'Thoughts'
"Speech"
Name of the person speaking: "Love me some popcorn."
John had a normal childhood with loving parents and good friends, he had good grades with good looks to top it off but he was always thirsting for excitement.
So naturally as he grew older he tried more stuff like bodybuilding and running, but the thing he found to be most exciting was fighting it filled him with such an amazing feeling when he won. But sadly it wasn't enough to entertain him, so he took on various hobbies such as hunting and fishing.
He had found that he liked hunting as the thrill of killing his target made his blood flow like never before.
It was when he was 34 that he discovered the thrill of killing human beings, his first kill had been in self-defense but the others were in cold blood. He had never thought something was wrong with him as the people he killed were all thieves or thugs, but he was proven wrong when someone had witnessed him killing someone and was sent to prison for first-degree murder.
His sentence was life, it was also around this time that he had begun to get bored with life so he simply waited out his natural life span in prison. As soon as he had turned 91 he suffered from a heart attack and died.
John: 'So this is how I die huh...' he thought lying on his death bed.
John: 'Ah this feeling is so blissful' he thinks as his eyes close for the final time.
John's figure floats through the infinite dark that is death until something intrudes sending cracks through everything.
John's eyes slowly open and sees what seems to be a humanoid figure reaching its hand out to him.
???: "What a curious soul you are, to not have been reincarnated yet, you must have been a sinner."
John tries to speak but for some reason, he is frozen and can only watch as the weird humanoid slowly grasps him.
???: "How about this since you are a sinner I'll reincarnate you in a place where you will feel right at home, that sound good?"
John's head unfreezes so he could nod or shake his head and after a bit of deliberating, he nods his head.
???: "Good now let me search that twisted mind of yours for something to reincarnate you as."
???: "Hmm seems you had a favorite prey lets reincarnate you as one of those with some extra features of course."
John was slowly trying to remember his hunting years and finally remembers his favorite prey... Tigers. His mouth curved into a grin as he remembered why those were his favorites. The fact that they are high up the food chain was one reason but the main reason was the strength they had, overpowering even lions.
???: "Hoo that smile of yours tells me you are quite happy with this arrangement am I right?"
John nods his head once more and the unknown entity began to grow a mouth and smiled as well.
???: "Something tells me you are going to make my future self very amused with your antics."
???: "Well time to send you off hope I see you again sinner!"
And then there was darkness once more but this time it came along with unimaginable pain as his body reformed, everything about John had changed.
John: 'FUUUUCK!'
???: "Forgot to mention the pain that comes along with this process silly me"
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And that concludes this chapter I plan on making them longer if anyone takes an interest in this series.
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Yes Votes: 20 42.6%
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No Votes: 1 2.1%
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Yes but it could use some work Votes: 26 55.3%
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No I couldn't understand what was going on Votes: 0 0.0%
I just have to say what can be improved. The issue of putting the name of the speaker before the dialogue. You can remove that and to indicate who is speaking, put some description, expression or an indirect way of showing who the dialogue is and who is speaking.
Well, the most indirect thing that I have come to see is that the only way to know who is speaking is because the dialogues of the characters have so much "personality" that one identifies who is who by how "speaks".
But I'm not saying you have to get to that point. It is only an extreme example.
This is short but still good as a first chapter
Thank you for the feedback!
I wanna like this chapter an story, but the name before the thoughts and the speech just...I can't even begin to explain just how aggravating it is. I dunno why, just absolutely hate it more than anything in a story. Ruins the flow and immersion. And it's just aggravating. Like something grating up and down against my spine.
i just have a hint, you could make the protagonist just remember hes dead non his family, job or forget to be human
Maybe add like some events in epsilon for a side story
Prison
Short. Only problem to me.
Good job.
Thank you!