Consultation 97.

Today I was met with someone who’d only recently fallen into depravity. I say recently, but for her, it had been years, while from my perspective it had been a few days since we had our last consultation. It was her from a future point in her timeline. She was the first client I had when I swapped clients with the normie God, only this time it seems she’d transformed and been officially classified as a defective waifu.

In our last consultation, she didn’t know how to approach the guy she was in love with in her class. I was a bit curious about what sort of problem she’d encountered to require another consultation after the brilliant advice I’d given her the last time.

She opened her mouth and immediately got to the point, "God, thank you for your advice last time. In the end, I was able to marry the guy I fell in love with thanks to the profound words you bestowed upon me on that day. But today, I have another question for you, God.” 

“Oh, and what exactly is it that is troubling you now, child?”

“Well, that is… I’d like to know…” She hesitated a bit while fiddling with her fingers nervously before she asked in slight embarrassment, “When is too young to start wearing adult diapers?" 

Sorry… but what sort of idiotic question did this recently turned degenerate just ask me? How the hell were the dots supposed to connect between our last consultation and this question of hers?

“Sorry, can you run that by me again?”

“I apologize, I guess I wasn’t clear enough, God. You see, I have developed a baby complex since I got together with the guy I love and I’d like to start wearing adult diapers. But I’m a bit troubled as I don’t know when it would be considered too young to start doing this.”

“... why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Why the hell did you book a consultation for something this stupid?”

“Obviously because it’s a problem that is deeply troubling me right now and I thought only God would be able to guide me down the correct path like in the past.”

“Look, this really isn’t a problem that requires a God to enlighten you. Any random homeless person on the street could have given you your answer if you asked them.”

“They could?”

“Obviously, there are many homeless people that use adult diapers after all. You’re never too young to use them.”

“WHAT! Homeless people use adult diapers? Why have I never heard of this before?”

“Because it’s not necessarily well known. Homeless people know full well how useful they are. But they’re obviously not going to go around boasting or advertising it on large billboards that they use them. With their circumstances, adult diapers are a great sanitary measure. Not only that, when sleeping outside, they typically aren’t able to access a bathroom when stores or other public venues close. Adult diapers allow them to get through a night without having an embarrassing accident or soiling the only clothes they may own.  Also, even during the day, many places don’t actually let homeless people use the bathroom “

“Though men can use the bathroom almost anywhere discreetly, women typically face more exposure if they need to use the bathroom in a non-private space. This kind of exposure and lack of privacy make women vulnerable when living on the street. As such, the use of adult diapers provides a small measure of security for homeless women.”

“When nature calls and they have no other choice but to go out in public, homeless people can get in trouble with authorities for indecent exposure. They’re not allowed in certain private establishments to use the bathroom, but at the same time, it’s illegal to answer nature’s call in a park or an alley. In this case, they provide a means to avoid attention from the authorities.”

“For all these reasons, I can say with certainty that there is no age too young when it comes to the use of adult diapers.”

“I never knew adult diapers were so amazing, God.”

“Well, they are.”

She let out a relieved sigh and said, “It’s such a relief to hear you say that. This is really great, if I don’t need to be concerned with being too young to start wearing them, I can proceed without any worries. For the longest time, I’ve been fetishizing having my husband change my diapers for me and having him eat the diaper for his meals.” 

“With this new dish added to my arsenal, I can now prepare meals he’s never tasted before. Using it as a filling while marinating the diaper, I’m sure it will taste exquisite. I can’t wait to start. This will surely lead to a breakthrough in the path of cooking you taught me. Thank you for freeing me of all the concerns that have been recently weighing on my mind, God. I’ll be heading out now so I can start cooking up my husband’s next meal after I pick up a pack at the store.”

“Wait, what? Eat… ” She… wanted him to change them for her then eat… Haaaaaaah. I mean, I know what I told her last time about cooking, but this? Really? Well, I had to at least give her credit where credit was due, her idea to use the diaper like it was a pastry put a sort of fresh spin on it.

While exiting the room, I heard her mumble to herself, “Oh, wait a minute. I wonder if I could get used diapers from homeless people and reuse them. I’m sure that would increase the richness and intricacy of the flavor as well. Could the older the diaper be, give it a more aged flavor like wine? I will certainly need to commence more research in this field. As God said before, the path ahead is truly a long one.”

I just shut my eyes and pretended I heard nothing. Now that she’d fallen to the dark side as a result of the advice from our first consultation, I could only imagine how far she’d go with this strange new fetish she’d unexpectedly developed.