Chapter 33. You’re an idiot
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Xuelan blinked a few times, her vision a little blurry from the water in her eyelashes.

She looked up while rubbing her eyes. There was a shocked expression on Kien's face. He looked almost horrified at himself, as if he had somehow accidentally committed the worst crime in the entire universe. The incubus slowly backed off, and it seemed like he was on the verge of turning tail and running away.

Frankly though, Xuelan didn't understand what was the big deal.

It didn't hurt that much, and honestly she even liked it. She was used to being struck in plenty of worse ways, and Xuelan was happy that Kien finally slapped her. As long as it was him, she wouldn't mind being hit over and over. People often called her a masochist, and sometimes they looked at her like she was a freak monster for enjoying these things. 

Xuelan liked anything that Kien gave her.

Even if it was pain, it was a special kind of pain because Kien was the one inflicting it. She wanted the stinging feeling to last longer, and it was even better if there was a bright red mark that remained long after he was gone. The residual aching pain was evidence that he had been there, and nobody could deny that they had been intimate together.

Xuelan was clingy. She was the type of person who wouldn't wash the bed sheets for weeks after a significant other slept over, because she wanted to be enveloped by their lingering smell for as long as possible. Even if the bed sheets were dirty, running them through the laundry machine would sterilize the scent, and then the last traces of her lover would be entirely gone.

The black-haired girl struggled to her feet and threw herself at Kien.

He was just about to flee, but she didn't want him to go.

Her arms were tightly wrapped around Kien's bloody midsection from the back, trapping him in place.

"Let me go..." He whispered, a pained look in his eyes. "I want to be alone."

Xuelan squeezed tighter.

The incubus seemed afraid to touch her.

"I'll leave. You can stay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything." Kien murmured incoherently.

Xuelan shook her head, and she swung around to the front. She slid up Kien's chest and brazenly kissed him on the lips.

She kissed him again.

And then again.

"Xue, stop." He struggled to push her away. "You need to let this go. You're not my slave. You're not my wife, and you're not even my girlfriend. You can't keep doing this. We're not a couple."

She stared at him with her amber eyes and grabbed his hand.

She pulled.

He didn't budge.

She tugged even harder in the direction of their cave and pointed at her throat, miming out a desire to speak.

Kien sighed. He hadn't intended to 【 Silence 】 his ex-girlfriend in a sudden fit of his flash temper, especially since he had previously promised himself that he would let Xuelan live as an independent individual. He hated himself for failing his own commitments, and it was only more blatant evidence that he could never trust himself as her lover.

He released the restriction on Xuelan's speech.

"Let's go back," she said as soon as she regained her voice, as if there was absolutely nothing wrong at all.

It was almost like she had forgotten that he had slapped her across the face just moments ago.

"Xue. Please."

"I know you're injured. You should rest. I'll go boil some water. I'll be right back."

Xuelan let go of his hand and ran off in a different direction.

Earlier in the morning, she had collected a large number of ice stalagmites that had formed overnight during the snowstorm, and the frozen liquid had likely melted into fresh water over the course of the day. Even though incubi did not need food or drink, she figured that having some water to sip might sooth his miserable state. At the very least, he could clean up a little.

Before Kien could say anything, the 24-year-old woman disappeared from the scene. 

He was left standing by himself on the beach.

+ + +

Xuelan was too good for him.

Kien was absolutely sure about that. He didn't deserve the feelings that she gave him, and if anything she should have hated him. He was flawed and broken in a hundred different ways, and he still felt deeply guilty about summoning the girl to this twisted hellscape. It was thanks to his actions that she had gone completely insane.

He took out the little tentacle monsters from his inventory, cut them to pieces, and skewered them on a stick.

He exerted some effort to start a friction fire, shortly thereafter he set the monster meat to roast across the open flames.

They didn't have any seasonings. In theory, there was sea salt from the ocean, but reddish brine smelled so foul that Kien had reservations about dipping any food into sea water. Regardless, Kien planned to roast the cubed squid-like tentacles over an open flame. 

Kien was a naturally productive person, and he hated being idle. Even if he was injured, he wanted to be doing something with his hands while he rested. On Earth, he spent a lot of time training and honing his skills, but right now it frustrated him that he couldn't get stronger with ordinary methods in Hell. His reaction time wouldn't improve with reflex training, he couldn't increase his endurance no matter how many kilometers he ran, and lifting weights was absolutely useless for enhancing power.

He hated being weak.

He couldn't protect the people important to him if he was weak, and he couldn't fight.

It was deeply infuriating, and Kien instinctively wanted to go back and train all day long. He wanted to train straight through the nights, skipping breaks and rest time. People often told him that this wasn't the right way to organize a training regimen, but Kien was more motivated than anyone else. He had the willpower to run marathons, if not out of talent, but rather sheer monstrous tenacity to continue pressing forwards no matter how much his muscles screamed in agony.

As an infamous gangster renowned as a living monster, he broke the physical limitations of his body by following this strategy. People claimed that he didn't feel pain, and he would often kick so hard that it would shatter the bones in his legs. However, bones would heal even stronger every time they were broken, and within a few years, Kein had limbs that were stronger than steel.

Right now, he couldn't train like that.

He was just a squishy level three incubus.

He could only level up by hurting the one that he loved, and Kien couldn't subject Xuelan to the intense training regimens that he would ordinarily design for himself. It conflicted with every moral fiber of his being, and the terrible contradiction in his heart rendered him immobile and frozen in place.

Kien couldn't do anything.

He was helpless like this.

+ + +

A short while later, Xuelan returned to the cave with a black shadowy pouch filled with water. 

She seemed surprised to see Kien cooking.

"Where'd you get those?" She asked.

There was no response at first.

The incubus was silent, and he showed no sign of reacting to Xuelan's question.

"You caught them in your rope prison on the rock," he replied after a long delay.

"Oh."

Xuelan suddenly had a vague unpleasant side thought that those were probably the tentacles that were the closest to her body. Therefore, they were probably the same monsters that had been sticking their appendages inside of her for nearly the entire afternoon...

Well, at least they were being turned into food...?

Anyways, her thoughts floated back towards more pressing matters.

"Um... Kien," she spoke hesitantly.

"..."

"I can tell you had a bad day... do you want to want to talk about it? I can listen."

The incubus went silent again.

He continued to turn the stick of monster meat over the campfire.

"I mean..." Xuelan stammered.

He poked at the burning coals with a stick.

"If you'd rather not, that's fine too. I just wanted to let you know that I'm totally okay with it if you want to use me as a punching bag to relieve stress. If you're worried about consent, you don't have to worry because it's completely okay with me."

His arm was motionless.

"I know you don't want me as your slave or anything... but I'm still allowed to volunteer as a friend, right?"

"Xue, I don't want it," Kien suddenly.

"B-But you actually do, don't you? I know what you like. You told me that you like hearing me scream when you first brought me here."

"Then forget about it. Pretend that conversation never happened. I changed my mind."

"I'm seriously okay with it though."

"But I'm not."

"Kien..."

"Xue, stop trying to change my mind."

The incubus turned around and passed Xuelan a skewer of cooked monster meat.

"Eat." He said.

Xuelan stared at him.

He was still covered in blood and injuries. Despite his wounds, he went back to skewer another wriggling tentacle, and then he held the stick over the fire. Even though he said nothing about who he was cooking for, it was obvious that he was mainly doing this for Xuelan's sake. There was nobody else who needed to eat.

She sighed.

The girl sat down on the opposite side of the fire.

"I'll eat if you let me healfuck you," she demanded, changing her strategy.

"No."

"The food will go to waste, then."

"That's your problem, Xue."

"Kien, you're an idiot."

"You're insane and broken."

"Then that makes two of us." Xuelan retorted with a deep frown.

She abruptly pointed at Kien with the skewer of roasted monster meat.

"There's something I need you to understand."

The sex demon's eyes narrowed warily. 

"The two of us are a pair," she announced emphatically.

"So?"

"It doesn't matter if you don't want me as your slave, or if you don't want to be in a relationship. You're stuck with me, and we're soul-bound to each other for the rest of eternity. I don't care what fancy words you prefer to use, but the two of us are still a unit."

"That doesn't mean we have to act like one."

Xuelan sighed and stood up.

"Do you hate me, Kien?"

"No."

"Do you care about me?"

"Yes."

"Then do you trust me?"

"...Yes, I suppose."

"Because I don't hate you, I care about you, and I trust you, too."

Xuelan walked over to Kien and knelt down where he was sitting.

"I like you. I want to date you. Can we try to be together? Please? Let's just try a little harder? I think you've giving up too easily."

Her amber pupils were heartfelt and sincere.

"I want you to learn to accept me."

 

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