SylkWeaver

Have a special second update today. It's my birthday and I wanted to do something special. Enjoy!

Elaine is the person who reacts first to the approaching sound of footsteps. I'm grateful that she reacted, because my reaction as I heard them was to freeze up. I didn't let out a single breath as Elaine reached over and pulled my blanket over me; the blanket covering me from sight. Elaine continues to stroke my back from underneath the blanket, she gives my arm a gentle and encouraging squeeze. At the motion I realized I was still holding my breath and breathed again, even if it’s rushed.

The footsteps finally seemed to stop as they got close; judging by the sound alone, I'd say that they stopped around the entrance to my room.

"Hi mom." Elaine says before they can even say anything.

"Elaine? Is Daniel okay?" I can hear her take a couple more steps into the room, but Elaine's hand lifts from my back to make some gesture at her. The footsteps stop only a little away from me.

"I think he's sick, and he was freaking out over some stuff. We're uh, getting it sorted out. We'll probably stay home today." Elaine says. I can feel my bed dip on the other side of me, opposite where Elaines sitting.

"Well, if he's sick, I'll have to take his temperature at the very least. I'll be home all day, so I can take care of him. You don't have to stay home." Mom's tone is curious, and I can tell she's looking at Elaine. I can feel mom’s hand rest gently on my knee under the blanket. I curl into a tighter ball and squeeze Elaine's left hand. It's all I can do to not start sobbing while curled up under her. I can feel mom's hand leave my knee. There are a few seconds where nothing is said, not out loud. Elaine eventually speaks up, voice soft as she strokes my back.

"It's more of a mental health day, really. He doesn't have the flu or anything, but I think it would be a bad idea to let him go to school." Her words are earnest and I clutch her hand tighter. She scratches gently around my shoulder blades in reassurance. "I'll look after him today, okay? Promise, he'll be fine." I can hear mom sigh beside me, patting my arm through the covers this time.

"Okay, I trust you, Elaine. I hope you feel better, Daniel. You know if you need anything, I'll be here." She keeps her hand on my shoulder for a few seconds before adding, "even just to talk."

I nod, even though she can't see it. She seems to take it as her time to leave anyway. I can hear the receding of footsteps before the gentle click of my bedroom door closes. After a few seconds we hear her head back downstairs, maybe to make breakfast.

Elaine pulls the blanket back and I can see her. My vision is shaky again and I can feel my body shivering as I lay there. She continues to stroke my back and eventually my side in comfort.

"Sorry about that. I, uh… I don't really know what to tell mom when it comes to this." Elaine scratches the back of her head before returning her hand to her calming motions against my back. I can only nod in response, I haven't even had time to process it myself. I’ve spent most of my time too busy freaking out. I continue to lay there in my sister’s lap, unable to bolster the courage or energy to move a muscle.

"So, uh, this is gonna sound weird considering what I've seen so far, but, like… This is all real?" She asks, gesturing to my body. I just nod again and she drops her hand back down to comfort me.

I know that I'm still freaking out and everything, but I'm glad to have Elaine here to help me out. I know there isn't much she can do, but keeping me here and keeping me from panicking is really helping me out right now.

"Thank you." I startle both of us with the sound of my voice. The gentle stroking on my back must have been enough to calm me down. Calm enough to say those two words, that is. The second most shocking thing is the sound of my voice. It's not incredibly high, but it is higher. My voice shook when I was speaking, but despite the shakiness my voice still felt smooth. I raised a hand to my throat and I can note that my adam’s apple is gone too. Elaine speaks up, pulling me out of my musings.

"You're feeling better, then?"

I open my mouth for just a moment before deciding against it. I gesture "so-so" before signing in more explanation that "I need a break from talking. I don't want to stress myself more." Elaine considers the signs carefully before nodding in agreement.

"Sounds good. Be patient with yourself." She says, while signing back to me. We sit in a comfortable position for a while, with me having laid myself back down in her lap. Eventually, though, Elaine taps my shoulders.

"Hey, so, uh… I still wanna get dressed for the day, and it seems like your old clothes are all but falling off of you." I nod, looking at the T-shirt two sizes too big for this body. "I know you might not like the idea because they're girls’ clothes and all, but you're a girl now and you need clothes, so…" She trails off, not finishing the thought. My mind stalls momentarily before racing ahead. I pick myself off her lap, clutching her shirt gently as I look down.

When I answer, it's in a whisper. "You mean you'll let me try some of your clothes?" I don't look up at her, but I do feel a slight tinge of surprise from Elaine as she considers a response. I feel a surge of surprise as I ask it myself, something deep inside me pushes me through the curiosity.

"Uh, yeah, totally. You're smaller than me, but it'll probably fit better than anything you have." I nod in agreement, maybe a little too hastily. She doesn't seem to notice and instead stands up from the bed, stretching her legs now that they're not trapped under my head. I shuffle off of the bed, squeaking in embarrassment as I do so.

As my feet fell the inch from my bed to the floor, I hadn't been expecting the jiggle and bounce from my chest region. In an expectation to stop them, I wrapped my arms over them. This only deepened my blush further at the fact that I'm holding breasts, nevermind that they're my own. Elaine turns at the squeak and finds me beet red and holding my chest to stop it from moving. She laughs, stepping back towards me to lay her arm over my shoulder and guide me out of the room.

"I think I have a sports bra you might be able to use somewhere in my room." She offers. I say nothing, just feeling my blush remain for several seconds longer. As we walk down the hall and into her room, Elaine shuts the door behind us and locks it. I instinctively head to the bed to sit down.

"So, uh… I'm not the best with this, but how do you feel about your new chest?" Elaine asks as she heads to her closet and starts sifting through piles of clothes. I wait until she looks back over at me, and then I just kind of shrug. Taking the initiative, I look straight down at them once more.

It was weird to think about. That I have boobs. And they flustered me to think about because as much as I know it's my body, my brain has trouble matching it up.

"Let's put it this way, do you want to try your best to hide them? I have some tighter sports bras, which should be able to make it like they're not there. Or do you just want to wear something comfortable?" Elaine asks, pulling out and motioning to two different pairs of garments.

I try to imagine the results of each. The first one feels me with a sick sense of dread as I imagine it, and I practically leap to the comfortable one. Something deep inside me sinks at the thought of hiding my new assets. Maybe I just don't think I can handle any more changes, even a self-imposed one. It would be better to get comfortable in this body before I change things around again. She seems to consider the first sports bra, offering me the comfy one. I move to take it and she doesn't let go. I look up and I see her looking intently into my eyes. I look away and down, letting go of the bra. She grabs my hand, pulling it back up and handing it to me finally.

She seems to take a couple seconds to think before speaking. "I'm gonna ask you something, and I'd really appreciate it if you could think about it hard before answering, okay? I'm not exactly an expert in this either, so I'm sorry in advance." She grabs my hands and drags me to the bed. I try not to get caught up in my head over whatever it is she wants to ask. She takes a deep breath and gestures for me to take a couple steady breaths with her. After five or six breaths, she drops the bombshell. "Do you want to be a girl?" She asks. I just tilt my head in confusion at the question. I shift uncomfortably in my spot, pulling my hands from hers and signing.

"I don't have a choice." I sign. She frowns and exhales, looking around as if the words she’s looking for are lurking nearby.

"I mean, like, if you had a choice, would you change back?" She asks, measuring her tone so it's even. The question gives me something to think about for a couple seconds. If I had a choice? Hesitantly, I test my voice and use my words to verbalise some of my thoughts.

"If I had a choice… I wouldn't have changed in the first place, right?" I ask her. She seems to quirk an eyebrow at the hesitation, prompting me to continue talking. "I'm not a girl, I'm a… I'm normal. I'm-" it's at this point of whatever thoughts I was working through that I start hyperventilating, the stress getting to me. I start to shake and Elaine pulls me close again. How many times will this happen today?

"I've got you…" Elaine says, caution edging into her tone as she finishes the thought. "Sis." The feeling that hearing her say that gave… it complicated me. It was as if with one word, my brain stopped making sense. Through the hazy vision, tears, and hyperventilating, I suddenly stopped breathing. My breath caught in my throat as a single terrifying chill ran down my spine. My body buzzed with electricity as a piercing calm broke through the stress. My shoulders slumped as I felt it, dejection mixing with the strange euphoria that came with it.

Elaine squeezed me closer, and I let myself breathe. We said less than nothing. For people who could communicate ideas with a gesture, we were almost stock still. Nothing was communicated between the two of us for what could have been hours. Me mostly because I wasn't sure what to say or if I should even say anything. Elaine, probably because she was waiting for me to calm down.

"Elaine" my voice was a whisper again, and she turned to hear me better. "Can I hear you call me your… Your… The, uh, old one?" I ask, shaking as I try to just say the word. I hope she understood what I meant, because I couldn’t even bring myself to say it.

"Brother?" Elaine asks. The word cuts through me like a knife through butter. I can feel several walls within me collapsing as the word feels so irreparably wrong suddenly. I shudder and she watches as I lean back into her, more fresh tears running down my cheeks. "Doesn't really feel right anymore, does it?" I just shake my head against her and she chuckles gently. "Thought it might not." I pull away from the hug and look up at her, fear gripping at the edges of my mind.

"What's… What's wrong with me?" Elaine looks at me in shock before sweeping me up. She physically pulls me up off the floor and into a tight hug. I tentatively hug her back, dread filling a pit in my stomach.

"Nothing is wrong with you, Sis. Nothing at all, okay? In fact, I think you're probably a little more you than you ever have been."

"But dad-"

"Dads an ignorant asshole. He isn't worth anything compared to your happiness." She almost seems to growl the first part, scaring me a little as we hug. She sets me down and we sit back on the bed, still holding each other. "I can confidently say that we'd probably both be better off without him in our lives." She continues. I don't say anything. Normally I'd defend him, but… It just doesn't feel right anymore.

"Why are you being so accepting about this? About me? I'm not even a girl, aren't you… Disgusted?" I ask hesitantly. She pulls me back and just seems to blink at me in confusion.

"You're my sister. Why would I be disgusted? Even if you aren’t a girl, you’re definitely not a boy. You can't even bring yourself to say it. I think I’d have some trouble believing that the reason you’re not a girl isn’t wrong in some way, though." She says. I feel my gaze drop to the floor, becoming unfocused. Before I can start shaking though, I feel her hand cup my cheek and direct my eyes back up to her. She smiles gently and continues, "I'm not good with the whole gender thing, but I'm not new to it. If you want to be a girl, you are one. No ifs ands or buts."

"But-" I start, but before I can even begin the sentence proper, she interrupts me.

"No buts." She says. "Besides… Despite all the shaking, crying, raw panic, anxiety, and fear you've shown today, you look comfortable in that body. The most comfortable you've looked in a long time." She continues, letting her hand slide down the side of my arm gently. I look down at my body curiously, twisting around in it several times before sitting down.

"I do?" I ask, looking her in the eyes. She laughs. It's a small laugh, but it eases a bit of the lingering tension in my muscles.

"Yeah. I haven't had this much eye contact with you in years. I’ve been worried about you, ya know? You always looked uncomfortable in your skin before. I kind of just assumed it was a product of your anxiety and stuff, but you kind of hold yourself differently now. Especially when you can ignore the panic for a second and get the chance to focus on yourself. It kind of reminded me of…" She bites her lip gently as she holds back whatever she's about to say. She eventually continues, hesitantly. "It reminds me of what you were like before I lent you that dress…" I look at her with a puzzled expression. My brow furrows as I think about what she could be talking about.

Dress? She never…

Oh

Oh no.