23 – Alcohol Is Always Fun
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<Zia's POV>

Well, this worlds alcohol is very... Effective...

I recalled the memories from the night before with a slight cringe in my heart.

Oh God...


Leaving Uruishi outside I  entered the tavern with a smile on my face I glanced around the room that had only just begun filling with men and the slight trickle of women, guess I'm early.

Walking up to the counter I grabbed the bartenders attention before asking for some random bed, which then costed me quite the pretty penny, I think it did at least.

Asking for a drink he passed it to me, I instantly picked it up and walked towards a table in the corner of the dark room.

Sitting down, I raised the mug up to my mouth I almost instantly finished the drink as soon as the slightly rough alcohol entered my mouth, something that is not very good for my very undeveloped brain and body, you can guess where it went from there...

Continuously drinking until my eyes were barely open and my small amount of savings was now plummeting faster than my common sense.

Soon later I found out that my new body wasn't very strong against a fully grown drunken man who had his beer spilled...


Maybe I shouldnt drink...

Anyway back to the main story.

Oh by the way made the executive decision for us to all leave right now without stepping a foot downstairs, quickly leaping out off the open window I ran away from all my life problems and straight into the forest, in which I got lost.

At least Uruishi ran after me...


Crouching down under I tree I remembered all those years ago, with The Great Sage bullying me, my lovely brother who I'm pretty sure was sometimes simping for me, I sighed...

That was before I threw up, and no not because of my brother, but because of my hangover, I had just ran quite a while with a hangover, oh God...


The situation isn't going well, we've began to run out of non-existent rations, and to be honest that dog is starting to look pretty tasty...


Kinda sound like the Russians in both, World Wars...

At least I think so, sounds like a Russian thing to me, but hey what do you think stalker?

Well anyway, I need to go to sleep so peace!

Doing the peace sign in my mind like a weirdo I lay my head down accepting the dark grasps of sleep as I felt a fluffball curl up to me, comfy...


Well that was before I awoke from my grand slumber, who hast awakened thou great one!

Looking around I saw noone or no one? How do you spell it...

Ignoring my philosophical breakthrough I returned to doing intelligent things, whatever those are...

Looking at the sky I saw my culprit, the bright ball of flames called the Sun, what a douche.

Yawning and stretching my arms I stood up making sure to not walk into the glistening lake as I took a step forwards.


Glistening lake? Am on some really good drugs or I have been dragged across the forest.

Inspecting the oversized puddle,  I can confirm, it is in fact not dirt in disguise but some water, Uruishi must have dragged me here so he can drink....

Talking about Uruishi, where is the good boy?

Looking around the small clearing I soon saw a dark creature messing around with a small stick in his mouth.

I'll just leave him alone and let myself have a drink.

Cupping my hands I knelt down until I heard swords hitting each other and distant shouts.

That's right I heard swords clash nearby, frick off author, I'm not doing this.

Ignoring the sound I turned away from it and continued drinking the water.

I hear a small bark and a loud ruffle of leaves as Uruishi fell for the cliche event.


So I started following after him...

Accepting my fate I soon saw a clearing appear in the trees letting me see a small wooden carriage, inside seemed to be food products, mainly grain and some fruits, outside of the small carriage was a group of around five scruffy men with weapons of differing levels of rust, one of them so unkempt it was a sword of rust.

Growling just next to me was the oversized dire wolf.

Closer to the carriage were two adventurer looking people, one with a long sword the other an axe,  ks it just me or does he be looking like a viking? He got the beard, closs to balrd head but not quite there yet, all he needs is war paint.

Ignoring my viking-filled thoughts I began to prepare for battle.

What should I do?

I know, it's an easy choice!

I'll just use some magic on them!

Preparing a Blood spear I then realised, I'm an elf now...


Bloody scam, I want my blood magic back! Give it now!


So what magic can I use then?

Uhmmmmmmm, an elf is like nature, sacrifice yourself for mother Earth and  become one with the trees the right?


Alacazam, I summon five trees!

Damn, didn't work...

Oh, do I have to say some dumb chants now?


"I call Nature from within Earth itself to entrap the enemies before me, Snare of Roots!" I chanted pointing my hand towards one of the five men armed with a rusty sword, my hand doing some twisty turns with a point at the end I had a small amount of hope in the back of my head.

This isn't going to work is it? I didn't have that familiar feeling of mana...

After waiting several seconds, nothing did happen, other than startling the bandits now looking at me.

Crap, guess were doing fist to fist combat then.

Actually new plan, let's see what Uruishi can do against them!

Looking down to Uruishi, I nodded, he instantly lunged forwards opening his tooth filled mouth, spreading it wide enough to swallow an entire humans head in one bite.

Ripping of a poor mans head he both confirmed my estimation and began the onslaught on the other four.

Soon all that was left was a food filled carriage, one slightly trembling adventure,  the viking man and possibly more people in the carriage.

Sighing I stepped out of the tree line and revealed myself, I wonder how am I going to explain this one?


"So you're an animal tamer? And you managed to take this slightly more powerful than usual wolf?"

The bearded man asks me stroking his private under-chin hedge.

"Indeed, you see, I heard the small battle you had going on over here and I decided to help you!" I put on a large grin ignoring the small eye roll of the wolf patiently sitting next to me.

"Well thank you so much! We would have been murdered by those guys! Is there anyway we can repay you!?" The young man knelt down begging, what a weirdo, as if reading my thoughts the Viking man next to him flicked the back of his head, "Stop being such an idiot!"

The young man rubbed the back of his head grumbing something under his breath, guess I lost my stalky hearing.


God dammit! Why! Now I can't be weird and laugh at people who talk to themselves! And no, I'm not a hypocrite, leave me alone!

<Narrator's POV>

After she  acquainted herself with the slightly plump merchant of the carriage, they rode off into the sunset! Except from the sun wasn't setting as it was still morning.

Anyway, let's go back to an old friend of ours!

"How could they leave me here! Hopefully the Angel's come soon..." The God moaned still struggling on the ropes binding him in place.

Yes, the God is still binded by these ropes, what a weakling, I could probably break free of them, as I am the narrator and I hold extreme amounts of power! Watch this, I can solve a rubric cube!

*Sevel minutes of furious sliding of coloured cubes later*

Well damn, I guess I ca- I mean, look ag me with my completed rubrics cube, I'm more powerful than all the Gods combined!

Now back to my job!

Off in the distance around three hundred Angel's and a Seraph could be seen.

*Turns Up Rise Of The Valkeries*

All of them armed with swords, shields or just their bare fists, like planes they began diving, gaining speed until they managed to break the sound barrier and land outside of the cave, 'small' craters beneath their feet.

All of them began rushing into the caves prepared to fight, yet they soon found out, that they were lost in the caves, and no enemies to preoccupy themselves with as they wandered aimlessly around the cave.