Consultation 101.

“Hey, God of Shitty Life Counseling for Defective Washed Up Waifus, just how damn long do you intend to sleep? Your vacation is long over!”

I’d heard that quite a number of times now. As for what I said every time I heard it, it was naturally, “Just give me five more minutes.”

“Five more minutes? Five more minutes! Do you know how many times you’ve said that already?”

“Five more minutes, I swear.”

“You’ve said that 13,536 times now! Get your ass up, you good for nothing God!”

“Tch.”

Unwillingly, I opened my eyes and discovered the last person I wanted to see. It was none other than my boss, Author.

“Haaaah. What’s got your panties in a bunch all of a sudden? Did someone take a shit on your doorstep or something?”

“Oh? You can actually tell?”

“Of course. Who do you think I am.”

“I see. Certainly, it is within your skillset to catch onto these sorts of things.”

“So, you wanted to book a consultation so you could bitch about something, is that right?”

“Yeah. Someone wanted to pick a fight, but I can’t respond because it’d look ‘unprofessional’ of me to do so. I’m well aware of the rule to shut my mouth and let others say whatever shit they want, but this one self-serving highbrow elitist prick is too much and I felt an extreme urge to retort.”

“Haaaaah. So, what exactly did this individual say that you’re finally forcefully ending my vacation?” 

My vacation was mostly spent peacefully asleep, resting, though I’d been seeing a certain world play out from someone’s perspective during that time.

“What he said? He said something so insulting that I can’t forgive him. He said… I… I never...”

“You never what?”

“I can’t bring myself to say it. It’s an insult so great that heaven itself may destabilize.”

“Cut the bullshit, Author. Just tell me what he said.”

“Fine… he said… Author never left high school...”

“Hah? Are you fucking kidding me? You’re ending my vacation for something so petty? You’re that thin-skinned?”

“Thin-skinned? Don’t you get it? Do you not see the problem here?”

“Haaaah. This better be good, Author.”

“This man is insulting every single person who actually never left high school by bringing them down to my level! Be it adults, kids still in high school, or kids who have yet to enter high school, do you not see how much he is degrading all those people by comparing them to me? Damn it, I’m clearly worse than them! Where does he get off insulting people who never left high school by comparing them to some degenerate like me?”

“I see…”

“Oh yeah, and get this God, this prick had the nerve to further tell me how to write my story. ‘Grow up and quit killing the story. Quit thinking like a horny teenager. Blah blah.’ Those are the exact words this highbrow elitist prick said. How can I possibly sit still and say nothing back? If I want to kill a story, it shall be killed in whatever fashion I see fit. I don’t cater to the whims of any random person who wants to toss out half-baked insults my way. I only cater to the whims of true intellectuals with truly legendary tier insults.”

“As for horny teenagers, what’s wrong with horny teenagers? They’re pretty damn normal if you ask me. Not being horny is weird. The greater majority of the world fall into the category of horny, in fact, the world revolves around people being horny. If people weren’t horny, your entire damn civilization would go instinct you moron! If anything, I’m helping society by spreading the gospel of horniness. Seriously, does this dumbass think he’s too good for sex or something?”

I looked at Author with listless eyes while I listened to her bitch about how she felt insulted over how she was not considered lower than people who never left high school in addition to various other things. 

Defective washed-up waifus… yep, Author definitely fits the bill pretty well with this sort of mentality I guess.

Author’s real question was likely something along the lines of, ‘How do I bitch about this individual and correct them on their mistakes without actually responding to them?’ I didn’t even need to answer it. The answer was quite literally to tell me about it.