03 Regret – Icarus
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Regret - Icarus
“Death was close, so close—yet I felt relieved...”

Something deep within me started to stir while I dragged my dead eyes over the oddly alluring body of the man who stood in front of me. My body was tiring—but I couldn’t stray my eyes away. I had an inclination that he would disappear the moment I look away. It felt like everything around me was riding on a knife’s edge.  I couldn’t put a word to the feeling—it felt wrong to label this experience with my meager vernacular. With the everlasting moments passing, the constant droning of the rain made the seconds meld together. Time started to lose its meaning as it felt like eternity until he dared to make a move. I simply watched with my unblinking eyes, my hand ready to release an arrow straight into his heart.

“Wise choice.” The nauseating smile that crept up on his face was now a full fledged grin. He turned his back to me and his cloak flapped in the whistling wind. He walked as if the hurricane meant nothing to him. The wind didn’t unbalance him nor was the sharp rain any of his concern.  It was regal, not suited for the confines of this desolate forest. With a swift motion—he took a seat on the crumbling cobble of the well.

My heart sunk and rose dozens of times in an instant—I was starting to feel a burning sensation embrace my chest. The uncomfortable feeling rode up my back and caused me to physically shake my head in excess. I was bleeding—but not my blood. The more he talked, the more I looked at him—the more sick I became. There is a hole in my heart—a hole where something used to belong. It bled forth the essence of who I am. It bled forth its tears in hopes that would help. I let my eyes drop to the ground and my hand abandon the bowstring. It slowly moved itself towards the bleeding hole that I was reminded of and clutched—hard. My whole body arched as I fought back the tears, knowing they would start soon. Why? Why must these...memories invade my head at such awful moments? No matter how much my body tried to remember, someone disallowed it to happen.

“My, my. Remembering something, are we?” The man spoke with his silver tongue. His voice stabbed right into my bleeding wound. The feeling that engulfed me—the feeling the man emanated was clear to me now. It was regret. It was a clue to the nightmares that haunted me. They were...regretful. Whatever the shrouded memories that plagued my thoughts were—I regretted them. I could feel my hand ease on my clothing—the hole fading away from my mind. 

“...Who are you?” I tried to add weight to my voice, but it all came out as a harsh whisper. I tried to string any words I could to feign a semblance of sanity.

“My identity isn’t important.” The vocalizations that left his body seemed to reverberate all over the place. “I am no one,” He continued, I could sense the intent behind those words. “In fact, you’re far more interesting than someone like I.” He finished. I could barely understand the words as he said them—my brain was working overtime trying to bring me back to normal.

“...What have you done with my memories?” I asked flatly. I had to know—I needed to know. I could feel hints of deception lining his words, but it was the only lead I had.

“Maybe your parents?” My heart started to roll over. “Maybe a family? Perhaps friends lost to the ages? Time is not a kind mistress—they’re probably dead. That could be it! Maybe death is involved?” He seemed to be laughing silently as he talked to himself.

“...Family?” That’s all I could gather from the barrage of suggestions.

“I’m not saying that’s the answer—possibly one of my proposals was correct. Ah, but the real question is—which one?” The grin on his face told me he was just toying with me. Something inside of me broke. In a mess of pure instinct and reaction I pulled the bowstring back and launched a moonlit arrow—right beside his waist and straight into the cobble of the well.

“You don’t understand your position, do you?” The voice carried across the rain and into the forest, I could feel the air around us suddenly gain enough weight to pull against my body. The surrounding rain trembled before it hit the ground—the arrow lodged into the cobble started to shake uncontrollably as the very atmosphere itself seemed to bow down to the individual I challenged. My heart started to race by pure instinct as he took a step forward. The quivering rain reached a breaking point and stopped—completely frozen in place. It felt like time had stopped. He took another step forward—the whistling wind that assaulted my back was only but a breeze. The arrows in my quiver started to rattle and my eyes refused to blink. It was as if my body was screaming at me to run and never take my eyes off him. He was dangerous. Another step forward and my body took a step back—I had no control over myself anymore. A disgusting smile plastered over his face as he realized just how powerless I was.

“You understand nothing. The world has plans for people greater than you and I—we’re nothing in the grand scheme of reality. I am just a bug to those who instruct me. They carry names far heavier than this. You, who cannot bear the weight of an ant’s name—why are you of interest to them? They call you by name yet they refuse to acknowledge mine—but you, you will remember my gifted denomination. I am known to my comrades as Primordial, I am known to those whom I control as God and I am known to those who worship me as AEROIS. But for you, for those who cannot stand to bear the name of an individual such as myself—you will call me Aether.”

The pressure returned to normal and I dropped straight to my knees—my bow clattering to the ground. My eyes were wide and my whole body was shaking. With great effort—I tugged my head away from the forest floor. I could see him standing there now. On top of the well—with his hands outstretched towards the parting clouds, a white rose hung from between his fingers. His slickened cloak was flapping in the wind. The dirt in the air discolouring it a horrible shade of brown.

“As I am known to be the one who answers the pleas of the damned—I will answer your greatest doubt just as I have answered the millions of those who inhabit this blessed land.” The very essence of Aether’s body was lined by the silvery moonlight. “There isn’t a need to express your question as I already know what you truly desire—go north. Go north until the forest disappears and until the snow sets in. Go north until all you can see is the snowy plains all around you. Go north until you find him. And once you do—you will truly understand the gravity of what you seek.”

The moving clouds covered up the moon once again—the rays of light disappearing. In that instant, he was gone—and I was alone. I was alone with the sound of silence. My whole body was quaking and my mind was unnerved. Death was close, so close—yet I felt relieved. North was my destination. I was told where to go and I had no choice but to listen. I had nowhere to return to, I had no home to come back to. Only north. 

An innocent smile cracked itself onto my face as I sighed to myself. How naïve of me to believe the words of someone like that. I pushed myself to my feet and picked my bow off the ground. I stifled a genuine laugh as I gently shook my head. I mustered what must have been my last measure of courage and trekked north—amidst the hellish rain and stormy winds, I felt a twinge of hope fill the very bottom of the hole in my heart. 

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