Just who the hell am I?

A month ago I was sure that all of this is just a weird joke. Yet… I am looking at my subordinates from the level of their chests. I am incapable of hard work. I am no longer the man I used to be.

“Commander, stop daydreaming!” I blinked.

I am inside of a tank. This is not a tank I recognize.

“Hey! Are you with us or not?!” I looked at Jester. He was sitting to the left of a huge metal box. Oh, is that a breach?

“Relax. Old man, drive us to the firing position.” This… is not my voice… this is not me who is talking…

“Got it.” (O)

With a silent creak the tank moved forward. There was no sound of diesel, nor any rattling of tracks. In front of me was a display, similar to the table in war room.

Less than a minute later we turned left and were now on a position. A firing range with a few targets was on the display.

“You’re spacing out again.” (J)

“Right. Load AP.” Once again, the voice is of a female, but not mine.

‘Wrrrrr’

Behind my seat a mechanism started working and a container was transferred forward, to the breach-like box. A metal curtain on my side of the box opened and I saw the breach inside. The shell and the shot were removed from the container and then the shell rolled inside the box, followed by the charge. The box closed.

‘Wrrr-ch’

“The ark is closed, everything is ready.” Jester reported like it is absolutely fine.

“Fire at will.”

The gun started rising towards the target.

“Shooting!” (J)

BOOM

When the gun fired, a bright red tracer flew towards the target and ricocheted upwards after hitting the earth behind it. There was no smoke coming from the gun barrel. A moment later a large cloud of smoke was shot out of the barrel.

“Good hit. That should be it for today.” The radio reported.

“Understood comrade colonel. Let’s return, people.”

---

“HEY!” (J)

“What is it…?” I looked at Jester.

“You are drowsy today or what?” (J)

“None of your damned business.”

“C’mon, don’t be so touchy. How about we go, take the tank and find a nice lake? We’ll be swimming and then make a barbeque…” (J)

“And you will steal my bra.” What…?

“I promise I will not.” He chuckled.

“Yeah, right. Last time I fell for it was months ago.”

“Come on, Mashka, everything will be fine.” I’d hit that f* if I could.

“Damn it… go call the Old man. All expenses are on you.”

I have no idea what is going on. It’s just like if I am a bystander watching all of this, yet I am not… I am really looking at all of this from a woman’s perspective. I almost feel like I understand what thoughts she has, even without hearing any of them.

“*@&* ! *&*&ander &s a ^%l ! Look, she’s a girl!” When I blinked I heard Jester’s voice.

This f* idiot started mocking me and jumping around like an imbecile.

BANG

“Welcome back to the reality. Also, get that thing away from my eye, pretty please…?” (J)

“What the f* are you doing, you moron?”

“Well, you were frozen in place so much you did not even react. Like, what the hell was I supposed to do?” The little s* raised its voice.

“Ton ponizhe. Ti tam ne prih*el? Kto tebe s* skazal pokidat’ post?” [Lower the tone. Have you gone crazy? Who the hell told you to leave the post?]

“Well… I just… wanted to tell that the camp is ready…?” (J)

“Get the f* out of my sight.” I will be punishing him later.

After I finished comparing the data and making sure we will get the supplies, I returned to the tank.

---

The guys did a good job setting up the tent. While I have no idea who was the imbecile which decided to set up the tent on top of the engine, I still hope it cooled down enough so as not to bake our a* tonight.

Old man was guarding the outsides. When he spotted me approaching he called out.

“Password!” (O)

“Shut the f* up.”

“Password accepted…” Nobody told me the password so you better work with what you were given.

I climbed into the tent. Jester was there but still not asleep.

“What? Do you need a fairy tale?”

“N-no… Just can’t sleep.” (J)

“You have nightmares?”

“Yeah… The eyes want to close and I am half-asleep but whenever I try…” Just why did this boy end up here…? I have no idea what could’ve forced him to sign a contract with the army instead of studying in a university. He would not be here, in the hell.

“Come here.” He twitched and remained in place so I had to beckon him with my hand.

I hugged Jester. While I feel weird [disgusted], I… well, I have a girl’s body and this should help him calm down.

“I am not a psychologist but I went through all of that. For now, calm down.” I snuggled him to my chest and petted his head.

We will go through hell again and again. Every day might be the last for us, or for someone else. We will be killing. We will bear all of the guilt for that until the end of our lives. This was our choice to fight and now we reap what we sown.

‘Stay strong, boy. I will fight, to protect all of us. Please, lend me your strength to protect everybody.’