Rosalind

I tried to play it cool all day, but I was intensely afraid of what I would be walking into when I got home. And on top of that, I was now considering what I could do with this newfound application of my abilities. If magic were not illegal, I could make a fortune reshaping people to their desired bodies. With the state of things being what they were though, I was in conceivably more danger because my talent wasn’t just unlawful; it was valuable.

I let Vera off at her house and gave her the dress, shoes and things I’d worn earlier in the day. Javi had been quiet for most of the drive home after the thing with the tire. He was in one of his rare pensive moods. When I pulled into my driveway, he wished me luck and even pulled me in for an unusually tight hug. I guess he didn’t quite have a handle on all that strength I’d gifted him.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Mama Cathy had been waiting for me in the living room like a mantis biding its time to strike. She had that sneer on her face that warped her features into a hateful grimace. She’s always been harsh, but I always thought that it was born of love. Now, I couldn’t discern even the shadow of affection.

“What? I took Javi to his Magic tournament.” When in doubt, play stupid.

“You are grounded and you and Javi can take the bus to school next week.”

“Well, you could’ve told me that before. Besides, we were going to take the bus anyway, got a flat and I don’t have the money to get a new tire. Unless you wanted to pitch in.” Now I was just being an ass, but it was worth it to see the look of shock on her face.

“Don’t think I’ll be doing that, no. And I’ve had just about enough of that smart mouth. I don’t know what’s got into you lately, my boy, but now is not the time to test me.”

Before she’d even finished saying her piece, I was halfway up the stairs. I went to my room and answered her with a slam of my door. My room looked like the FBI had come in and tossed it for contraband. My boy clothes were thown everywhere. My mattress was barely still on the box springs and the contents of my closet were strewn across the floor.

“Since you’re going to be spending a lot of time in your room, why don’t you clean up? It’s a fucking pig sty in there.” Cathy’s voice echoed out from the hallway. As if ransacking my bedroom wasn’t enough, might as well pour a little salt in the wound and yell at me for the mess she made.

The rest of the day was spent putting my room into some kind of order. I didn’t hear much from the parents which was just as well, because I didn’t think I could keep a civil tongue if I had to share words with either of them. I wanted to try to relax in my true form but I didn’t have any clothes for it at the house anymore, so even if I did, I’d have to wear my boy clothes or none at all.

When Monday rolled back around, I was having trouble just getting out of bed. Rolling out from underneath warm covers was hard enough, but these scant few minutes at the start of the day were the only time I was afforded to be myself without the ever present burden of paranoia.

In Chemistry class, I was buoyed up by the first perfect score I’d ever received in that class. I guess Vera did knock it out of the park. When the class ended, Mr. Gibson asked that I stay behind a moment.

“Mr. Cole, congratulations on the test, that was some really nice work.” But this complement obviously came with caveats because his expression was not particularly pleasant. “You know, if I had not watched you take that test, I’d be hauling you to the principal’s office on suspicion of cheating.”

“What? Why?” I asked, flummoxed.

“I’ve had you in my class all year, Mr. Cole. I know that you rarely apply yourself to the subject matter and I also know what your handwriting looks like.” I looked down at the paper in my hands. The answers were written in Vera’s feminine style, swirly little curlicues on every question that required a written answer.

Mr. Gibson gestured at the paper “Can you explain that, Mr. Cole?”

My brain panicked. Shit, I was busted. Unless he could maybe be swayed by a pinch of truth to make the lie go down easier. “Oh right, I’m sorry Mr. Gibson. I’m still not sure how comfortable I am talking about this, but I guess I should have known that it might come up. I’m actually trans… transgender. And umm, my parents aren’t happy about it and won’t let me transition, so I’ve been trying to do little things like changing the way I write in order to be doing anything at all to further transition. Please don’t call my parents, they hate that I’m trans.”

This speech left Mr. Gibson gobsmacked. I don’t know what response he was expecting but that was not it. “Oh… Oh… I see then. Mist.. Ms. Cole, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize.” He looked like the ground had fallen from underneath him and he sort of sputtered in place for a couple more seconds, completely at a loss. “Well, Mr. Timmons is an excellent guidance counselor and I know he has a number of resources on… on that sort of thing. Anyway, good job on the test. On your way then.” And he dismissed me with a gesture.

I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face when I left class. It was a dirty trick, but there is an undeniable thrill at knowing that you got away with something you absolutely should not have. Though, I wondered now if I should try to change my handwriting to make the lie consistent. Or even just because I wanted to.

My good mood was short-lived because soon after leaving the classroom, I ran into Kyle who had apparently been listening at the doorway. “Always knew you were a fag, Cole. When you gonna start wearing dresses to class?” I had noticed him giving me undue attention ever since that first day after I got my abilities. I honestly couldn’t tell if his interest was hostile or amorous, and I don’t think he knew either.

“Why? You interested? I can send you some pics if you want.” And I turned briefly to toss him a wink. I tried to look as confident as my words sounded but I think I walked away a little faster than I should have.

I expected a biting retort but one didn’t come. It was tempting to look back to see what expression marked his face, but I didn’t want to invite any more antagonism so I kept my eyes forward and headed to my next class.

When I met up with Javi and Vera at lunch, I told them about the conversation with Mr. Gibson and the subsequent exchange of barbs with Kyle after that. Vera felt bad about not taking more pains to alter her handwriting to be even a little like mine. 

I fully expected the entire high school to already know that I was trans. Javi was always up on the rumor mill and was active in the school chats. He said that he hadn’t heard anything about it. I wondered why Kyle was keeping the information close to the chest. I thought he’d be eager to cash in on some the juiciest gossip you could possibly have on another person.

I didn’t have long to wait though. That night, sequestered away in my bedroom and hiding from the moms I got a message from an unknown contact on Discord. Kyle must have been more resourceful than I gave him credit for. I don’t know where he found my handle, but I was left looking bewildered at my screen “Gotmepegged #58486: So were you joking about those pics earlier?” I threw my phone on the bed and tried to ignore the implications of that message.

When I heard my phone beep again a few moments later, I was ready to tear into that idiot, but it wasn’t him this time.

Vera: Hey Rosalind, could I ask you for a favor tomorrow after school?

Rosalind: Sure, anything important?

Vera: No, I was just thinking about how you helped Javi the other day and I thought that could be fun if you wanted to?

Rosalind: Sure, no problem.

I wondered what alterations Vera could want. She was nearly perfect as is. I guess everybody has something that they wish they could change about themselves.

At lunch the next day, Vera handed me a small roll of bills. “What’s this for?” I asked

“Well, I mean, for the thing you’re doing later, and I wanted you to be able to get a new tire on your truck. I mean, with how things are with your moms, it seems like it could be a good idea to have a way out if you need it. I dunno, maybe I’m being paranoid.”

I started to protest, but Vera held her hands up insisting “Maybe we’ll all need to get out of here eventually, so it’s in my best interest that you get that fixed too.”

“Now you are being paranoid.” I said.

“I hope that’s all it is” she replied.

I then went on to tell them about the weird message I'd gotten from who I assumed to be Kyle.

“Lemme see your phone, Roz.” Javi had taken to shortening my name even further and I was still undecided about how I felt about it. “I wanna see if I recognize his handle.”

When I handed the phone over, Javi burst into guffaws and handed the phone to Vera who held a hand over her own giggling laugh. “What’s so funny?” I asked.

“Dude… sorry. Um, Roz, he wants you to fuck him.” Javier said between wheezing laughs.

“He just wanted some pics. I don’t think it’s like that.” Honestly, Javier was really jumping to conclusions here.

Vera punched something into my phone and handed it back to me. Displayed was an image search for the word “pegging” and the full weight of the message I’d received the night before sunk in. “Fuck.” I said and their laughter redoubled.

Vera’s house was close enough to school that we could walk there. “So what did you want done?” I asked as we made our way down the long series of residential streets to her home.

“Well, you said that you got rid of a lot of hair you didn’t want, right? Like, permanently?”

“Sure. That’s no problem. Did you need anything else?” I thought about what I would have to do in order to remove that for her and my stomach seemed to bounce in anticipation. I had resolved not to be weird about it. I was just doing a favor for a friend; it was not the time to take advantage of the situation to be a creep.

“That thing you did with your… with your butt? Would that be okay?” This time she sounded much more tremulous. She kept her eyes on the ground, and I was feeling awkward enough that I was doing the same, just occasionally flicking glances her way to take an account of her expression.

“I have to take it from somewhere else you know. I can’t just create mass, and you’re pretty skinny. I just mean, when I did it to myself, I had some…” I did not want to be talking about my belly fat to the girl I was catching feelings for. “some extra weight that I was able to reallocate. And I doubt the hair I’ll be removing will be enough mass to give me much to work with.”

She seemed to think for a moment. “Guess I can start eating cheeseburgers and pizza whenever I like then. I don’t mind putting on a little extra if it can go to all the right places.”

When we got to her house, I greeted her dad who was busy typing away at his laptop. “Hey Theodore, Vee and I were going to heat up some dumplings later. You’re more than welcome to join us if you want.” I was still hearing the deadname all day long, whether it was teachers or my moms; it was only a small jolt to the system when Mr. Brooks threw it at me like an old sock. He didn’t know any better though. I’d asked my friends to refrain from mentioning my whole deal to anyone else until I had some idea how to affect something approximating a real transition.

“Thanks Mr. Brooks, I’ll probably have to go before dinner though.” My plan was that one of my mothers would be texting me furiously when I didn’t get off the bus today, and I’d ask them for a ride home and damn the consequences.

When I followed Vera into her bedroom, she immediately made for her closet. “I washed these for you.” She handed me one of the outfits I bought on the trip I’d made with Javi. All my stuff was hung in her closet like a small pink lesion on the black and grey mass of clothes that made up the rest of her wardrobe.

“Umm…” I said while holding the outfit by its hangers.

“I thought you’d want to chill out for a bit. It’s gotta be rough being like that all the time.” And she gestured to my present form. Once I realized what she was offering, I couldn’t help but immediately give in to the pressure I felt nearly every second of the day. I thought of my real body and it came forth so fast that my baggy shirt billowed out from the force of it.

I could feel the blood coming into my cheeks just as quick as the changes had taken place. “Where should I go to change?”

A slow grin began to wind its way up her mouth first at seeing my full-on blush and then curling upwards at her suggestion of “You can do it here; we’re both girls.” And that grin seemed to bloom into a predatory leer.

I decided to take her up on the implicit dare in her proposal. To a point, that is. Even my false confidence born of suddenly being in the right body wasn’t enough to hold eye contact while I stripped down. I turned away, took off the awful boy clothes and slid into the nicer articles.

When I turned around, it appeared as though blushes had become contagious because even her pale makeup could not hold back the feverish red of her cheeks. We stared at each other for what was probably too long before being interrupted by my phone buzzing. I picked it up and discarded it, I guess Liz noticed that I didn’t get off the bus. She’d have to wait a bit.

“So where exactly did you want me to do this?”

She looked at me strangely for a moment “Here. In my room, of course?”

The awkwardness of this exchange was almost a relief as I felt some of the tension leave the room when I giggled “No, silly, I mean, where on your body?”

“Oh right, umm… my legs for sure, maybe thin the eyebrows a little and… I’ll just show you.” She sat down on her bed and removed her clothes aside from her underwear and bra. I was suddenly very glad that I was in my girl body now because I would not be able to hide what I was feeling in the other one.

I sat down on the floor in front of where she placed herself on the bed. I started at her ankles and slowly moved up. I could probably have done this faster and maybe I should have, but like my breathing; everything seemed to slow down when I looked up at her. “Is this okay?” I asked.

“Yeah. You can go up to the uhh… the upper thigh, I mean, if you’re comfortable with that?” She said between hitched breaths.

“I am.” And I ran my hands up her calves and behind her knees, making sure to get every spot. She didn’t have that much to remove and the job was made that much easier when her legs became covered in goose bumps.

I ran my hands around her soft thighs and heard an audible gasp. I let myself go as far as the hem of her bikini briefs and it was when I was tracing my fingers around this edge that I felt a hand in my long hair.

“Fuck Rosalind, get up here and kiss me.” And she gripped the hair at the back of my head and pulled me up to meet her mouth with my own. She kissed me furiously and pushed me back onto her bed. Everything that had been building in us while I was working on her seemed to explode suddenly and I’d never felt so into a girl in quite this way before.

I kept thinking over and over ‘She’s seeing the real me, and she’s kissing me.’ And being in this body, added an element to the kiss that had been missing in every previous one I had experienced. Pushing my breasts against hers, her knee applying pressure between my legs; it wasn’t even that these sensations were merely new and exciting, it was that this was how it was supposed to be, how I was supposed to be.

Then she placed a hand at my breast, and everything clicked into place. When Javi had asked me a couple days ago if I was gay and I claimed I was a lesbian, it had been only a label then; a true one but without context. Now it felt like an action that I was actively taking part in, it felt like an essential part of my identity.

So, it was astoundingly jarring after having this intense revelation of physical intimacy and sexuality when I heard someone pounding on the Brooks’ front door and shouting my deadname.