A new day begins at the Guild, and I can’t wait to find out what disappointments and setbacks life has in store.

Peri is freed from her restraints, and she’s very thankful, though I remind her that including today there are still five more days until the trial period is up.

I don’t think we’re going to last that long... not with the way Peri and even Cherry keeps looking at me. I’m instead hoping for some sort of miracle to happen that will instantly earn me the trust of the Breeding Tribe forever, but there's a fat chance of that ever happening.

Nikita stops by after we have our breakfast, and she takes off with Sam for the day just as promised. The warrior Princess suits up into her crimson armor and straps her great blade on her back, ready, willing, and able for what will surely be an intense training session.

“Just gonna pound a few fundamental Arts into her. Real easy ones.” Nikita assures me. “She probably doesn’t realize it, but she’s ready for em, Chief. I’ll do the same with Meri whenever you guys are ready with the weird eye shit. It’s better if I do it one on one anyway.”

And with that, Nikita takes Sam out of my hair for the day.

I hope it goes well. I have a sinking feeling getting worse by the hour that we’re going to need all the power we can get sooner rather than later. Not only is the showdown with the Duke of Dewhurst slowly creeping closer, but I’m none too thrilled with the actions of a particular pimp, and on top of all that, Luxy is looking for a chance to create a dungeon for us.

Thinking about it like that, I can’t help imagining that if my life was a novel of some sort, I feel it would have a sheer stupid number of plot threads, Gods. I can’t imagine reading a book like that...

Zutiria did not join us for breakfast, so naturally, I checked on her in her lab. I knocked on the dirty wooden door, but there was no answer, and of course, it had to be locked. Luckily I brought along the master keys just in case this very possibility should present itself.

I can’t say what I expected I would find in Zutiria’s alchemy lab, but it certainly wasn’t the little lady passed out in the middle of the floor completely naked, lying in a pool of her own sexual juices. Her vagina is red and swollen like she’d been masturbating with it for hours and hours on end. It would be an incredibly arousing sight if I weren’t so worried and confused.

That book she bought yesterday is strewn about the floor. I pick it up briefly to inspect it. It’s very thick, but only the first couple of pages have writing on them. Of course, it’s all in some ancient arcane language that makes absolutely no sense at all to me, but the front and back covers have the male and female symbol emblazoned on a heart.

This, coupled with the fact that my Mage is still convulsing in a puddle pussy juice, makes me believe that this is some strange sexual sort of magic. Probably Pseudo-Eromancy if I had to guess. It’s a popular topic for erotic novels featuring Mages, so I’m well acquainted with it... did she buy this to make me happy, I wonder?

I kneel over to pick up and carry my naked Mage bridal style and sigh with a broad smile on my face. “I really don’t deserve you, you know?” I whisper into her ear and kiss the exhausted Zutiria on her sweaty forehead. She stirs but does not awaken, her expression tired and flushed with a sheen of desperate perspiration covering her.

I get a few looks from the kitties and Meri when I take her upstairs and tuck her into bed, but I’m able to explain it well enough that it doesn’t sound weird. Meri and I get ready to head out, and I instruct Cherry and Peri to feed Zutiria when she awakens and ensure that she takes a nice, long, scented bath.

When I return to the entrance hall, Meri asks me, “What time do we need to be in the town square, Master?” She’s already donned her armor and has her tower shield propped up beside her on the table she’s sitting at. Meanwhile, Cherry and Peri are moving cleaning supplies out into the hall to begin their work for the day.

“That’s a good question.” I stop to think. “It occurs to me that Niall didn’t actually say what time the mayoral debates would begin. It’s almost noon now, so we’d best be on our way regardless. I doubt we missed them already, but if we’re early, we’ll just have to find something else to do in town while we’re out.”

“Sounds good to me!” Meri smiles and stands up off the wooden table, grabbing her shield and transforming it into its buckler form to make it easier to carry. It doesn’t have its sword out, so it won’t draw too much attention. The Shield Maiden cutely offers her gauntleted hand to me.

I take it, and we leave the Guild together, reminding the kitties to mind the home.

“Have a safe trip, Myaster...!” Peri bows respectfully.

“Don’t be out too long, nyaa.” Cherry casual reminds us while giving a bow of her own, noticeably better than the ones she was giving yesterday.

Meri and I chat to ourselves as we walk through the streets. Eventually, she urges me to check on her love meter to see if playing with Sam the night before had any effect.

“Seems like it did. I’d say we’re about one more good ‘event’ from leveling it up now.” I say after quickly check the root Guild Roster menu where everyone’s Bond Levels are displayed. I get a few odd glances from the townspeople, what with the glowing eyes, but it’s not like I’m not already used to it.

“Event?” Meri tilts her head, causing her yellow ribbon to flop around like a pair of bunny ears.

“Something romantic and personal between the two of us that increases our closeness. It’s terminology from some choose your own adventure novels I’ve read. They function as interactive games where you, the reader, get to make choices and ‘date’ the girls in the book.”

“They make books like that...?” I see interest spark in her crimson eyes.

“Oh yes, unfortunately, they’re absurdly expensive since they’re all magic books. You have to pick from multiple options, and then the page you’re about to turn to will reflect the choices you make.” I only own three such books, and I didn’t even buy them for myself. Someone left them in Guild storage and never came back, so I kept them. They’re above and beyond the standouts of my collection, though.

I’ve thought about selling them a few times over the last month to afford some improvements around the Guild, but it seems holding off on them was the right move.

“I keep them in a safe place to prevent anything from happening to them, but I’ll gladly dust them off and let you read them if you desire, Meri.”

Meri gasps while covering her mouth, a red flush rising and filling her cheeks with the color of joy. “Really?! I... I don’t know what to say...”

“Meri, I’m just letting you read my books. You don’t need to make such a big deal out of it, especially in publi-”

The timid girl takes the hand I was holding so she can adequately hug me in a tight embrace, nuzzling her head into my chest and grinding her cold, hard steel armor into my body uncomfortable. “You have no idea how much this means to me, Master...!!”

“Meri, it’s just porn, for fuck’s sake-” I blush and try to pull her away, but she doesn’t let me.

“It’s not just p-porn!” She looks up at me with a surprisingly defiant expression. “If I never read that book you left lying around t-then, I might never have discovered so much about myself s-s-sexually!” Meri stutters briefly and continues to hug me even tighter.

“Plus... um... it’s something we share an interest in... it makes me feel closer to you, you know? You let me read them all the time, a-and help me pick out new ones from your collection... it’s almost like you’re letting me into your heart.”

...

“I’m sorry, that sounds super lame... doesn’t it...?” She looks up to me, tears in her eyes and lips quivering, filthy Dewhurstians watching from the sidelines as we have a very intimate and romantic discussion about our mutual love for perverse prose and the impact it’s had on our relationship thus far.

“Meri, I didn’t know you felt so strongly about this subject or that that was a reason you were interested in erotica. I’m sorry for calling it porn if it really means that much to you.”

She grins as I awkwardly give her a reassuring head pat, seemingly pleased with my answer.

-MERILLE TILLOT BOND LEVEL TWO ACHIEVED, BITCH!-

And there it is.

Meri pulls away from our public display of affection, and she looks me in the eye, uncertain. “W-Wait a second. Was... WAS ME DECLARING MY LOVE OF PORN A ROMANTIC EVENT?!” She blushes, horrified at the sudden realization.

“Yes, Meri, congratulations.” I sarcastically begin clapping. Much to my surprise, the skanks, gutter whores, drug addicts, and criminals alike who were watching silently now start to clap, whistle, and cheer for Meri’s vocal admission of her own perversion.

“PORN GIRL! PORN GIRL! PORN GIRL!” They cheer, welcoming her as one of their own.

“DID YOU READ THAT NEW CUCKOLD ONE? IT’S SO HOT!” A diseased male Elf hooker shouts from the window of a nearby brothel. “I LOVE WHEN MY FICTIONAL WOMEN ARE STOLEN FROM ME! THAT WAY I CAN BE MISERABLE IN REAL LIFE *AND* IN FICTION!”

The crowd cheers.

“I LIKE ONES THAT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A BIG STRONG RAPIST!” Says a diminutive little Gnome who looks like this is his first day leaving his mother’s basement. “THE RAPE-IER THE BETTER-ER! ALL WOMEN ARE SLUTS BECAUSE THEY WON’T HAVE SEX WITH ME!” He raises his fist.

The crowd goes absolutely wild.

“I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FUCKING READ!” says Raepface, who was apparently in the crowd this entire time, yet I somehow managed to miss him.

The crowd begins to cheer uproariously to celebrate their illiteracy. No surprise that that’s what got the biggest cheers.

And Meri?

The Shield Maiden stares blankly as if every emotion besides hopelessness had been sucked out of her. She transforms her buckler into her tower shield and falls to the ground without a word. Pulling the shield on top of her, she hides under it like a cowardly turtle.

“Meri...”

“MERI’S NOT HERE RIGHT NOW!” She says while sobbing under her shell.

“Meri, you’re talking in the third person. Come on-”

“MERI’S NOT COMING OUT UNTIL SHE GETS A DO-OVER!!”