Chapter 45: Duplicity

Uncomfortable. In a word, that’s how I would describe living every day knowing that someone I don’t know, somewhere I don’t know, for reasons I don’t know, is watching me. I’m used to being the one doing the watching. Being able to see everyone and everything gives me a sense of security, a knowledge that I can’t be taken by surprise.

1.7 kilometres. That’s the approximate radius of my vision. It’s no small amount, far too large for me to consciously keep track of everything, and yet for the first time in a long while, it suddenly feels insufficient. Even so, I know that even if it were ten, a hundred times larger, it still wouldn’t be able to catch sight of the gods.

In other words, I can’t do anything except try my best to ignore it.

Well, there are some things that I’d like to try. I can’t be sure how well they’ll work, but I have high hopes. Things work differently here than back on Earth, but not that differently. As far as I can figure, science still applies. Even the first law of thermodynamics: ‘energy cannot be created nor destroyed.’

At its most basic level, a mage takes in mana from their surroundings, then shapes it to their will in the form of a spell. That is to say, some of the mana is ‘converted’ into whatever is needed to achieve the spell. The rest dissipates back into the air. I don’t have the knowledge or the means, but at the surface level, mana also appears to follow this law.

As for Psi, Ki, and other such things, I don’t know enough about them to tell, but I’d guess that it’d be the same for them.

A part of me wonders if they have anything to do with the theoretical ‘dark matter’, that mysterious stuff which supposedly makes up around 80% of the universe’s mass. But then again, I don’t know nearly enough to postulate about it.

Back to my original line of thought, there are quite a few ways I can think of to use my knowledge – limited though it may be compared to a modern scientist’s standards – to create quite a few interesting spells.

I’ve done some tinkering – some of them should be plausible. The single limiting factor thus far was that their complexity made managing them practically impossible. That is to say, if I were to create a tool that did some of that for me and the rest of it for me, I can do it. To be specific…

Priority one (modified): Find a way to regain human senses while in fork form.

Priority one subsection A: Develop a tool to gain superhuman sight.

The me of yesteryear grasped at the slim possibility that one day I might get the right skill or trait to regain true colour vision. The me of today knows that I can do it, and not only that, I can go even further beyond. Biologically speaking, I’m not human anymore. I’m not confined by the same limitations – probably. I can interpret things that the human brain can’t, because I don’t have a human brain. I don’t think I have a brain at all, really. No clue how that works.

The human eye is capable of seeing a narrow band of the electromagnetic spectrum, interpreted by humans as ‘light’, with colours ranging from red to violet. However… That is nowhere near the limit of the spectrum. ‘Visible’ EMR wavelengths on the bottom and top of the range vary by only roughly 300 nanometres. Above that it goes up to gamma rays, which have a wavelength about a million times smaller, and below it goes down to radio waves, which have wavelengths over a billion times larger. The numbers there aren’t exact, but it gives you a bit of an idea.

Fundamentally, all EMR is the same thing, just with different wavelengths and amounts of energy. Things are complex scientifically – different wavelengths interact differently with different materials differently, meaning they can’t be measured or produced in the same way. With magic, it’s (theoretically) simpler.

Of course, that’s not to say that I can just produce gamma rays willy nilly. Similarly to how small their wavelengths are comparatively to light, a gamma ray has about a million times more energy than light. I do not have that much mana. But detecting EMR, and emitting long wavelength/low frequency EMR? I should be able to do that. Theoretically.

And no, I can’t make lasers. Of course I can’t. Well, not yet. The thing is, all those novels, anime, games that make it out to mean light magic = lasers, well they’re stupid. Think about it: if lasers were as simple as concentrating a bunch of light into the same spot, a kid could do it with a high-powered torch and a magnifying glass.

No, lasers are much more complex. Again, light is EMR, waves of electromagnetic radiation. Now, think of a standard sine wave. It goes from a peak of one to a low of negative one, the pattern repeated every two pi. Alright, now put another sine wave there, but move it over one pi units. Add the two waves together, you get a flat line. That there’s basic interference, and it’s what’s happening all over the place in a normal light source, except instead of two waves there’s like two million and they’re all different units out of phase and sometimes you get spikes and sometimes you get nada.

A laser is what happens if, instead of all those two million waves being slightly separated, or slightly different frequencies or amplitudes or this, that and the other, they’re all exactly the same. Right on top of each other. Again, they add together, basically giving you one wave with the same frequency as before, but much, much larger amplitude. I think. I’m not exactly a physicist here, I’m just remembering something I read on Wikipedia out of curiosity this one time.

Anyway, doing that is complicated. Very complicated. I’m not sure how I’d try to go about it. So no, no lasers.

Regardless, I spend much of my free time these days tinkering, using everything that I’ve learned so far, trying to make a new eye. One that’s mine, not just a borrowed tool. One that I know intrinsically, inside and out. How it ticks, how to fix it or recreate it, if need be. And the thought comes to mind, naturally, of materials. The academy has something of a store for such things, naturally – various metals, inks, materials and miscellanea. But my funds are limited, and I can’t afford to experiment with more than trace amounts of rarer, better materials.

But… I’m made of mithril, right? And I have self-repair, so couldn’t I just… shave pieces of myself off and regenerate them? Or, at least, that was the thought that led me here. The plan was to cut off a small piece of myself using absorb, it would drop to the table I’m hovering above, I self-repair, see what happens.

Only, the piece I cut off didn’t fall. It stays, hovering in the air, just like me. The sight is so far removed from my expectation, my belief, my utter certainty that it would fall to the ground – as all things without an upwards force applied should – that it takes me a few seconds to comprehend the reality. Once I do, my mind races, trying to understand what was causing this oddity.

But once again, the unexpected whacks me over the metaphorical head with a cricket bat. A telepathic link forms.

“What was it they used to say?” It, he, I says to me. “Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness? Always thought that was ridiculous, but considering the circumstances I might reconsider.”

“We have a title that proves otherwise.” I reply, scarcely able to believe what my senses, what logic was now telling me: there are two of me. “Wait, we do still have the title, right?”

There’s a momentary pause while we both check.

“You saw too, right?” I say after a moment. “It’s not just our body that split.”

“Yeah… And not just the stats, skill proficiency too, it’s not what I remember.” I reply. Everything was decreased. “I… We should have known it wouldn’t be that easy. There’s always a price.”

“It was a stupid idea. We’re lucky it didn’t go even worse. What if… What if the split had caused us to lose our sanity, or worse, our sapience?”

“Not a thought I want to entertain. Regardless, it doesn’t matter. That didn’t happen, and this did. The question is, what now? I mean, the stats and skill proficiencies are a blow, but it’s not like we can’t go on as is.”

“No, we can’t. Or at least, I can’t. I think… You have most of the body, and most of the stats, too. As is, I’m practically helpless.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I can tell, now. It wasn’t as clear when we were levelling up. Too gradual? But now it’s all gone, in an instant? It’s so much harder to think. To… understand, compared to just a minute ago. I, I can’t stand it. I don’t want to go back there. To the beginning. To be forced to climb up again. Not after I got so far.”

“Okay. Alright, we try to fix this. But, hm. Maybe… Back then, when we were doing the absorb and repair loop, we didn’t have this problem. We lost a part of our body, but not our power or skill. There shouldn’t be a difference, except instead of absorbing the whole piece off, it was separated. I think if I absorb you and repair, we should go back to normal.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m never sure, you know that.”

“Ironic, considering that we’re often right. But yeah, I know. Still… Who can I trust, if not myself?”

“Do you? Trust me, I mean.”

A slight pause. “I guess if this works, then yeah, I do.”

“Well then. Here goes nothing.”

The act of absorption requires no thought. It is… like a limb, a muscle. It’s deliberate, but if you were to ask me how it felt to use, to control, I would have no answer. It’s a part of me now. It’s simply something I can do.

The other me vanishes, and I repair myself. Opening my status with no small amount of trepidation, I check whether I was right or had just made a terrible mistake.

Everything is normal. Back to the way it was, as if nothing had ever happened. As far as anyone could know, nothing has. But I doubt that I will ever forget the mistake that made me two.

I remember it now, both of my perspectives in that brief time. We – I – were the same being. But such a simple thing as a stat and skill decrease cast me into darkness. I made it here through luck, skill and effort. All of a sudden, a large portion of that was invalidated. It wasn’t that I thought that I couldn’t do it again, rather, I knew I could. It was the thought that even if I did, I might be cast down again. How? Why? It wasn’t a rational thought, but it quickly burrowed into my mind.

I’ve always been a fearful person. Afraid that people would want to hurt me, afraid of disappointing my family… Afraid of what I might do if one day I finally snapped from the pressure and anxiety. Sometimes I wonder if there’s anything I don’t fear. I struggle to find examples.

I was afraid of me, too. Both of me. But then, I am dangerous. I don’t pretend to be a saint because I know I’m not. I’m sick, in more ways than one. Some days I have dark thoughts, thoughts to lash out at the people who hurt me, those who made me this way, even when I know that they never meant for this. Some days I dearly want to.

But whenever those dark flames burn in my heart, a single thought always chills the rage: that after I cause all that destruction, ruin those relationships forever, that my heart would calm for a moment, just long enough for me to look back and see what I’d done. I think that would break me. Thoroughly.

I’m no saint - but I’m much less a monster.

It’s similar for everyone, I think. Compassion and rationality holding back the worst parts of ourselves on our darkest days. I like to hope that I’m wrong about that, that most people are better than me. I can hope. I have to hope. Even if what I see every day tries to prove me wrong.

---

Measured, deliberate movements. The path is held firmly in my mind as I carefully follow it. A single, slight mistake, while perhaps not causing me to need to start over, would reduce efficiency and efficacy. I set myself down for a moment, refocusing before continuing to etch a formation into the piece of iron using absorb.

Enchantments, loosely speaking, come in three variants. The first is when a spell with a permanent effect is cast upon something. This usually means a change in shape, appearance or a simple increase of durability. In other words, alteration magic.

The second is self-sufficient enchantments. They utilise mana-gathering formations to power themselves and work autonomously. Naturally, the amount of mana available to the enchantment is limited both by the density of ambient mana and how effective the formation is at gathering it. As a general consequence, the more mana an enchantment of this type requires, the larger it has to be physically to gather that mana.

The third is user-activated enchantments. In simple terms, they’re just normal spells, but designed with an additional mana guidance subformation that does all the complex steps of spellcasting. All the user has to do is put enough mana in for it to work – no knowledge of magic needed whatsoever.

On the other hand, creating these types of enchantments requires thorough knowledge of the intricacies of the magic involved. Behind every working enchantment there’s a lot of time spent researching, developing and experimenting, and even if you were to ask two different people to make the same enchantment, the end results would probably be different.

So when I say that I’m crafting myself a new eye, by no means do I suggest that it’s a simple task. I spent weeks drafting the formations and the plans for the device itself, testing things before finally starting work on making it, a bit of time spent every day in one of the artificing workshops.

There’s a lot of tools here that I just physically can’t use, but the space and the environment is still good for the work. There’s a half-dozen other people in the room, but it’s still pretty quiet. Everyone is too focused on their work to be thinking about anyone else, working on one project or another.

Tools, mostly, devices made to make a task easier, or do something that just can’t be done mundanely. Other stuff I don’t recognise, mostly because it’s too complex for me. That turtle from the athletics carnival is working on something or other, altering it rather than making something new, I think. Another guy is pulling at his hair over some kind of card-shaped… Thing.

I turn my attention back to my own project. Theoretically, I’ve already done most of the work. After I finish this part, there’ll just be assembly, then I’ll need to test and adjust things. Or something could just not work the way I expect it to and I’ll have to start over. It’s a genuine possibility. Pretty much what happened with my actual basic artificing assignment, although I partially attribute that to spending most of my time on this rather than checking my work for that one.

Still, not long now. Not long.

---

“Sir, are you alright? Your fur seems shaggy…er than usual.” One of my classmates in my advanced darkness illusion class asks, surprising me, not with their kindness, but their perceptive ability in a dimly lit room at pretty much midnight. Most of the class are half out of it, except a few from nocturnal races. And me, obviously.

Classes for most subjects usually run during the day, but elemental magic works best when the element is already present. In terms of lightness and darkness magic, that means day and night.

Not to mention that our teacher is a wolf beastman, whose fur is rather unkempt at the best of times. It would be a dark day indeed – pun intended – before you saw him in formal wear, I’m sure.

“Hm?” Hrolf tilts his head. “No, I’m fine.”

“Oh, sorry.” The student apologises.

“Unless?” Hrolf walks over to the window and pokes his head out. “Already? Guess I lost track of the days.”

He walks back to the front of the class. “Well, turns out it’s because there’s a full moon. I’ve got lycanthropy, so that’s why I might look a little off tonight.”

“Wait, you’re a werewolf?” A student squints in confusion. “But you’re already a wolf. And you’re not, like, going mad or anything.”

Hrolf shrugs. “That’s right. Wasn’t so long ago that it was thought that wolf beastmen were immune to lycanthropy. I didn’t realise myself that I had it until years after I’d been bitten. Turns out that it just has so little effect on us that nobody ever noticed. As you say, I’m already a wolf. So some extra wolfishness doesn’t affect my mind much at all.”

“Anyway, today we’re going to be talking about shadows.” Hrolf continues.

Groans sound out in the room.

“Yes, again. This is darkness illusion magic, what were you expecting, rainbows and fairy dust?”

---

A few of the guys laugh as Auden puffs into the classroom, sweating. He’s almost always one of the last here, and always looks like he’s just run a marathon when he arrives.

“Man, that guy’s so unfit. Bet you there’s a kilometre of flab under those robes.” One of them jokes.

Auden smiles, clearly having heard the jab, but just moves over to his seat and sits down, wiping his brow.

“Out of curiosity, why do you never say anything to them?” I ask. We had happened to sit next to each other on the first day, and the guy’s genuinely smart, as well as social. When the teacher asked questions, Auden and I were the ones his eyes naturally gravitated towards.

Auden must’ve noticed, too, because he’s chatted with me a few times about magical theory and such. He looks sideways at me. “What about you? You know you get three times as many talking about you behind your back, right? At least.”

“Yeah, but they’re only talking because they know nothing about me. Everything they say is no more than a guess, and they know it. I know it.” I reply. “As for you, they’re just plain wrong. Wonder what their faces would look like if they actually saw how fit you are under that.”

Auden raises an eyebrow in surprise. “You know?”

“I see much more than people think I do.” I say dryly. “You look like a professional runner, which I’ll be honest is a little odd, considering I’ve never seen you run. Not that it’s any of my business, of course. If you’d rather, I’ll never mention it again.”

He nods slightly. “Thanks, I’d appreciate it. It’s not something I talk about lightly. As for them…”

Glancing at the guys at the back of the class, he shakes his head. “I’ve got nothing to prove to them. What’d be the point in showing off, just for a little recognition? People would just start asking different questions.”

“Yeah, I get what you mean.” I agree. “So, what do you think about a force barrier? Feasible? Effective?”

“Not sure about that one. Wouldn’t have any effect on non-physical attacks, like heat or curses.” Auden replies, considering. “Even something physical with sufficient force behind it could break through.”

“True, but that’s the case with pretty much any barrier, and any type of magic has its counters. Then again, fire magic is pretty popular.” I muse. “Not exactly the most obscure weakness. I just wish there were some better alternative to a simple rock barrier.”

Auden shakes his head. “I keep telling you, stick to what force magic does best: speeding things up and slowing them down. Stopping things dead in their tracks is just too inefficient with force magic. A wall is simple and effective.”

“I know, I know. And I can work with that sort of thing.” I sigh. “It just feels boring, like everyone and their mother has done it. I want to make magic that’s mine, not just an alteration of some mage three millennia ago, you know?”

“Sometimes things like that are just the best way to do it.” Auden shrugs. “Not really exciting, but it does the job.”

“Eh.” I grunt. “Sometimes simple is best. Sometimes people just haven’t done enough research to figure out that it’s actually a terrible way to do it.”

“Alright, enough chatting, it’s time for class to begin.” The teacher calls out, and we turn our attention back to the front.

---

With the additional skills I’ve gotten this term, I finally have fifty - exactly. Just as I had read, I earned a title because of this accomplishment. It doesn’t give me any stat bonuses or traits, but it does let me rearrange the skills in my status, so I neaten it up a bit.

Roughly speaking, the order I now have my skills in is: miscellaneous magic skills like absorb, mana sight, form manipulation etc. Then casting type skills (formations and vocal), schools of magic (creation, destruction, etc), types of magic (light, dark, fire, etc), artificing, languages, psychic skills, ki skills, miscellaneous skills, trash skills.

Doesn’t actually change anything, but it makes my status a little easier on the eyes, so to speak.

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