05 Ascension – Unknown
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Ascension - Unknown
"The eyeless mask stared through me..."

The eleven of us travelled on our patrol regardless of how much the rain refused to cooperate. In this land, the rain was soft and gentle. The rain I once came to know was heavy, sharp and poisonous. Anytime I wanted to—I could stop. I could stand still and let the rain envelop me. I could let my thoughts wander and let my feelings waver, but I’d be left behind. At first, I’d see the ten of them stop in unison. One by one, they’d turn around to me. The eyeless masks that covered their faces disguised them of any emotion. The white cloaks we all wore would hide away our body language. Some would cock their heads to one side and some would stare back at me. I’ve never seen their faces, but I knew exactly what look would be in their eyes—confusion. 

They wouldn’t ask me anything, because we’re not able to speak. Even if we could, the mask that covered our faces would make it hard. Shit, now everyone’s looking at me. I’ve stopped in my tracks and they’re staring back at me. I can’t bring myself to break this impossibly long silence we’ve built up over the years—so nothing happens. I can see their expressions behind the featureless masks. They’re now disgusted with me. I understand it though, I’d be disgusted too if someone kept making us stop just to fulfill their own selfish desires—as I’m doing right now. I’m bathing in this moment—relishing each and every millisecond I can with this...with this...freedom?

It’s not like I wasn’t capable of this before, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop this time. The voice that was stuck in my throat was paralyzing me. I knew what speaking was and why society chose to talk. I knew every single word and every phrase, but the voice in my throat was only a noise. I had no ancestry, I have no family—but the noise felt primal. It felt innate to my entire being. I felt if I ever let it out—I’d regress into something akin to the demons that plagued the wasteland. I would be killed right there and then. I’d be remembered as a simple note on a paper somewhere. I’d be nothing but a line of text in someone’s writing.

As if on cue—everyone turned away from me. They continued on our patrol, leaving me behind. Maybe they knew I’d follow them in the end. Who figured that out? How did they know me so well? I like to think I’m not that predictable, but we’re all the same. No one bothered to look back. I don’t blame them. We’re the same, but I’m different—they don’t have the same affliction I do. They got further and further as the paralyzing grasp held me tighter and tighter. I wasn’t allowed to move. I wasn’t allowed to go back. The mask I had on my face was burning me alive—the hood was heating me like an oven. I fell back a step as my legs started to fail me. Further and further, they’ll be out of sight eventually. I found myself hoping that they’d let me disappear. Come on, just a little further. Go faster, will you?

I forgot it was raining, but I was finally alone. I couldn’t see them anymore. I couldn’t hear the distant sounds of dead branches breaking underfoot or the sound of muddy puddles splashing water—the gentle rain was the only sound I could hear. The strength in my legs started to return as the creeping darkness eventually faded away. The trees covered enough of the sightline that I knew no one could see me. With a brisk motion, I tore my mask away from my face and threw it as far as physically possible. I threw it so far that I’d never come across it again. Rain started to coat my hair as a smile rode its way around my face. I indulged in it. I carefully reached both my hands toward my hood and lowered it—I was me again.

I ran my fingers through my dampening hair and caressed my face—this was me. I started to shiver as my body wouldn’t let me stop. I’m so disgusted with how I’m behaving—but this is what I am. I was nothing but a slave to what was demanded of me. I’m scared. I’m scared that I’ll never stop. I’ll never be able to go back to everyone—I’ll never fit in with them again. This won’t be the first time I’ve lost my mask—I’m the only one who has this problem. With time, I’ll get another one. Even though it’s routine, I’m still terrified of it. I can see it, I can see the looks of disgust behind their blank masks as they peer onto my exposed face. I don’t want to experience it again—I’m done. I’ve had enough with it.

Even now, the supposedly gentle rain was pouring down onto me with disdain. I let my hands drift off of my face. The rain didn’t have to say anything—I already understood it. It was asking me to go back—the trees, the grass, the puddles. The dead branches that littered the ground, the small insects and animals that populated the various crevices around me—everything was telling me to come home. The smile decorated on my face eventually dropped too. I took a step forward—deep into the soft mud, but I turned around instead.

I walked through the rippling puddles and past the creaking trees. Our patrol route carries us through various different temperatures and humidity—but this one was the same. It always rained in these woods. No matter the time, nor season—rain always permeated the air here. The life that awaited me with open arms offered something similar. Unmoving normality, zero motion. It offered me a life that would never disappear, a life that would never end and a life that would never start. Was that for me? I didn’t want to keep going like that. I wasn’t going to follow the route set out for me—I wasn’t going back anymore. I didn’t want a life forever haunted by a steady rainfall.

I veered far off the route I made with everyone—my disjointed thoughts started to possess me. I couldn’t see where I was going, but it was foreign. Between my oppressive thoughts, the rain soothed my wounded qualia. The disdain was gone, replaced by worry. It carefully traced the outline of my sickening brown hair. My vision was blurry, but I didn’t care. I let everything go. I’ve made my decision already. I wasn’t going around in circles again—this will be something new. I forced a smile through my pained facial muscles.

I never asked for my memories to be so dark. The first time I stopped dead in my tracks, everything came crashing down at once. I was in the middle of killing a demonic creature when I realized I was me. I was suddenly paralyzed by everything I’ve experienced. My teeth started to chatter and my body was shivering. The demon writhed in pain, but still lunged towards me. The innumerable amount of times I’ve killed these demons wasn’t enough to make me move in instinct. The insurmountable amount of time I spent killing these demonic incarnations was so belittling. What was I doing all this time? And how do I get back to what I was before?

Before it’s sharp swathes of teeth could reach me—a blade struck through the demon’s head. The blade pierced towards me—out through the pupil of an eye. The blood sprayed all over me as the initial force of the stab carried enough pressure to empty it’s entire bloodstream onto me, and then some. I stood there, covered in a stinging sensation. The blood seemed to boil as it started to evaporate from my white cloak. I could do nothing but watch as the blade was slowly pulled back through the demon’s head. The carcass fell to the ground, boiling into a liquid mess. On the other end, I saw a figure wearing a white cloak. All around us were even more of these demonic creatures—they were foaming at the mouth and moving in odd ways as they struggled against something. The figure in front of me gently ran their hand across the thin blade—the blood staining his silk glove. Just as with my clothing, the blood started to boil and dissipate. Soon enough, it was as if nothing happened.

My memories were in such a rush to come back to me, that I refused them. The cloaked figure was something I remembered, but I wasn’t sure about anything. Their rapier was the only thing I was sure I couldn’t find in my memories. The more I thought about it, the more petrified I became. Was he going to hurt me with it?

The demons around us jumped forwards. I brought my hands to my face and started to choke on my breath. I closed my eyes and braced myself for the worst. I heard the shrill screams of the demons as they attacked. I heard the singing of a blade as it was whipped through the air with inhuman speed. The rasping as it dug into the metallic-like flesh of the demons—the sound was coldly riding up my back. The stinging sensation covered every part of my body as I started to gain my composure back, bit by bit. My memories that I’ve avoided until then started to pour back into my body. I accepted everything they gave me and I realized what happened—I was brought to life.

In that instant, every demon around me started to explode. With each and every kill I understood what I was doing again. The memories folded themselves into neat piles within my consciousness. I brought my hand towards my face and found something in my way. I grabbed it with full force and ripped it away—throwing it as far as I could. The figure with the rapier stood above the evaporating bodies. He meticulously put his rapier back into his sheath while looking at me with those empty eyes from behind his shapeless mask. I started to laugh, I laughed uncontrollably. A smile painted itself onto me as I couldn’t stop myself. The blood all over my body was boiling away—the figure just watching.

I like to think I changed, but I know it now. I was the same. That’s why I won’t go back anymore—that’s why I’m going into uncharted territory. I still throw my mask like I did back then, I still smile like I used to—I’m so terrified of never changing. The direction I was headed would lead me to answers. The years I spent in that wasteland with nothing but demons for company—the years I spent on this patrol with nothing but the mindless for company, I was done with it all. It’s about time I find out what we’ve been guarding for so long. I picked up my pace, I was getting more impatient by the second. I needed to know what it was.

In the forest, the trees did a lot to lessen the rain. Once they started to thin out—the rain had more punch than before. It felt more intentful rather than accidental. It meant to douse me, it wanted to soak me—but when I travelled far enough, I saw what we were guarding.

In the distance—I saw them. They walked around with no real care in the world. Some of them were conversing in a language I couldn’t understand. The structures were made out of stone, wood and a strange yellow fiber along the rooftops. One of them looked towards me and I caught my breath. I was far away from them, and high up—they wouldn’t have noticed me. They simply looked back towards each other and talked even more. Was this it? How long has it been since I’ve seen anyone? Would they talk to me if I approached them? Would they offer me company? Would they offer me food and shelter? Or would they see me as a monster? After all, it’s raining and I’m dressed strangely. Anyone emerging from the rain would seem suspicious—maybe I could convince them? If only I knew their language.

The rustle of the grass being parted behind me pulled me back to reality. I braced myself for a fight I knew I had to keep absolutely silent. With a quick turn, I saw something different. It wasn’t a misshapen creature—like I was expecting. It was a familiar figure. He wore a snow white cloak with gold inlays that were scattered across it. His hood was pulled up with a colourless mask to cover his face. He took a couple steps past the tall grass and into the clearing I was in. I heard the rattling of a scabbard as it brushed against the flora.

His expression was obvious to me. Disgust. I could see it more clearly now. My mask was gone and I was displayed to him. He was looking at my visage for the second time, but I wasn’t laughing anymore. The eyes behind his mask were stabbing holes into my body. I felt so revolting and nauseating. What was I thinking? Talking to those people? They’d look at me with that same face, the look of disgust. They’d be mortified of me, they’d run from this bloodstained face. I stared right back at him. My eyes, full of broken hope. I desperately wanted to see something else—something other than the look you always give me. My hands started to cover my face as the rain started to come back to me. I let my arms move how they wanted to.

“Aaaah, that look—how contemptuous.” The words left my mouth naturally. I was feeling good.

“Please, just say something to me.” The sounds stuck in my throat were gone, everything made sense to me now.

“It doesn’t have to be nice, in fact—it would be easier if you just told me how disgusting I was.” I dropped forwards. “How utterly sickening I am. Tell me about the nausea you feel when your eyes drift to my visage.” It won’t stop, you know? “It never stops when I want it to and always starts when I can’t handle it.” I regret it, I regret leaving. “I just want to go back.” I never asked for this. “Why am I not allowed to go back to nothing? Who brought me here?” I told myself I’d never go back, but this sinking feeling is so consuming.

I tilted my head away from the ground and brought myself back to my feet. The mud that was stuck to my clothing and face started to fall off. The rain that forever showered me still went strong. I felt something coming, stuck at the bottom of my throat. It miserably tried to force its way out, but I just couldn’t say anything. He stared—he always stared. He looked at me with that disdain. I looked like an insect.

“This...this’ll happen to you too.” I told him. A laugh was starting to well up inside me—I swallowed it away.

“You know, nothing compares to this.” I smiled earnestly.

“...You too, you too...you...” My breaths were laboured and erratic. I fought against the consuming thoughts that forced me to say things. I never spoke before—but everything right now felt so natural. I let it take over me.

I’m fucking done!” The scream consumed everything I had. All the times I kept quiet, all the creeping feelings that encapsulated me. The thought of never changing, but having to experience this forever. The idea that I could have just stayed in my bubble and never feel such horrible riding anxiety.

“I’m done, I’m done being like this.” I cried out as my smile faded.

“Hey...can I go back? Can I go back to nothing again? I...I am...” I let my smile come back again.

“Sometimes, I think I’m really broken—you know? Myself...I am...” My gaze drifted back towards the featureless mask.

“Aaah...that look. I’m obsessed with it.” I started to shiver under my own weight. “Hey...I want to see it.” I want to see that look behind that mask. “I want to see it...”

I took a step forward, he didn’t dare move away from me. I saw his rapier hung by a strap underneath his cloak.

“When did you start using a rapier? That’s pretty old-fashioned.” I jested. Another step forward.

“What kind of face will you show me? I think I can already tell.” I reached my hand towards his mask. I could see his every movement from this distance, I can see where those eyes would be—the eyes of disgust. I gripped his mask from the bottom, near his chin. I gently pulled it away—it felt like pulling away a blanket.

“What?” I was unnerved. I stepped back a few paces and my breathing started to get faster. I traced every curve, every contour of his face. His face was struck with an ever so slight smile. The esoteric green eyes were covered with my overbearing expectations. My confidence started to falter as I realized just how meritless my deductions were. 

The rain enveloped me. “Why?” My alien voice came out like a harsh whisper. There was something stuck in my throat again. No matter how much I started to retch, no matter how much I forced myself to vocalize anything—nothing came out.

“I...I am...” I was gasping for air as my body started to betray me.

“I am...myself. I am...” I was starting to get terrified of myself again. The sensation in my throat started to force itself out.

“I am...Aether.” The word forced itself out, roughly. “Aether...” I said it out loud again. A smile formed onto my face as I revelled in this newfound word. “Aether, I am Aether.” I started to laugh, just like old times. I haven’t changed since then. I’m still the same. “Aether, Aether, that’s me...” I laughed until I couldn’t anymore.

I looked back at him. He didn’t change either. He was probably the same back then too. Did he always look like this?

“This is hell.” I told him.

“I want to go back, I want to go back so desperately. I want out of this.” I looked up to the sky and reached my hand towards it.

“Hey...can we go back?” I looked back at him. He tilted his to one side—he was confused, right? I didn’t know anymore, he felt like a stranger to me. He reached into his cloak and produced a cracked mask. I knew exactly who’s mask it was—I think he knew too. With his hand outstretched—he straightened his head and dragged his eyes away from me.

“No thanks, I’m done with that.” He whipped his head back to me—was he startled by my response? I guess it was a bit strange.

“Hey, can you even understand me? Ah...what am I saying? None of you can even think yet.” I gently asked him. My words were coated in a silvery finish. He didn’t respond. I could feel my smile fading in and out. I bent down and picked up the mask I dropped in my stupor.

“Here, it must have been terrifying—taking off your mask like that.” I gave him a fake smile as I shoved the mask into his open hand.

“Oh yeah, that thing—give it here.” I gestured to my mask. He let go as I ripped it from his hands and tossed it as far as I could, once again.

“That settles that, we might as well go back.” I turned my gaze back to him—his mask was still in his hands. His eyes were full of intrigue, but he looked...simple?

“Introductions, then?” I offered my left hand.

“I’m Aether, let’s forget about everything—will we?” He reached his left hand out and shook mine. Two words seemed to leak out of his mouth like escaping gas. The two words dug themselves into my ear canal forcefully. In all my time I’ve been alive—I’ve never seen these mindless drones utter a single word, let alone become aware of themselves. I must have had the strangest look on my face, because he was smiling. Since when?

“I’m Vretial.” He told me.

Ascension - Aether

Announcement
If you've made it this far, I'm really happy! Honestly, I've been writing this story for a while—just got motivated to write a coherent story this month. I'm really liking this story so I've spent hours upon hours building the world and finding a story I want to tell. I'm not going to tell you any more than that—but I'm curious if anyone is actually reading this. I won't promise anything, but I'd be really interested to see you, (the reader), drop a comment on which character is your favourite and why you like them! You won't see much of me in the future—I'm going to keep this about my story rather than me from now on. Maybe I'll drop by in the comments...

Just remember that I'm writing this story for myself. Don't worry about me stopping due to lack of engagement/viewers—it might take a while, but I'll definitely get there.

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