Consultation 110.

“Hello, God, have you heard of gatcha?”

“Did you say… g- gatcha?” Traumatic memories flashed through my mind and my body curled up instinctively as a self-defense mechanism.

“Yes, gatcha.”

“Mortal, don’t you dare say that taboo word in heaven.” My heart bleeds anytime I hear it.

“Taboo? What do you mean?”

“That word... is forbidden in heaven. The instant that word is uttered, Gods tremble in rage.” From the thought of all the Godcoin they have burnt because of it.

“What? But I was hoping I could interest some gods in my new gatcha game. The units are super waifu material and if you limit break them four times, you unlock…” She paused for suspense then looked left and right discreetly to make sure no one was around before she said, “the extra lewd artwork where you can see... everything, God.”

“Be gone, vile mortal!” 

Lewd artwork… and… everything? Damn it, how lewd are we talking here? No! Stop, I can’t… my wallet… the wounds haven’t closed yet. That 5-star weapon… I just couldn’t resist the allure that came with the bundle for the anniversary event. I evolved my 4-star weapon and got my first legitimate 5-star weapon thanks to it.

“Now, now, God. Please calm down. Before you get mad, why don’t you at least give the game a chance? You never know, hehe... you might like it. The rates are... really good... I swear.” Her smile gradually stretched out wide to the point it looked evil.

“The rates are really good? Those are the words of the devil himself.” It was easy enough to understand why this woman was in hell. Anyone behind a gatcha game was instantly damned to hell.

“I’m no devil, God. Just an innocent mortal trying to spread the… joy of gatcha.” The smugness in her voice as she uttered the forbidden word told me everything and more.

Joy? What is this joy she speaks of? Did she mean the heart-wrenching pain as your guts turn in agony and disgust when you see the word rate up on a limited-time banner? Rate up my ass, they are all lies. Why you lie to us, developers? How is pulling an off banner unit seven times in a row considered a rate up? How about when there are only 2 units on the banner and you get the one you don’t want 10 times in a row and none of the other unit? Can you honestly look the God of RNG in the eyes and tell him that is legit?

“You still don’t seem to believe me, God. How about I gift your account a large amount of the game’s premium currency for you to try it out first?”

“Trying to get me addicted with some free handouts? Do you really think I would fall for that?”

“You may say that, but why did you suddenly pull out your phone?”

I looked down and realized she was correct. The instant I heard the word ‘free’ my hand moved on its own to pull out my phone.

“I was just checking something. It’s not what you think. I’m not interested in your stupid gatcha game.”

“Come on, God. Since you already have your phone out, just download the game for a second. You can just delete it right after. I’ll even pay double for my consultation. You can then use that money to buy even more premium currency.”

“I know what you’re doing, it’s not going to work.” She planned to make all that money back and more by enticing me to spend just a little bit. Once you spent that small amount, it was a slippery slope where you would progressively spend more and more over time. Until eventually, you become numb to the idea of spending thousands of dollars for what amounted to nothing more than pixels on a screen. Gatcha was where money went to burn as the devil laughed at you from behind while patting you on the back to keep spending more.

Once you go gatcha, you never go baka. That was an unspoken saying we Gods had in Heaven. Rumor has it, whenever that saying is spoken aloud, a God somewhere out there breaks down into tears when they recall the debt they drownded themselves in because of their gatcha game addiction. What was there to do though, those Gods had so much free time on their hands and gatcha games were something they could waste it on.

“God, look it’s as easy and pressing a few buttons.” She moved her finger over my phone and navigated to the download page without my consent. It felt like I’d been touched inappropriately and outright raped by her desire to push me into playing her filthy lewd gatcha game. With the single press of a button, the gatcha game she’d been trying to hook me on started to download.

“Stop, what do you think you’re doing? You can’t go and download this game against my will.”

“If you really didn’t want it downloaded, you could have easily stopped me, God. In fact, you can still cancel the download if you really want to.”

“Yes, you’re right, I can cancel the download. I’ll just do that now…”

“Oh? Look, God, the download is already complete. The internet speed around here is pretty fast.”

This isn’t a mortal world, damn it! Of course it’s fast!

“Well, since it’s already downloaded and on your phone, don’t you think it would be a waste to not at least give it a shot?”

“I’m deleting it.”

“Oops, it looks like God ACCIDENTALLY didn’t hold down long enough on the app icon to delete it and has instead opened it. What a blunder, right, God?” She winked at me like she understood everything.

“Y-Yes, it’s a big blunder on my part. I’m just going to close the app now and delete it.”

“God, why aren’t you closing it?”

“I am closing it.”

“Really? It looks more like you’re looking through the available banners right now.”

“Nothing of the sort. That’s your imagination.” Damn, this artwork though. It gets more erotic than this when you limit break it four times? What would that look like?

“By the way, I would suggest the rate up banner. The new character max limit break artwork is especially… spicy, or so I’ve heard.”

What the hell do you mean ‘or so you’ve heard?’ Aren’t you the one responsible for the game? Do I look like an idiot to you?

“You still haven’t closed it? Are you curious about the max limit break artwork, God?”

“What? No, of course not. I’m just not very good with technology, I’m just trying to figure out how to close the game.”

“I see. By the way, in case you were wondering, God. This is what the first through third limit break artworks look like for the new character. As for the fourth… well, unfortunately, I haven’t been lucky enough to limit break her four times yet. But as you can see, they just get progressively… better, hehe.”

She looked at me like I wasn’t a person, but an object born for the sole purpose of feeding her money. Like I was her future piggy bank in the making. A would-be whale or leviathan in her game if she got me hooked.

I’m a God, not a whale, damn it! The God of Frugality at that! It may not be in my official title, but it is there in my heart.

“Look, no matter what the artwork looks like, I don’t care.”

“Oh, God, look you pulled the new character on your first summon.”

“Eh? No way, for real?” I felt an intense sense of fulfillment when I saw the word new appear over the character’s artwork. What the heck? On my first pull? This has got to be rigged, right? No, it definitely is. This is how they get you hooked with a bit of bait. They shower you in gold in the beginning and slowly take that away over time until you’re spending thousands just trying to get a single new unit.

“Oh, God, amazing! It’s only your first multi and your third unit is also the banner unit!”

“You’ve clearly rigged this. There’s no way-”

“Oh! The fifth is also… the seventh as well… and even ninth? Amazing, God, you truly are a god! Your real name must be the God of Good Luck.”

“No way, five? Doesn’t that mean-”

“Yeah, you can already max limit break her and see the super erotic artwork.”

“I-I see.”

“Well? Shouldn’t you at least try limit breaking her before you close out and delete the app forever? It would be a waste to not at least see what the artwork looks like. You also don’t see amazing multi pulls like the one you just had every day. Even I have never seen someone pull that many of the featured banner unit in one go. It’s obviously a sign from the gods telling God he was destined to feast his eyes upon this divine artwork. It is clearly artwork so lewd that it is only fit for a true God to see.”

“Even in you butter me up like that…”

My fingers moved on their own against my will and navigated to the character’s limit break screen. After four limit breaks, the unit’s artwork in its final form was revealed. When I laid eyes upon it, my jaw dropped in awe. The degree of difference between any of the previous limit break artworks was so steep that the first three could only be thought of as mere doodles by a random mortal and the magnum opus belonging to the God of Art himself. 

Only the God of Art in heaven could have drawn this, that was my firm belief when I saw it. This was evil. True evil. It was perfect beyond perfection, flawless even. Every stroke told a vivid story, lewdness exuded from every line and curve. The proportions, the figure, style, atmosphere, everything drew you in and left you wanting more. Like a drug not for the body, but for the eyes instead. This was gatcha, this was how they got you. I knew it, but I couldn’t pull my eyes away.

I was being sucked in. Into a whirlpool that threatened to consume all of my savings. If this was the sort of feeling I experienced, I could only imagine what would happen to mere mortals in her world should they lay their eyes upon this feast. There was no doubt in my mind, she had surely commissioned the God of Art for this. She knew with the promise of art at this level, no matter the price she paid to acquire it, she would be able to make all her money back and more.

It was nefarious. But mortals were far from enough to satiate her greed for money. She wanted to spread her reach beyond her mortal world into the realm of gods. A market she had yet to tap into that was far more lucrative than her own world. She had a similar ambition to another client I recently had in hell. It seemed there was a tendency for the mortals behind apps to go to hell. 

“Well, God. I suppose I should probably go now and let you have some time alone with your new max limit break unit. By the way, the inits in my gatcha game utilize high-level AI meaning they can interact and converse with you. Even in battle, they can hear you. Your words of encouragement can give them the strength to power through a hopeless situation. Please be gentle with her, hehe.”

“God, I’m wonewy.”

Those horrifying words came from the phone in my hand. When I looked down, I saw the lewd unit with a now lonely expression on her face in an idle stance. It was like she was lonely because she wanted me to pull more friends for her. This was beyond any dirty gatcha game tactics I had ever seen before. 

How could this be allowed? This was the future of gatcha? God, save my poor wallet.

There was another term used for gatcha, it was none other than gatcha hell. Perhaps I’d fallen into it without even realizing it.