A huge helicopter landed and its side door opened.

“Wow…” I had no words.

I was somewhere between shouting from excitement and swearing from fury.

“Nih* sebe… Kto tot dolboe*, chto sdelal banyu v Mi-26?” [F*... Who was the imbecile, which built a bath inside Mi-26?] (J)

“Ten minutes of rest during the next punishment to the one who reminds me to strangle Ether for vandalizing Twenty-sixth.”

I glanced inside and saw a dressing room. There were a couple of folding seats, and benches on a wooden floor. I touched the inner door of this construction.

“S*, goryachaya…” [B*, it's hot...]

“How is it looking inside?” Old man peeked.

“Looks fine. I am still going to strangle that b* but we might as well enjoy the bath for a bit.”

I opened the inner door and my face was scorched by hot air.

“Pheeew! It’s been so long…~!”

“Acknowledged. Dima, come here! Comrade Captain confirmed that there are no enemy troops~!” (O)

I sat on a bench and started undressing.

“Hey! There is no division on male and female bath…!” (J)

“Why would there be…?” I asked in confusion.

“If you try to remember…?” (O)

I thought about what they are talking about while I was undressing but nothing crossed my mind.

“Damn it… Captain, you are girl! Do you understand that you will be bathing with men!?” (J)

“Jester, first, shut the f* up. Second, I won’t be waiting forever until you undress and wash. Third, move your f* a*. Fourth, if either of you will have a wood on me, I will be disappointed in you, and will lose every bit of respect towards you.”

---

Jester’s POV

And then she defiled with naked a*.

“I will be disappointed in myself if I’d have a wood on you.”

“Hope so.” With this she entered and closed the door.

“WARM UP THE STOVE!” (O)

“FINE!”

“And here I thought she understood her situation.”

“She makes some progress. Let’s undress. I doubt she won’t fulfill her threat.” (O)

‘Zzzzt’

The radio vibrated.

“Beril-Main is listening.”

“You? How’s it going?” I heard a man’s voice. The same one we usually hear.

“Ether, this is Be…”

“Yeah, yeah.” ‘Psst. Lower the volume and prepare to listen.’ (E)

‘What is it?’

‘Do you want to have something for heart and mind? Something… relaxing?’ (E)

‘Like f*ing?’

‘Almost.’ (E)

‘What do you want…?’

‘Below the right seat there is a stash.’ (E)

We lifted the seat and saw a handle there. I pulled it and I saw a plastic bag.

‘Holy s*…’

Inside we saw some ‘treasures’…

Two pairs of laced pink underwear.

‘And…?’ (O)

‘Replace her current underwear with this one.’ (E)

‘Hey, Ether, you w*son, do you want us to be killed?’

‘The ends justify the means~.’ (E)

“You…”

‘Whatever. Just be silent.’ Old man swapped the stuff.

‘Done.’ (O)

‘Put the bag back under the seat.’ (E)

We did. When I tried pulling the handle again, the handle did not move.

‘We. Are. Doomed.’

‘S*…’ (O)

‘Under the left seat. Don’t flash it around.’ (E)

Under the seat were two bottles of Stolichnaya.

‘We are so dead~.’

We exchanged looks and understood how many troubles we created for ourselves.

“WHERE THE F* ARE YOU?! I WILL NOT BE WAITING FOR YOU! YOU WILL LEAVE THE BANYA WITH ME!!!”

We could only hurry and undress in less than a minute.

---

A. Belov’s POV

‘Smack’

‘Smack’

“Ash…”

“I esh’e venichkom~!” [And a bit more with the broom~!] (J)

“Ash… Huuu…”

Jester hit my back with a bath broom. I already washed myself and cleaned everything, so I just enjoyed the heat.

“Pass the soap!” Old man roared after he douched himself with hot water.

I slid him a piece of soap and stood up. I stretched and headed outside.

“Phew… I’m done. While I am drinking water and drying, you can bath.

Don’t you f* think I will let you relax like this forever. For every second after I tell you to go out, you will spend an hour cleaning.

Mind how much time you spend j*ing, and blame yourselves if you can’t remember my words.”

---

I tied a towel around myself and drank some cold water.

“Haaaa… If only there was some snow nearby…”

‘Creak’

“Phew… hot…” The two exited the banya.

‘Whistle’

I put down a couple of bottles of ice-cold water.

“Premnogo blagodaren~!” [Thank you very much~!] (O)

“Pasibki~!” [Thankies~!] (J)

---

Jester’s POV

We quietly dressed and carried the bottles out of the helicopter. We hid them under the uniform and she did not notice.

However, we were rushing with bathing for another reason: she almost cooled down and was ready to dress.

“Phew… Hide it faster!” We hid the bottles at Old man’s workplace. There is a chance they’ll break but at least we won’t be killed.

Speaking of which…

“YOU TWO MOTHERF*S!!!” Her shouting could be heard kilometers away…

Soon she arrived.

She was walking weirdly, with her face red and arms folded around her chest. And with the facial expression that told us ‘You are dead’.

“Jester, Old man… Speak, who was the one who did it. The one who confesses will be punished only with walking in this sh* for a week.”

‘Sorry…’

‘Don’t sweat it…’ (O)

“It was…”

“Jester, clean every nook and cranny of the turret. Old man, I want the engine shining.

ANY QUESTIONS?!”