got us into this mess. Putting it on hold feels like all that was for nothing.” Allie brought the guilt back, Elaine had kind of forgotten about it. Self-torture had been set aside to comfort Allie, but she’d sure managed a helpful reminder.

“I’m sorry. You would have been able to finish if I hadn’t gotten involved.” 

“Stop it. You switched sides as soon as you heard and then the rest. I don’t know. If you and Lexi really believe that was a losing battle I guess I can’t blame you. And you’ve done more than enough to prove you’re with us.” Allie managed to roll over, and plant a grateful kiss on Elaine’s lips, at which point Elaine found herself seeping into the cracks of the couch as she turned to liquid.

“Thanks. I need to hear that, from time to time. Still, I wish it hadn’t come to this.”

“Me too, and it’s more than just the defeat that stings. I care about this project y’know? There are millions of people just like me who could use this technology that will never be able to afford it. And I just get to have this perfect affirming body while everyone else is denied that? It’s fucked. It makes me feel guilty for getting to be who I am, for loving who I am and that just sucks.” Allie clutched herself tightly, as if seeking comfort in the reminder of her own body’s existence. Elaine watched her uneasily, struggling to understand that pain, but knowing then and there she would do everything she could to help fix it. 

“You shouldn’t feel bad. This isn’t over, we’ll find a way.” 

“But what if it is? What if after everything that happened to me, the imprisonment, the fear, the abuse, what if I just can’t do it anymore? And let’s not forget the fact that we just murdered two people, Elaine. I mean, they deserved it, but, fuck.” Suddenly Allie had said the thing they were both trying to pretend wasn’t there. And the twin’s death played in her head. Elaine shuddered, there was no regret, but the person she had become in that moment frightened her.

“It wasn’t murder, it was defense.” Her voice was stony, resolute, but masking justification. Whatever kernel of doubt which had lain dormant beneath the weight of her need to protect Allie, her need to comfort Allie, began to awaken. Elaine had taken a human life today, there was no going back from that. It would stay with her forever.

 “That’s not the point and you know it. They’re dead because of us, Elaine. I was supposed to just be some nobody thief. I only became a villain to get the body I needed. And then I realized I could help others, but even then my goal was never to hurt people. I didn’t sign up for this.” Whatever had been holding Allie back since her rescue, keeping her emotions and trauma from spilling over, cracked in that moment as she began to sob and shudder in Elaine’s arms.

“I understand. I didn’t sign up to kill either. I didn’t even want to fight you most of the time when we were still enemies  I just had to, I was forced to. That’s what deltas do if we don’t want to be labeled villains and fail to hide our powers.” Elaine couldn’t help but wonder just how many lives had been ruined by that forced dichotomy, how many people had been kept from living normal lives for simply being born special.

“We were both forced.” Allie muttered. “And now we’ve been forced to kill. I keep thinking about that moment when Siren died. When I killed Kraken. He didn’t fight back, he just looked devastated, shocked, scared. He lost his sister. They were monsters, but they were forced to fight the same as us. The only difference was how willing they were.” As much as Elaine wanted to believe that simply weren’t true, Allie’s words struck at something within her. She was hardly free of guilt. How close had she become to being one of them?

“Do you think it could have just as easily been us? That if we’d been born with the right powers under the right circumstances we could have been the hot shot heroes with superiority complexes?”

“I dunno, Elaine, maybe. I don’t have all the answers. It just sucks. I’d kill a thousand Sirens and a thousand Krakens to keep you or me or Lexi safe, but it sucks.” They both stayed quiet for several moments, processing, ruminating, seeking comfort in one another.

“It does suck. But we’ll find a way to fix it. We’ll get the pod finished somehow and hell, while we’re at it we’ll take down Azur and destroy that fucking hell prison. We’ll get rid of this bullshit system that profits off of making us into show dogs with god complexes. We’ll find a way. We’ll win.” There was something bubbling up inside Elaine. Something she hadn’t felt in so long: passion. Hero work had grown dull and difficult to swallow so quickly when surrounded by its ineffectual complacency. This though, this felt like justice, it felt like the calling to help others she’d wanted and never felt. Elaine wasn’t just okay with being a villain, she was proud of it, and there was plenty to be done. 

SapphicSounds

Hello my lovely readers! We're reaching the final "arc" so to speak here. But don't worry, we'll be seeing more of Elaine, Allie, Lexi and Sentinel in the future!

If you wouldn't mind, feel free to check out my Patreon! There you can read the first three chapters of my scifi romance story Complications of Interstellar Dating, which follows Ves, a butch trans woman, and her relationship with her spunky, excitable alien girlfriend, Amaryllis. Perhaps more enticingly, there's a very delicious audio reading of Searching For Normal's full chapter sex scene performed by yours truly (as well as a free sample, if you want to get a feel for it without paying). And lastly, you'll get early access to everything I write. You can become a patron for all that, and soon more content here.